For Better or For Worse

by **Calters** on June 30th, 2014, 4:51 am

83rd of Summer, 514 AV
Early Evening

Semele Park was a perfect place for Calters. It was lush with plants and flowers- even more so than other parts of Riverfall. The colors were vibrant and lively and the scents were soft and inviting. Rarely did others stop near the Akvatari, although a few did wander past on occasion. The bench he sat on was comfortable and had a stunning view of Syna's light leaving the land. His journal sat open to a (relatively) blank page and his charcoal was ready. Even his ocarina was clean and prepared for use. Everything that could have enlightened his muse was there and ready.

And yet, his muse slept on.

Calters could not seem to come up with a single note, let alone any lyrics. Each time he brought his instrument to his lips and blew, the music came out sounding strained and anxious, earning him strange looks from passerby. Each time he opened his mouth to sing he was left with his mouth hanging open. There were no words, no notes, and simply no new songs.

He wasn't positive why he was coming up dry, although he had an idea. In fact, he had a list of ideas. It went something like this.

1. He didn't have any alcohol.
Cal was trying to break the habit of drinking every time he wrote or played as it was getting expensive. It wasn't easy though, and he found that he was feeling more down than usual. With the Day of the Dance festival just around the corner, he wasn't sure how much longer his dry streak would last. Which led to his next problem.

2. The Day of the Dance festival was coming.
In and of itself, it wasn't a problem. Calters was even looking forward to being able to enjoy the musicians from all over Mizahar, eating excellent food, and generally making a fool of himself as a dancer. But the festival was coming soon, and Calters did not have his music written, organized, or practiced. When he imagined himself performing, all he could see was sitting under a tree, all alone and crying as he sang a dark, sad song. It wasn't even a good sad song. It was just pitiful. This then led to his third problem.

3. He was trying to write happy music.
It wasn't something he did often- or ever wanted to do- but it had to be done. The festival was a celebratory time and thus required celebratory music. While Calters wouldn't have minded celebrating his usual music, he couldn't imagine anyone else dancing to it. In the interest of not being left all alone during a festival, Calters had set his mind to writing at least one cheerful song. But so far, he had come up with nothing. It was hard for him to write his own material in the first place. Unless, of course, he was drinking.

So the cycle continued. Time ticked on and Cal sat on the bench, watching the sun set and feeling sorry for himself.
Rhaus! Spare me this pain!

by **Calters** on June 30th, 2014, 5:57 am

83rd of Summer, 514 AV
After Sunset

Cal was exhausted. He had tried the most ludicrous things he could think of to get his brain pumping. This included (but was not limited to) sitting upside down on the bench, placing the lyric book on top of his head, doodling music notes on his arms, playing a single, screeching note until he ran out of breath, and his favorite, taking a nap. Calters was trying so hard that he began to think that he was not the problem.

Maybe I offended Rhaus somehow. How do you fix something like that?

The answer, of course, was prayer.

Tentatively, Cal slid to the ground where he tucked his tail beneath him and bowed his head. His hands lay palm-down on his knees and his wings lay flat against his back, falling in a lazy curtain over his biceps. The local traffic has decreased even more with the departure of the sun, leaving Calters with plenty of space.

Knowing that no one would come across him, Calters closed his eyes and tried to channel the higher powers. At first he spoke in his head, but he quickly switched to talking out loud. It felt more natural and no one was around to hear anyway. He took a deep breath and began.

"Oh mighty Rhaus, the God of Music and Bards, I ask of you but one thing this night! Uh, sorry. Technically it is evening. And as long as we're on the subject, I apologize in advance for petching this up. First timer should get a little leeway, no?"

Calters chuckled, proceeded by a nervous cough.

"Okay, let's get down to it. What I came to say is this. I'm young. I'm ignorant. I'm a terrible person, the closest thing to a monster many of these people have seen, and probably a way worse musician than I think I am. But here's the thing. I've had some hai of a time tonight. I've been sitting out here in the blazing heat, trying my absolute best to write one piece- just one piece!- of good cheerful music. Do you know how many I currently have? None. Not a single note. I don't ask for much in this life. I can't remember the last time I prayed like this. But just this one time I would like a little help. Just a nudge in the right direction if you could?"

Cal sighed heavily. "Please?" He added.

He sat stone still. He listened for a sound, a gust of wind, or perchance evidence of some form of divine intervention. What he heard was the sound of his own breathing.
He could be silent. He's a God after all. Cal reminded himself.
Cautiously, Calters opened his left eye. Nothing.
Even slower than the left, Cal opened his right eye. A flicker of movement crossed his line of sight! Cal went straight from a kneeling position to flying in an unrepeatable feat. He raced towards the object whipping through the hot wind. Excitement pulsed in his veins.
Oh Rhaus! Thank you!

He screeched to a halt and stooped to pick up the object. It was a paper, old and worn with salt water stains on the backside. Calters flipped it over eagerly and read the front.
It was a list! He scanned the list quickly, certain it would tell him what he had to do to create a song.

- Charcoal
- Sketch paper
- Rags to polish ocarina
- Sun hat
- Dishes
- Don't forget soap

In horror, Cal turned to face the bench. His journal lay open, pages flapping in the wind. As he watched, one sheet with carefully printed music took to the air and was promptly carried away.

