The moment Kavala first revealed her Gnosis Marks to him, Hirem understood then why this woman, who truthfully did not seem that much older than him, could be infinitely more wise and knowledgeable in the world.
Anyone that bears the touch of multiple gods is truly blessed, for one god alone cannot form the entirety of the world. Life cannot be composed solely of the earth, of healing, of evil... and yes, of faith. Though Yahal is the only god that I can truly love, I know that his powers have their limits. To be beloved by many gods is to be the paragon of what mortal life can aspire to. Earlier, he had felt that talking to Kavala was akin to discussing life with a mystic, whose ways were shrouded by secrets and whose eyes could glimpse far greater truths than he could aspire to. But he was wrong; this was more akin to talking directly to the gods, for surely more of their presence was reflected in Kavala than any other person he had ever met in his lifetime.
But this last god she mentioned, Nysel... Hirem could not remember where he had heard the name before.
And she calls herself a Dreamwalker? What can that possibly mean? He listened intently to her explanations, struggling to understand... and becoming more and more shocked by what she had to say as time wore on.
"Your Chavi grows as you pass through multiple lives, becoming more and more complex. And that Chavi is… a record of your life. Within it all your memories are housed." This revelation alone boggled Hirem's mind; his brow furrowed, and his lips parted as if to ask a question, although of course he could not bring himself to interrupt Kavala. It frustrated him to try and picture this Chavi, invisible and unknown to him, tying his insignificant mortal life all the way to the glorious realm of the Ukalas.
Does that mean that every single mortal life has been touched by divinity, even those unmarked by Gnosis? How can that be? How can the gods pay attention to the great multitude of souls, save for Dira, who only sees them when they pass from the world? Did... did the gods even create the Chavi? From what Kavala says, they are neither of the mortal world nor of the Ukalas, but then... where did it come from? Why does it exist? All these questions and more puzzled Hirem to no end.
To be honest, the truth of the Chavi...
frightened the Benshira. To think: all of his memories, the entirety of his life's experiences, was hanging by a thin cord to his easily perishable body, stranded somewhere between this world and the next. It made him feel that much more fragile, to think that his life literally existed in the width of a single thread, weaving through the dangerous and muddled tapestry of life. Worse yet, he wondered,
Could my Chavi be tampered with, by some force that I cannot even see? Could some creature pounce upon my Chavi and make me forget my entire life, and then whisk away before I get a chance to stop it? Fear of the unknown - as well as a general sense of utter bewilderment as more secrets of the world were revealed - made him instinctively want to bury his head in the sand.
But the far more impactful revelation was the fact that this Chavi recorded, not just this life, but the lives he had led
previously. The Benshira had never, not once, considered the idea that he might have lived more than once in this world. It made him feel... weaker. Less in control. Less unique. As if the actions he did in this lifetime meant nothing, for they were only being repeated from another ages past... or, worse, that they would be rendered null by the next existence that he experienced.
Do my choices even matter, or are they simply following a pre-established pattern? Does Hirem, from the tents of Alachi, of the sons of Rapa, matter in the grand scheme of things? He couldn't even begin to comprehend the possibilities of what his previous lives had entailed... and fancied, briefly, if the reason his life as a Benshira was inclined to disaster was because someone had placed a curse on him.
One thing was for sure: Hirem had never imagined that he'd come to understand the way the world
really worked by staring at an orange.
He realized, as Kavala spoke of her time as Crescent, that his own impulse to tell her
everything about his life was being shared by the Konti woman... in fact, it was magnified in her, for she was telling him about her life and all of its variations.
She admit herself that this group that she has resurrected to fight the Ruv'na must operate in secrecy, and she keeps checking the patio to make sure that we are alone. If the wrong ears hear of what she has done, her life will be in danger... knowing that, she still has chosen to speak to me. The level of faith that she was placing in him was enormous, especially considering the fact that they had just met and were currently speaking in a very open patio. If he truly were a spy, and this had all been a trap to get to speak of the Cytali, then there wasn't much she could do to shield herself from listening ears. It was an honor to be held in such high regard by this fascinating woman, prompting a small smile to emerge on the Benshira's face.
I must not disappoint her, for her trust is both a compliment and a gift to me.More than that, he was grateful to Kavala, for explaining these simple truths of her world to him, that had long been obscured to his limited perspective.
I would never have imagined that it was love that had caused the Valterrian, and never that it was Ivak's love. I had always thought of him as a... brute, an uncontrollable beast... Now I see that my view was tainted by the enmity of Eyktol for the god of fire and heat, who controlled the very thing that made their lives difficult. And all of this talk of Chavi, Chavena, Cytali, Ruv'na, Static... At times, it became too much for him to take in all at once, prompting him to step away, rip his gaze from Kavala's, and try to reach a compromise as to accepting it.
It would be so easy for me to just deny everything she says as witch-speak, or think of her as a foolish Rakva interested only in bewitching me... but that would be a disservice to the incredible trust that she has placed in me. Just as Kavala was demonstrating faith in him, so too would Hirem give her his faith; he believed everything she had to say, and struggled only to understand.
Even when what she had to say was fantastical, far-fetched, and just plain unbelievable.
It was the final revelation, however, that required his faith the most. For Kavala had one piercing statement to offer him, that his whole world spun to even consider:
"When I set eyes on you…. I recognized you." The breath in his lungs halted, and his eyes flared as they stared, haunted, into Kavala's.
