Flashback With Open Arms (Azira)

[Phobius]

24th Day of Spring, 502 AV


Higher, higher, higher!

The Inartan boy lifted his little arm up as much as he could as he ran, raising the wooden bird well above his head. It was a crudely-made toy; the edges of its wings hadn't been sanded down, the beak had been glued on crookedly, and its eyes were mere, unimpressive buttons. But none of that really matter. To the boy, it was just as interesting as the various other toys that filled the toy-boxes. There'd been many, but he'd settled for just the one, and had quickly decided that it was his favorite. It was a bird, after all. He liked birds.

And birds could fly, couldn't they? At least...they were supposed to be able to. That's what the wings were for. Unfortunately, this one's wings couldn't move, so the boy figured that he'd help it a little. He'd make himself the wings.

His little legs propelling him forward as fast as they could, the boy wove his way around the play-area, zipping passed other children as he let the bird soar through the air. And for a handful of ticks he let his mind wander, suddenly wondering what it felt like to actually fly. The Endals got to fly all the time, and even though he'd never been able to see them riding on the backs of their great feathered beasts, he liked to imagine that it was incredibly fun. Was it fun for the Wind Eagles, too?

The boy decided that he'd try and pretend that he was one, for the moment. Small as he was, he focused hard and began to imagine that he was one of massive creatures, having just woken up from a nice nap in a cozy section of the cave he lived in. There were other Eagles around, too, but he was a bit earlier than the rest and was preparing to go for a morning flight. He'd stretch his big wings and go swerving above the trees, with the wind rippling his feathers.

I'm flying!! he gleefully shrieked in his mind, making a semi-circle as he rounded a girl with a dolly clutched in her hands.

That was when one of his feet suddenly caught on something, and before the boy knew it he was falling instead of flying, his grip on the wooden bird gradually loosening.

And then the toy seemed to decide to leap from his hand, almost looking as if it had finally gotten enough courage to attempt flying, on its own, despite its immobile wings. The boy watched it go for as long as he could, then let out a small grunt when he landed on his stomach, the mat underneath him barely softening the impact.

The crisp, quiet snap that came from up ahead made his heart skip a beat.

It was a worrying sound. The boy didn't fully know why he thought so, but it made more sense once he pushed at the ground with his palms and brought himself to his knees. Brushing off the fall, he made his way over to the toy before what he saw made him go completely still.

One of the wooden bird's wings had broken off, and was lying a few inches away from its body, abandoned and pretty much useless.

Staring at it, his eyes went wide with the horror that was building up inside of him.

He'd...he'd broken it. He'd broken the birdie. It couldn't fly with only one wing.

Gradually, the horror morphed into guilt-fueled tears, and before long the boy was sniffling, trying in vain to keep them at bay. But they were making his vision blurry, and every other time he blinked a couple went running down his cheeks.

Unable to help himself, now, the boy hung his head and started to cry. And they were silent tears, as he'd learned by now to hide such moments from the others, but that didn't mean that his state would go by unnoticed. It took less than half of a chime for a teacher to come over and crouch by his side, a concerned expression on her face. "Phobius? What's wrong, hun? Did you get hurt?"

The Inartan boy could hear her, but couldn't really talk through his tears, at the moment, so he settled for a vigorous head shake.

"No? What is it, then?"

With a pitiful whimper, Phobius pointed over to the cripple toy. "I broke it!" he sobbed, tiny shoulders trembling as he pressed one of his arms against his eyes to keep anymore of his tears from staining the mat. The teacher looked over at the bird and frowned a little, gave the boy a reassuring pat on the head. "Calm down, hun, calm down. It's going to be alright. Here, lemme show you."

He didn't believe her, and didn't look up as she rose and went over to pick the toy up. There were the sounds of some things being shuffled around, along with her footsteps coming and going, and Phobius' sobs lessened a bit as he managed to calm a little. Then there was a tap on one of his shoulders, and when he slowly brought his eyes away from his arm, the wooden bird was being held out to him, its wing having been re-attached. Gasping a little, Phobius grabbed at the bird and inspected it, looking particularly hard at the length of white tape that'd been wound around its previously-broken wing. It looked a bandage.

"See?" the teacher said as she came back over to him, a smile on her face. "I fixed him all up."

Starting to smile again through his tears, Phobius turned his head and nodded at her. "Thank you," he said, still sniffling a little but visibly grateful.

"You're very much welcome. Now, if you're feeling better, you can come and help me say 'hello' to the new person. She should be coming in soon, and I want all of you to make her feel very welcome, here."

