[Perplexity's Scrapbook] Perplexing Puzzles

[Ssezzkero]

Amen! You all work so hard, and all of us (er... most of us) are very grateful for it! Here is a good job wink from a dog.

[Lazuhly]

If it is any consilation I have appreciated your presence, I remember when I got that big honking X. But in a way that helped me improve and integrate into the game, and when I moved my thread over from the wilderness into the city I got a cool person to join that thread with me. I have enjoyed even my job request thread when Tranaris verbally spanked me.

When it comes to my personal opinion I think that what you do matters. And it shows that you care how things are supposed to operate. And I do not see fault in enforcing rules and lores that establish the foundation of the game.

My overall impression is tough but fair I do not recall you being disrespectful at any point either.

I'm rather sad that your gearing up to leave soon

[Aoren]

A commissioned piece that I had done. I think you can guess who this is supposed to be! I was ecstatic to get it so I thought I'd post it all for people to see. If you're ever interested in approaching the artist for such pieces feel free to contact me! I can give you the information because he's fantastic and a great joy to work with!

DisclaimerIf you're going to search for the artist, I advise you do so at your own risk. Just saying...>.>

Aoren

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[Kreig Messer]

This is GLORIOUS!

[S'Essy]

What Kreig said!! Glorious!

[Aventis]

He looks like the one Disney Prince I don't want to strangle. This is... Really flipping cool. Like really cool. I might ask you for info on the artist XD

[Aoren]

Life Across The Pond

I’m alive!

I must say that the past month and a half (two months?) has been an interesting chapter in my life. A lot of things have transpired that have opened my eyes to a number of things in the world. Things I’d been vaguely aware of prior to recent events but now they just hit a lot closer to home. The days are sporadic in terms of activity. Some have been filled with being busy while others I’m left with a lot of down time. Suffice it to say I don’t have anything close to a “normal” schedule at the moment. I won’t for the foreseeable future. However, I’ll be in and out periodically updating my scrapbook and perhaps getting a post or two in when I can. Writing relaxes me and is a big relief when I’m stressed. Which is fairly often as of late.

Some things I have learned in the past two months…

1.) Don’t get drunk and mess around at the train tracks. (Seriously. Bad things will happen). There’s a story here and thankfully I wasn’t personally involved but suffice it to say it cost a man his ability to walk and he’s lucky to have gotten out of the situation alive.

2.) Copper wire + electric socket + person, smart decision does not make.

3.) Car + Motorcycle + 55 mph = …an unfortunate incident.

4.) I am immune to Hepatitis. Which is awesome but how I found out…not so much. Also, I did not know that immunity was possible until the pathologist told me.

5.) North America has nothing on the Guinness to be found in Ireland. Good lord it’s delicious. If you ever get the chance to travel there and try it, I highly recommend it.

6.) I cannot wrap my head around Italian. I want to. I’m trying. Serious amounts of concentration must be had. Mostly it’s me staring at the person teaching me like a deer in the headlights.

7.) I will in fact NOT get dysentery from eating local foods in a nation I am not native to.

8.) There is more turmoil in the world than I would have imagined. Humans are not always kind. Live and learn to appreciate the compassion shown to you by others. There is genuine kindness to be found out there but it is a precious thing often overshadowed by greed and selfishness. For the life of me, I will never understand some of the despicable things I’ve seen in such a short period. Both in the United States and outside of it.

9.) ISIL is real. It is very, very, very real.

10.) I cannot save every life placed in my care. Some people have simply suffered too much and there’s nothing I can do.

That about sums up my thoughts for the moment. Love you all. Miss you all. I will keep in touch as best I’m able. Which should be kinda decent. Maybe. Time will tell.

-Baylien

P.S. For those of you interested in being able to reach me by mailing address, contact me privately.

[Caesarion]

[Caelum]

I have half a letter finished for you already. Prepare yourself for horrible penmanship and ridiculously rambling stories about talking cats and CIA children. I don't know. My brain does strange things.

