60th of Winter, 514 A.V.
Take a deep breath. Relax. Let your mind ease.
Hirem closed his eyes and let a quiet exhale escape him. His arms stretched out to his knees and gripped them tightly, his legs crossed underneath him, making a seat against the cold ground. Against his bare skin, the winter's chill brushed down his arms and made every hair stand on end, abated only slightly by the last rays of Syna's glow. Distantly, the Benshira was aware of the quiet groan of the Suvan as it crashed endlessly against the base of the cliff, the sea peaceful on this quiet evening. He had never paid much attention to the sounds of the ocean before, but found that they were a sufficient substitute for the nightly winds of Eyktol, that had soothed him to bed so many times throughout the years. Indeed, he had come to appreciate the sea for its own reserved beauty, for the murmur of its waves, for the cries of its birds, for the shuddering of the receding tides. It was a different beast than the desert of his homeland, that was for sure, but they possessed their own bizarre similarities - both angry and temperamental, ruled by wind as much as water or earth, both prone to swallowing men up whole and pulling their secrets down into dark abyss. The thought made Hirem smile, trying to get comfortable as he settled in for his meditation. It was an auspicious time to do so; the sun was almost past the horizon on the western sky, and stars were twinkling far overhead as Leth waited to emerge from his slumber. Ignoring the chill, which was a skill that Hirem was learning to acquire, the scenery was entirely peaceful. He should have been easily able to find himself at a similar peace.
But...
Relax. Take a deep breath. Ease your mind. Frowning, Hirem felt the thousands upon thousands of thoughts within him start to quiver under his brow, threatening to explode and overtake his weak consciousness. Resolved to try and bring some order to these bickering ideas, he attempted to handle them one after another, hopefully delving into his problems without succumbing to their pressure. What he feared most was given into emotion, for right now his emotions were poison and deserved to be feared.
First... there is the issue of Nadia and her father. The situation Hirem had dealt with six days ago had, unsurprisingly, continued to haunt him long after Nadia slipped away into the darkness of Riverfall. He continued to support the delusion that he might find the girl soon, hiding out in the docks or stowing away inside another home, but deep down he knew that he would never see her again. His heart trembled at the thought, and it took Hirem a moment to remember that he was trying to maintain his composure. At least Hisham still lives, he thought, thinking of the poor man that still resided at the Gilia Medical Center, in long-term treatment for his near-death by freezing. Even if he survives to the end of the season, there is no telling if his madness can be cured. And why should it be? His only daughter, his last remaining family member, has left him. The Hisham that I grew to respect would rather die than face that reality. He had not seen to his fellow Benshira at all since their last meeting... he had no desire to. He was determined to wash his hands of the foul proceedings. Now, if only the memories would leave him alone...
Next is Tim, and his rejection of the god that I thought we shared kindred... and that Benshira bracelet of his, inherited from some unknown source... and those green eyes of his. And if I consider Tim, then I must consider Tarik and Wayland and all the other little boys and girls that exist as shadows in this city, deserving of protection... I must help them, but how? Shall I defy the Kuvay'Nas and keep strays in the city? Employ them? Offer them my home? I am close to the answer, but the means of providing for the ghosts, to bring them back into life... it is insurmountable. The grip on his knees tightened, and Hirem bowed his head. "Shhhh...." he murmured to himself. But the whispers would not cease. Speaking of insurmountable, I still have not advanced towards my cause with the Cytali at all, and no wonder! I must learn magic, train to fight opponents that defy the gods themselves, seek to understand the god of both dreams and nightmares... it is all too much! And let me not spend one more moment thinking of the nightmares that come to me now, with Marion screaming through my ears and into my soul. Let me not spend one more night quivering in fear, realizing that I am both the man that I once was and the monster that I feared I'd become. Let me not spend one more moment in pain, confusion, horror, doubt, self-loathing, anger... let me not spend one more moment trying to petching meditate!