The last portion was directed at the entire room, which made heads turn and eyes widen. Phobius was just as interested and surprised, getting back to his feet and wiping away at his cheeks as he stared up at the teacher. It wasn't every day that they had new people come into the nursery, especially not at this point in the season...but the boy was just as happy as the rest of them to meet someone new.

As the rest of the Yasi put down their things and went to go gather around the front entrance, eagerly awaiting the new person's arrival, Phobius hung back a bit and watched from afar. How would she be, this new person? Friendly? Quiet and shy, like he could sometimes be? If he went up and talked to her, would she talk back, and could they maybe become friends...?

The boy hoped so. He really, really did.

[1203]


"This is speech in Nari."

This is thought.

[Azira]

She didn't want to go.

They'd let her stay in her own bed the previous night, the young girl tossing and turning the bells away without getting any shuteye in the process. She'd sometimes sobbed when she thought of her mother over the course of those bells and other times her eyes had drifted to her bed expecting to find her asleep. The last few days had been a dream; they hadn't been real. By the time someone came for her the girl had decided that if she could see her mother just one more time then she would know for sure if it was true or not. Maybe she'd been acting or sleeping and everyone was playing a trick on her that wasn't very funny.

A woman that she didn't know came with one of the nurses from the Infirmary. The little Inarta gazed up at them owlishly from where she was perched on her bed, glass animals scattered around her.

"Are you taking me to see my Mama now?" she asked, eyes innocent and hopeful. The strange woman looked at the nurse with an expression of horror, murmuring softly in a tone that Azira probably wasn't supposed to hear.

"Didn't you tell her already? Doesn't she-"

"Of course I told her! Her body's gone and she knows that."

"Maybe she just doesn't believe it. I'll make sure that she understands."

Their grown up conversation over the strange lady perched on the bed beside the child. A glass model of a zynx was taken into her hands, the figurine twisted back and forth with interest. "Are these yours? They're very pretty." The girl nodded in response, eyes filling with fresh tears as she turned to look at her. Her lip trembled and she almost choked on her words.

"My Mama made them for me." The girl stared mournfully at the woman and asked again, not truly understanding. "Are we going to see her now?" The woman's face twitched and she looked to the nurse before looking back at her. A slight shake of her head.

"No, chick. She's gone. For good. You can't see her." She tried to hold Azira's hand but she jerked away and jumped to her feet.

"You're going to take me away! You're going to take me from her! Why is she letting you take me away?" the girl screamed, eyes becoming wild as the alarm filled those of the older women. The stranger was on her feet and rushing forwards to calm her, the nurse frozen in place; she didn't know how to deal with children.

"Easy now. Nobody's taking you away from her. You're going to-"

"I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!" With this latest bout of screaming the youth darted around the woman from the nursery - for that's who she was - and back to her bed. Bedclothes were ripped off, glass figures sent flying to shatter on the floor and against the walls. The two women echoed her screams as the room was filled with fragile missiles. Once the glass had settled the women retrieved Azira from where she'd huddled herself in the corner, shaking.

****

Coaxing her from the room had been difficult at first although there had been no more violent outbursts. The girl had turned numb, hardly responding to anything the two women did. Some spark of life returned as they were leaving when she remembered the one object that had survived her tirade: her glass ocarina. The last present she'd been given from her mother it was a treasure item that she wasn't willing to part with. It was all she had left thanks to her tantrum and so it was the only thing that she carried with her to the nursery aside from the clothes on her back.

A little more lively although looking glum the girl was more willing to follow the women of her own accord although the nurse left them to return to the Infirmary. Vylia was revealed to be the name of the nursery woman and she had to explain to the girl that once they got to the nursery that she'd be better off taking the ocarina.

"Why do you have to take it? Why can't I keep it?" The fragile glass instrument was hugged possessively to her chest, some of the wildness returning to her eyes. Vylia made a soothing sound, a crease of worry appearing between her brows at the possible return of the demon child from before.

"You don't want it to be broken, do you?" A rapid shake of the head that left the child a little dizzy. "Well, if I don't look after it for you then the other chicks... they might break it. They'll just think that it's a toy. It wouldn't be their fault but if you won't let me have it..." The instrument was offered upwards immediately, an anxious little frown crinkling her forehead. Vylia took it carefully with a soft smile.

"Do you promise it won't get broken?" The woman nodded. "No, I want you to promise! Out loud!" Vylia's face became solemn and she made a X over her heart. "I promise." Satisfied, the child fell back into silence as they approached the nursery.

When they reached the entrance and Azira saw the gathered children she tried to shrink behind Vylia. She wasn't used to seeing lots of children. She'd always played by herself or with her mother but not with others her own age group. She didn't know how to talk to them. The Chiet retrieved her from where she tried to hide pushing her gently into the open and trying to urge her forwards. "Don't worry. They aren't scary and you'll soon make friends. Just say hello."

