Moving On (Kovac)

[Sira]

Timestamp: 10th of Winter*I think, 513 AV
Evening

"Kovac.. can you come by my aerie later. I need to talk to you."

Sira waited patiently in the living room of her aerie. Well, that was a lie. She waited impatiently, and nervously. After their lesson with the Enclave earlier that day, Sira asked Kovac if he would stop by her aerie that evening. The lesson was the first time either of them had spoken to each other since Aidara went missing, and Sira had been rather quiet, focusing primarily on the work. That was what Sira had become. She no longer socialized, and devoted herself entirely to her work. Some would say she had even grown cold.

It was the only way Sira knew how to survive. The pain of a lost bondmate was the worst thing a kelvic could ever feel, and for Sira it was especially bad. Not only was Aidara a bondmate, but she was her rider, and her love. Three heart breaks in one, and it was all Sira's fault. At least that was what she believed. After the verbal thrashing Natalie had given Sira, there was no arguing with it. Addy left because of Sira, and now Natalie was gone too. But Sira just couldn't let go. Seeing Kovac brought up too many old memories, and Sira had to confront them if she was ever going to move on. She could not afford to be distracted in the coming season, too much was at stake.

There were other reasons she needed to talk to him as well. Reasons that would change his life, at least for a little while. Sira was nervous about that as well, but her mind wasn't really dwelling on it at the moment. She was too busy trying to figure out what she would even say when he arrived. He was the only other person in Wind Reach who shared something even remotely close to the bond Sira had with Aidara. Kovac was Sira's last connection to her lost love.

Sira paced back and forth across the living area, mumbling to herself rehearsing what she would say when Kovac arrived. She was still living in the aerie that she had once shared with Aidara, Natalie, Sairque, and Catabasis. It was far too large for just one endal, and she sometimes considered moving back into her old dwelling, but Sira could not bring herself to part with the place. It was too hard, it was all too hard. But Kovac, he was a connection she could rekindle, a link to Aidara that she did not have to let go. And so Sira waited, pacing back and forth, waiting for a knock on the door.

[Kovac]

Kovac had a disturbing trait, a mechanism honed as a defense, a relic of his earlier life, when his heart was guarded behind a bastion of apathy, cynicism, sarcasm and wine. It was the ability to turn his mind's eye away from what hurt him, or caused guilt. Lavira had gone a long way in rehabilitating this aspect of the half-vanthan, yet, he employed it to avoid facing Euthisa after he fell in love with Vira. It too came into play when it came to Sira.

Kovac's method of dealing with Aidara's disappearance, after being denied permission to go after her, or Sira for that matter, was to try to forget Addy existed. To face her eternal absence was too much. And, to see Sira only made the poignant statement that Aidara did exist. So, when the Avora and the eagle woman found themselves together in the Enclave class, it had been disconcerting. Avoiding each other for the most part, Kovac found it odd, and unnerving, that Sira asked him to her aerie. But, if only in honor of Aidara's memory, he would go. Within himself, Kovac wondered if he was going to seek some sort of comfort or closure from Addy's bondmate. Truth be told, Sira was the only one of his old friends still around. So, Kovac swallowed his nerves, explained to Lavira where he was going, and headed to the once familiar aerie.

The walk was not quite the same as it used to be, large sections of the Aeries corridors rebuilt after the Fall storms. But the door remained the same. The last time he had crossed it, a gathering of friends waited inside. Raising his calloused hand, Kovac rapped on the wooden portal.

[Sira]

There was a knock on the door and Sira froze in place. It was him, Kovac. An old friend, someone she should be comfortable around, someone she should be able to talk to with ease. But Sira froze, terrified to answer the door. She kept him waiting for longer than she should have, trying to work up the courage to open the door and face him.

Come on, Sira, it's just Kovac. You've seen him a hundred times. Answer the door. Why is this so hard?

Finally mustering the courage to move, Sira walked to the door and pulled it open, almost hoping he had gotten tired of waiting and left, but he was still there. Just seeing his face brought on a flood of memories. The last time they were all together Kovac played them a song.. and so did Addy, although to call it a song was probably an insult to every musician alive. Despite the tension between Addy and Sira at the time, it had still been an enjoyable night.

"Kovac," she greeted him, her voice barely above a whisper. After a long moment of awkward silence Sira finally seemed to snap out of it a bit and invited him in.

More awkward silence followed as Sira tried to figure out what to say. She had it all planned out earlier that day, but the closer the time got to Kovac's arrival the more she couldn't think of a thing to say. Why did everything have to be so difficult?

"Kovac, I.. I wanted to say. Well, I mean, I asked you here because I.. gods, I can't even talk!"

Sira turned away from Kovac, taking a moment to collect herself. This was going to be harder than she thought. Being near him flooded her mind with memories of Aidara. It brought up emotions she'd tried to drown out with countless hours of work, but she couldn't get rid of them, and now they were threatening to overwhelm her. Sira did the only thing she could think of to distract herself.

