Kaik's Journal

[Kaik Leyr]

To whom may read this, my name is Kaik Leyr. I have decided to write this journal in hopes of helping others who walk my path, or at the very least help me organize my thoughts. It is also a good way to pass the time when I'm not studying Animation and honing my crafting skills. I think when I die I'll have it hidden somewhere in the house, actually I might just hide it inside one of the golems I will soon create. Well unto death comes I will continue to write in this journal. ______________________________ 514 AV Second of Spring Today I have decided to visit the Wizard Registry. I was lucky nobody has caught me using my magic yet. I had forgotten about it and only remembered it when I was reading about a case on overgiving. Today will be the first time in a long while since I stepped outside of this house, I must get this over with quickly so I can continue my work. How long since I've been outside the house? These roads, bulidings, everything just feels so familiar. I decided to bring the journal with me, taking a break by writing in the journal by some empty benches. I am glad I left in the morning, less people out. Before heading for the registry I wanted to take the chance to buy some stuff. When I looked into my coin pouch...well buying stuff was out of the question. About time I head for the registry. I am now a registered wizard. Now I can work to my hearts content on my magic. Hanei Fen, I don't like him. I need to cover these marks on my neck. Still I would say this day ended well enough. That man said something about a person named Maeki? I can only guess she is an Animation teacher...I should go see her, only so much I can learn from books and simple experiments. 3rd of Spring Today I will be beginning work on a golem. Not just any simple one but a complex humanoid golem. I've worked on simple household items and the occasional doll but never created a golem of such complexity. I must begin work on the golem immediately. I've been working on the doll for the entire day and have yet to finish it. I had planned to make the golem half my size yet the time needed for it is not short. 4th of Spring I've finally finished work on Arya. I decided to call the golem Arya, it was a simple yet sweet name. I thought of Ellen again. I just can't let go of my past. She is the reason I started Animation, it hurts thinking about her. I'm not sure how I'll manage to do the animation process. Memories of my past are inevitable. I've managed to hold myself together for years, one day is nothing. 5th of Spring I actually did it! As I'm writing this right now Arya is cleaning up the house, a good chance for her to learn how to use her arms and legs. She can't moves her lips and I never gave her any real speaking device yet I feel like I know if she is smiling or not. I don't know why or how I know, I just do. I taught her everything I could imagine during the animation, but there are tiny details I forgot to include. Still with some guidance she has learned to deal with these small details. I will be needing to get a job soon, spent a lot creating Arya. After getting a job I think getting Arya some clothes will be a top priority, it'll be a good chance to find something to cover my neck with as well. For now I am left fine tuning Arya and teaching her anything else she might need to know. 7th of Spring I was in desperate situation. I needed money. My only hope was this person called Maeki...I think she had a studio somewhere near her. I would be leaving Arya inside the house today, I'm sure she'll manage without me for awhile. She was simply a golem after all, her emotions were artificial...I have to remember that. 8th of Spring My money problems were over, I was able to get a job at the studio. Even more than money, I was able to get the chance to learn more about Animation. I didn't expect the job to be so much work. Customers constanly come and go, after one animation done there is a dozen more to be done. On the plus side I get a stable wage and nice employer, though Maeki is nothing I would have expected an expert in Animation to be. She always looks happy, always having a smile on her face. It was strange. When I came back home in the morning Arya greeted me the same way she always had which was a hug. I never did understand how she learned that, perhaps she learned it from one of my memories? It was only way she could have learned it. No matter, I need to get some rest.

[Kaik Leyr]

