|.
Zhol could not have felt more guilty if he'd tried.
He had never been more aware of how empty his hands were. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't his fault: that he hadn't found out about today until it was already too late to go to the market and purchase a gift. He tried to convince himself that had Drusilla wanted him to know, she would have mentioned something yesterday, when she'd visited him at the stables; perhaps that had been part of her birthday celebrations, though he hadn't known it at the time. He tried to put himself in Drusilla's place - he supposed that she didn't know when his birthday was either; nor did Khara; nor did anyone, really. He hid the when intentionally, for a whole variety of reasons; mostly because it never felt like a day worth celebrating. But Drusilla did want to mark the day, clearly.
He'd worried that perhaps he wasn't welcome, despite what Khara had said. While it wasn't a sentiment he shared, he knew that his twin often preferred to celebrate her birthday with others as well, to spend time with her friends instead of being forced to endure the entire day with her brother. The last birthday they had spent together, he had even insisted that she do that, something he later came to regret. Perhaps that was the situation here; this was a gathering for friends - perhaps female friends, even - and because Zhol had been adopted into Drusilla's life as something else, perhaps he didn't fall within that category. He realised that, though Drusilla called him brother, he didn't completely understand what that sentiment entailed: perhaps for Drusilla, the word meant something far different from how Zhol understood it. It was foolish of him not to ask; any awkwardness he now felt was the product of his own idiocy.
He risked a glance at Khara, her assertion from earlier replaying in his mind. I am sure you just being there will be enough of a gift. It was a sweet sentiment, and he hoped and wished it was true; and yet the uncomfortable guilt persisted. It had seemed so reassuring when she had said it before, but then, every time Khara spoke to him, everything else seemed to fade into insignificance. He almost wanted to lure her into saying it again, or any kind of approximation that the misguided parts of his mind could interpret as some sign of her positive opinion of him. It had just been a platitude though, he was sure; kind hearted Khara, doing everything she could to make him feel even the slightest bit better.
With all of that surging through his mind, he barely even had time to consider the gravity of where they were going. This was a part of the city he had never been to; a part where an outsider like him had never even expected to be welcome. Despite his aversion to the Inarta's caste system in general - more for the way it negatively affected the people he cared about than anything else - he could not help but share the reverence that the Inarta felt towards the Endal. The concept of a rider being chosen, and the honour and significance that entailed was perhaps one of the most familiar things about Wind Reach. Granted, a Wind Eagle was a far more complicated and intelligent beast than a Strider, but as someone who had never been chosen by a Strider himself, he understood the significance; he understood feeling inferior to those who had been. With every step, he felt as if the walls were glaring at him, judging him, whispering about how improper it was for someone such as him to sully these exclusive tunnels.
He wondered if Khara felt the same; wondered if it was fair of him to ask if she did, and what she might think of him if she didn't. No, it was best to keep this anxiety to himself; best to seem calm and confident; best not to risk making himself seem even less like the kind of man she might want, even if the notion of him ever being good enough for her was absurd.
He trudged along in silence, trying to think of something to say to end it, and failing utterly. When he finally did manage to usher a few words from his mouth, they weren't the ones he expected at all. It wasn't some witty remark, or some charming banter; it was two short words that expressed his sense of dread as his gaze settled upon the other person he was apparently going to be spending the evening with.
"Oh no," he muttered quietly, feeling his anxiety deepen.
Azira.
"Pavi" | "Common" | "Nari" | "Symenos"Dad Thoughts | Dinah Thoughts | Khara Thoughts...This template was made by Khara. She was bribed with coffee and jammy dodgers.