Closed [Rookery Park] Holding On and Letting Go (Rinya)

[Jorin Ertihan]

x

Season of Fall, Day 81, 513 AV

It was never something Jorin ever wanted his mate to know about. Just how frustrating it was, to never quite make it. To get so close, only to fail yet again. And that was what it felt like, day after day, as he went to the Amphitheater to attempt to recover his former employment. Like he was rolling a stone up a hill and managed to get it almost to the top, only to have it slip from his grasp and tumble down again.

But the truth was, no matter how hard he might try to suppress it, the frustration was there. Jorin refused to act in front of Rinya. It was pointless and useless and didn't work besides; with the bond she'd know he was pretending. So he did not bother; rather than trying to pretend it didn't bother him, he tried to distract himself with other thoughts, so that his frustration wouldn't bubble over and upset Rinya more than she already had been.

And he knew she had been. No one could live with someone as unhappy and annoyed as himself, having to feel it day in and day out, and not be affected by it to some degree. As Jorin walked back to his home after yet another failure, kicking random stones out of his way as he passed by various stores he could no longer afford to shop at and gardens he no longer had time to see, he knew he had to do something or Rinya would explode right alongside him.

It wasn't her fault, and Jorin didn't blame her in the least. He knew he hadn't been the best company these last few days; what with his growing tension as he simply made no headway. Rinya, for her part, had been incredibly patient considering the circumstances. Despite him not being nearly as cheerful and upbeat as usual she maintained the same level of calm and understanding she always had, but Jorin was beginning to sense across the bond that even her patience was wearing thin.

And that brought Jorin to his latest thought. It was not one that pleased him, but the alternative pleased him even less. He seriously considered giving up on the Amphitheater job. It was a difficult decision, and he knew his own ingrained stubbornness would revolt at the idea, but Jorin knew that if this kept up, it could well lead to another fight with Rinya; something he desperately wished to avoid.

The Amphitheater had been one of the best jobs he'd ever had. And he would, of course, be very happy to get it back. But in the long run it was still just a job. Should he and Rinya ever leave the city he'd have to leave the job behind anyway, so it was not as though the job could follow him everywhere. Jorin knew he'd not be nearly as fulfilled doing the work of a busker, telling tales and acting out scenes for a coin in a local tavern. But honestly, if that was what he had to do to make a living, he'd do it.

Jorin decided that he'd give it a few more days. Just maybe one or two, possibly three. If he couldn't get what he was looking for by then, it was not likely to happen. And in that case, Jorin figured that he'd look elsewhere. And honestly, the idea of giving up was not as daunting as he thought it would be. Perhaps because he knew Rinya would still be by his side no matter what.

Speaking of Rinya, Jorin decided he'd tell her about his decision as soon as he saw her. Rinya had work this day but it was apparently not a very long shift. On top of which, she said she wanted to meet him for a specific reason, though she was uncharacteristically coy about what that reason might be. Jorin was curious, but got the feeling Rinya wanted it to be a surprise.

As Jorin walked through the threshold of his home, he quietly removed his shoes and padded softly to the table and sat down, grabbing the nearby poetry book and tracing the letters he'd written down on the pages. Rereading his own poems had a calming effect on him, as they evoked the moments they had occurred in. Jorin sighed, feeling that inspiration for poetry was oh-so-far away. It didn't feel like it did in Summer and earlier in the season, when he'd be ready with a poem almost at a moment's notice.

Looking out the window, Jorin wondered when Rinya would come home. For some reason, he missed her more than ever today.

x

[Rinya]

Day 81, Season Fall, 513 AV

Judging by the emotions shifting through the bond, Jorin had been unable to land his job—again. The frustration that had been building for days now was starting to wear thin on both of them. Sometimes it was muted—an obvious attempt by Jorin—but others it rang loud and clear. The effect it had on her at times wasn’t the most pleasant, but for the most part it was only Rhys who got the brunt force of that frustration. After she had at least explained to him that the emotions were bleeding across the bond and not actually from her, he took it in stride and actually managed to keep his mouth shut any time she flew off the handle.

Which always seemed to be for little reasons, but if she was honest—and she was to at least Rhys since he was the victim—it wasn’t just Jorin’s frustration but hers as well. There wasn’t anything she could do to help Jorin and it just simply felt like failure. So if Jorin wasn’t frustrated, she was. And the results ended with her being moody and rude to just about everyone but Jorin. She had no wish to fight over something insignificant seeing as they both always felt ready to boil over at any minute. Some nights she took bird form just to avoid such fighting. From her end of it anyways… even frustrated Rinya had the feeling that Jorin wasn’t likely to start a fight first, at least not on purpose.

Rinya had some idea of how to temporarily remove Jorin’s negative emotions however. Granted it wasn’t a bandage for either of them, but seeing as he had recently admitted to Farline indicating that she might leave him for—whatever reason—Rinya really wished to remove as much of that fear as she could. Never mind that technically they had the bond, and even if she wanted to leaving him would be incredibly painful. But it hadn’t once crossed her mind to just abandon him because he was having a rough few days… it could be a rough few years and she was sure that the idea still wouldn’t cross her mind.

So she told him not to make plans and that she had somewhere to take him as soon as she got off work. In fact she managed to finagle her shift just a bit and have another guard cover her for her missed bells. It had honestly been easier than she thought—but it could have also been influence by Rhys. He knew she was doing something ‘special’ for Jorin—though he had no idea anymore than Jorin did. Jorin himself seemed mildly surprised by her request as it was. He agreed of course, but even the thought that she might have something up her sleeve didn’t entirely cheer him up. It was becoming harder day by day it seemed.

Stepping into their condo, Rinya put down her bow and quiver next to the door as always, spying Jorin at the table focused on his poetry book in front of him. She had felt a soft kind of need that seemed to emanate from him. Tilting her head a little she made her way over to his side, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. ”Still having trouble writing?” Rinya still couldn’t read, however she didn’t have to know—she could clearly see there were no new symbols written on the page. He hadn’t seemed to put out a single poem since the collapse of his job. Resisting the urge to sigh Rinya ran her fingers over the back of his neck, rubbing the tense muscles along his neck.

