Tainted Hearts (Tinnok)

by **Razkar** on November 14th, 2013, 5:08 am

OOCWow. You ripped my heart out with that one, love. Bra-bloody-vo...

He didn't even have the strength to chase her. When that animal side of her bubbled up and took over like and sent her hurtling for the door, he raised on hand, feeble and slow as an Elder, and-

-she was gone. Out and screaming into the night like some beast near death... part of her forever ripped out and trampled. That precious, guarded corner that she treasured and longed for, tended like a rare and beautiful plant...

Hope. Eagle had crushed that. He'd flown so low and given her hope that one day she could soar with him... then let her crash to earth.

Razkar's head hung as if in morning. Gods, he felt... hollow. Despair and anger, they'd taken so much out of him, and whenever he thought thus they roared back to the surface, or their echoes, reminding him that the damage he'd done to his own precious ego was a pitiful insult compared to the devastation he'd wreaked upon her.

He stepped out into the star-lit night, Dog's panicked barking becoming a warning growl the tick he did. Bared teeth shone at him from (worryingly) crotch level, Wolf's devoted canine understanding instinctively that somehow, without using his teeth or claws, this male had hurt his mistress. Ruined her, sent her fleeing her own territory with water leaking from her eyes and noise that-

That was joined by a cacophony from the jungle. Baboons and birds and reptiles and insects and even the distant howls of Akila hounds and jackals... all now rose like winds from far-off lands, communing in sympathy for the anguished soul, lost to his eyes in the tangled darkness of the treeline.

He couldn't find her even if he tried. She was lost.

Razkar didn't know how long he stood there. A chime, a bell, what did it matter? He couldn't make this right. He should have stayed at home and contented himself with the placid, stiff farewell he'd given her with Aya.

Instead you built up her hopes and coaxed out the last dream she had left, and you destroyed it in front of her. Goddess curse you for your weakness, male. Out of all those that trampled on her life and works, I'll wager she never expected you to be the most cruel...

His legs folded and with a low thunk his ass slapped onto the wet grass, things writhing under him that he could not name. Dog didn't make any attempt to reconcile; just stood there with his hackles up, ears flat to his head, growling lowly. Razkar looked at him with empty, hollow eyes, face a death mask.

He wanted so badly to leave. To run from the foliage, across the grass, through the Gates and... lose himself in Aya's embrace, bury this night and the memory of it until-

But you can't. Stupid, stubborn male can't leave anything unsaid or unfinished, even if the very sight of you would do naught but stoke her hate of you, and resentment of her sister-in-all-but-blood. So here you sit, and here you will sit... until she returns.

"If..."

The voice of an old man croaked from cracked lips.

"If she does..."

by **Tinnok** on November 14th, 2013, 2:58 pm

For a while, there wasn't much thought, only tears. She had held them in for a long, long time after all, had hid them from everyone and sometimes, even herself. Part of her was glad that there was no one save the wilderness to hear her, and perhaps that was how it was always to be. She was a daughter of Strangler figs and howler monkeys, of black panthers and giant ferns. They would hear her prayers, curses, absorb her moments of strength and weakness, and they would always be there for her as long as she in turn served her Gnosis and Mother, and that...perhaps that was the only thing she could rely on, truly, for sentient beings were pieces of shyke, and had never been anything different, not for the whole of her life.

Not even him, not even now.

So she let the embrace of the tree roots be her warmth, and let the leaves above hear her sorrow, and slowly, she dried her tears on the rough bark of the tree. She sat silent in the darkness, letting the wilderness restore itself from her interruption. Bugs, frogs, and night birds chirped, leaves shaking in frail breezes. She was just one of them, this was just another lesson in her life, and it was one she had to learn sometime.

Slowly her legs rose off of the ground, and though she did not sob she felt another lone tear trickle down her face at the very thought of her Eagle. Wiping it away furiously she began trekking back towards her cabin. Because she knew above all things that Eagle thought too much, cared too petching much. That was why he had come after all. He did care for her, but he couldn't have shown it in a crueler way, showing that he did think of them, or what could have been...but...She put a hand out, leaning against a tree. She couldn't do this, couldn't break down. She inhaled deeply through her nose, letting it go through her mouth and walked much more slowly back to camp. She would be fully collected by the time she returned, where she knew she would find him precisely where she had left him. Because he wasn't the type to leave something like this unresolved. Couldn't leave it at a hug, but couldn't even accept a petching kiss. She couldn't quite admit to herself that she knew the finite amount of time he had before he returned to Aya, that the thought of him leaving and their last moment being that...would displace her for seasons after their departure. No this was about him and his need for closure, however horrible it was going to be. Couldn't have just hugged me.