514 AV 25th of Spring Not much has been happening for awhile, which I am grateful for. Besides work I haven't been leaving the house as much. I'm thinking about creating another golem...though it may take awhile to plan out all the details, I have a good idea what I want from my future golem. Perhaps I'll work on it next season? Yeah I think I'll wait till then. Almost forgot...some time ago I visited the park. I suppose it was just to help me clear my mind, it didn't really help...memories of Ellen all seem to turn bad. The only good thing about the trip was meeting another magic user. I may have let my guard down, as my thirst of knowledge took over, but I was able to learn some useful information from her. I was unfamiliar with her trade of magic, it was Auristics I believe? This discipline was intriguing...sure I didn't really understand how one acquires this magic but I still felt drawn to it...visiting the local library might answer my question, however it's a shame I can't actually own any books...they're quite expensive. 514 AV 1st of Summer Several times today I've failed to obtain the same power Ayrui had. Ridiculous. What was it that I'm doing wrong? I did as Ayrui said, surely she couldn't be wrong...perhaps I didn't focus hard enough? It has been a frustrating ordeal to say the least. In hopes to receive some kind of..."inspiration" I went outside. It was then I met a girl, apparently ten, who brought me to Ahleas Park, I never did catch her name. It's funny how I couldn't recall the memories of Ellen at the time, I guess it was thanks to the girl's lecture. She truly was strange, but she had some good qualities to her...she was accepting of Arya and taught me a few new things. Still I can't seem to understand why I can't accomplish the initiation. Maybe I'll meet that girl again, might help me find an answer to my question. 10th of Summer I hate this world. What happened yesterday...I just...I met this man, he looked different from a regular citizen of Lhavit. Savos was his name. More than that however was how Arya...no it was my fault. All my fault. I may soon rot in a cell. Not that matters. Nothing really matters. Nothing will change. 20th of Summer Head hurts. I don't think it was the alcohol though. Might have to do with running around the city, nearly starting a brawl, running some more, then doing some things at the studio. Many strange things have happened today. To make things worse I told Savos all those things about me. But I had make things right. He needed answers to all that happened. I couldn't just leave this matter alone. Though I did some unnecessary things that time, like the whole "big smile" thing, I can't even think about...maybe the alcohol did get to me...just like Father I suppose. 22nd of Summer I...I though I could hear a girl crying. Was was that Ellen? Yes was that...surely it must be Ellen. Or is it my delusions? Have I gone mad? Surely I must have. After what happened I believe I must be crazy. To have done that without hesitation. Even now it doesn't weigh on my mind as much as how much Ellen must hate me. What's even more strange is I-...I think I enjoyed it...no no I...I just don't know. 28th of Summer Met a strange girl yesterday, that seems to be happening a lot these past seasons. Anyway her name was Nyra and well...we did not meet in the best of circumstances. She tripped, I go to help, she threatens me with magic. A child mind you did that. Ridiculous. Perhaps it was because of what happened before, but I once again lost myself in front of another. Pathetic really...to have a child try to comfort me. Maybe I felt in the mood for it but I decided to create a doll just for her. Spread happiness to make oneself feel better I suppose. 29th of Summer It feels great to once again bring things to life. Not only that, however I was able to give Oliver, the new doll, a voice! I'd thank the talented musician who gave me the idea. Our voices are in a sense just sounds, an instrument is no different. "Iris" will soon have a new home. It's a simple, yet charming name I'd like to think. She is certainly different from the usual child-like dolls I've created. The child dolls are more easier to make, though not by a large margin. I mean there's the whole "chest" thing I gotta worry about with Iris...well at least I can look forward to that kid's reaction. Yup I think it was all worth it just to some happiness I've managed to create. 33rd of Summer Today was...disappointing...don't children enjoy gifts? Then again to just accept one from a stranger is even weirder I suppose. Why must I be so sad over this? It's just...all that work...it's a shame. I really wanted to at least give her a gift. I just can't abandon Iris either. Which means another addition to this "family" I suppose. 514 AV 3rd of Fall Happy birthday me, you're still alive and Ellen is still dead. How many years since I last seen Ellen? Those days with you were probably the best days of my life. Now it's just...I just can't seem to enjoy life as I did back then. Another year of my life without you. How much longer do you think I can last? Ellen...my love...I hope when my time comes, that I'll be able to see you. Until then Ellen, I still love you. 22nd of Fall Met a strange work of magic, possibly Animation, today. It called itself Cyq, a creature made of clay. I also met another, his name was Phelan. It was supposed to be a nice day till that work of magic came to me with a offer. Now normally I would have certainly considered the offer, but something urked me about the creature. It probably had more to do with it disturbing the nice time I was having sitting on a bench with Arya and Oliver. In any case I declined the offer even when it continued to press the offer, eventually I just left. I do hope I never meet the creature again, even if my curiosity is just begging to know how such a work of magic is made possible. 514 AV 14th of Winter I plan on visiting Ellen tomorrow, it's been awhile since I've done so. Can't keep running from her. Instead of "plan" it's "must". I must visit her. Oliver and Lina are to come as well, though I have second thoughts bringing Lina. I appreciate her cheerfulness, but perhaps tomorrow is not the best of day for her personality. Oliver and Lina haven't seen the grave yet, so I just felt like bringing them. Iris will go with me next time, perhaps when I can buy some clothing for her. Oh that'll be just fun, a man buying female clothing, obviously won't get weird looks since the clothing is not for me as I need not explain to most, which given my social skills would be a hilarious sight, I'm sure. Good thing I know this won't happen...enough sarcasm. I dread the time I must go buy clothing for Iris.