”I’m going to go change. Why don’t you get ready and we’ll go.” Rinya pressed a brief kiss to his lips before turning to head into her room. While she slept in Jorin’s room all of her clothing was in hers. Since there was no need to be embarrassed by decency, Rinya stripped her work shirt off on the way there, shaking her hair out. There were nervous butterflies beginning to flutter in her stomach. She had no idea if this was something Jorin wanted to do now, but in the very least it was something to try. Pulling off the rest of her clothing, Rinya debated if she should wear a dress… or…

All things considered a fancy dress just didn’t seem to fit the occasion. Instead she threw on her blouse and skirt, pulling her hair into another high ponytail and grabbed her leather jacket on the way out of the room. It was getting chilly there was no doubt about that. Winter was around the corner. Smiling gently at Jorin, she made her way over to the door before holding out a hand to him. ”You’ll like this.” I think… Rinya very dearly hoped he did anyways.

[Jorin Ertihan]

x

Rinya's entry was immediately felt, as Jorin looked up immediately when she came into the room. He gave her a brave smile when she kissed him on the cheek and asked him if he was still having trouble writing. Jorin sighed, closing the book gently and pushing it away slightly, and gave her a quick nod.

"Yeah," he confessed quietly. "I stare at the page for chimes on end, but nothing comes. It's like... it's like the words aren't there anymore. I think up a line, maybe two, but the poem dies before it's born."

It would normally depress him severely, that his art was so curtailed. But Jorin knew his own muse was mostly tied to his emotions. With him feeling the way he did, he would honestly be surprised to have written even half a poem even in the several days since the loss of his job. Rinya's fingers along his neck and back felt gentle and soothing, and he closed his eyes slightly to enjoy her touch. It was strange that such a simple touch could be so relaxing.

But her massaging fingers disappeared all-too-soon as she went off to her room to change, stripping off her work clothes on the way there. He felt Rinya's nervousness and he wondered just what she was nervous about. He did remember her asking him not to make any plans for today, so she clearly had something in mind although he couldn't imagine what it might be. And whatever it was had her nervous too.

Rinya came out of her room in the blouse and skirt that Jorin liked a great deal. The one, he noticed, that almost never wore outside the house, and pretty much only wore for him. Jorin loved that dress; she looked so beautiful in it. Of course, Rinya looked beautiful wearing just about anything, but still he had a particular fondness for her blouse and skirt because it was understated and yet attractive, and showed off just enough to be tantalizing and yet covered up just enough to be proper.

"You'll like this," she said. Jorin's lips curled up, his eyes sparkling and a bit of his old humor returning. She was trying so hard, and he just wanted to be happy for a little while. Forget the Amphitheater a bit, for her sake. Jorin did notice that Rinya never blew up at him, sometimes going so far as to remain an osprey so as to keep her temper in check. She was doing it for his sake, he knew, and he appreciated her all the more for it. But in Jorin's opinion she shouldn't have to.

"Thank you," he replied in response, and he wasn't even sure what he was thanking Rinya for. For convincing him to leave the house? Possibly. For making an obvious effort to improve his mood? Probably. But Jorin honestly wasn't entirely sure. Nonetheless, he followed Rinya out the door and toward the other end of the city, and as they walked in relative silence Jorin's mind worked on what to say to her.

He wanted to tell her about the decision he made, but wasn't quite sure on the wording of it. How to tell her? After about three or four chimes of nervous silence, Jorin finally broke it.

"Rinya, I've been thinking," he began, uncharacteristically hesitant as he worked over the words in his head. "These last few days I've devoted a significant amount of time just trying to get my job at the Amphitheater back. I... I really haven't been very successful." That was the understatement of the year. He'd been an utter failure at it, was what he had been.

"And every time I come home without success, I get a bit more frustrated. I... I'm sorry, Rinya. With the bond, I know you feel it too. I try to mute it, to try to not overwhelm you with it but sometimes..." Jorin sighed sadly. Sometimes he was just so annoyed and the emotions just boiled over and Rinya had to feel the surge right alongside him.

"So I was thinking that I might... maybe... Rinya, I'm thinking I might just give up on the Amphitheater." Jorin's voice was somewhat hesitant, and he couldn't help lowering his eyes, letting Rinya gently lead him as he stared at his feet for a few ticks. The admission had been difficult. Jorin rarely gave up on anything, but this continued failure was hurting his relationship with Rinya. It had to stop, one way or another.

"You've been so wonderful to me, Rinya. So patient, so kind... anybody else, I'm sure, would've blown their top, feeling so much frustration and depression every day..." It was true. Well, Jorin figured it'd be true, though he really only had one other point of reference... no! He'd promised Rinya she'd be excised. He had to keep reminding himself that she no longer had any bearing on their relationship. None, whatsoever.

Jorin wasn't really paying attention to where they were going; mostly following Rinya as she had grasped his hand and was guiding them forward. Nonetheless, Jorin recognized the screech of the gulls as they flew by overhead. There were fewer now, since winter was close to arriving, but their cries still echoed across the entrance to what Jorin recognized as Rookery Park.

He glanced at Rinya curiously. It was a very kind gesture of her, to bring him back to where they'd first met. Perhaps that was the surprise; a little trip down memory lane, to the first time he'd been kicked from a troupe. He'd been depressed then, too. Much more depressed than today, truth be told. But he survived it, and managed to bounce back. More than bounced back.

Maybe that had been what Rinya wanted to talk about. To convince him that this too would pass, and he'd come out stronger in the end. Jorin managed a genuine smile as he squeezed her hand and drew her to him for a quick kiss. Into the kiss he poured his thanks and his love for her. He wanted to show her gratitude for thinking of him, though Rinya did not stop, continuing to lead them forward.

Jorin found himself facing the ocean stretching before him, the gulls still screeching above as the roar of the waves crashing below washed over them. A small bench was off to the side but the park was, as before, empty and devoid of people. It was the same spot they'd met. She'd brought him back here, and Jorin just nodded, a feeling of nostalgia shooting through him.

Looking over at Rinya, he couldn't help himself. He loved her all the time, of course, but at that moment he felt it especially for some reason. And so before she could say anything he walked over to where she was standing and grabbed her by the waist, drawing in and kissing her strongly. And all the frustrations and depression and anger of the last few days melted away, replaced by pure love and warmth and happiness.