She was quiet, but not silent. Emerging from the foliage like a silhouette, shrouded in darkness she found his hunched form sitting upon the ground, huddled over itself. Well at the very least it looked like he was regretting his decision as much as she was regretting letting him into her home. Dog pricked both ears, growling subsiding. Tinnok did not say anything. Most of anything that was going to come out of her mouth was going to be obscenities, but she also feared the part of her that would fall to her knees and beg and cajole. Why had he done this to her? If he knew of her feelings, then why would he make her suffer like this? "I would not have you without... without one night... where you were loved." She held back a bitter snort at the thought, waiting for him to speak.

by **Razkar** on November 16th, 2013, 2:58 am

OOC :

Just as Eagle had resigned himself to wailings in the night as his final sign of Wolf, the foliage shifted and she slid from the dark, dew-gleaming fronds and snaking vines. Whatever tears she had cried or anguish she had wrought was hidden by the shadows, clouds and swaying branches flickering across her face... but nothing could hide those eyes.

Eagle blinked and managed the softest of snorts. Anywhere else, and the figure before him would be missing a limb or two; perhaps even a head. But because he was here, fire from her hut still warming his back, Eagle just stared that those unblinking eyes...

He stood. Words would not avail him; look at what damage they had already done. His fingers ached to touch her, embrace her, beg and babble until his pride was spent and thus their friendship mended. Goddess, he would have considered that a fair trade.

The ghost of a smile that cast the mind of tombs and empty lockets tugged at the corners of his mouth. Remember the tigress and the cubs, he told himself, fantasy is encouraging... but reality is without mercy. Some points were crossed and there was no uncrossing; some words could never be sponged from the mind or the soul and even the most well-meaning of decisions could provoke disaster.

Howlers cackled from the canopy. Bats screeched and careened around in the darkness, nothing but sonic blasts and skittering wings. Far behind them Taloba pulsed against the sky like the bowl of a volcano, torches flickering on the walls, silhouettes of guards atop it looking like ants crawling around a hill...

Eagle wanted so badly to go back; he wanted so badly to stay. But they could not stare at each other until Syna rose so instead he began a walk that took bells, of so it seemed.

The male stopped next to her. Inches. Less than the plural, perhaps. Eagle had none of the sight that Wolf possessed; he could not work his djed into hearing the moans of plants or the thoughts of creatures... but you'd have to be either mad or dead not to feel the turgid heat coming off her.

Lust? Unlikely. Anger? More likely. Sorrow? Take a guess.

A combination of all three? Eagle did not know, but he could feel the effort she was putting into her self, the sheer will it took her to stand so close to him, trembling just under the surface of her skin, forcing every part of her to remain still and calm rather than flee again or beat him into the dirt... or simply have Dog rip his head off.

She watched. Breathing coming out in short, pained gasps... and Razkar's final sigh wafted across the distance between them in the crowded night.

So close, but forever separated. In each others hearts, but-

No. There is no parity there. No equality. She loves you as you love Aya, with possession and passion. You dare not think for how long. But... But you are not in love with her. She will need to come to terms with this... as you will with the pain you caused this night.

"... until that day... Wolf..."

Old words in the Myrian tongue. A strange amalgamation of farewell, good wishes and warning, all rolled into one for the language of a people to whom fatalism and aggression are second-nature. Eagle's eyes rose and met those swimming, silently-screaming pools.

The jungle still... just like in the fantasies. As if the Green Goddess herself were raising her hand for silence, granting her loyal daughter just a few ticks of silent to memorize his face as if she may never see it again.

Then reality took over with its casual, cruel inertia... and Eagle walked away.

by **Tinnok** on November 18th, 2013, 1:42 am

Fall 75th, 513 AV Evening

His back faded into the foliage and with it her hopes. She felt her fingers desperately reach out to grasp at him, but her mind forced her arms to be still, forced her mouth shut when she wanted to scream, forced the wetness welling up in her eyes to hold back until she was sure she was gone.

"Petch!"

The half breed sat up with a start, nearly toppling her comfortable position high in the canopy. Fingers darted out to grab supporting branches, making sure her body was level before slowly leaning back against the tree trunk.

"petch."

Fingers ran over her eyes, glancing up through the thick foliage to catch sight of the glittering gems in the night sky. Leth did not shine his light tonight, but Tinnok still found comfort in the distant twinkling coupled with the steady thrum of life Falyndar constantly emitted, which helped calm a racing heart as the memories of the past slowly seeped back into the annals of her clouded mind.

"What I wanted to tell you...that I couldn't was that I wanted you to be safe, that I wanted to see you again." She began. Hands folded behind her head, yellow eyes closing.