[Kaik Leyr]

I bought another journal, though this one is more sturdy than the other plus it has a compartment for writing tools. This journal is meant more for research and anything dealing with magic, or perhaps any other skill I find useful. As it is for research I'll try to write a bit more neater than I normally do. ____________________________________________________________________ The Creation of Arya My first real attempt of bringing to life a humanoid animation. She took on the look of a child, a design choice I really don't quite understand myself. To take on a look of innocence I suppose was my motive. I suppose I matched her look with her directive, "to find me when danger arose". Still in a serious situation I'd need her at my side, so I chose to use a physical input to activate her combat mode. Observations of Arya Perhaps when transferring her emotions, memories of when I hugged Ellen seemed to get transferred as well. The only theory I have to explaining why and how she hugged me upon awakening. Certainly odd, but it's...comforting I suppose...even if she isn't truly alive. On the 9th of Summer I have learned of the risks that come with Animation. Arya had found a flaw in her directives. She does not necessarily have to kill enemies with permission, she can harm others without permission as long as it does not kill. I somehow doubt she knows how not to kill a person given that I never gave her knowledge about how to cause harm, not death. A serious flaw indeed. I will need to keep close observation over Arya. Creation of Lina Instead of inside the house I finished her animation outside. I have Savos to thank for her name. She began as a simple way to pass the time, thus her size was made to be compact. Observation of Lina Every time I see her she just radiates happiness. I had hoped she would have a stoic personality most of the time and cheery attitude occasionally, but clearly that's not possible. Note to self: Using one emotion is not advisable. Creation of Iris A larger counterpart to her other models, she is around my own height. Iris was meant as a gift to a young girl I met in the trail of waterfalls. I've set a remarkable amount of safety measures just so she can act as a guardian or playmate to the kid. Observation of Iris I've yet to test her abilities so far. Movement is functional. So far,as expected, she's much like her...family? Her predecessors? Anyway further time is needed to see what may happen. Creation of Oliver Oliver is a remarkable step toward my goal. He can talk, though his speech sounds...artificial. Still a step toward something. By using the strings of a instrument I was able to create a way for him to communicate. Transferring the memories to speak was a hassle, but it turned out well. Observation of Oliver His communication skill have progressed. I'm sure teaching how to speak fluently will not take long. Nothing else seems to stand out about him. I'm beginning to have my doubts of his ability to speak. There seems to be a limit to what is possible for him. Although he does not stutter when giving simple responses Oliver just can't keep up when it comes to an actual conversation.

[Kaik Leyr]