Rinya had brought him here. Regardless of the specifics, he knew she did it to try to make him happy, and that thought alone already did make him happy. But more than that, the fact that she'd clearly put so much thought into this touched him deeply. And he found himself even more in love with her, if that was possible. Pressing her to him tightly, Jorin continued the kiss, just letting her own emotions wash over him through the bond as he sent across his love.

After a few more chimes of this, he released Rinya's lips, but didn't let her go. He continued to hold her close to him as he kissed her lightly a few more times before finally pressing his forehead against hers.

"So what did you want to talk about out here?" he asked gently, after they had both finally caught their breath. Perhaps the kiss hadn't been entirely fair; Rinya had looked to want to say something to him, but he just wanted her to know how much he loved and appreciated her at that moment, and couldn't think of any better way of expressing it.

x

[Rinya]

There was a familiar spark behind Jorin’s eyes that told her he wasn’t entirely lost to negative emotions. In the very least she knew Jorin appreciated her efforts and she was glad he was able to see that she was trying. To her it always seemed like she dropped the ball—mostly because comfort was something she was terrible at. There was no way to take away the pain, just sit next to them and hope it was enough? Rinya smiled the best she could around the nerves tugging at her insides. She dearly hoped that she wasn’t over estimating this attempt however.

But the walk was nearly silent. Not from the bond, but purely knowing her mate well enough by now she could see that look on his face. He had something to say, but he was currently pulled into one of her issues. There were no words—which possibly meant this wasn’t something good that he was about to tell her. When he finally got around to even just saying her name, he didn’t say anything she didn’t already know. That he had been completely unable to win back his job again. Rinya just nodded, squeezing his hand gently. Another motion that was supposedly supposed to bring comfort, but she wasn’t sure how.

”Sometimes it just happens. I understand Jorin. It’s okay.” Rinya was tempted to tease him that Rhys was on the receiving end of her temper as of late—but it was probably something better left alone. He would feel guilty that she had a temper at all because of him. And it probably wasn’t a name he wanted to hear either. Every time Jorin saw Rhys he was trying to get her to leave Jorin for him. It never worked, never even came close—but those were thoughts Jorin didn’t need on top of everything else.

He wanted to give up on the Amphitheater? Rinya pursed her lips slightly in thought. She knew eventually he would have to, but it was going to eat at him almost as much as failing to get his job back every day. His pride was going to take a hit on this one. ”I can see why. It’s painful for you to go there every day and walk away empty handed. But realistically…” They would need the income eventually. It bothered her that this partly came down to Mizas, and while they could both probably survive on just her salary—well there wasn’t much to be saved then by that point. ”I know how hard that is for you to say.”

And then Jorin went on to tell her how good she had been with him. She couldn’t help but snort at his comment though. ”I rather do believe I blew up. I’ve just been avoiding it.” Their first real fight had been a heavy reminder that they weren’t unbreakable. They had to learn how to bend to each other just as much as every other couple. Normally it wasn’t required between them, but it was going to happen again in the future. Rinya would rather be expectant of that than live in denial. But it wasn’t something she wanted to think about today.

It only took a moment for Jorin to realize where it was she had brought him. His curiosity was peaked, but she remained silent. Finding the words to ask him to marry her… it was bad enough she was terrible with words. Now she had to find a way to be romantic on top of it? It was just asking for doom failure to begin with. Jorin’s quick kiss managed to sneak a wobbly smile from her, but she knew exactly where to have this take place. Every detail of that had already been worked out in her head. Just not the words.

Of course it didn’t help when Jorin—clearly caught in his own thoughts for a few chimes—turned back to her. He pulled her easily to him and kissed her. It had been awhile since he gave her a kiss like this. One that drained the negative emotions from each other and left only the good feelings; Rinya couldn’t have imagined how good it would feel. She supposed Eric was right… it was the little things that could make a difference. With her entire focus suddenly on the kiss however she completely forgot her actual reason for dragging him all the way out to the park.

Jorin finally withdrew from her, not without a few extra simple kisses, before he pressed his forehead to hers. Rinya took a deep breath, catching his scent and fresh air in the same breath. Everything was scrambled across her mind as he asked her what she wanted to talk about. She was tempted to frown at him and ask him what he was talking about—leaving the idea of taking vows for another day. But much like Jorin when she put her mind to something she followed through with it. The nerves in her stomach came back with double the force and Rinya had to swallow thickly in an attempt to get her voice to work.

”Well… I uhh…”Very smooth… Rinya sighed heavily and shook her head more to the thoughts in her head than to his question. It wasn’t fair that she couldn’t get something so important out without making it look like hesitation. He knew she loved him, but with the depression and frustration building it was clear he was probably more afraid of her getting fed up with him and just leaving now more than ever. Only he would never actually say something like that to her—not unless he was lost in his angry anyways.

”I wanted to do something…” Her voice came out soft, and Rinya closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to gather courage. Perhaps this was why most of the male population did this? For all her bravery—she couldn’t ask the man she loved to marry her? It wasn’t even a Kelvic tradition, but a human one. It was almost ridiculous actually. And with that thought brought impatience. Drawing a deep breath Rinya looked up Jorin, directly in the eye. ”I want to marry you.”

Well… that was very direct. No asking him if that was what he would like, just what she wanted. Twitching her nose, Rinya huffed but forced herself to keep eye contact with him. ”I mean… the vows. I would like to take them… now.” It still sounded like a command to her ears. And the nerves just built further into her chest, making it difficult to breath.

”That is… if you’d like to.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

x

Jorin knew Rinya just wished she could do more. She was not a person who liked waiting, much preferring to take action whenever possible. He supposed it might be a part her osprey nature, and another part just who she was. And for all that she had changed over the two seasons that they had been together, Jorin knew that this was something about his mate that was never likely to change. Nor would he want it to.

Rinya was Rinya. And even though it was, perhaps, a bit disappointing that he knew he could never fully convince her that just her being by his side, holding his hand was an enormous comfort, he still loved her exactly the way she was. He supposed it was because her desire for action, her love of flying and fishing, her surprising strength and unexpected vulnerability all rolled into one and combined to make the woman he loved. If any of it changed in a fundamental way, she'd not be Rinya anymore.