The child was prodded into the place and into the midst of all the different faces. They came in all different shapes and sizes all of these new strange people. Tall ones, small ones, skinny ones, chubby ones, every shade of red hair under Syna and some different coloured streaks too. They were all too new and strange. "Hello," she greeted everyone meekly, voice hardly above a whisper as she gazed around her.

I don't know how to make friends, she thought miserably.

[Phobius]

There was a sudden ripple amongst the gathered Yasi, the small bodies that'd gone still in anticipation starting to move about as the newcomer was brought over to the room's entrance. From where Phobius was standing it was kind of hard to see, and he didn't want to go squeezing himself into the crowd, so he got onto the tips of his toes and tried to look over the other children's heads. It was an honest effort that didn't help, much; the boy was of an average height for a six-year old, but there was a good handful of children his age who had him beat by a few inches. Not to mention that they were all nearly climbing over one another to get closer looks, the circle that had formed around the newbie seeming to get smaller and smaller with each passing tick.

Turning his head, Phobius watched as a teacher—the same gentle-faced, cherry-haired woman who had fixed his bird's wing—went over to them. With a slight frown on her face, she urged the children to calm down and give the newbie some space. The boy took this as his chance to get a better look, daring himself to walk around to the other side of the circle and peek in through the newly-forming gaps.

Inside, he saw a shy-looking girl. He blinked at her when she parted her lips and muttered a quiet "hello" to the room, wondering how a person could have such a small-sounding voice. And he wasn't sure why, but it automatically made him think of leaves blowing around in the wind, with the light rustling noises they made.

An uneven chorus of "hello"s was directed at the girl, along with some hand waves and curious glances. Phobius titled his head a little as he stared at her, his amber eyes wide and observant.

Whether or not it was a true skill, the boy had always had a sort of...hunch when it came to figuring out other people's feelings. There were plenty of little giveaways, if one looked close enough, and seasons of staying back and watching had taught Phobius how to pick up on a few.

The girl was nervous. That much was obvious. But she seemed kind of sad, too, and it brought a frown to Phobius' face once he noticed. What was wrong?

Once the helloes were out of the way, a few of the Yasi wandered off and went back to doing whatever they'd been doing before the interruption. Others hovered around the girl, either attempting to ask her things or trying to think of things that were good to say, their little brows furrowing as they thought.

Phobius, however, continued to keep his distance. He was a bit conflicted, at the moment; the normal, common thing to do would be to go up to her and ask for her name, and he most definitely wanted to talk to her, but he wasn't sure how or...or if he even should. After all, she was sad; what if she didn't feel like talking to him? He doubted that he'd feel too hurt if she ignored him or asked him to go away, but he didn't want to bother her, either. What to do, what to do...

Eventually, Phobius came up with an idea. The boy made his way over to her and the woman she still seemed to be keeping herself near. Then he held his wooden bird out to her, the bandaged toy taking up the space of both of his little palms. "Wanna play?" he asked.

A few ticks passed, and he seemed to hesitate for a bit. "There are lots of other toys, too," the boy continued, blinking at her. "We could go look for more, if you don't like this one."

Pause.

"It's my favorite. You can play with it if you want."

Phobius didn't mean to be so awkward, trying to sound as encouraging as he could as he kept the bird outstretched.

[671]


"This is speech in Nari."

This is thought.

[Azira]

They'd crowded in around her so many eager faces that the girl had wanted to start crying again. They'd been forced back but this new, strange place that was to become her home for a few short seasons had already made its impressions. Without having to see anymore the child had decided that she didn't like it here. Her greeting was echoed grotesquely back at her, many voices speaking not quite at once. The clamour of sound made her hands itch to cover her ears but the sound faded into nothingness, the semi-circle of youth dissolved.

As they began to move and shift around Azira thought that they'd go away now but they didn't. Instead of the enforced order that there'd been before there was now a disorderly mob who pressed towards her eagerly to ask her all sorts of questions. Some of the children had moved away but there were still so many, too many! Her ears were covered against the many questions about why she was here, had she had parents, did she not have a twin and her eyes were squeezed tightly shut against the onslaught of visual stimuli. It didn't block them out completely but it was enough to lessen the horror of the place and the horrible realisation that she'd be with these children until her eighth birthday. Her birthday was an age away. It had already been so long since her last one and yet she still had two whole seasons and more to wait. Her mother had told her what would happen when that time came: she'd have to move.

The thought of her mother and the inevitability of another move to a strange place in the future did nothing to lessen her anguish. Tears began to leak from beneath her lids. Hands moved to hide her eyes, head bowing and braids falling all about her face so that nobody could see through the barrier of hair.

