[Scholar's Asylum]Am I Sane?[Eldritch]

by **Clyde Sullins** on November 3rd, 2013, 2:57 am

Clyde listened to what Loris said, once more getting into a debate with someone. He did like indulging in the occasional scholarly debate, though as he know remembered why he was here, he recalled perhaps this was not the best time for one... But still, it was not an easy thing for Clyde to just turn off. He did so enjoy them. And he so rarely found someone he could actually verbally spar with, at the same level.

"I would still have to say it is a choice. Choosing to give into temptation while not easy, is still a choice. Mages must do so every time they do magic. If you are a person who easily gives into desire, who easily gives into temptation, you will not make a good mage for this reason. Desire must be curbed with caution, for fear of overindulgence. For as a mage, overindulgence only means death if you are lucky... Which is why this place exists. They overindulged, but were not lucky... They made the choice, to give away their choice, to let their magic make choices for them. And that never ends well."

A small smile came onto Clyde's lips for a moment, quickly gone. Suddenly, Clyde realized at least in part why this was required of most personal mages wanting to study at the University. To test their character, to see if they were weak, and easily gave into temptation... If they did, they were not suited for magics. It was a first test, a attempt to weed out those to obviously weak and prone to giving in to their urges.

But soon enough, Clyde was done talking, and then Loris had another question for him.

"Your words seem to denote much experience, and certainly much hardship. You mentioned earlier of choices made, so I'll ask you what choices have you made? What choices have you made that so drastically effected not you but those around you?"

Clyde let out a sigh, as he began to talk, his gaze drifting down to his staff, as he rubbed his hand up and down the wood. Its sensation comforting in its familiarity, the texture and shape.

"As you said, Syliras is a safe place, protected. But as a traveling mage, who has moved about, you invariably find yourself away from civilization and its rules, away from safety. All you have is yourself, and the people you are with. Perhaps if I had stayed in Syliras, made that choice, less of those people would be dead... Or perhaps the inverse, and more would be..."

"Most of the time what you face, are nothing more than armed bandits, brigands, trying to take what you have, even if it is your life. I suppose most would say killing those are justified, but they are still people too. If I can, I let them go. Though I wonder what that choice has wrought, who they might have killed or robbed, that a bit more magic would not have stopped. A quick strike, one more spell, and they would be dead. But I chose not to, I chose to not push further with my magics."

"Most recently, I made a choice, which ended with my apprentices death. Though I suppose that was almost a year ago... My group was attacked by yukman, so many of them... Perhaps if I had pushed harder, I could have killed more, and he would still be alive, or we would not have been separated. But I did not, and he fell before them alone. I suppose I will never know. Regardless, my choice was made, and he is now gone. Choices once made, cannot be taken back... All you can do is hope you made the right one."

by **Eldritch** on November 7th, 2013, 2:40 am

The young woman seemed to think on Clyde's response to her own retort, nodding slight as though she could understand the logic behind the words. A slight flicker of annoyance seemed to go through her eyes, however it vanished quickly enough to be dismissed as a trick of the light. She didn't respond, simply crossed her arms under her breasts and listened as Clyde responded to her question.

The wizard's tale seemed to allow for a range of emotions on his host's previously controlled face. Clyde's words seemed more reminiscent of a man far older than he, one who was filled with self doubt and questions as to the morality of his decisions. He seemed almost normal, human for lack of a better word to describe it and that seemed to catch her off her guard. Considering her job, it was likely she had expected the worst but certainly not this.

Her eyebrows went up by a few degrees, astonishment at Clyde's obvious power to have survived against a large number of enemies as potent as yukmen. She was silent for a few moments after the wizard stopped speaking, turning her head slightly as though considering something or perhaps thinking over Clyde's words. After a couple of chimes the woman returned to writing on her papers, not speaking a word to her guest.

After she finished she looked Clyde in the eyes once more, as though actually seeing him for the first time. She opened her mouth and closed it once or twice, as though at a loss for words. Clearly it unhinged her to be caught speechless, though one had to wonder why.

"I see. You speak with the experience of a man weathered and beaten by the world, but one who has lived and continued on when others might have broken down. That takes remarkably strong will, Mr. Sullins, something that many of those here were found wanting." Bethany said at length.

"Most people tend to identify with a god, sometimes they see them as an anchor or someone who understands them. Do you have any religious affiliations, Mr. Sullins?" The woman asked, the mask falling back in place as she smiled brightly once more.

by **Clyde Sullins** on November 7th, 2013, 5:04 pm

It was easy for Clyde to think on such things now, in the relative safety that was assumed of here. He could mull it over, think on it, question his own actions... But at the time they occurred, he had not had such a luxury. When it was life or death, battle commencing right before you, all you could do was act and fight, and think about it later.

If there was one thing such a thing showed you, it was ones own will to live. Through it all he had survived, he had pressed on, had not died, and now he had the luxury of questioning what he had done. Perhaps in some ways he had been fortunate in all that had happened to Clyde... But if nothing else he was a fighter, and certainly not unwilling to fight for his own existence.

The woman opened and closed her mouth several times, like a fish breathing air. Clearly she had begun to say something, thought better of it, and passed on to the next thing, and done this several times before she finally did find the right words to speak.

"I see. You speak with the experience of a man weathered and beaten by the world, but one who has lived and continued on when others might have broken down. That takes remarkably strong will, Mr. Sullins, something that many of those here were found wanting."

"Most people tend to identify with a god, sometimes they see them as an anchor or someone who understands them. Do you have any religious affiliations, Mr. Sullins?"