He knew that he should be somewhat annoyed by Rinya's words. They were the epitome of words intended to placate; telling him it happens and that it would be OK. But from Rinya's lips, Jorin could bring himself to believe it. And it was true. Things like this did happen, and he rather doubted it would be enough to destroy him, or them.

His admission of potentially giving up on the Amphitheater did not draw the response from Rinya he was worried it would. In retrospect, he supposed it made sense; Rinya knew him by now, and her words and the feelings across the bond were not the shock and disappointment he'd been worried he'd feel, but rather soft encouragement. She knew how painful it was for him, and somehow simply knowing that he did not have to feel the pain alone made it that much easier to bear.

"Thank you, Rinya," he replied, and felt like he was simply repeating himself, having already thanked her once before. It was all he could think to say at that moment, though. And he certainly felt the gratitude for what she was trying to do for him.

"I just... I don't want to give up. But this can't continue. I can't keep going back there, and coming home empty-handed, as you say. The pressure is just going to keep building if I do that." Jorin sighed. And he did not want to know what would happen when it boiled over.

"But you know me. I loathe just... quitting. It just isn't in me. I just... I'll give it a few more days. One or two. At most three. If I can't by then..." Jorin was really pinning his hopes on those days, and Rinya would feel it. But they'd both know it was false hope. The chances of him having a miracle success during those three days would be minimal to none.

And Rinya's snort and little grin at his statement buoyed his spirits some. He found himself able to smile back at her, joking something about how he was surprised she hadn't bit him as a bird by now given how annoyed they'd both been these last few days. There was absolutely no anger or frustration now.

The negative emotions were slowly receding, being pushed to the back of his mind. Oh sure, they were still there. And if he let them, they'd come roaring back, but Jorin wasn't interested in wallowing in self-pity. Not when he was out and about with the woman he loved.

When their long, loving kiss over, Rinya had taken a breath, and the nervousness returned. Was it that difficult for her to say that she brought him here to talk about the last time he'd been here? Perhaps she was worried he'd kill himself? That thought hadn't even occurred to him. There was too much to live for; a job wasn't worth sacrificing his life. Not to mention he had Rinya. He'd be giving up his life with her, and for what?

But Rinya stammered out a few words, before pausing and sighing. Apparently she wanted to do something, and if it weren't for the fact that the bond told him what she had been feeling at that moment, he might have misunderstood her words and thought she meant something entirely different. But it wasn't hot desire he felt from Rinya, but still the tingle of nervousness. And really, with her next words, Jorin was surprised she wasn't more nervous.

He couldn't help raising his eyebrows in surprise when Rinya blurted out that she wanted to marry him. That she wanted to take the vows, and apparently she wanted to do it right then and there. Well, that was a surprise. If that was why she wanted to come here... Jorin actually quite approved of her choice.

It was a perfect place for them to say their vows. Right here, in Rookery Park, where they first met. For all her talk about how she wasn't a naturally romantic person, Rinya had chosen a perfectly romantic spot. The only other place that would have made any sense would be the Amphitheater Stage, where they'd first bonded, but with his current troubles at that place, Jorin figured he wasn't welcome back onto that stage, even for a wedding.

He reached up and stroked Rinya's cheek gently, running his fingers across her smooth, silky skin. He loved that the sensations he felt when he did this. Not just physical, but emotional too. He felt calmed, and safe, like Rinya's heart was a safe haven from the rest of the world, somewhere he could curl up and be protected in. Rinya wanted to marry him. He knew they'd briefly spoke of the vows, and Rinya had seemed... unconcerned with them.

Being a Kelvic, Jorin knew the vows had less significance to her than they did to him. So he was surprised she'd be the one to bring it up, and her nervousness spoke volumes. She knew, somehow, just how important this would be for him. Had to, or she wouldn't be so nervous. But in truth, Jorin knew they were all but married already in many ways.

But marriage was more than just the exchange of vows and a mark on their flesh. It was an oath, a promise, and between straight humans, was supposed to be a bond similar to the Kelvic bond, though without the sharing of emotions. Nonetheless it was intended to imply a connection.

Although Jorin would obviously love Rinya just as fiercely even if they'd remained unmarried their entire lives, it nonetheless warmed him to know that Rinya had gone through the trouble of setting this up for him. Although... he sensed that interestingly, Rinya was doing this as much for herself as she was for him. He smiled.

"Of course I'd like to, my love," he replied simply. "I... I must admit I had no idea this was what you had meant when you wanted me to meet you out here but... I would love to marry you. You are the love of my life. And as selfish as it sounds, I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. I want to show the whole world we belong to one another..."

It was his somewhat possessive side coming out again. That part of him was, perhaps, a product of the ingrained fear of inadequacy he had. That in order to compensate for that fear he had a slight tendency toward jealousy and possessiveness of the woman he loved, out of a fear she might leave him. He knew it was perhaps not his best feature, but it was still a part of him.

Jorin wondered if Rinya knew about the Cheva's Mark that came with a true marriage, though. Looking at her curiously, his hand went from her face down to her delicate neck, just under her left ear.

"If we say our vows, if we marry, you will have a mark. Right here," he commented, rubbing the soft skin just below her ear, before leaning in and kissing her there, then drawing back. "And so would I. The same mark, in the same place. Physical proof of our love..." Jorin smiled at that. He would be so proud to display that mark to the world. To show everyone that he loved Rinya, and only Rinya.

"I... really haven't prepared any vows..." Jorin confessed, face sheepish. It was true. She rather dropped this suddenly upon him, and he had no grand speech or rhetorical oratory to recite as his vows. "Though, as I understand it, the most important thing is that the vows need to be sincere, not that they necessarily have to be eloquent," he observed.

"Cheva is a goddess, so I'm sure she can discern intent." A light shrug. "Regardless... I love you Rinya. And I know that there will be rough times ahead. Even if we marry, it won't change that fact. But, as always, we'll get through them. Together."

x

[Rinya]

Rinya didn’t withhold the sigh this time. She knew she had been correct in thinking it would be difficult for Jorin to just quit, but he was right—the pressure was bound to boil over, worse than the fight several nights ago. Rinya wasn’t even sure if that was his temper finally getting the best of him—or just frustration. If he continued trying to push for his job and failing… it would be a hard road for both of them. But he still had hope, and she certainly wasn’t going to deny him a few more days of trying to push for something he truly loved. Though she did wonder even if he got this job back—what would that be like?

