by Alron on September 26th, 2010, 5:32 pm
Alron was trapped in his own bluff. In all honesty he was still obsessed with the magnificent birds, but that memory of that day had scarred him. "I didn't mean... It's not like that... What I meant was..." He tried to speak, fumbling over the maelstrom of thoughts, memories, and emotions that was raging in his head, before his anger, swelling at the rise of the Endal's, finally overwhelmed him.
"You know what? I was lying, I still love the wind eagles and I would love to bond with one, but you know what? That's never going to happen! You don't know what it's like to dedicate your entire life to one thing, then having all your hopes and dreams crushed in one fel swoop! You don't know the pain I went through, not physically, but emotionaly! You have life I've always wanted, and I hate that! Not you, but the fact that you probably didn't dedicate nearly ten years into studying birds, big ones like your partner back there in particular! And all in the hopes that it would give me an edge in the competition when the bonding came! And you know how much it helped? Not, at, all!" He flew off the handle, adding emphasis to his words with a poisoness undertone.
"You know what I got for all my time? My dedication? My efforts? What was to be a one way trip over the edge of the aerie's cliff! And all because I cracked under pressure! Going down there, I was convinced that this was going to be a cake walk, that I'd be a prime example of bonding material with my ability to care for them in ways most people never thought of! And I damned myself with my own nervousness! I was paralyzed with panic. there were nearly a hundred other guys from all walks of life trying to do the same thing I was, but I went through the motions anyway, hell I even made it to the final two! but I guess the fledgling caught wind of my panic and disapproved of it enough to see me fit only for death." He admitted, shifting from rage to sorrow. "I only survived because I managed to grab onto a small out cropping just below the clliff and I was able to pull myself back up. To this day, I still wonder whether I should have just accepted my fate and let myself fall..." he trailed off, on the verge of a total break down. "Now, if you'll excu-excuse me, I think I'll go and try to unwind a-at the bathhouse." He stammered, hurrying off. He had swore he'd never told anyone, but there he went, spilling his darkest secret on three people he hardly knew!
As he reached the entrance to the dreaming lady, he paused for a moment, trying to compose himself. He walked in, nodded to the receptionist, went to one of the changing booths, before reemerging in a towel, then sinking into the communal bath. He sunk his head into his hands and tried to calm the vortex still swirling within. After a few chimes he had calmed down some, and the water did feel rather nice, although now that the numbness was wearing off, a dull pain was setting in. It wasn't fair that he had unloaded that upon the three of them, and he vowed to apologize if he saw them again.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
-Robert Frost
"I've noticed something... You know how they say you need to love yourself before someone else will, well that is a load of rubbish. You need someone who loves you to show you all the best parts of yourself, all the littles things about you that you should love. But, what do I know? I'm just some teenage punk who thinks he knows everything about everything."
-Me