Closed Be All Endal (Azira)

[Marrin]

Marrin let his jaw hang slack as he listened to the back and forth between Wynrie and Azira. He’d never seen his childhood friend like this, and it instilled in him a level of disgust so deep he couldn’t quite fathom it. Had so much changed in a year? Had his friend become so distant from him, from the caste that they would have shared together, that she had become malicious towards them? He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, and it made him ashamed to have touched the girl chimes before. They had been such good friends…what had caused such a change? As Wynrie laughed at Azira’s statement, Marrin decided that this was too much. ”Okay, Wyn, you’ve had your fun. Why don’t you head off to the Inclimate, I’ll catch up with you.” She spun to look at him, eyebrow raised. ”Excuse me?” Her tone was accusatory, as if he’d done something unspeakable. ”C’mon, Wyn. I just…go on. I forgot something.” ”Are you ditching me for that slut? ”She is NOT a slut! How dare you say that about her!” he shouted, getting in her face. Friend or not, Endal or not, Wynrie had gone too far. He felt something when he looked at Azira, something he didn’t fully understand that pushed him out of his comfort zone. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but that by no means meant she was bad. Far from it, in his eyes. The next thing he felt was a hand across his face, the slap sharp and stinging. The clap resounded, turning a few heads of passersby. Of course, nobody wanted to get involved. Marrin touched his face, appalled, and glared down at the girl who he had once called sister. Now he wanted nothing to do with her. ”How dare YOU speak to ME like that!” she flared, shouting up at him with fury in her eyes. All Marrin could do was shake his head. She wouldn’t turn him in to the Valintar, she knew he was far more dangerous to her threatened than not. He knew all her secrets, and she knew all of his. They both posed too much of a threat to each other for action to be plausible between them. ”I’m disappointed in you,” he said quietly, his voice low and covered in ice. ”You used to be so good…” He grimaced, shaking his head and turning to follow Azira. He had to make sure that she was alright. ”Don’t you run away from me, half-blood!” she called after him. She knew just what would sting him the most. ”Coward!”

[Azira]

   

Azira could hear the sound of an argument going on somewhere behind her, the voices echoing in the passages. If she'd been paying much attention she might have made out the words but the huntress was far too preoccupied by her rage. She needed to get herself under control before she hurt someone but it was hard. It didn't help matters that once the anger was gone only the hurt and embarrassment would be left.

He wouldn't follow her, not this time and besides he wouldn't want to. His girlfriend, or friend or whatever, had told her what for so why would he care? So she could feel safe in the knowledge that she could lean back against one the walls of the Warrens to try to get herself back in control.

She closed her eyes. Her breathing was faster than it ought to be so she tried to slow her breaths to try to calm herself. She had to channel the anger somewhere so she tried to think of a sensible outlet, one that wasn't dangerous to anybody else. She'd could go to the range but she'd probably do more harm than good so that was probably out. Some other distraction then, maybe an internal one. The teen tried to think of happy thoughts, happy memories. Good memories were hard to find but she managed to dredge up a few hunting related ones to distract herself long enough with so that her weariness could take over.

Once her exhaustion had set in, the anger was gone and she was only left with the desire to curl up into a ball and feel sorry for herself. The girl's comment had hurt her. The woman had been cruel and yet there was nothing that Asira could do about it. It was disheartening. She'd only stay here for another chime or two until she had the ability to move. She didn't have the will to do so at the moment so she'd continue using the wall for support and then she'd retreat to the safety of her room.

x

[Marrin]