The stage master was the one Farline twisted against Jorin. Even if he managed to get his job back, would he even get a fair shot? Farline wasn’t likely to fulfill any promises and she vaguely wondered if the stage master would just hold it against Jorin—blame him for his own weakness. It wasn’t a pleasant thought actually. But Rinya also knew that it was her own negative side thinking the worst. And Jorin really didn’t need that kind of thinking right now. It would defeat the entire purpose of bringing him to the park in the first place.

His surprise though was better than any kind of negativity that could have come with her words. Part her knew it was actually a terrible time to ask such a thing from him. This wasn’t going to fix his problems—he would still go to the Amphitheater the next day trying for his job back, and he would probably fail. But her nerves didn’t fail her. They sat firmly in her stomach waiting for him to move or say something. The first thing he did was reach up to touch her face. An innocent gesture that caused her to close her eyes and simply lean her face into his hand.

And then he spoke. While his simple touch hadn’t completely calmed her nerves, his words did. Until he actually said what he wanted, there was always that chance that he didn’t actually want to marry right now. Rinya knew well enough that Jorin would eventually want marriage, but at the moment? Really Rinya figured it shouldn’t be so surprising that he actually accepted her—blunt proposal. ”Well if you guessed it, then it wouldn’t have been much of a surprise would it?” Rinya breathed, feeling her face flush regardless of the fact that he accepted.

”Besides, I figured others should know you’re taken. It’s tiring having to drive off the females.” It was a weak grin she gave him, but not because it was hard to hold. Her nerves had shifted into a bright joy that made her want to laugh uncontrollably, and she was just barely holding it off. Rinya thought it better though not to remark on his possessive side. She rather liked that aspect of him even if he didn’t. Besides hers was much worse—Jorin hadn’t even been able to hold hands innocently with another female without her jealousy burning bright.

His hand slipped from her face to her neck. He pressed his fingers into the skin that would take some sort of mark—she supposed it would be something that manifested between them. His gentle kiss to her skin however caused the usual reaction from her without even trying. She drew a sharp breath and had to focus on pressing down her sudden flare of desire. Jorin really was a tease, and she guessed that most of the time he didn’t realize to the full extent. He just smiled at her and told her that he would have the same mark on his neck—its mate. ”I know.”

And then Jorin mentioned the vows… Petch it all she knew she forgot something. All her worrying about whether or not Jorin was even going to accept her proposal and she hadn’t spared any time to what she might say to him if he did accept. Knowing herself, it wouldn’t have done any good anyways. ”Well if it makes you feel any better—I didn’t even take the time to think about my own vows. I was more worried about whether you’d agree or not.” Rinya twitched her nose slightly and finally looked away from him. ”But it was a promise I wanted to make with you. I know I have the bond and while you may share in that… I know it’s not the same thing to you.” Rinya’s shrug mimicked his.

”I know everything that was here today will be there tomorrow. But I will be there… with you. Always. We have an emotional bond to feel it, but we’ll have the physical proof. Something always to hold onto.” Rinya cleared her throat, glancing around the park before back up at him. ”So knowing you—you’re vows will come out perfect regardless of having no time to think about them. It’s the artist in you.” She realized she was being a little cheeky, but she couldn’t help it. It felt as though every question she had asked Eric before flew out of her head.

”I know I said now—but I don’t want you to feel like you have to Jorin. I told you a long time ago… when you’re ready.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

x

It had been the first time in recent memory that Rinya had used the word 'always'. Jorin knew that to her, the fact that as a Kelvic she had a shorter lifespan than him was so often on her mind that she tended to avoid such descriptors. Not that he was upset at all; the fact that Rinya was willing to use the word meant, at least to him, that perhaps she was starting to see things from his perspective?

Because to Jorin it truly didn't matter to him how long they had. He knew there were people out there who loved for hundreds of years, never finding love. And Jorin was very glad he found Rinya because he couldn't imagine living out his life and never finding anyone. Of course he was ready.

So neither of them had truly thought through their vows. Rinya because she had apparently been more worried that he'd even agree - and she twitched her nose in the way that Jorin thought was so very cute - and him because he did not know about her desire to marry him until right that moment. Jorin just thought a moment, trying to compose his thoughts before he responded to Rinya's words.

"I know you said that, Rinya," Jorin replied, his right hand traveling down to Rinya's waist to hold her close to him. He loved feeling her so close; despite the small tingle of desire he mostly felt calmed and happy. It was strange; they were mated and bonded and he could do this whenever he wanted with Rinya at home, and yet it still affected him the exact same way every time. It was like Rinya's reaction to his lips on her skin - automatic.

"Can you feel it, my love? What I'm feeling for you, right now?" he asked, looking Rinya in the eyes. "Can you feel how much I love you? How much I want you? Maybe this will help."

Jorin leaned in for a second kiss. In the back of his mind he knew this was scrambling both their heads. If he kept this up, they might not be able to remember the say their vows, but he wanted her to know. Even with their bond, words didn't convey his love quite as well as his kisses did. It was just easier to show her than to tell her.

Jorin groaned a bit as he slipped in his tongue to deepen their kiss, holding Rinya tightly to himself as he felt the familiar heat from such an intimate act surge through his heart. Like every kiss they shared, this one was loving and sweet but as usual, tinged with passion and desire as well. A nearly perfect blend of all the things he felt for her.

And he could feel her own emotions across the bond. A surge of passion and love to match his own. They never hid their emotions from each other, not anymore. They didn't do it even when they fought, so they certainly did not do it when they kissed. Jorin of course knew Rinya loved him, but it was a different thing to know it, and to feel it.

It was probably only a few chimes -to Jorin they felt like bells - before the need for air forced them apart. Jorin stood there panting, watching Rinya's flushed face and smiling despite himself. He'd always loved how she reacted to his kisses. After they'd had a moment to compose themselves, Jorin spoke again.