"Aya, I know she'll be fine, with or without you...no offense." She snorted. "Sure she'll have trouble in the big city, but half of her blood was made for that kind of thing. She'll miss home but she'll thrive, she'll learn everything she can and never let anyone get the best of her."

"But you...you'll get into trouble, with that brain of yours, thinking more than any male has a right to, killing for Myri, you'll get lost, and I know you have the strength of Myri behind you, but your the one I worry about." Tinnok sighed. "I suppose it'll serve me right if you and Aya return hand in hand, but...Mizahar has a funny way of working, and I'm not sure it'll turn out like we think."

"Not that it'll matter, even if you petch some barbarian girl and lose Aya...Dear Goddess I can't wait to see your face when you find out." She laughed bitterly. "And by can't wait, I mean the thought makes me want to slit my own throat. You think you tore my heart open that night? With those bloody talons? Well just wait until you get to see that I really am the serpent everyone always knew me to be."

"Goddess I talk too much when it doesn't even count." But it did, Tinnok knew it did. Now she was a traitor and a Dhani petcher, and still her dreams were consumed by the memories of her Eagle, who had flown off so far, leaving a lone wolf howling behind. The half breed closed her eyes then, but she did not fall back asleep. Instead she drifted into an nether realm of thought, consumed by the ifs that future, and faced with her own little Falyndar enclosed pilgrimage. He had his path and she hers, now the only real question was if they would ever intersect again.

And she prayed they would.

by **Razkar** on November 18th, 2013, 4:17 am

Fall 75th, 513 AV
Evening

The Calypso was a smooth ride across the Sebakem Ocean, but the Myrian onboard thought he would never fully get used to the roiling motions of endless water under his feet. Even late at night with his lover wrapped around his shoulders, Nysel refused to grant him release, and he slipped from her pale, freckled arms, stealing up to the deck like a stowaway.

He found it as quiet as below, but the view... much better.

Razkar smiled up at the fat, happy roundness of Leth, gorged on the coming end of the Fall, before she grew emaciated again. He leaned against the mainmast, a man apart in his loincloth and breeches and nothing else, tattoos stark on his dark skin and piercings glinting evilly in the pale rays. He breathed deep, tasted the salt, heard the perpetual patter of the waves battering against their hull.

Stars were spread all around Leth, like thousands of tiny children around their giant mother. Razkar looked up at her and breathed easier... mind drifting to memory if sleep would not claim him... and a sigh left his lips...

"Well... here I am, Wolf. Far from home... about as far as you can get, actually. Know where I am? The other side of the world..."

The enormity of the whispered words settled on him like lead on his shoulders. For all its wonder and variety, every night some chain in his heart yanked Razkar back towards the dense, lustrous jungles of his home. He yearned for it so badly... every time he smoked Taloba Grey he got a beguiling, tempting taste of it. He saw a dozen faces he knew, hundreds he never got the time to, now vanished far away in a land few here would ever venture to.

He thought of his Aya, but he had said his words for her. In many ways, the vast nothingness he heard from her had allowed him to concoct his own stories for her: perhaps she had survived, or escaped... perhaps she was dead, or in bondage... but so much was unknown...

Wolf, however... that final message... the desperate sorrow it stank with...

"Don't die, Wolf," he whispered to Leth, as if she could carry his words across waves and grass and desert, through the canopy and to the mind behind those yellow eyes, "No matter what... stay alive."

He paused before the next words. He did not know what she'd done, or been accused of... but for such bitterness and sorrow in her words, it must have been awful. Beyond the pale of Myri's forgiv-

"No." He suddenly snapped to himself, eyes squeezed shut and blocking out whatever painful reality might be unfolding far beyond them. "No... Not you, Wolf... not you..."

They opened again and shone in the light. He focused every screed of his heart on Leth... felt her unblinking gaze on him... spoke in a ghost of a whisper his blasphemy and his truth.

"You suffered too long, my friend. From clan... from comrade... from me. You do not deserve the pain I felt in those words. And... And when I come home... we can make it right..."

He nodded, slowly at first, then harder, resolve stiffening his spine and giving strength to his words. Razkar kissed his fingertips and raised them as offering to the silent silver globe.

"Sleep well, Wolf. Until that day..."

The steersman of the Calypso frowned at the odd exchange, and watched the Myrian go back below decks. Then he shrugged and got back to the necessary tedium of his duty.

Myrians were funny folk, after all. But everyone needs some comfort, and a sailor knew better than most: where better to find it than the moon and the gleaming stars?

by **Empyrean** on December 22nd, 2013, 9:01 pm

Razkar

Lores :

Tinnok

Socialization	+4
Observation	+1
Running	+1

Lores :

Notes :

Flashback Tainted Hearts (Tinnok)