"She's crying!"

"Why's she crying?"

"Yeah she is!"

"She's silly."

"She can't talk no more."

"She's boring!"

Her head shook back and forth as she listened to all their childish comments. Azira didn't like them at all. They were all too loud and talked too much and made her want to go home but she couldn't go home. Why wouldn't they just go away? The child wanted to shrink back against Vylia, hide behind her and never show her face again but she didn't want to look up and see all those eager faces.

The sounds of the children were moving elsewhere though, the new girl too boring for them to bother with any longer. She didn't know how to make friends and she knew that a friend was a person who you liked and who liked you back but they didn't like her. Vylia said that if she made friends that she'd be fine but if she couldn't then what would she do then? She sniffled, rubbing her face on her arm in an effort to dry it as she risked a peek at the world around her.

The other children had gone back to their noisy play and weren't bothering her anymore but Azira didn't want to join them and she didn't know how. She'd just have to stay with Vylia all the time until her birthday and then it'd be fine. But Vylia didn't want her to stay and was trying to force her to play. "You go on now. I'll look after your ocarina. You just go and play and don't be scared. You'll be all right, you just need to get used to things so go on." The woman kept nudging her, the girl planting her feet obstinately. There was a sigh of exasperation from above her but the child wouldn't move for all the amount that she was pushed. No doubt the woman would have kept trying but Azira grew distracted.

Not all of the children had gone away as she'd first thought. There was a boy littler than her who was trying to shove a wooden bird under her nose. She regarded him wide-eyed but didn't say anything. After a moment she tried to step back to hide in Vylia's bryda but the woman was gone. Her eyes went from the now empty space behind her and back to the boy. She swallowed. If she wanted to play and make friends then this was her chance.

Hands stretched out tentatively to take the toy, which she took and looked at. It wasn't very like a bird. Her Mama had made birds out of glass and they'd really looked like birds. She squinted at it, trying to see if it looked better that way. No, it was still silly looking. "It doesn't really look like a bird," Azira commented unhelpfully. The girl stood there holding the toy and shuffling her feet as she tried to work out what to do. He'd asked her if she wanted to play but what if he played differently to her? Looking around at the other children she thought that they didn't play the same way as her so maybe she hadn't been playing right. They'd think that she was weird if she couldn't play right.

"You play, I'll watch," she murmured, holding the bird back out to him again.

[Phobius]

Looking uncertain, the girl slowly reached out and took the toy from him. Then she held it in her hands and stared at it for a while, as if she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do with it. Phobius watched her, rocking back and forth on his feet a little as he waited; what for, he didn't know, but he figured that she'd say something at some point, and he could be incredibly patient when he needed to be. He didn't mind waiting for things.

"It doesn't really look like a bird," she said.

The Inartan boy blinked at her. "...oh," he replied, not knowing what else to say. Did that mean that she didn't like the toy? Sure, it was missing its feathers, and real birds didn't have wings made of wood that could break really easily, but...at least to him, it looked more like a bird than it did any other animal.

They fell into silence, then, the girl shifting uncomfortably in place while Phobius stared down at the wooden bird that she still had, trying to judge its bird-ness. A moment later and she handed it back to him, telling him that he could go and play while she watched. The words made the boy tilt his head at her, confused. Watch...? What fun was playing if you weren't actually playing? That was like...like watching someone eat tasty food instead of eating it, yourself. It didn't make any sense. Besides, Phobius didn't want to just go and have fun in front of her; it'd make him feel bad, and he'd kind of been hoping that she'd want to play with him to begin with. He played by himself so often, already, and having fun with someone else for once sounded like it'd be nice.

Maybe if I give her a different toy, the boy mused. She'll play with me. I can go and find some more!

Content with his idea, Phobius crouched down and placed the wooden bird on the floor, then got back up and went jogging away from the girl without a word. There were a number of toy-filled boxes placed around the room, and the boy picked one of the nearest ones. Once he'd reached it, he pulled the wooden top up and went digging inside, shoveling all sorts of toys out onto the ground. A few curious heads turned to see what he was doing, but for the most part he was ignored, the other Yasi busy with their own things while the teachers paid him no mind. After a few ticks, he scooped as many of the toys as he could into his small arms and, once he had a secure hold on them, made his way back over to the girl. Then he placed them at her feet.

The boy made a couple of more rounds to the toy boxes, and by the time that he'd mentally declared himself finished, the pile had grown to reach the girl's waist. He hadn't payed much attention to the individual toys, but there was enough of a variety in them that he felt that the girl would see something she liked.

Smiling a little, as though he was proud of himself, Phobius met her eyes (or tried to) and waited to see what she'd do.