"I don't pretend to know a whole lot about marriage," Jorin confessed. It was a bit embarrassing; after all, he was the human in their relationship. How could he not know that much about one of his race's own traditions?

"I've only seen one or two weddings in my time; and they were always these big affairs with dozens of guests." Jorin watched Rinya's reaction carefully, but he already knew what she'd think of that idea. His mate hated crowds as it was; for there to be a crowd for something as intimate as their wedding... he wasn't even sure if she'd be able to get her vows out in such a setting. And if he was being honest, he wasn't sure he could either.

"I don't believe they have to be though. I've performed in plays where the main character simply runs off with his love and marries her in secret..." Of course, fiction was fiction, and did not necessarily inform reality. But still, even the fictional plays had to have some basis in reality, right?

"I think what's really important is intent. When we say the vows, we need to intend to marry. And of course, we need to mean what we say." That, at least, Jorin knew he could do. Ultimately the vows were simply a promise that he would love and care for her for as long as they both were alive. And that was something he was already more than willing to do, and indeed was already doing every day.

Jorin never relinquished his hold on her. He kept her pressed up against him, the pleasant heat from her body keeping the cool Fall air at bay. Jorin smiled as he looked at the small railing where he'd first seen Rinya standing, batting away an adventurous seagull. He still remembered her picking up a blue feather to give to him.

Rinya had expressed surprise that he treasured such a gift, but to Jorin it didn't matter what the gift was. Rather what was important to him was how and why it was given. Rinya had offered it to him as a kindness, not asking anything in return. A true gift, and it didn't matter whatsoever to him that it held no monetary value. Its emotional value to him was priceless.

Rinya would undoubtedly feel across the bond the surge of nostalgia as Jorin then glanced at the bench where he'd flopped down, that first day. Poetry. It had been what brought them together. Turning to her, he softly said,

"The world of dreams recede to dark
And life fades back to view
I wake again to face the world
And resume the fight anew

The battle is long and harsh the clay
That burns my feet below
But from the darkest soils, it's said
The strongest seeds do grow

And by my side you have stood
Ever so brave and strong
Whatever obstacles block our path
We always will belong

My love for you will not die
Nor will my desire fade
Though maybe shorter than we'd like
Our time I'd never trade

Rinya, osprey of the seas
I wish to marry you
With you here and by my side
There's nothing we can't do."

Once again, Jorin wondered if his poem was any good. He wanted this one, at least, to be decent; it was a poem asking Rinya to marry him after all. Rinya always seemed to like his poems. It was what had drawn her to him in the first place. That, and apparently he was uncommon among the men she'd met in the past, which had drawn her to him as well.

So it seemed appropriate to give Rinya another poem, to show her that he was very much ready to do this now. But even though he knew the theory; that he only needed to mean the words, didn't make it any easier to come up with actual vows. So instead he kissed Rinya yet again. Why the petch couldn't the vows just be a kiss? It was so much clearer when he kissed her.

And as Jorin poured his love into the action, he closed his eyes and just let all of their intermingled emotions mix and swirl inside him. He could feel her nervousness, her joy, her love, and her desire, mixing with his own. The bond told him she was almost giddy with happiness when he'd said yes to her offer of marriage; and to be frank so was he. And this kiss was simply confirming what they both already knew: that the vows, the marriage, was just a formality.

They would already love each other. Forever.

x

[Rinya]

”Well just because I said it…” Rinya muttered as he pulled her in closer. He asked her some of the hardest questions he could ever ask her honestly. Not because she had to think about any of them—of course she could feel it. Everything he was always intent on her knowing without words. The problem was finding the mindset to answer him instead of just kissing him. If she had it in her at the moment she might have been a little cross. This was hard enough without his closeness and questions. So she just nodded slightly and tried to keep her breathing as normal as possible. He was quite known to cause her to lose her own breath with words.

But Jorin himself seemed to think it was a good idea to actually show her how much he felt it. Because he was correct—his kisses always told her exactly what he was feeling. They didn’t even need to the bond to understand that action between them. She recognized when he kissed her with rage and not in his right mind. She recognized when he kissed her desperately, trying to forgot everything through her. And she of course felt it when he kissed her like this. It was a kiss that made it hard to think, with the cross between passion and love. The groan he released was followed by a muffled moan of her own.

It ticked in the back of her mind that they were here for reason. Though at the moment she couldn’t quite remember what it was. For there was only one thing—one person—completely focused upon in her mind. So when they finally broke for air Rinya could feel his eyes on her. If her face hadn’t been flushed before, it certainly was now. He said something about marriage—right… that’s what they were here for—and Rinya shook her head slightly in an attempt to gather her thoughts together. Jorin mentioned that every wedding he had seen was a large affair, with lots of people.

It took quite a bit not to groan at the thought. They might need to gather people for this? It was hard enough trying to think of her vows for him—did she actually have to do it in front an audience? He continued to mention that the plays had the heroes run off with their ladies and just marry, much like she had done to him. ”Well I much rather prefer the second choice.” Rinya huffed gently, but shrugged her shoulders. She was going to marry him if he didn’t have any objections. If she had to suck it up for everyone else then she would do it.

”So we have to mean the vows—that’ll be easy. But I guess… we could try here and now? And if it doesn’t work I suppose we will just have to do some big get together.” Rinya was impressed with herself. She managed to say the words without wincing, but she was sure Jorin felt the surge of nerves again. Rinya stared up at his face as he began to take in their surroundings again. He was thinking of their first meeting, she was sure of it. Mostly because they had never come back here before now. It had just… seemed fitting.

Not only was it the place that they met, it was darkly the same place that Jorin had considered taking his own life, because he felt he was so very alone. Alone and a failure in his life. Granted Rinya was sure he wasn’t thinking about that at the moment, but for her it was important. He wasn’t alone—regardless of her lifespan, she was determined to show him that. It didn’t matter how she was in his life, just so long as she got to stand next to him. Jorin suddenly broke into poem—she was glad he had enough inspiration considering how hard it had been for him the past week.

