I think I will love you forever [a dedication]

[Elhaym]

Pain often went to the Stone Garden when she needed to think. The intended meaning of the place wasn't lost on her, but she rarely reflected on it. Rather, she found the setting to be beautiful and calm, and usually found solace there.

She sat alone, her sketchbook tossed aside her. For the last few days, she hadn't been able to muster any will to draw. Today, she merely reflected on her life and what had been happening recently, and tried to find inspiration. She sat with her back to a tree, eyes closed and swaying peacefully as her thoughts overtook her when she picked up a faint whimpering sound. Hey eyes shot open, becoming more aware of the helpless cries of what she thought to be an animal. She stood, abandoning her satchel and art supplies for the moment, and followed the noise.

As she neared a large tree, she found the source of the cries. A small dog, thirty pounds at best, lay underneath a tree. It was shaking and crying, with no owner in sight. Pain slowly approached the dog and whistled slightly, trying to get it's attention. Noticing her presence, the small dog rolled his head toward her, and tried to get up to move to her. It couldn't.

Pain's heart nearly split into two. The small dog couldn't seem to move his legs, leaving only a small amount of control in his head, and of all things, a rapidly wagging tail. She slid next to him, speaking gibberish to the to the poor animal and petting his fur gently. Pain thought that perhaps he had been hurt, and she ran her hands gently throughout his body, but found no visible wounds. She took a second look at the dog as a whole, and noticed streaks of white running throughout his fur and covering his face. So, he was an old dog then.

Pain was not an overly emotional person. She had even killed men before, and felt little. Whatever preconceived notions Pain had about herself as a nurturing figure were obliterated in that moment, as she scooped the animal into her arms and softly whispered into his ears.

"You will be fine, little one... what's your name? Well, you have Tan fur... is that your name? I'll call you Tan-Tan, how about that?" she cooed, stroking the dog's trembling body as gently as she could.

Tan-Tan's whimpering was accelerating, and Pain began to realize it was not physical pain that was hurting this dog. He was simply scared. An old dog who's body has given way to age, and he had no way to understand. Pain agonized over this notion, wondering what he must be thinking. "Why can't I walk? What's wrong with me? I'm hungry, I need to move..."

Pain held Tan-Tan for several minutes, and the minutes turned into an hour. The tan dog's head would sometimes rise with great effort, and their eyes would lock. Pain was overcome with a sense of responsibility to this animal. She could see that he was rapidly approaching the end of his life, and in this fateful moment, she was the only thing that could comfort him. So, in such an uncharacteristic and nurturing way, she did. His trembling slowly eased into a slow, rhythmic breathing pattern. His whimpering softened gradually, until it disappeared. She held him that way, close to her heart, and devoted her entire being to this small creature. Anything she could do to ease his pain, she thought, no matter how small, she would do.

Tan-Tan died in her arms. He didn't suffer, and he was no longer scared. He passed silently in her embrace, falling into a slumber that would last for eternity. it was only then that Pain wept. Her sobs grew in volume until she was wailing, cradling the small animal as if it were a child. She could never have guessed she would cry over the death of an animal. The fact that this creature, no... that Tan-Tan had clung to her in his last moments of life, and looked to her for comfort was such a heavy weight on her shoulders that she could scarcely believe that she was this distraught. Yet, she wouldn't wish this moment away for anything.

In that short time, only an hour or so, she had opened up a part of her heart that she thought closed. She had given herself fully to something, and eased it's pain. This old dog, Tan-Tan... he had proven to her that she could be there for someone. She gently lowered her face, and kissed the small dog's forehead.

"Little Tan-Tan... I won't ever forget you." She said in between sobs. "I think I will love you forever."

[Elhaym]

Dedicated to Tanner "Tan-Tan" Turner
1995 - 8/28/2010

I didn't write this to be graded for XP, or to start a group RP. I'm not even sure if this is in the right spot or if this will need to be moved. I wrote this because I feel so much grief right now that I don't know how to explain it. I've been to the funerals of human beings, and felt less sad. I was crying like a little girl while I wrote this, so excuse the fact that this is no literary masterpiece. Tan-Tan lived with my sister for the last four years of his life, but he was only 15 minutes away and I would dogsit him whenever they were gone. I never thought losing him would hurt so much. He didn't suffer, and I cannot express how much easier that makes this. Yet I feel so much pain and grief because he was terrified. I couldn't tell him what was wrong with him, and it hurt me to see him like that. I know to everyone else, he looks like just any other dog, and an old one at that. Well, to me, he was a great friend. He didn't do any tricks, hell, he wouldn't even sit unless you gave him a treat (and it took him 10 years to learn that one). I guess what I want to say is please say a prayer for tanner, in whatever way suits you. He lived a long, great and happy life. I will love you forever Tanner.