[555]


"This is speech in Nari."

This is thought.

[Azira]

This friend making business wasn't as easy as it had sounded. The other Yasi laughed and talked and gambolled around the place with one another, which seemed to be the friendship that she'd been told to seek but that wasn't close to what was happening with this boy. He seemed as uncertain about how to make friends as Azira was but hadn't be been here longer? If he had then he should know how to make friends. But then if he couldn't make friends and he'd been here longer than what chance did she have? It made her pull anxiously on a plait, tugging it with each twinge of worry so that it seemed that she was trying to yank it free of her head.

The look he'd given her when she handed back the bird seemed as good a reason as any to make her feel nervous. He'd looked confused but he'd also looked at her as if she was a little strange or that's what it seemed to her. The expression prevailed for a few moments as they looked at one another in silence, neither of them knowing what to say before the bird was placed at her feet and the boy ran away. Azira's lip trembled at the abandonment. Even if she didn't know how to play right she should have played. He'd left her because she wouldn't play and so now she was on her own again.

The child looked around the nursery for the first, real time since she'd come in. Now there was no one pressing in around her she could fully take in the size of the place, the many people in it, the activity, the playing and laughter. Standing in the midst of it all but somehow separate from it, the girl felt terribly alone. It made her want to cry. It was as the full magnitude of her new circumstances was making itself known in her head that the boy made a reappearance and dropped more toys at her feet. A whole heap of them fell from his arms, so many that she wondered how he'd managed to carry them all. He was so little after all.

He didn't linger after his delivery and the girl was left feeling as hurt as before although this time her eyes followed him when he went away. He'd moved over to some boxes and seemed to be emptying them of their contents to gather up in his arms and carry them to her. She just looked on dumbfounded and wondered why he was doing it. Did he want the toys to be over here instead of in their boxes? He'd left his bird toy at her feet after all so maybe he just wanted them to be there. Maybe they were all supposed to be for her to play with but if he wanted her to play with them, why didn't he just show her where the boxes were? He was making a mess and the girl found herself looking guiltily around for a teacher, waiting at any moment for one of them to come down on her and scold her even though it wasn't her fault.

The toy pile grew bigger and bigger and Azira didn't know if he was ever going to stop. Was he going to bury her? Did he want to block her from coming in? The child didn't know. She was too overwhelmed, too confused to know much of anything. All she could do was stare at him and the growing mountain of toys until he stopped and smiled at her, looking at her expectantly. That didn't help her to know what to do either. Her eyes went down to the toys in front of her. Toys had cascaded down the pile with each new load, a few of the objects skittering away from the main deposit. There were all manner of them, most as crudely put together as the bird that he'd shown her. Parts stuck on poorly and crookedly to form animals and people. There were little dolls made of sacking with red strands stuck haphazardly onto their heads to mimic hair, more bird models and a variety of four legged animals that she couldn't identify or distinguish from one another.

Her eyes raised to meet his again, bewildered. She licked her lips and ventured to tell him the strange truth. "I don't know if I play right, if I play like everyone else." She waved a hand at the other Yasi playing in their little groups. "I've only ever played on my own. Haven't played with other children before," Azira admitted. The truth now out there, the girl went back to her fidgeting, her hands wringing before her. She wondered if he'd leave her now, alone in this horrible place. The thought brought tears to her eyes once more and her face descended into clasped hands.

"I just want to go home," the child wailed, her voice choked with tears and muffled by her hands.

[Phobius]

A small frown tugged at the corners of Phobius' lips. He'd been expecting the girl to go rooting through the pile, and had really wanted to see the happy look on her face once she stumbled across a toy that she liked; there was enough of them heaped at her feet for her to find at least one.

None of that happened. Instead, she merely stared down at the pile when he'd finished adding to it, making no moves to touch it at all. Then she lifted her eyes back to him, and the Inartan boy felt as though he should've said something, at that moment, but he had no idea what. And all her explanation did was make him more confused than he already was. She doesn't...know if she plays right...? Phobius echoed in his mind, trying to get some sort of sense of understanding from her words. What did that even mean? He didn't know there was a "right", specific way to play; the boy had been happy with playing his own way for the last few years, and hadn't really paid much attention to what the other Yasi did with their toys. No one had ever bothered him about it, either.

So what was this "right" way, if there really was one? Why hadn't anyone taught it to him, before? Had he been playing wrong his entire life...?

Phobius suddenly found himself staring down at the toy pile like the girl had been, his amber eyes full of doubt and uncertainty. And then she said something interesting, something that he could actually understand. It was the first time he'd ever heard someone say something like it out loud, too. Looking back up at her, he blinked and was quiet for a moment before he said, "Me neither. I mean...I'm by myself most times, too."