”Show off.” Rinya groused, but she was sure he could feel her appreciation. She really did love his poems, even if he didn’t seem much worth. And maybe to everyone else they weren’t worth anything, but he said the words for her. He considered her feather a true gift, looking for nothing to return. But honestly the feather had been the only thing she could give him for his poems he recited to her before he even knew she was Kelvic. He had been caring even then. The gentle artist who spoke to a bird as if they were actually important to the world.

Jorin’s next kiss nearly had the same effect as before. It tried to scramble her mind and make her forget why they were there in the first place. But Rinya held onto the idea with everything she had. Held onto the emotions he brought out in her. All they had to do was say the words and mean it? Completely intent on idea of marrying? Well perhaps her words would not be as gentle and flowing as his, but she could do that. She could feel everything right at this moment—and it was important to both of them now. So it was much effort that she pulled away from Jorin’s kiss and took a deep breath.

”Jorin,” Rinya swallowed heavily and licked her lips in an attempt to gather her thoughts and breath. If he kept kissing her, they were never going to go through with this. ”I don’t how I got… so lucky. While the circumstances that brought us both here the first time were not the—brightest thoughts… I wouldn’t change any of it. I love you… more than anything or anyone. I want to be your wife.” Rinya smiled brightly up at him, the one she could only ever conjure up for him alone. ”I want to be by your side. No matter what we have to face in the future. Regardless of my aging, or people that want to ruin us—I want to stay with you.”

Rinya reached up with her left hand to stroke his cheek with the back of her fingers. Looking at him tenderly wasn’t a difficult thing for her, when it came to him. It felt as natural as kissing him. Or cuddling up to him in bed and listening to her favorite past time. The heart that beat with love for her. ”I would go through any pain a hundreds over if it meant you would be there waiting at the end for me… I love you… more than words can actually tell. You know that.” All she could really do was repeat the three words that meant what she felt. And hope that it was enough.

[Jorin Ertihan]

x

Rinya had been nervous, when he'd mentioned that most of the weddings he'd seen were large events. But he hummed with agreement that they should try now and only go for that only if it was absolutely necessary. He didn't think it was; just because all the weddings he'd seen had been large didn't mean they had to be. Then Rinya accused him of showing off, teasing a bit as he finished his poem. Jorin chucked slightly, shrugging as he replied, "I don't know, I guess I'm just inspired today."

And it was true. For the moment, Jorin had all but forgotten that he was technically still jobless, and was likely to be for the foreseeable future. Rinya wanted to marry him, and that was the only thing on his mind at that moment. He didn't think about his frustrations that day, or the days before. Or the times during that week when he'd nearly gotten into another fight with Rinya over his continual depression. Or her own frustrations, both at feeling his negative emotions and also undoubtedly because she couldn't think of anything that could take the pain away.

None of those things existed. It was just them, and that made it easier for the words to flow again. Rinya had definitely succeeded in her goal. And she was right, of course. After they wedded, and were husband and wife, all Jorin's problems would still be there the next day. But really, in the grand scheme of things, Jorin realized it was not nearly as important. Not by a long shot. He could always find another job. He'd never find another Rinya.

When Rinya pulled away from his latest attempt to scramble her thoughts, she took a deep breath and licked her lips. Jorin could tell that she was struggling to keep their vows on her mind. He could guess at what Rinya was probably thinking; that if they continued to kiss one another like this they'd never get their vows done. So Jorin reluctantly held off, simply gazing at her as she spoke her own version of the vows.

Her words were simple and straightforward, but honest. He could feel her love floating across as she mentioned that she felt lucky, just like him, for their having found one another. That she wanted to be his wife. She gave him that bright smile he'd only ever seen her give him. It was a smile devoid of any pretense. Her whole heart bared for him. And he took it like the precious jewel it was.

Jorin was quite sure that her aging would always bother her, at least to some degree. But he was happy to know that she wanted to stay by his side regardless. Some people, like his father, would regard that as selfish of her. Perhaps she herself would see it that way, but Jorin thought otherwise. He'd never be happy without Rinya by his side. Never be whole. He needed her, as much as she needed him.

When Rinya reached up to stroke his cheek, Jorin couldn't help squeezing her waist a bit with his arm, his own free hand reaching up to mirror her action. They were looking at one another with great tenderness, their combined love now singing across the bond; his own feeding off of the love he felt from her and vice versa like a hall of mirrors. Though he had felt this for her, and from her, many times in the last two seasons, it just seemed more intense at that moment. Perhaps because the both of them were determined to show the other how much they loved one another.

Rinya finished with the three little words that they often repeated to one another. Sometimes it was little more than a greeting, such as when Jorin gently roused Rinya enough in the mornings to say goodbye before he went to the Kendoka. It was something they occasionally shouted during their mating, a verbal confirmation of something they both knew and felt during the moment. And it was something they said to one another when cuddled up at night, just before they went to sleep.

Three little words, but they meant the world, at least to one another. And no matter how many times Jorin heard those words he never failed to be affected by them. His heart never failed to quicken, and he never failed to feel a surge of emotion bubble to the surface. Only Rinya could ever do that to him. No one else ever had. Not his father, certainly not Farline. Not even his mother was ever able to coax such a wave of pure love.

Jorin nodded when Rinya's vows seemed complete. Jorin wasn't sure if he could really match her simple honesty. She might not have thought her words particularly poetic, but they spoke of all the things she was feeling, all her hopes and desires for their future. And for all his flowery words, Jorin didn't wish to cheapen the moment with heavy-handed rhetoric. With a deep breath, he began.

"When I first came to this place, I was lost and alone," he said, as they continued to touch one another's faces tenderly. "I didn't think anyone really cared, and when I flopped down on that bench it was one of the darkest moments of my life. And now, here I am again, during one of the happiest moments of my life..." Jorin could feel the joy welling up in him. It was really happening, wasn't it? If this worked, they'd be married.

There was just something so... solid, and reassuring, about that. It was just a silly mark from the goddess of love and vows, and a promise to one another to love and treasure each other. Really nothing much at all, considering they were bonded already and very much in love. But still, Jorin would be lying if he said he didn't find the idea of their marriage exhilarating.

"I don't know what the future may bring. Good times, bad times, everything in between... I know we can overcome them. Together. I love you, Rinya; you're my whole world. I want to marry you not because of some silly tradition but because I want you to know that I want to devote myself to you, fully and completely. For now until forever, I'm yours." It was a promise. And Jorin kept his promises. It was why he so rarely made them, but when he did he made sure they counted.