Spinning around she closed the short gap between the two of them, pushing Kovac's back to the wall and pressed her body and her lips against his. Everything that had been building up inside her for the past season went into that kiss. Somewhere deep down Sira imagined she was kissing Aidara through him. Kovac was the last one to be with her, even more recently than Sira, due to the problems the two women had been having before her disappearance. She thought she could still taste Addy on his lips.

[Kovac]

Having seen Sira already at the Enclave class, Kovac had already endured the initial awkwardness of seeing Aidara's ex-bondmate again. But as the door to the aerie opened, and the Avor was face to face with Sira, the twist in his gut resumed. But, Kovac could see the Kelvic shared in his awkwardness, her voice soft as she welcomed him to her home.

Kovac stepped in, the memories of the last time he was in the chamber coming back. The couch he and Sira sat on, their subtle flirting as much to goad the drunken Addy as anything. the moment that lingered was thick, a tangible heaviness that both of them felt. Finally, the torturous silence was broken as Sira finally spoke. She foundered in her address, something that disconcerted Kovac, for Sira always seemed so strong and confident. Stealing another moment to gather herself, the attractive Kelvic turned away. The Avora felt a pang, a compounding of his own heartache at the memory of Aidara. It was a sadness for his friend's bondmate and lover. Seeing Sira so vulnerable in her loss messed him up, only exacerbating the pain they shared. He would giver her time, though the Avora was still very curious why he had been invited to the aerie.

Suddenly, the petite woman turned, intent in the quick step she took towards the man, urgency in the shove that pinned Kovac against the wall. Sira pressed against him without shame, her kiss ardent without restraint. The half-breed was stunned for a tick, but as he relaxed, Kovac measured the Endal's touch, the nature of the sweet kiss, and he understood. He returned the oral embrace, his hands lifting to rest on Sira's hips. To another's eyes, it would seem Sira and Kovac were surrendering to a lust, one for another. But the friends each knew what the kiss meant, For Sira was not thinking of Kovac, and Kovac was not thinking of Sira. It was Aidara they were kissing, each lost in a moment of fantasy where they could once again revel in the touch of their lost loved one, offering and accepting as proxy someone who knew the missing healer intimately.

The pair savored the stolen memory, pouring desire, sorrow, even love into the moment, as if given the chance to kiss Aidara goodbye one last time. But all dreams came to an end, and the kiss broke before it lost its savor, or it descended into something they may have regretted. When lips parted, Kovac looked down into Sira's piercing golden eagle eyes, now glistening and soft. He could have easily allowed things to progress with the beautiful rider, and Lavira might even have understand. But Kovac knew this was not what Sira had brought him here for. There was something on her mind.

"I miss her too, Sira." Was all he said, what had passed between them expressing more than a thousand words could share.

[Sira]

Sira wished Kovac had simply let things progress, she would not have stopped him. It would have been easier that way, easier to lose themselves in the throes of passion than to face the reality that came after. Sira was not used to showing her vulnerable side to anyone, save Aidara. When they parted she tried to hide the tears streaming down her face, quickly turning her head, though there was really no hiding anything when they were that close to each other.

His words pulled at her heart, and it was all Sira could do not to break down completely. Sira shuddered and took a deep breath, doing her best to calm herself. Finally she stepped back from the man, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes and forced herself to look into his.

"I never told you how it all happened. Natalie said it was my fault, and she's probably right. Things weren't good between us at the end."

Sira moved further into the room, turning her back to Kovac as she spoke. She walked over to the couch they shared the last time they were all together, placing a hand on the arm rest. She could see Aidara, drunkenly trying to take the Avora's lute while Iosha and herself laughed and egged her on. That was one of the last fond memories she'd had with the healer, the rest were just awkward, or worse.

"I know she's alive though. I can feel it. I never heard her cry out for help, I never felt her in distress. If she was in danger, I would have known, just like any eagle knows when its rider is in danger. I have to believe that. It has to be true. Natalie thinks she went to find Sai."

Sira recalled the argument with her daughter out in the unforgiving, and the note she found when she returned home. Sairque had been gone for a long time, but Natalie knew for a fact that she was not dead. Sira knew that knowledge weighed on Aidara heavily, but she'd never expected Addy to just go. There was probably more to it than that, but Sira could not believe that Addy was dead. It was easier to imagine that Sira drove her away and Addy left to find her sister. At least in that scenario Addy was still alive.

"That's not why I asked you here though.. I just.. I thought you should know."

[Kovac]

Sira could not hide the tears, her weighty sorrow hunching her small shoulders. Seeing the usually strong Kelvic so shaken only thrummed the buried grief Kovac had pushed away and denied. The Avora took a few steps, following Sira. Though he did not know it, Sira was reliving the memory he himself was visiting, the night they were all there, sitting in those now empty pieces of furniture. The Kelvic must have had dozens of memories of Addy in that room, and Kovac started to see how difficult it must have been for Sira, more so still living in the home they shared.