Truthfully, it felt strange to say outloud, as if he was pronouncing the name of a person he'd met a really, really long time ago after he'd forgotten who they were. And yet, he wasn't really bothered by it. Loneliness was a concept that was still a bit too far beyond the boy's comprehension, despite his being familiar with it. There were moments when he'd feel a sort of pain in his tummy when he was alone, and it was unpleasant, but Phobius didn't have a name to place on the feeling, and often passed it off as him being hungry or tired. Whereas the girl looked uncomfortable with what she'd just admitted to him, Phobius didn't really react, having long-since accepted it as a normal part of his day-to-day life.

And it wasn't like playing by himself always made him feel bad; there were times when it could be really fun, and times when he didn't even want to be around other people his age.

But then the girl began to cry, putting her hands in her face as tears spilled forth from her eyes, and Phobius stared at her in alarm. What was wrong? Was it...was it the toys? Had he somehow made her sad? He'd...he'd only wanted to help...

Feeling helpless, the boy couldn't do much else but stand there and look on. Maybe it wasn't too late to cheer her up...? At the same time, though, he was afraid to try anything, at the risk of making her feel worse. The safest thing to do would probably be to go and find a teacher.

There were none of those around, though, and Phobius had the slightest idea as to where they'd gone, so he shuffled forward and gave the girl a hug.

Home. That's where she wanted to go. But if she was here, that'd make the nursery her new home. And she'd already been in it for a few chimes, but didn't seem to like it. At all.

Yet another concept that Phobius couldn't get. The nursery had been his home for as long as he could remember; it was the only home he'd ever known, and he had nothing else to compare it to, so he couldn't really imagine how she'd feel. How she must be feeling.

What was it like, to have to leave your home and come into a new one filled with strangers?

Phobius broke away from her after a while, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable or anything on the off chance that she wasn't too fond of hugs. "Maybe if you stay here a little, they'll let you go home later...?" the boy said, trying his hardest to be reassuring but failing. He didn't know how the nursery worked, or if the girl would really be able to leave, like she wanted. He didn't even know why she'd come here, in the first place.

"M-my name's Phobius," he quipped a few ticks later, his voice having dropped considerably in volume as a bout of guilt came over him. "I'm sorry if I made you sad. I just wanted to give you stuff and...it's okay if you don't like any of it. What's your name?"

Then he seemed to hesitate, his eyes darting away from hers to glance at some random spot on the ground.

"You don't...have to tell me if you don't wanna. And if you want to play or...something, we could...we could make-believe stuff up."

[893]


"This is speech in Nari."

This is thought.

[Azira]

She didn't want to be here, even if she could become friends with this lonely boy. She wanted time to go back, she wanted to tell Mama not to go to work, to hold her back so that she could be alive. It wasn't possible and if it had been she had no idea how it could be done so that was almost the same thing. She sobbed pitifully, sniffling into her hands and not even caring who saw her. It didn't matter, nothing mattered. She just wanted her Mama back. She just wanted to go home.

Arms wrapped lightly around her and she jumped, startled by the unexpected touch. The boy was hugging her! Azira squirmed uncomfortably in his hold but she didn't try to pull out of it. She allowed it to continue, feeling more ill at ease than comforted by the gesture. Her mother had hugged her of course but strange people didn't tend to and she hadn't been expecting either; she wasn't prepared.

The simple act did have the benefit of reducing her tears to a mere trickle, hands moving to wipe her face clean when he let go of her at last. He wasn't sure of what he was saying, doubt and uncertainty colouring his tone. He came close to setting her off again to sob in earnest but she fought against the threat of tears and shook her head. "I can't go home. There's nowhere for me anymore. My Mama's gone and she's all I had." She bit down on her lip as her voice gave a wobble. She couldn't spend all of her time crying. Everyone would see her tears and think that she was a baby. She could cry again when no one was looking, whenever that happened. Her nose was rubbed on her bare arm, the girl sniffling away the last of her tears until she was almost normal again.

"S'okay, Phobius. You didn't know about it so it's not your fault." She raised both her shoulders in a shrug. Again the fidgeting started as she realised that she wasn't very good at this, might have upset him even. She hadn't meant to reject the toys that he'd brought her and she didn't want him to feel like she didn't want to talk to him. "I'm Azira. I didn't say I didn't like the toys, I just got sad that's all. Not your fault. We can do whatever you want to do. I don't feel much like playing though."

