[The Stone Garden][Flashback] Promise Day [Avalona]

[Ash'eny]

OOCSorry, I've been incredibly busy with essays, midterms, volunteer projects, job site change, site moderating, and baby sitting. I'm trying to find time/energy to think up a good post. This one will lack, sorry. Ash'eny was taken aback at Avalona's sudden expression of horror. He was shocked, did he really bother her so much with his past. Ash'eny felt something similar to a sharpened icicle force itself in between his ribs as his mouth opened. He tried to apologize but his throat closed up. And about the time she apologized for it, Ash'eny had lost what words he was going to say, assuming he had ever known. Everything was going wrong. He meant to persuade her with the truth of his past to leave him, let him slip from her memory, and to move on, but with that face he saw, which was locked in his mind even though she had physically recovered herself, he knew he was unable to simply pretend they hadn't met. "Should you not have? I've frightened you. I've pushed doubt into your mind. I've given you the story that nobody should hear, and expected you to act like no human should be able to do. I've sat here and fed you my life with a spoon and thought over and over in my mind that you should leave me, then I could continue to live my life as a wretch on the streets, begging for coin, stealing fruit to live off of until one lawless and provoked man take a blade to my chest in a fit of rage. But I've also thought that if you would leave me here as if I was naught but a figment imagination, a sculpture of dust weathered by the wind into nothing but a mound of earth, I couldn't even go on as that street-bound wretch. Avalona, it doesn't matter if you say it or not, if you think it or not. If you feel it or not, because I do for you. That man that Sunberth nourished with its plague of selfishness and crude thoughts, he is still alive in me Avalona. Those boys I've killed, I do not enjoy it, but there is still a sliver of my heart that tells me what I did was right. I feel terrible for it, for thinking such blasphemy, but I am still a murderer. These hands have stolen and still rob. These fingers gambled, and still they beg for game. The hands I have are empty now, but hunger to be filled." Ash'eny lifted his hands, palms up, fingers trembling as they tried to reach around an unseen object. "I cannot ask you to love me, respect me, or even look at me as a friend, no matter how much I do desire it. It is unfair to you that I would do so. It is unfair to you that I have already entered your life, that I ever spoke to you. I am sorry. For my past deeds, for my tainted soul, for pushing my life onto you. I am sorry." Ash'eny lowered his head, the shame hit him like a sandbag. He couldn't even force himself to look in her eyes now. The eyes of innocence, she had looked to him to make everything fine and perfect, she had expectations that he feel drastically short of. She had Manilla's eyes. Trusting, loving, and before long they'd be suffering because of him. Ash'eny might have to travel again, far from Syliras to further flee from himself. Perhaps Zeltiva or Ravok would be more equipped to assist in the forced amnesia of one's life.

[Avalona]

(OCC: That wasn't lacking at all...and I've made you wait now. Woops. Actually I've been really busy as well, with testing, papers, and speeches, and I haven't had free time during the week. These past few weekends consisted of spending hours in the cold volunteering at a haunted hayride. So, now that I'm done making excuses I guess all I can do now is apologize. I am honestly, truly, really sorry for the wait!)

Avalona fought to keep control of her expression as Ash'eny spoke. A few moments in she gave up, figuring that it didn't really matter anymore anyways, and instead just tried not to look like this relationship was crumbling in her hands. Why was this so difficult? Why was it so hard to find happiness with this man?! Frustration flashed like lightning behind her eyes as Ava searched for the answer to these questions. However instead of finding one, another question wormed its way into her mind. Why did Ash'eny alway view himself as such a bad person? He had been like a beacon to her, a lantern in the dark expanse of night, and she had been drawn like a moth to him. He had shown her friendship and kindness, and had opened her eyes to love. It made Ava think that before she had not really been living, and had only awoken to life now. So why?! Why could he not see that?! As Ash'eny's words ceased, his hands resting in the air, Ava slowly reached out an clasped one of them in hers. "Perhaps...perhaps these hands are bad, and maybe they have done bad things, and might continue to do them", Avalona raised his palm to her lips, and kissed it gently. "But I love these hands--these large, warm hands. These hands that comfort and caress, hands that have shown such kindness to me. When you look at them you think of all of your wrongs." The redhead touched her lips to them once more. "But when I look at them, I think of the warmth they have given me, and I find comfort that they belong to the one I love. These are not bad hands."

Avalona listened again as Ash'eny continued, and pursed her lips at the man's words. When she spoke her voice was soft. "Idiot. You don't even realize it, do you?" The woman placed her hand underneath his chin, and forced him to look at her. "You're being kind and you're not even noticing. You are bearing everyone's burdens for them--taking the blame when it is not yours to take. If you want to blame somebody for getting us into this mess, blame me. I was the one who spoke to you in the first place. And the wrongs you have done? Blame Sunberth or your old gang. But most of all, don't you dare blame yourself for what happened with Manilla." Her expression softened. "Ash'eny it was her mother that left her, it was not your fault that she died. You did nothing wrong, and you probably brightened that child's life by giving her your love, so please stop twisting the truth in your head! I'm sure that if the little girl is watching over you up in the heavens, it breaks her heart to see you suffering like this. I know it breaks mine." Ava's hand moved from his chin and caressed his cheek. "So please...please stop...just stop..."

[Ash'eny]

Stop, stop. Avalona begged Ash'eny to stop himself. To stop the self-brutalizing, the pitiful accusations on himself. Avalona was asking him to do what he thought, what he truly felt, was the only right thing to do about his twisted past, punish himself. But she said, asked, begged him to stop. Ash'eny would do so. He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of her hand stroking ever so softly against his face, his cheek. What she had said about Manilla punctured deep into his heart, and even though he didn't believe in an afterlife per say, the thought of the girl watching over him, hurting because of how he was tearing himself to pieces, only made him ache more. It was motivation though, to do so no longer that is. Ash'eny lifted his own hand to rest his palm against her hand, trapping it between his light grasp and his smooth face. For a long moment he sat there, eyes closed, breathing heavily, but slowly. Pondering, considering everything, the details, the past, the present, the future. What was most important to him? The life in Sunberth that had long deceased, yet built him up to the monster he saw himself as? The present as a thief, beggar, homeless, and all around scoundrel? The future? What would the future hold, what could it hold that would be so much better than what he experienced before? The question was as hard as he thought it would be, it only took a squeeze against Avalona's hand to realize just what could be the most important. The past was dead, gone, faded, over, the present was soon to join it. He could have other things to work towards. His eyes had only opened for a brief moment before he leaned towards Her, still holding her hand in his, and pressed his lips against hers. It was such a sudden, unthinking move that he was even surprised that he himself did it. But he had, and continued with it after realizing what he had done. Was it too soon? Was the moment wrong? It was impossible for him to know, he wasn't used to this sort of thing, yet it felt so right at that moment. Slowly, he pulled away, "Sorry." He was expecting something along the lines of a thorough slapping or vicious scolding at this point. He'd seen similar things happen to other people, you see all sorts of things when you live on the streets. "I'll not accuse myself for the past any longer." Ash'eny found himself at a loss of words at that moment. What else was there to say? He gave his word that he would stop, as she asked. He already proved himself to be bold with the unexpected kiss. He was speechless, at himself, at the situation. There! Of course, he had to tell her the rest, the only real good news he had to tell for the remainder of his promise, something she might even be able to respect him for. "I do have one more thing to tell you though, as I promised I would when we met. This one is good though, I swear it.