Marrin jogged through the halls, trying not to make too much noise lest he startle the girl again. After a chime he found her, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed, trying to slow her breathing. She seemed to be shaking, as if the words Wynrie had said truly had great effect on her. Marrin felt the ice around his core collapse. He wondered if this is how he’d left her each time they’d argued, anxious and hurt. He couldn’t help but be reminded that she was just as human as he was. She had feelings. She wasn’t a stony heart engulfed in fire that lashed out at anything that moved. She was a person. And that made Marrin hate Wynrie more with every step he took. He stopped, a few feet from the girl, his features soft. ”Hey,” he said gently, trying to get her attention. ”I’m…I’m sorry for what she said about you. I’ve never seen her act like that before… it’s unlike her. At least…it used to be.” He was still coming to grips with everything he’d just witnessed. Rocked by the loss of his closest friend, Marrin was clinging to the only thing that he could find familiar about the situation; Azira. ”She was probably just jealous of how beautiful you are.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. His eyes widened in shock and confusion, completely unsure of where that statement had come from. What was he trying to say? Surely flattery would get him nowhere with a girl who hated him so much. He covered his mouth with a hand, looking away for a moment to try to collect himself. He looked embarrassed, blushing slightly and smiling inwardly. ”Sorry…” What was he apologizing for? Marrin didn’t know anymore. He couldn’t control himself around Azira, whether his emotions were positive or negative. He wasn’t sure how she did it, but she robbed from him all inhibition. His blush deepened as he looked up at her face again. ”Are…are you going to be alright?”

[Azira]

The girl had been passed by a few people all ready so the sound of footsteps hadn't meant anything to her. His voice though made her eyes snap open in shock. He'd come after her! She had thought that it was something that he wouldn't do yet here he was looking at her, talking to her as if he expected her to blow up. A chime or two before, she probably would have knocked him senseless but she didn't have the will to do so anymore.

Azira watched him with disinterest as he tried to apologise for his companion. She didn't understand why he was sorry, why he would care, it seemed silly to apologise for the behaviour of someone would never say sorry for the thing themselves. She listened anyway, trying to will herself to move so that she could just get away from him. His comment though didn't help one bit.

”She was probably just jealous of how beautiful you are.”

The huntress stared at him, feeling like her legs were about to go out from under her. He'd called her beautiful, it was a... surprise to say the least. It also seemed like a stupid thing to say. She had eyes, she'd seen the girl that he was with so for him to say that she could feel threatened by Azira was ridiculous. Yet he'd meant it. He hadn't intended to say it but he had meant it. He was blushing, actually blushing and she knew that her own face was sure to start colouring if she stood here any longer but her legs were refusing to work. The teen was lucky that she was still standing so walking was probably pushing it a bit.

Marrin apologised as if his compliment could have offended her and then properly flushed. She couldn't understand men. They were so stupid sometimes. She felt like laughing but the Avora knew that the sound would only come as high and breathless and she was not going to be that pathetic.

"Fine," she managed to get out without betraying her true emotion. Her reply was curt, making her sound more like she was annoyed than anything else. She was a bit but not as much as she would have expected. She couldn't say anything else so she just stared at him, her cheeks finally beginning to burn with colour.

x

[Marrin]

Azira’s reply was curt and angry sounding, as if she still found his presence displeasing. He couldn’t really blame her, he was guilty by association with Wynrie, who’d gone and wrecked their evening together. The only good part of this he could find it that his old friend had displayed her true colors before it truly got him into trouble. He looked away from Azira, apologetic and a tad ashamed of his friend’s behavior. ”I…do you need help getting back home?” he asked, approaching her quietly and offering his arm out to her. She seemed a bit unsteady on her feet, and he wanted to make sure she was okay before going on his way. He could be cold, but he was far from heartless. He couldn’t help but imagine himself in her shoes, someone she hated being paired with someone so powerful and so vile. It must have been terribly overwhelming for her. She was trembling, as if she might collapse at any moment from nerves, and Marrin felt his face go soft. He didn’t want her living in fear, of him or anyone else. ”…you know it was a bluff, right? Threatening to cut off your fingers…” It wasn’t entirely true. At the time he’d meant it, but now it felt wrong to keep the threat going. Perhaps if he retracted his statement, she’d no longer feel the need to castrate him for his moments of weakness around her. ”I don’t want to hurt anyone…”

[Azira]

   

The huntress felt like she was going to die with embarrassment when he offered her his arm and a chance to walk her back to her rooms. Was her unsteadiness that obvious? Apparently it was. No way was she going to take him up on his offer though because she'd didn't want to seem weak and he'd caused it in the first place so she'd probably faint or something ridiculous if she touched him. Azira waved his offer off as she pushed herself off from the wall. 