Could it even be true? He wondered, almost too frightened to even consider the possibility.
I understand that this was fated to be, thanks to Yahal's guidance, but... was it also fated because I have done this before? Does it feel like I am speaking to an old friend because... I am? A sudden bitter thought crossed his mind, wondering if Kavala was just a charlatan and this deal of "knowing" him was another means of duping him. But no - he had too high an opinion of her to believe that such a thing was true.
She must be right, for if she is wrong, then everything in the world must then be wrong as well. At the same time, believing what she had to say was difficult, for that meant he had to accept the idea that he was... that he already had been...
That he had once been Cytali.
In the silence that followed after Kavala had finished speaking, the Benshira gratefully accepted what pieces of orange she offered him, chewing down on them quickly and thoughtfully. Then, obeying a bizarre fancy that had overtaken him, Hirem closed his eyes and centered his breath. He tried, for a few moments, to reach out and
feel for his Chavi, just to see if it was there, just to brush his fingers across his multitude of past lives and get a glimpse of what they might have been like.
Deep breath, and deep breath out... His mind's eye was fixed on a picture of that silver cord, winding itself through the pathways between the mortal and immortal worlds, composed of the thousand different identities that he had taken over the centuries. But no matter how far he reached, or how fervently he believed that he
could reach it, Hirem received nothing for his efforts.
Her final words were whispering themselves back to him within his mind.
"But if you want it, and if someday you are ready for it, the doors will open here too you. Because you are very welcome, much needed, and someone I suspect we have well loved." Try as he might, he could not deny the powerful effect they leveled upon his soul, what influence they exerted over his mind. Particularly, it was her last sentence that truly drove him mad.
Very welcome.Much needed.Well loved.To be welcome, needed, loved... I have not known the warmth of companionship for a great deal of time. The life of a hermit looked to be my fate, for my path was seemingly destined to be lonesome through the winding desert sands. Indeed, I should have died there, lost among the sands, cursed to remain alone even at the end. And now it seems that Kavala is offering me comrades, allies, friends. No, she is not just offering... it's as if she's saying that it was my birthright. He felt his shoulders begin to quake dangerously, and approached the railing for support.
Might I - might I have finally stumbled upon my true calling? Can it even be? Is this what absolution feels like? Unconsciously, the Benshira's chocolate eyes reddened and squinted shut, a few salty tears spilling from him freely and trailing down his dusty cheeks.
Can it be that after all of this time, I have finally discovered the purpose that Yahal intended me for? Is it possible that I may I become the champion that Kavala is seeking? Can the Cytali become the - the family that I want?Have I found my home? At that thought, the last few reserves of Hirem's willpower splintered into pieces, unleashing a torrent of emotions into his body. He collapsed to his knees and wrapped his arms around the supports for the railing, holding on for dear life, tears constantly streaming down his cheeks. He sobbed openly and without shame, fearing not what Kavala might think of this strange blubbering man. But he did not sob out of despair; his eyes were affixed to the heavens and a bright, blissful,
joyous look was shining from his face.
"Thank you..." he kept murmuring in Shiber, almost to himself.
"Thank you..." He sobbed happily and he sobbed thankfully and he sobbed out of relief, letting every single feeling that had been bottled up inside of him for years come spilling out at once. For now he had something to focus them towards... for now, he had a duty to uphold.
When the tears had finally stopped, and the Benshira had recovered control of his body, he pushed himself to his feet and slowly turned to face the Konti. It was only now that he felt self-conscious, reaching up to wipe away the wetness from his cheeks.
"Look at this travesty," he whispered to her.
"Wasting water... me, of all people." Cracking a brilliant, happy smile, Hirem reached down and cleaned his face using the sleeve of his tunic. Then, looking back to her with a peaceful gaze, he bowed his head.
"Thank you, Kavala Denusk, for what you have told me today. Thank you for talk of the Cytali, the Chavi, the Ruv'na... all of it. I am honored by the gift of knowledge that you have given me." He didn't know how else to convey his immense gratitude to the woman, even if it was only for the simple comfort of words. A temptation had arisen to seize her in his arms and embrace the woman with as much strength as he could bear, but he decided that would presume too much and, besides, get his tears all over her dress.
"And let me offer you something, Kavala Denusk, that I've never offered to anyone before." Keeping his head low, Hirem closed his eyes and spread his arms out wide.
"My fealty. Until now, I only ever have given it to Yahal, but if what you are saying is right, then serving you is the same as serving him. I wish to join your Cytali... to stand beside my brothers and sisters and know that I once more am doing good in the world. I wish to join your fight against the Ruv'na and pledge myself to their defeat, even if it takes another hundred of my lives to accomplish. I offer myself to you, to Nysel, to the Cytali, to all the gods of Mizahar until I see this battle finished." He spoke as if conducting a ceremony, his every word laced with conviction.
"I offer to you my strength until my body perishes, my mind until it falls to discord, and my soul until it is extinguished by Dira's embrace. I offer myself, as I am, to you. Hirem, from the tents of Alachi, of the sons of Rapa, is at your service, as I swear to Yahal himself."In the vacuum of that promise, he wondered briefly if he had done the right thing.
I have never sworn an oath like that before to another living person... I can only hope that it was not made in vain.