Zane Underhill

[Zanne]

Zane Underhill Appearance Race: Human Gender: Male Age: 27 Birthday: 4, Spring, 487. Birthplace: Zeltiva Appearance: Zane is approximately 5'8 and weighs 138 lbs. His eyes are harlequin green and he typically dons a short hair style that shows off his blonde roots. Over the years, it grew to a darker shade due to the combination of dirt and the lack of proper maintainence. He enjoys wearing a black coat, over a simple shirt and jeans. He wears black teethed gauntlets that span the length of his forearms. The gauntlets were originally created with protrusions around the wrist, specifically on the outside of the arm. He has had them fitted on the underside of the gauntlets so that a pair of spring blades were attached. A pair of wrist knifes are currently set in the spring blades. Character Concept After one fateful night, Shiress became his only remaining family left. His failure to protect her from their attackers, and her subsequent disappearance has taken its toll on him. Zane has turned towards drugs to draw his mind away from the horrible reality of his existence. He has developed low self-esteem, and is afraid that during their time apart his sister has learned how to live without him. Because of his experience in Sunberth, Zane does not trust people to be welcoming towards him. However, if someone appears willing to indulge in a "few pleasantries" with him, then he will be more willing to befriend them. Character History One day stands out more than the others. A family trip to Sunberth had went wrong. Zane had one job: to make sure that nothing happened to his little sister. Even though he was only 17, he knew that the world wasn't always a nice place, especially to the youth. One day, Zane and his sister Shiress had followed their parents instructions, only to be ambushed by a group of men that claimed to be taking them back to their family. Everything happened so quickly, Zane was overcome with rage when he saw the men grabbing at his sister so he decided to rush them. But acting without thinking was not the ideal response in that situation. He was quickly dispatched before he could be of any help. Days had passed before the boy had awoken, and the only thing in his immediate surroundings were blood stains; whether they were from him or his sister, Zane was uncertain. He found himself panicking, after all his sister was kidnapped and his parents apparently didn't even come looking for them, otherwise his body wouldn't have loitered on the streets for as long as it did. Unable to cope with the reality that he had been thrust into, Zane discovered new guilty pleasures that Mizahar had to offer. He had experimented with many different kinds of drugs, some tended to his emotional wounds while others caused him to relive his worst nightmare. His favorite however, was Love Dust in that it allowed him to feel as if his family back together, and it often granted him solace during cold and lonely nights. He once heard a rumor that a slave owner was heading towards Syliras in order to recapture a slave that had escaped. Zane dismissed the possibility that it was his sister, and desperately clinged to the hope that she was still in Sunberth. But the less likely it seemed that she was still in the city, the more desperate Zane became. So much, that he decided to travel to Syliras in hopes of reuniting with Shiress. Language Fluent Language: Common Basic Language: N/A Poor Language: Snake-tongue Skills Skill EXP Total Proficiency Boxing 26 SP 26 Competent Poison 5 SP 5 Novice Unarmed Combat 15 RB, 14 SP 29 Competent Weapon Skill: Wrist Knife 5 SP 5 Novice Lores Lore of Drugs Lore of Sunberth Culture Possessions 1 Set of Clothing -Simple Shirt -Simple Pants -Simple Undergarments -Simple Coat -Simple Boots 1 Waterskin 1 Backpack which contains: -Comb (Wood) -Brush (Wood) -Soap -Razor -Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth) -1 eating knife -Flint & Steel 100 Gold Mizas Heirloom: A silver necklace that was originally a gift for his sister. Housing Location: Syliras House: The White Swan Inn Ledger Purchase Cost Total Starting +100 GM 100 GM Housing Cashed In +600 GM 700 GM Blade Spring (2x) -8 GM 692 GM Gauntlets, Teethed -10 GM 682 GM Wrist, Knife (2x) -2 GM 680 GM Thread List Date Thread PC Status 46, Summer, 500 AV Reasons To Live Ricky In Progress 2, Fall, 504 AV Happy Birthday! Shiress In Progress 8, Winter, 504 AV The Broken Boy Billie In Progress 46, Summer, 514 AV I like Beautiful Colors... Ra'ema In Progress

[Perplexity]

CHECKMATE

Hello Zane,

I am Perplexity the resident Domain Storyteller of Zeltiva. Upon reviewing your character sheet I have found a few discrepancies that need to be addressed. These issues must be resolved before you can be allowed to continue role-playing on the forums.

[*] Appearance: This is more a note than anything but "jeans" are typically associated with the fabric denim. I would advise using words like "trousers" or "leggings" or just "pants".

[*] History: One does not take a “family trip” to Sunberth. There’s no feasible reason to ever believe that this city is in any way, shape or form some sort of tourist attraction. I’m just going to say overall that there’s nothing in this history that even remotely makes sense. If Zane were rendered unconscious for DAYS in the middle of a street in Sunberth, the likelihood that he would be given the chance to even wake up at all is slim. He would be defenseless, completely vulnerable in one of the most ruthless and unforgiving towns this side of the Suvan. And nobody took advantage of that?

Also, why was your family in Sunberth to begin with? Zeltiva is a far cry from Sunberth not just in terms of geographical location but culturally as well. We’re talking aristocracy vs. peasantry differences here. Was it a business trip? A business trip related to trade investments is completely believable. I also have a question for you to consider.

So you’re telling me that a young man who “became enraged” at the mere sight of his sister being mishandled just suddenly gave up on life and fell to despair? Seems a little contrary to such an impassioned nature. Who introduced him to these things? Sunberth might be dirty but it’s not as if everyone walks around with just drugs in their pockets. I’d also like to call into question that Zane just travels to Syliras completely and utterly on a whim. With no leads whatsoever. If he dismissed the fact that a slaver was looking for an utterly unrelated, unknown, anonymous, nobody slave in what realm of possibility would he be driven to suspect that “Hey, my sister is in Syliras.”?

[*] Language: Snake-tongue? No. That is not a language you can start with. Where was Zane exposed to a Dhani who was even remotely friendly or interested enough in him to impart the honor of learning their language? Furthermore, the subtle nuances of the language are VERY hard for a non-Dhani to even grasp or learn because a human tongue simply is not meant to imitate those sounds.

[*] Lores: “Lore of Drugs” is too broad. What drugs? What do you know about them? Do you know their effects? Their side-effects? Their withdrawal symptoms?

[*] Ledger: The cash-in money is “500 GM” not “600 GM”.

Please tend to these issues at your earliest convenience. Thank you and have a splendid day!

Regards,
Perplexity