The mongrel's attention drew back to the girl as she spoke candidly. As Sira spoke, Kovac could hear the desperate hope she clung to, as if resigning to the fact that Aidara was dead was more than she would be able to bear. Guilt too twisted her lovely features, added torment to her pained words. Kovac did not understand the Kelvic bond, not really. But he could only imagine it was a closeness unlike he had ever known.

Kovac had known that Aidara herself had been tormented by the disappearance of her sister. Life in Wind Reach was hard, but for those who had to venture out into the Unforgiving, it was treacherous. Hunters, riders, met their fates often in the vast wilderness, impossible to find. Kovac was too practical to believe Addy was alive, or maybe, for him, it was easier to believe she was dead, to avoid the kind of pain that he saw engulfing Sira.

The Avora closed the gap between them again, his hand lifting around her slim, strong shoulders. "I don't know how things work with...your...well...what you and Addy had. But if you feel in your gut, that she is alive, then believe she is. But we both know Addy. She would hold no grudge that would drive her away like this. I...I knew things were not great between you two, at the end. But I know she loved you Sira. She loved others, me included. But not like she loved you. I could see it plain as day. Whatever happened to her, where ever she is, you didn't drive her there."

Kovac's hand lifted from her shoulders to brush through Sira's thick curly mane, a kiss pressed to the crimson mane before dropping his hand again to his side. "Thank you for confiding in me, Sira." Gods, it made his stomach clench, to be this close to Sira. Until he had seen her in the Enclave class, Kovac had no idea how much of Addy he felt when near the Kelvic. She was a strong link to what he had lost in Aidara, and being with Sira was bittersweet comfort.

Taking a few steps back, Kovac met the eagle's haunting golden eyes. "Why did you invite me here?"

[Sira]

Kovac's words were comforting, though Sira didn't believe a word of it. She decided a long time ago that it was her fault, and a few sweet words weren't going to change that. But he was trying, and Sira was glad for it. She'd been alone for what seemed like forever, though only a season had passed since Aidara's disappearance, and Kovac was the first person to try to comfort her. Granted, she did not allow anyone close enough to try, but still, it meant a lot to her.

"Maybe you're right.. and I do believe she is still alive. I know it."

Sira wiped the tears from her face, taking a deep breath. The moment had been harder than she thought, but thankfully that was as long as it lasted, only a moment. Sira was able to regain her composure and move on to something easier, at least for her. She had no idea how Kovac would react to what she was about to say. For most, they would probably jump at the opportunity, but the situation with Kovac was unique.

"So.. I've been thinking. Things are bad right now, as you are well aware, and we all have to do our part to be the best that we can be. Before.. I had Aidara.. but now I am an eagle without a rider. I need a rider to be at my best, and I need to choose one quickly.. at least until the famine ends. So..."

Sira paused, taking a calming breath and locking her golden eyes with the Avora's.

"I want you to be my Endal."

[Kovac]

Kovac had hoped his encouragement would appease Sira's guilt, but he knew better. Emotions as deep seated and tragic as Sira's could not be placated with mere words. But he hoped to at least dull the pain, if only for a moment. He had turned the topic from Addy, though her memory would be lingering between them for sometime, maybe forever. As much as it hurt, reliving Aidara so acutely with Sira, there was a bittersweetness to it as well, one only they could share.

Kovac allowed the Kelvic a moment to wipe her eyes, both of them seeming to take deep breaths, as if to clear their minds. Then, Sira shared the purpose for her unexpected invitation. The eagle girl shared her situation, one that was apparent, but never really considered by Kovac, having unfairly kept Sira from his mind. To realize that Sira had no rider was to remind him that Aidara was gone.

What came next was a surprise, coming before Kovac could deduce Sira's intent himself. She was inviting him to be her rider. A rider. Kovac's eyes widened a bit, his tongue still as it sunk in. And then it did, like a brick. To be a rider was something he had only begun to comtemplate, once Lavira had bonded with Mohya. But to become one so suddenly, if only temporary, was a shock.

Then, the full significance of the offer took hold of him. He would be, in a way, taking Addy's place. His stomach tightened. It became more than just riding an eagle, it became a way he could honor Aidara, and maybe provide some healing to both himself and Sira. He struggled to halt the glistening gathering in his eyes.

"Sira," He said in a near whisper. "I would be honored to ride you." It only took a moment for Kovac to realize what he had said, and what it sounded like. He sputtered a short laugh. "I mean, be your rider for the Winter. But, I mean, not that it would be unpleas..." His stammering trailed off. "You know what I mean." In an atypical show of emotion, Kovac wrapped his arms around the petite Kelvic and hugged her close, the breath of his voice fluffing the deep red locks by his face. "Yes."