Growing up all my life, I've always been told that you can do anything, be anything, if you work hard enough and try your best. Growing up has shown me that thought is hardly ever true, in most cases. It's odd when the day comes that you realize your parents are less of a super hero to you and more human than you'd like to admit, that they too were told the same things and were let down. Most likely. That they told you the same thing in hopes that you would actually doing something with those words because they hold so much power. The promise of a better future... Realizing this made me sad, because there is so much that you have to sacrifice to be "happy" and in the end, sometimes, you're not always happy. You're just living. Responsibilities pile up, bills need to get paid, dinner need to be done, kids need to be taken care of, a day to day routine is made that turns you into a robot and soon, you forget what your dreams were. Or you're already too invest in commitments, or you're too old, or at least think you are.
Everyone has their own lives and the way they live them. They have their own opinions and happiness that they strive for so in no way do I say these things assuming that this is what everyone thinks. This is what I've come across in my short life and it makes me sad. I don't want to be that way.
For the past 3 years, I've struggled with an illness that tore my life apart. All I've wanted to do with my life was throw myself into education, drown myself in it, into art and theater, animation and game development, story development and writing. I love it all and I love art. Like most of America, my parents make a comfortable living but not enough to support my brother and I. So when it came to school, we had to figure it out for ourselves. Now, it's great having supportive parents but when those parents don't try to help you further your education or assist you in any kind of way to make your future better, it's hard not to be a little upset with them. So I tried to get my hands on some scholarships but I didn't collect enough to cover tuition for my dream school. Then it was student loans, but of course, you need co signers for those and my parents refused to sign anything involving a substantial amount of money. I'm not naive, I understand why. Going to college is A LOT of money! The amount of debt you'll be in after graduation is... unbelievable! But to be able to survive in today's world, a degree is needed and sometimes, it doesn't even matter what it is!
Needless to say, I wanted to go to a fine arts college but the tuition for any of them is at least around 100,000 dollar for a BFA. I remember walking into the house one day after work and looking my mom in the eyes and telling her that I couldn't do anything else. I had to go to that school. It was my calling. I still firmly believe that.
Then the arguments ensued and that was that. No degree in fine arts. They would help me if I wanted to be a Nurse, or a Doctor... Really? So there it went, down the toilet, and I gave up. No I went with the last option of the last options and made the decision to pursue a degree in English and Education. It was depressing. I'm thousands of dollar in debt already and I'm working for a degree that's just convenient. It wouldn't make me happy and I knew that but like everyone else in my life, I sucked it up and went with it.
WORST DECISION! Let me tell you, don't ever, EVER waste money on a degree for something that you're going to hate!
Recently, I spoke with my grandmother who is... doing okay for herself... and told her about my troubles. It wasn't easy laying it all out and to say I was crying was an understatement. I wasn't expecting the conversation to go like it did but...
I'm going to art school.