Clyde found this question much more difficult to answer. He was a honest man, which was a bit funny considering who he had a mark from... He had felt the same mark on Marcus, while traveling, though undoubtedly he was marked for a very different purpose. But at the same time, he was not even sure where he stood in regards to this deity... He had newly acquired a deeper understanding of him, purely by the accidental ravings of his own pain wracked body and mind... Which made him feel closer to him, possibly closer to him than many of his other followers could claim...

But how did he feel of him? He was not totally sure... He did not oppose him... And he felt many of his principles made sense. In the end, all he could do was tell the truth, and do his best to not cast himself in a false light. But he still had to be wary, considering the original reason he had decided to come to Zeltiva.

"I am not a overly religious man... I never have been. Nor do I find one deity particularly understands me, no more than I understand myself at least. So I suppose I would not say that I am religious. I do find truths in some of them, and uses for many. As I mentioned earlier, I know of the work of Rak'keli, have seen it amongst the Konti. I suppose though I am not particularly against or for any deity themselves, though I do find some of the various ones teachings or values as better than others."

Clyde let out a sigh, turning his face to look up at the ceiling, something he had not really done yet. He had a bad habit of not looking at people when speaking to them, and found the roof interesting... Or not the roof really, the ceiling was the floor of the roof... Or was there another floor above this one? He was not sure, and could not recall if this building only had one story.

Clyde would likely be lost in thought on this tangent, until Bethany brought his attention back to her by talking.

by **Eldritch** on November 11th, 2013, 10:20 pm

Bethany had fully recovered from her previous stunned state and was once more seemingly at ease with the situation. She listened as Clyde spoke, whatever her true emotions were they were hidden behind a mask of positivity. The woman didn't appear to be overly surprised by his answer though, and as soon as Clyde finished speaking she started scribbling away on a new piece of parchment. Her motions were a little slower, more deliberate as she seemed to retreat into her mind.

After a chime she paused to look back over her notes, lending them a critical eye that seemed misplaced on her bright and cheery face. She surveyed the information there, as though searching for something in particular. The sound of parchment being shuffled occasional broke the quiet, the woman not looking up from her search. After a few more chimes she let out something that sounded suspiciously like a sigh, though it was quickly covered up with another beaming grin flashed at Clyde.

"Hmm... according to everything I've seen and heard you seem to possess relative stability. I'll need to check back over them more in depth later, if it still holds up I'll send in your clean bill of mental health to the Board of Regents." She said at length, her grin seeming a little less natural and a little more forced than usual.

The red haired woman set aside the documents and stood slowly, extending a hand across the table for Clyde to shake. Another feeling would creep into the reimancer's chest, relief. It would only last for about a couple of ticks if not seized upon, vanishing once more into his subconscious. The procedure had been quick and painless, seemingly lacking any sort of twists or turns that Stonemiller had indicated.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Sullins, I certainly hope the Board makes the right decision regarding your appointment." She said, the words as bright and perky as before, though the meaning behind them was left to Clyde to discern.

The woman would then produce a key from a pocket within her robes, it possessed the same glyphs upon it as the one the clerk had utilized. She took up her documents and stepped around the table, pushing the key into the lock and turning it very slowly. Carefully she gripped the handle, making certain not to disturb the sigils on the door and gestured widely for Clyde to depart.

A strange grin found its way to her face, not her same charming smile but something a little more affectionate. The reimancer would feel something stir within him, a pleasant sensation as he looked up on the grin. It would stay longer this time than the others, the emotion associated with Bethany. Clyde wouldn't have long to ponder the feeling she verbally ushered him out now.

"Farewell Mr. Sullins, if you stop by the Asylum again do try and stop by. It would be a pleasure to discuss things other than business with you." She said, giving him a little wink at the end.

by **Clyde Sullins** on November 27th, 2013, 2:02 pm

Clyde's attention was brought back to the woman again, as she once more spoke.

"Hmm... according to everything I've seen and heard you seem to possess relative stability. I'll need to check back over them more in depth later, if it still holds up I'll send in your clean bill of mental health to the Board of Regents."

Clyde did not notice the state of falseness of her grin, simply noticing the expression across her face and assuming she was happy to be done and to have worked with a mage who was not off the deep end, which was what she likely worked with more than any other kind of mage.

Clyde stood and returned the handshake, happy to be done, and followed her to the door.

As the woman produced a key, Clyde once more examined it, checking over the Glyphing and analyzing it as only one as skilled as he in Glyphing could... They were certainly a interesting little thing, and he was already starting to piece together how they worked, or at least had a few ideas of how they could function.

By the way that she so carefully opened the door it was clear that the magic on the door would be set off if someone without the key attempted to open the door, or perhaps even if anyone touched the actual door itself... And Clyde could see himself how easily it would be for a skilled Glypher to add the fact that such a key could only be used by one with permission to do so from so on and so forth personages... Or at least, perhaps it worked that way, as a secondary safety measure should a key be taken by force. He was fairly certain he could manage such a trigger, but it would tricky at best, especially for anyone less skilled.

As Clyde was rushed out, he felt a odd sense of affection for the woman, the events after all had not been to horrible.

"Farewell Mr. Sullins, if you stop by the Asylum again do try and stop by. It would be a pleasure to discuss things other than business with you."

As Clyde headed out of the room he turned back to the woman, nodded, and spoke one final time.

"Yes, perhaps some time I will find myself coming here, on less than business, and perhaps then we can have a more civil conversation. It is so hard to find decent people to discuss magic with, or to debate points or contention, since the other mage needs to be both decently skilled in a magic to truly understand much, and also still be in control of their faculties. Finding someone with both qualities is a rare treat. So I would not mind perhaps seeing you again some day."

by **Eldritch** on November 30th, 2013, 9:54 pm

Clyde :

Notes :

If you have any comments/questions/concerns about your grade please PM me and we will work something out.

Keep on writing!

Closed [Scholar's Asylum]Am I Sane?[Eldritch]