The child stared into space for a chime, face screwed up in concentration as she tried to work out what they could do instead of playing. She didn't really want to do anything so what could Phobius do that would stop him from feeling bad about her not doing it? Her face split into a smile, showing off a gap off to one side where she'd lost a tooth recently. "I know! Why don't you show me where everything is? We should put these back though 'cos we might get in trouble for being messy. I got in trouble all the time at home for being messy," she told him in a rush, the mention of home putting a dampener on her flash of good humour. The girl bent, struggling to pick up an armful of toys before carrying them back to the box where she'd seen the boy get them. They were dropped in carefully so that they wouldn't break - she didn't want to break anything else today - before she returned to the pile. The other's toy bird was put off to one side, the girl not wanting to put it away in case he might want it again. Once that was separated she picked up another armful of toys and did what she'd done before, the action repeated until the toys were all back in their places through Phobius's work and through her own.

When everything was tidied away she'd offer a tentative smile, not as bright as before. "So you gonna show me round the place?"

[Phobius]

Her mommy's...gone?

Utterly puzzled, Phobius didn't do much else but continue to stare at her once the hug was done with, his mind teeming with all sorts of questions. What did she mean when she said that her mommy was "gone"? Where was it that she went to? Had she just disappeared one day? Was that why she was all alone, now? Or maybe it was a worse kind of "gone". Maybe the girl's mom was gone forever. Maybe she was lost or...or had been taken away, or...

...or maybe she'd died.

The thought suddenly struck the boy, like someone had come along and hit him in his stomach. And as terrible of a thing as it was, the more he mulled over it the more he was convinced that it made the most sense. No wonder the girl had looked so sad and scared when she'd come in, earlier, intent on ducking behind that one lady's legs. No wonder she was crying, now. She was hurting.

Phobius knew nothing about mothers, besides the fact that they were supposed to love you and make you eat your veggies, but he couldn't imagine how awful it must feel to lose one. Even if the girl had a whole bunch of aunties, uncles, brothers, and sisters—none of which people in Wind Reach seemed to care much about—it'd still be painful. And because she'd lost her mommy, she'd been sent to the nursery, which probably meant that there was no other family member around to take care of her. Watching the way that she sniffled and hid her face as the tears kept flowing, Phobius was suddenly worried that he'd ended up making her feel bad because he'd tried to help. It was possible that the toys had reminded her of her mommy and, while she was already pretty sad, made her even sadder.

His amber eyes widening at the realization, the boy could feel more guilt start to well up in his chest. He hadn't meant to...! "M'sorry! I'm really, really, really sorry! I didn't wanna make you sad!" Phobius yelped, sounding as though he was truly afraid that the girl would hate him, now, for what he'd done. It'd been an accident, and he'd had no idea about what had happened to her mommy or how she felt, but he hadn't wanted to see her sad because when people were sad it usually made him sad, so he'd wanted to help but it was starting to look as though he blew it and...

She hates me, now. She's mad at me and she hates me and she'll leave, and then I'll be by myself, again.

Terribly-anxious thoughts, in essence, but at this point Phobius had more or less convinced himself that it was true. The mere possibility of it all, of the girl deciding to leave him because of how sad he'd made her, was nearly scary enough to bring tears to his own eyes, because he didn't want to be left alone. A rare chance to make a friend had presented itself, and while Phobius didn't see himself as being the best at making any, he wanted to at least try. Having a friend meant having someone to talk to and play games with...and friends ate food together and went places together and...well, all sorts of other fun stuff.

Maybe it wasn't too late, after all. Maybe...if he apologized some more...

Before he had the chance to, however, the girl calmed down a little and told him that it wasn't his fault. Then she introduced herself, and any outlandish worries that he'd held onto of her hating him seemed to vanish into the air. People didn't give their names to people they didn't like, so Azira probably thought he was okay. Probably. She at least looked like she did, which was more than enough for Phobius.

It was fine that she didn't want to play. There were plenty of other things to do in the nursery, and if they couldn't find anything then it'd be pretty easy to make something up. Making up stuff was fun!

"I know! Why don't you show me where everything is?"

The suggestion brought a smile to Phobius' face. He could do that, and could do it well, too. Azira was smiling now, too; with luck, he'd be able to make her smile some more, and then she'd be happy. Still hurting because of her mommy, but happy.

The boy was quick to chip in when she began to put the toys back, re-scooping as many of them as he could into his arms as they lugged them back and forth between the box he'd pulled them from. Before long they were done, the spot where a massive toy-pile had once been now empty. Phobius, incredibly eager to start on their little "tour," didn't waste a moment as he went dashing off into the center of the room, waving one of his hands back at Azira so that she'd follow him. When she did, he held his hands out at the spot of rug on the ground. "Okay, so this whole space here," he began, rotating his arms a few times before lifting them above his head to gesture at the entire room. "Is the place where everybody plays. The stuff on the floor is so Yasi don't get hurt if they fall down. I did that a while ago, but I don't hurt anywhere."