"No!" Cal screamed. He rushed back to the bench, closed the journal, and stuffed it back into his sash in one motion. He could do nothing about the paper in the wind. It was gone now.

Drained, Calters threw his body to the ground. He held up the list (which he now recognized as an old shopping list) and stared. One chime passed, then two. By the third chime, Cal had crumpled the list in his fist. By the fourth, tears stung his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed them not to fall, but by the fifth chime, they did just that. Their chilled wetness was welcome against the heat, but Calters felt no relief. He felt only shame at letting his feelings be manipulated so easily.

You are cruel Rhaus, Cal told the God without hatred. It was simply a fact. As he fell asleep for the second time that evening, he could have sworn he heard a low, gentle laugh.

by **Calters** on June 30th, 2014, 11:08 pm

83rd of Summer, 514 AV
In a dream...

Initially, there was nothing. There was not darkness but a significant lack of light. The telltale harshness of silence was absent, and yet, sound was missing. There was no ground nor sky, nothing to touch or taste or smell.

And then there was something.

Calters was there, facing a music box in the middle of the vast nothing. He stood still as though nothing was off about the place, as though he had been watching that music box all his life. He was unaware that he was acting out a dream. He stepped forward, but the music box hopped backward, out of his reach. He took another step and it did the same. He took a step in reverse, just to see what would happen, and the box popped its top open.

Confident that he had cracked the code, Calters strutted forward to claim his prize. But as soon as he reached the box it sang louder than he had ever heard, emitting a dissonant sound that raked at Calters' ears.

Instinct kicked in. Cal tried to run away from the inharmonious music box, but its discordance only grew worse. The farther he got, the closer the cacophonous music was to him. He knelt, covering his ears and crying out, but there was nothing.

No light or darkness. Ground, sky, nor senses were present; there was only Calters and the torture of the unmusical box.

by **Calters** on July 1st, 2014, 3:38 am

83rd of Summer, 514 AV
Dusk

Calters woke to a colorless world. Sweat was soaking through his bangs and sticking his arms to his body. He gripped the ground beneath him tightly as if it were his anchor. Cal counted his breaths to calm himself.

1...You are safe
2...You are safe
3...you are safe

Eventually Cal began to believe himself. It was at this point that he sat up and looked around. It seemed that he had slept through most of twilight and had passed straight into dusk. Leth was peeking up from the horizon as though he were expecting Syna to be opposite him but Leth would find nothing but stars this night.

As Calters toyed with the idea of staying in the park to sleep, he watched the stars twinkle. It crossed his mind that it wouldn't do him any harm to pray once in awhile which gradually led him to remember why he was in the park so late in the first place. I still have to write that song!
"Ugh!"

Calters sat up, found his journal, opened to his designated blank page, and stared at it. Slowly but surely, Cal lowered his head until it was resting on the tauntingly blank pages. Any passerby could have heard the moans of defeat that Cal produced, but there was no one around.

No one...

A thought tickled Calters mind but he shoved it away angrily. He had no time for musings. He needed to write! He could not believe, even after all he had been through there was still nothing in his head.

Nothing...

The idea was back, more insistent now. This time, Cal listened to himself for a tick. He could faintly hear that dreadful, dissonant music still chiming in his ears. The memory was unpleasant, but something about the style made the musician pause.

The music was clearly shyke the way it was, but what if he added a little nothing...

Calters nearly broke his charcoal in his euphoria. He scratched out his plans on the pages as fast as he could write. His hand could not work fast enough, even using Cal's silly pictures to explain the tune instead of words. The young musician kept having to go back and edit what his mind had said but his hand had skipped. For once, Calters didn't mind reading over the page twice. As it so happens, he read over that music three times that night. He read it once to edit, once to make sure his edits were right, and then once again simply because he was a vain little creature.

When he was finished, Calters felt as if he wanted to cry again. All that time and effort, and all he needed was a little nothing! How stupid of him! How dull he was! The music he had dreamt of had been stuck in his head a few days back, but he had denied it the privilege of a second chance.

Now he realized that it wasn't working because it was missing space. Silence was the key to the piece and his brain had been working too fast and too hard to add any silence. With the correct breaks added in and the notes left room to flow and develop- to ring out to their full length- it truly sounded like a piece to be celebrated.

And celebrate he did. Calters stood up in the middle of Semele park under the inky night sky and danced. He hadn't ever been good at dancing due to his horribly put-together body, but tonight he was driven by happiness.

It had never been an ingredient before, but happiness made the music so much sweeter. He twirled and rocked his head from side to side, celebrating the unheard song. He threw his arms to the sky to praise Rhaus and to thank the God for the great gift of nothing.

Cal hadn't known when he was little there would be days when he celebrated something so simple as accomplishing nothing. A smaller Calters would have snorted or turned away if you had painted him this picture, sure that he would never do such a thing. But he also hadn't known there would be days when he celebrated at all.

He was glad that he had found music and Rhaus, and he was going to make it a point to celebrate each and every one of his accomplishments. In his gut, he knew that music would be there with him for better or for worse, and they would celebrate together.

by **Kel Tempest** on August 5th, 2014, 10:23 pm

Calters :

Notes :

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Solo For Better or For Worse