[Scraps of Est] In the Coulisse

[Estrellir Konrath]

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Glad it could be useful, Azmere!


I found music for writing. This band is genius.

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[Ornea]

I love this music.

It’s interesting to find music outside of the beaten track. Enigmatic. And inspiring.

[Estrellir Konrath]

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Past to Future

Nine days late, but I still wanted to post a little something celebrating an important birthday. Estrellir turned three this month! It’s hard to believe I’ve been playing her for three years already, I think I skipped two seasons all in all, but apart from that, I was more or less constantly playing her. She has grown out of the barely mature girl playing at politics into an outwardly friendly, but calculating and cool individual that I’m still fascinated with. She is some things I’m trying to be, some things I’d never want to be and a few other things just for fun. Over those years, she was always learning and growing, building up her skill set, making experiences and mistakes.

Yes, mistakes. I feel like she hasn’t suffered enough yet, although she was sent from Kenash, basically exiled by her own father (something that would’ve had a much bigger impact if RPed out with a storyteller). She was supposed to have a drinking problem and a few minor addictions, but somehow I never wrote those out properly. I simply didn’t know how to reconcile those things with her identity as a workaholic. I had a pretty good plan though, the list sat in my plotnotes at one point and is probably still sitting in a Word document somewhere. I might have another try at it in the future.

The most recent change, however, was her initiation into Auristics. I’ve wanted to do this with her for a long long time. The original plan included an NPC teacher in Kenash, but I’m really grateful that I got to RP it out with Thomas Cosa in Lhavit instead. I’ll probably burn through enough training solos anyway, so getting initiated like she did was perfect.

Her overall goal and motivation is clear, of course. Serving her family, keeping Kenash together, etc. Honestly, I expected her to be a villain, but her time abroad has turned her into more of an antihero. When she returns to Kenash, she’ll likely try and find a way towards better conditions for slaves while keeping the Dynasties happily occupied with other things at the same time. She knows slavery as a concept is bad (as all regimes relying on fear and oppression), but she is also part of the ruling caste and understands that direct confrontation would likely destroy what she’s trying to protect. In that, I think, she is unique among Kenash characters – do correct me if I’m wrong. Now that Lhavit has grown quiet and Kenash is with ST again, I might even migrate back soon!

It will be a nice character development arc too. She’s been away for a few seasons, learned enough about Auristics to continue her training on her own, she’s seen different cultures and societies (devoid of slavery). If she comes back now, she’ll not only want to make Kenash a better place, she’ll even have some ideas as to how.

There, I’ve talked about the present and the future. What about the past? Every year her birthday reminds me of her beginnings, that first idea. I’ve never shared it before. It’s somewhat funny too: The first Estrellir was supposed to be a human man. Estrellir Draer, gondolier and gondola business owner in Kenash. I even had a little scene written out in which he rows a hooded man through the canals who turns out to be a Zulaca. Fun times, no?

In the end, I’m glad Estrellir turned out the way she did though. She’s constantly pushing me to write new stories, to try things I’ve never or rarely written before. I want to make sure she stays true to her roots, but at the same time, I’m always looking forward to seeing what she does next.
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[Estrellir Konrath]

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[Estrellir Konrath]

So I saw this and while I'm not American or even claim to understand what it's like to be an American these days, I still found this poem, written back in 1956, beautiful and alarmingly fitting. Here are some excerpts (link leads to the whole thing, complete with explicit language).

America
by Allen Ginsberg

America I’ve given you all and now I’m nothing.

America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?

Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke?
I’m trying to come to the point.
I refuse to give up my obsession.
America stop pushing I know what I’m doing.
America the plum blossoms are falling.
I haven’t read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder.

I’m addressing you.
Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine?
I’m obsessed by Time Magazine.
I read it every week.
Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore.
I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library.
It’s always telling me about responsibility. Businessmen are serious. Movie producers are serious. Everybody’s serious but me.
It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.

America this is quite serious.
America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set.
America is this correct?