"Rinya, I vow to love and treasure you for as long as I draw breath." Jorin reached down from Rinya's face to her chest, pressing his hand onto her heart. "No matter what sorts of problems might come, no matter the distance that may separate the two of us, or two hearts will never be apart. They beat as one. Now and forever."

Jorin was sure he'd have had a more eloquent speech prepared. Something... poetic, perhaps. But maybe it would not have been as genuine as this one. There was something to be said about speaking off the cuff; one tends to say the things one really means. And Jorin meant it when he said that their hearts would never be apart. The bond would ensure it, but even if it hadn't been there, he knew, deep in his bones, that the words would still ring true.

It was odd; Chevas marks did not really seem to come with any physical sensations. Maybe a slight tingling below the ear, nothing more, and even that could have been his imagination. Regardless, a delicate silver mark shimmered into existence below Rinya's ear. And he knew a similar one, its mate, would have appeared at the same time on his own neck.

It was done. The vows had been exchanged. They were married before Cheva, and she had marked them.

Rinya was now his wife.

And Jorin couldn't help himself. He just felt so happy, the joy bubbling up and threatening to burst forth from his heart like water over a dam. He was just overflowing with the emotion, he wanted to shout to the skies. He wanted to tell the whole world. He and Rinya were married! Without thinking, he pressed her against him and kissed her again. Why not? They were husband and wife now.

It was true, they were as close to being married before the vows as it was possible to be without any marks to prove it. But there was just something about them, physical proof that they belonged together, proof that Cheva had seen and stamped her own seal of approval on their love, that just made it seem so much more real.

So Jorin kissed his new wife with every intention of taking her breath away. He loved her, and desired her, and wanted her, and appreciated her. In that moment, he was feeling a million different emotions, every single one of them practically singing across the bond. And every single one of them rang of joy and love. Whatever else might happen that day, that Season, that year, or indeed the rest of their lives, at that moment Jorin was sure he'd never been happier in his entire life.

OOCFor the graders/STs: I wasn't sure if it was OK for me to just... put the Chevas mark on them both like this. But the lore seemed to imply all that's really required is that they say the vows and mean it, while fully intending to marry; that no real 'ceremony' is required if not desired. If that is not true, please let us know!

x

[Rinya]

Jorin remained silent, having gotten the hint to stop kissing her if they planned on going through with this attempt at all. Rinya dearly hoped it would work the first time, she wasn’t fond of the idea of gathering people up just to see them marry. She understood for humans it was a time of celebration and generally family was a big part of it. But to Rinya it seemed—more personal. Everything they had gone through up until this point and been just them. The meeting, the bonding, the first kiss… even moving in together was mostly just them. To Rinya it was more intimate, being alone with him while they married, no one to distract them from each other.

But he squeezed her further up against him, copying her own motion with his hand. The emotions flowing between them made her head swim a little. She was surprised she managed to get any words out at all really. She wanted nothing more than to just kiss him and wish it would be enough to marry them. However if that was the case it was likely they would have been married very much the same way the bond came about. Accidently. But to her that would have been just fine by her as well.

When she did finish, Jorin just nodded at her. For a moment she wondered if maybe she had said it wrong? When she had gone to Eric for help she had asked many questions, but just how they were supposed to speak the vows had escaped the questioning. But Jorin took a deep breath and plunged ahead with his own vows. The very same way he did everything else when it came to their love—full of conviction and purpose. And there was no doubt about the love. Without having to focus on words anymore, she was able to fully take in the feeling.

It was actually hard to decipher which he felt more of at the moment. Joy or love. It didn’t help that their emotions just twisted around one another. At some point it felt as though she couldn’t tell the difference between her feelings and his. For once she didn’t feel the need to deny him ‘forever’. There was no point in arguing, much less the point that she didn’t want to. Right now she was happy forgetting that she wasn’t going to live as long as he was, or that he was human and she was not. They were the two foolish, lovesick kids more than willing to marry the other without a second thought.

”Forever.” Rinya murmured in echo. Their own version of it at least. But Rinya’s eyes moved from his own to his neck as she watched the mark appeared on his neck. Her hand moved from his cheek to his neck, lightly tracing the newly formed Cheva’s mark. She knew hers would look exactly the same, but deep down she couldn’t actually wait until she could spy her own. It took her several ticks before she even put together however that the marriage actually took. They didn’t have to repeat it—Jorin was her husband.

Rinya could feel his joy nearly as a physical force. She almost squealed as he pulled her into yet another kiss. Her fingers stroked over his mark as if she was trying to memorize it simply by touch as he held her tightly—kissing her with the obvious intention of driving her wild apparently. So many emotions threatened to overwhelm them both. Rinya barely had the willpower to pull away from him with a coherent thought. ”We should… go…” Rinya glanced back at the park one last time before dropping her hand from his neck to his hand.

The walk to the condo felt longer than it did to actually get to the park. Of course it might have been because she kept stopping to kiss him periodically as if it was too much not to kiss him. If she thought about it, there wasn’t anything actually different between the both of them. A physical mark, but they had the emotional bond before that. No the difference was just mental and completely worth it. It was deeper promise in some ways than the bond. The bond kept them connected, but this was a promise they both made together with by choice.

The moment they made it through the door Rinya released his hand in favor of wrapping both her hands around his neck and pulling him forward to kiss her. "Husband..." Rinya breathed against his lips, a wide grin spreading across her lips. Rinya had no idea—okay she had some idea—of where the desire was coming from, she felt as though she couldn’t control it. All the kisses from before on top of the fact that Jorin was now her husband made her feel wildly out of control. And she was perfectly fine with no control for once. Or rather taking complete control.

Pulling away from the kiss that already labored her breathing; she reached down and pulled her blouse up and over her head, tossing it onto the floor next to him. Rinya was actually glad she rarely wore anything under her clothing, it made this much easier on her. Immediately she returned her lips to his, sliding her tongue into his mouth with a small moan as her fingers found their way under his shirt, tracing her fingers across his stomach, before attempting to pull his own shirt over his head.