Feeling that they were done, there, he moved on to the next site of interest, weaving around the other children who were busy playing or chatting with one another. Phobius came to a stop by a bunch of toy boxes, some of which were stacked on top of one another. "And these are where all the toys are. There's boxes all over the place, and they all have different toys inside," the boy explained, motioning towards one of them. They weren't necessarily visual marvels—just worn wooden boxes that had most likely contained vegetables, in a past life—but Phobius tried to make them sound interesting. "I bet if they got painted with pretty colors, they'd look a lot better. Oh...they're open all the time, so you can get toys whenever you feel like it."

Then they moved on to the next site, which was a sizable depression in the stone walls that held supplies. Phobius talked about nap-times, and how each and every Yasi would have their own little cots to sleep on, blankets included. He then brought Azira over to where all the teachers would sit, followed by the areas where they sometimes had snacks, and some comfy sitting chairs that were strewn about. The boy showed her every nook and crannie of the nursery, from the more obvious areas to the tiny hidden "gems" that he liked to claim he'd discovered all on his own. Interesting little things that the other Yasi never noticed, like how some of the sitting chairs had weird looking legs since their old ones had broken.

"I've been here for a really long time, so I know where a lot of stuff is," Phobius said after a while. "It's a pretty big room, but after you explore it a few times it gets easier to remember some stuff."

Clearly the boy was giddy, overjoyed with being able to do something that would make his new, potential-friend happy. A few ticks later, he suddenly froze and whipped his head around to look at Azira, an eager gleam in his eyes. "D'you wanna see if we can go outside? There's things out there, too, and it's warmer because it's the season where all the flowers come out. I can ask one of the teachers."

[1298]

"This is speech in Nari."

This is thought.

[Azira]

There had been a hiccup in the formation of the tentative friendship that they were forming. It wasn't his fault, Phobius hadn't known anything about her mother. He hadn't even known why she was sad. They clearly didn't say anything much about her in the nursery. The most they seemed to have known was that she was coming. No name, no why, no nothing. She had appeared and they had gawked at her and tried to question her and gone back about their own business once she proved to be uninteresting. Only Phobius had stayed and had actually made the effort. He was like her. He seemed shy and uncertain and he wanted to do the friend making thing too. That made Azira feel better, less alone and less strange in this new place.

He seemed happy with her idea, eager to have everything put away do that he could show her around the place. The toy bird was picked up by the girl and carried with her as Phobius set them off on the tour moving from one area to another with plenty of hand waving and explanations at each new spot. Some of the stuff she could have worked out on her own. The toy boxes seemed obvious. She'd seen enough of them already and so the child didn't need them pointed out to her again. There were no complaints from her though, the girl offering a toothy grin every time he took the opportunity to look her way when they stopped.

When the tour seemed to be over the child perched herself on one of the empty chairs, keeping apart from the other Yasi for now as she looked up and listened to Phobius. Her eye grew wide as he talked about how he's been there awhile. She wondered just how long awhile really was and where his parents were. He should have at least one parent, maybe even two so if he was here instead of with them. Her Mama had told her that some parents gave their children to the city because they worked too much to look after them themselves and that a lot of them didn't even know who their parents were. She wondered if it was like that with her new friend or if he was like her, if his parents were gone for ever and ever like her Mama was. She was almost afraid to ask.

"Phobius..." Azira stretched his name out, the hesitancy in her voice clear. "Phobius have you been here for a long time? A long, long time? Are your... Where are your mama and your father?" Her eyes were wide and innocent as she asked; she meant no harm. She'd never had a father before and so she'd been taught to say father whereas her mother had been special so she'd been called Mama. It was oddly unbalanced but it was the only way she knew to say it.

The bird toy that Phobius seemed to like so much was still clasped in her hands, the shaped wood turned over and over and switched from hand to hand as she looked at the other child. The boy's question made her expression become doubtful and uncertain, the bird pausing in its movements in her hands. Were they really allowed outside? If they went with a grown up then it would probably be all right. She'd been outside with her mother before. They'd gone to sit by one of the lakes on her last birthday and watched Wind Eagles fly over their heads. Thoughts of Wind Eagles made her eyes drop to the toy in her hands. It'd be nice to see real birds and there'd be lots of them because it was spring. Everything came out to play in spring, the animals, the plants, Syna's orb and even the breeze. She thought that it'd be nice.

"I'd like to go. If you think we're allowed for sure then course I wanna go. Are you gonna bring your bird or will the real ones do?" The wooden model was held out to him in offering in case he wanted to bring it with him.