The girl could manage to appear somewhat normal now, the realisation of her own visible weakness having made her determined to get home now before he could say or do anything else. When he retracted his threat though, she laughed. It was a bitter sound.

"Do you honestly think I believe that?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "I know when something's a real threat and when something's a bluff. I'm not an idiot as you seem to like to think and I'm not some silly girl who needs walking home, I have legs thanks." The girl demonstrated her last point by starting to walk away from him. A thought made her turn back for a tick to right a misunderstanding.

"Oh one thing. When I said I'd castrate you, I meant a partial castration but you and your... little friend came to the same wrong conclusion I think. I couldn't exactly correct you at the time because I was a little distracted by someone threatening to cut off my fingers," she explained, her voice emphasising his threat. She gave him a cool look, wondering if he'd have anything to say to that. She could just leave now but no, Azira had to hear him speak again.

x

[Marrin]

Marrin looked down, pulling his arm back to his side as he listened to her bitter laughter. He’d hoped she wouldn’t scorn him, that she’d accept his help and his apology and the bad blood between them would end. He didn’t want to fight anymore, didn’t want any more turmoil. Couldn’t she tell he wanted to take back what he said? If she knew he’d been sincere then, why couldn’t she tell he was sincere now? She didn’t understand, something was keeping her from it and all Marrin wanted to do was shout in her face that she knew nothing about him, knew nothing about his motives and what he meant and how he felt. She knew nothing. Why couldn’t she see? It made no sense to him. What was blinding her? Likely hatred for me, he thought. No wonder, too. Pathetic. Coward. Half-breed. You’re nothing. You don’t deserve to get a word in edgewise. She’s right about you and you know it. Marrin shook his head, more collected in his own thoughts than listening to what she had to say. She was still talking, her cold, cool mannerisms recognizable to his ear now so familiar with her hostile tone. She didn’t want him around. Why should she? She was right. No matter what she said she was right. Suddenly she was emphasizing something, and he caught only the final word that made him blink. Fingers. She was, of course, still worried about his threat. She glared at him, having walked a ways away from the last time he’d been aware of her presence. She’d managed to begin leaving while he was distracted, and her voice made him flinch, though he continued staring at his feet. When he responded, his voice was quiet, nearly a whisper and almost pitiful in nature. She’d won. She’d broken his will to fight any longer. He just wanted peace. ”I understand… I’m sorry.” He turned and began to walk away, slowly.

[Azira]

His entire countenance seemed to droop at her laughter, his gaze dropping to his feet at the same moment that his hand fell back to his side. He looked crestfallen though she couldn't understand why. Was he disappointed that he couldn't walk her home or was it something else? She had absolutely no idea what he was playing at. She had no idea what she was playing at either. The girl had never been this irritated by anyone and she had never tried to antagonise someone this much either so why did they drive each other mad? Why did they act this way towards each other? Azira didn't know.

The teen wasn't sure if Marrin had even heard anything that she'd said, seeming too busy wallowing in self-pity or something. It was like whatever had driven him during their encounters together had died within him. It was a little...disconcerting. He mumbled an apology and then began to walk away, leaving her alone without a clue about why he was so...dead all of a sudden. Anger flared within her directed at herself for not even having the nerve to follow him to find out the cause of his distress.