514 AV 1st of Winter It's gotten more cold lately. Already snow has arrived. I much prefer the Fall weather, it's cold yet not enough to be a problem. Going out into the bitter cold for work is not preferable. I met another mage, an animator just like myself, his name was Perrin. I was tasked with teaching him a step above the basics. Perrin said he was grateful and thankful but I still doubt my ability to teach. I didn't take this job to teach others, I did it to teach myself. I really hope Maeki does the teaching from now on. 5th of Winter Tired. I've had a horrible day. My skills as a fighter are surprising lacking, despite the things I've managed to do. I should just stick to what I do best...no....I need to improve. I will meet that man again. Djas. I don't think I'll forget that man again. Not after all that. 16th of Winter I can't sleep. Visions...more like nightmares...keep me awake. Mellisa's words keep echoing in my head. I'm scared of myself. The things I've been able to do so...simply. I wish I kept some kind of picture of Ellen. I only have a ring. With every passing season my image of her blurs. I don't want to forget. He told me to move on. That man called Djas said that. But I can't do it. I can't see the happiness in that. Instead of moving on it feel more like running away. I miss the feelings I had back then. It was a warm feeling. I want to go back. I want to see her again. I want to see her smile. Hear her laugh. Have I done something wrong? What I did...what I'm doing right now...is it wrong? 20th of Winter Still can't sleep. I still have those nightmares. I decided to take a walk during the night, somehow I ended up in some meadow called, The Depths of Duality. I seem to have a knack for meeting people when I want to be alone. Not sure how to spell her name. Aldabran? Aldasbren? It sounded like that's how it's spelled. She is an Eth, and just so happened to be a mage. I was... a bit cautious around her, but it turned out well enough. I was able to learn a few new things from her. Glyphing. She also gave me a taste of Reimancy, but I'm not that interested in it. I gave her a brief overview of Animaiton in exchange for the information. I tried to sleep when I got back but...I just can't. Their faces. What I did...I just want to forget it all. Why can't I? 45th of Winter It burned down. The Animation Studio burned down. Maeki is okay, but I can't really know that for sure. I've told her a lot about myself today. Despite what I said she still had the courage to tell me to stay at that studio. She's too nice. Or maybe it's all an act, not that I'd mind that. I think it would be fine if my life had to end like that. Still it doesn't matter now. Only a pile of ash remain. Still I doubt Ellen would like that. No matter the reason she just keeps pushing me to live. I know she want's me to move on. But that's just one thing I won't do for her. I refuse to move on. I've been thinking quite a bit about that evening with that Djas. I want to change myself. To be able to protect the things I care about, I need power. To be able to hold unto what I believe, I want to do that. I can't agree with what that man said. To be able to surpass his speed and ability...how do I even do that? I need to find that answer. 50th of Winter Hand hurt too much to write sooner. I didn't notice I had really burned my hand when I was in that burning house. Guess I was more worried about saving her. My head feels better as well, though my ribs and thigh have become worse. I'm gonna have to stay in bed for awhile. It's good I have Arya and the other around to help me. I was tempted to have one of them try to write this, but I figured that wouldn't work out well. Maybe for a future project. I'm still thinking about what exactly I can do about 'him' or even any other who would threaten me. I have two options, well actually three. I can improve myself. Make a doll made for combat. Or just make some kind of 'weapon' that isn't a doll. I'm thinking the first and second option are what I'm gonna do.

[Kaik Leyr]

515 AV 16th of Spring Visited the studio again. Not sure why I went, I've forgotten the reason. Hand kinda hurts now even as I write. It stings. Met a girl who seemed sad about the studio burning down. Never met her before, but I guess she's visited the place before. I ran into trouble later. They....I...never mind. I heard about Maeki going missing. Not sure how to feel. Anger or sadness. She never told me about. Maybe she really did get kidnapped and that letter was fake? I don't know. I want to find her, yet I probably won't find her. If I did find her...not sure what I'd do. 17th of Spring I haven't been making any new projects recently. No new golem. I haven't even improved myself, even when I said I would. Still haven't tried to get into Auristics...it's been difficult. I've been able to get some sleep though. I didn't mention about Perrin. I met him yesterday while he was being beaten up. I tried to help him and it worked out, sorta. I hope he's doing okay now. 515 AV 20th of Summer Lina has caused me some trouble, though that was quickly resolved. It was due to her that I met Tanell, a fortune teller. She was a Konti, an unfamiliar race, whom had some kind of ability. In short she could hear people's emotions through sound. Truly an interesting person, but what she offered to me was more interesting. Through her cards she told me about myself. From past, present, and the future. Probably the most intriguing part was my future. Apparently I was full of 'potential'. Tanell told me of a choice, stay in my dark past or pursue a bright future. I wasn't sure what to choose. I don't know now. Can't there be a choice in between? I can't just give up on Ellen. I can't. Never. But I know Ellen want's me to. I still need some time to think it over. 515 AV 3rd of Fall Another birthday spent in my home doing nothing. I've lost will to go outside. It's so much better inside. Here with everyone it feels...nice. I've been neglecting many of the goals I had set out for myself. It's been mostly just sleep and carving. Food would be the only reason to leave the house. It's been too long since I last visited the library. Perhaps I'll go soon. Probably.