<3 k.

[Aoren]

I consider myself a patient person. I genuinely believe that patience, compassion, forgiveness, and kindness are the tools to unlocking a better life. Call me naive, I know that I'm not. I've seen too much to be ignorant of the world's nature. I simply choose to believe in something more. I can be stern. I can be pushed to the point where I suffer no nonsense. I can get angry, sad and confused. I am a diligent, hardworking, supportive soul. I say these things not to brag. These words are an affirmation of myself, for myself. Because right now? I really need a reminder of who I am.

It's never easy to face betrayal. The act is made more devastating when it comes from someone you love. Someone I have loved unconditionally.

What does that mean; to love unconditionally? I don't believe there is a true universal definition. All people see the world they live in differently. I word my sentence that way because I'm growing to believe that people really are selfish at heart. It's a cause for great sadness with me. There are bridges built via the medium of similarities but no two people see the world identically. To that end, I can provide no definition. I can only give what I believe based on the world as I have seen it.

To love unconditionally...

...is to forgive being abandoned practically your whole life.
...is to forgive abuse be it physical, mental or verbal.
...is to provide shelter when all other doors have closed.
...is to practice patience when anger is more appropriate.
...is to embrace kindness when cruelty is so much easier.
...is to be the one who listens when all others would speak.
...is to shoulder grief when bucking would mean others would just shoulder you.
...is to offer compassion when hate comes more readily.
...is to just let go when holding on would cause less problems.

I have loved unconditionally.

And I have been wounded for it. It's a strange choice of wording, "wounded". Old fashioned. Not appropriate for use by my age group. I've never fit in with people my age. I don't party. I don't understand most pop culture references. I get uncomfortable to the point of irritation in public social settings. So to me, the use of old words, phrases and ideas is more appealing. They seem more beautiful. Less harsh and with a dignified spirit I see less and less of the older I get. I use "wounded" because it's the truth. There is a wound in me not of flesh and blood but I feel it all the same. A large part of me doesn't believe that it will ever fully mend. Melodramatic? No. I don't believe so. My love was not perfect. Nothing in this world is. But it was real.

So, to see the individual whom I have sacrificed so much for break every promise, turn their back to all that I've done, weave lie after lie, it hurts. I can't look at this person and not feel rage. Their presence has become suffocating. I am hurt to the point where their touch makes my skin crawl. I just didn't think anyone could stoop to this level of betrayal.

I have been used.
I have been lied to.
I have been manipulated.
I have been betrayed.

I will tolerate it no longer. I don't know what the. future will hold. Something better? Maybe. Something worse? I do not know. I'm just ready for change. I've risen from depths much worse than this, I guess. But I've come to the conclusion that I do not deserve the venom being directed at me. I don't. It has taken me eighteen years to make the decision that I deserve better. But what is better?

Better is...

...not having a sense of dread every time I look at my caller ID.
...not secluding myself in my room in my own house because I can't bare the thought of talking to or seeing this person.
...not being grateful for a 9 month mission as a chance to escape the hell at home.
...not staring at my bills almost in tears because a perfectly capable person refuses to work.
...not turning to alcohol because it's the only guarantee I'll get some actual sleep.
...not having to see a therapist for being made to feel guilty for not giving more.
...not distancing myself from friends because I'm too depressed to bother.

And so many other things. I can't say all of these things will be fixed as a result of excluding this person from my life. But it's a start. I don't know that I'll have it within me to be as loving as I once was.

Time rushes forward however. We can never get it back. The past forms the scenery for the road we set ourselves upon. For so long I was lost in the woods searching for the trail that leads to what could have been, I couldn't see the path I was already on. I'm not out of the woods yet. But I'm not searching for yesterday anymore either. Tomorrow has yet to come. It's a place somewhere down the road.

All I have is today. You know what? The clock that had stood frozen as I wandered just started ticking. I finally feel as though I can take a step forward without falling two steps back.

-Baylien