"Ugh! Stupid, spineless, gutless- what's your problem?" the huntress hissed at herself. It was a surprisingly loud sound even to her ears and she wondered if maybe he might have heard her. If the hunter had then he probably thought that it was directed at him instead of her. She'd called him a coward before, right? Spineless and gutless meant the same thing. Oh dear, she hadn't meant that at all but then maybe he wouldn't have heard her.

x

[Marrin]

Marrin flinched as he walked away, listening as he called insults after him. Why should she stop because he’d surrendered? That wasn’t her way. She bristled her feathers whenever someone ran from her, as he was doing now. She hated being left in the dust, that much he’d been able to pick up. To call someone a coward was one of her favorite things, and Marrin continued, over and over, to provide her with excellent opportunities to exercise her favorite word. It seemed, however, that she’d come up with some interesting synonyms to add to the list. Coward. Spineless. Gutless. He stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder back at her and muttering ”You forgot pathetic half-breed.” He wouldn’t want her to forget the punchline of her favorite joke! Sure, he was the butt of the joke, but what did that matter when the joke was too true to be funny. Marrin was and continued to be a man without purpose, a man who kept his body and mind occupied but his soul unfulfilled. He was a man unsatisfied with himself and the world around him, growing up on stories of greatness and wonderment and amounting to no more than a hunter. True, in this society that meant a lot, but to him the honor felt… empty. Without another word he walked, footsteps more swift now, heading out into the cloudy evening. The sun had set now, a brisk chill in the air, and he watched as his breath formed malformed clouds and floated away like dreamboats on the never ending sea that was reality. Walking as fast as he could without allowing himself to jog, he ignored any and all people around him, thinking of them more as obstacles to avoid than people. They were moving walls to him. Before he knew it he was sitting on a bench, his katinu wrapped around him, looking off the edge of the world into the great icy north. The first snowflake landed on the toe of his boot.

[Azira]

   

”You forgot pathetic half-breed.”

The words were low and bitter but she heard them the same way that he had heard her. She winced at his tone. The huntress hadn't directed those words at him, not this time but yet they had clearly hurt him. The same was true for the other occasions that she'd flung those words at him, the times that she'd wanted to hurt him but now wasn't one of those times. There was nothing she could do to right the situation, nothing that he'd believe at least, the same way that she hadn't believed that he was retracting his threats.

Squirming guiltily for a moment, Azira called after him, "I'm sorry, Marrin, all right?" The words were too little, too late. He'd vanished and she wasn't going to go after him. Following him would only cause more hurt and anger between them and she wasn't going to do it now, not again.

Turning on her heel, the teen walked to the Darniva Commonrooms, her emotions in turmoil. She couldn't believe what she'd discovered this evening, couldn't understand it all but there was one place that she could store it for later thought. If she wrote  it in her diary then she could try to make sense of it at a later date.

Retrieving the book, she took her pen and ink and began to write, hoping that she'd be able to sleep better once she got everything off her chest.

"I can't believe this! Him! Why him?! I don't want to believe it! He's such a horrible, stuck up, condescending little shyke!

I think I like Marrin.

It isn't fair! I was just walking through the Inner Warrens and there he was. He was with some Endal woman. She was showing so much skin that I'm surprised that she even bothered to wear clothes at all! So he was walking around with that and I just couldn't stand it so I called after him of course. That woman just couldn't keep her nose out of our business! He told her that I threatened to castrate him (wish I had!) and that vile thing, ugh! She suggested that I get a cucumber and... I could have ripped her eyes out, would have if she was a Dek or a Chiet, or even an Avora but she's untouchable! Completely untouchable...

But him...I can't believe I have feelings for that. He called me an idiot, a hypocrite, told me that I'd have nobody to care about me when I needed them! And he threatened my fingers! I know what I threatened him with but...my fingers?! And I like that! That blonde git! That arrogant little toe rag! 

Somebody kill me now please before I properly like him. I won't descend to that level, won't even consider that person as anything worthy of me. Why him? Why him of all the people in Wind Reach? He's as bad as every petching man that's ever looked at me funny, who has ever treated me wrongly. I can't want that! I just can't, I'm not that depraved! I feel like hitting something, or screaming or something!

Okay he did call me beautiful and he did come after me when that bitch upset me but that doesn't mean that I have to like liking him, right? I think I'm just going to give myself a headache over this to be honest..."

When she could write no more, Azira blew on the ink to dry it and slammed the book shut, tossing it into the bottom of the chest. She changed quickly, slipping into bed and pulling the covers over her head. She hoped that sleep would claim her quickly but the Avora feared that it wouldn't.

x