This was hopeless.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, Hirem pushed himself to his feet, dusting off the snow that clung to his legs. If I am to spend the evening in turmoil, I will at least spend it productively. I also feel a very great need to hit something. Resolved that he would attempt some martial exercises before retiring to bed, the Benshira left the cliffside and returned to the Sanctuary walls, managing to slip through the gate just before the worst of the night's cold came upon him. He had come to the Sanctuary in the early morning and spent the full day among its residents, helping out where he could and basking in the sense of community here. This meant helping Red with some mundane gardening tasks, taking over Larik's watch for a bell and a half, and aiding Cadra with what limited knowledge he had in preparing supper. It had been a good day, a fulfilling day, a chance to escape from his troubles and live momentarily in a place of absolute serenity. But now that night had come upon the Sanctuary, the walls were quiet and echoed only with silence, the animals all resting inside their pens, the men and women all seeking the shelter of the indoors as opposed to braving the cold. Chattering his teeth together, the Benshira head into the Sanctuary proper and down into the subterranean level. He had only been here once or twice before, finding that the building's true purpose - as a place of learning for the revived Cytali order - intimidated him. Stepping down here without first becoming a Cytali felt like trespassing on an intimate moment he was not meant to see.
But the training room would suit his purposes marvellously today. Finding the area quiet, no sign of the Sanctuary's inhabitants present, Hirem eschewed his tunic and robes, leaving them piled up neatly by the door. To his satisfaction, the underground was much warmer than the surface, and his tanned skin rejoiced in being freed from the cold's unrelenting grasp. Approaching a nearby training dummy, Hirem wasted no time in adopting a combat posture he had learned at the Tuvya Sasaran, interested in getting his bout started as soon as possible. All the better to ease my mind, he thought, smirking to himself as he lunged forward to attack his mock opponent.
Take a deep breath. Relax. Let your mind ease.
Hirem closed his eyes and let a quiet exhale escape him. His arms stretched out to his knees and gripped them tightly, his legs crossed underneath him, making a seat against the cold ground. Against his bare skin, the winter's chill brushed down his arms and made every hair stand on end, abated only slightly by the last rays of Syna's glow. Distantly, the Benshira was aware of the quiet groan of the Suvan as it crashed endlessly against the base of the cliff, the sea peaceful on this quiet evening. He had never paid much attention to the sounds of the ocean before, but found that they were a sufficient substitute for the nightly winds of Eyktol, that had soothed him to bed so many times throughout the years. Indeed, he had come to appreciate the sea for its own reserved beauty, for the murmur of its waves, for the cries of its birds, for the shuddering of the receding tides. It was a different beast than the desert of his homeland, that was for sure, but they possessed their own bizarre similarities - both angry and temperamental, ruled by wind as much as water or earth, both prone to swallowing men up whole and pulling their secrets down into dark abyss. The thought made Hirem smile, trying to get comfortable as he settled in for his meditation. It was an auspicious time to do so; the sun was almost past the horizon on the western sky, and stars were twinkling far overhead as Leth waited to emerge from his slumber. Ignoring the chill, which was a skill that Hirem was learning to acquire, the scenery was entirely peaceful. He should have been easily able to find himself at a similar peace.
But...
Relax. Take a deep breath. Ease your mind. Frowning, Hirem felt the thousands upon thousands of thoughts within him start to quiver under his brow, threatening to explode and overtake his weak consciousness. Resolved to try and bring some order to these bickering ideas, he attempted to handle them one after another, hopefully delving into his problems without succumbing to their pressure. What he feared most was given into emotion, for right now his emotions were poison and deserved to be feared.
First... there is the issue of Nadia and her father. The situation Hirem had dealt with six days ago had, unsurprisingly, continued to haunt him long after Nadia slipped away into the darkness of Riverfall. He continued to support the delusion that he might find the girl soon, hiding out in the docks or stowing away inside another home, but deep down he knew that he would never see her again. His heart trembled at the thought, and it took Hirem a moment to remember that he was trying to maintain his composure. At least Hisham still lives, he thought, thinking of the poor man that still resided at the Gilia Medical Center, in long-term treatment for his near-death by freezing. Even if he survives to the end of the season, there is no telling if his madness can be cured. And why should it be? His only daughter, his last remaining family member, has left him. The Hisham that I grew to respect would rather die than face that reality. He had not seen to his fellow Benshira at all since their last meeting... he had no desire to. He was determined to wash his hands of the foul proceedings. Now, if only the memories would leave him alone...
Next is Tim, and his rejection of the god that I thought we shared kindred... and that Benshira bracelet of his, inherited from some unknown source... and those green eyes of his. And if I consider Tim, then I must consider Tarik and Wayland and all the other little boys and girls that exist as shadows in this city, deserving of protection... I must help them, but how? Shall I defy the Kuvay'Nas and keep strays in the city? Employ them? Offer them my home? I am close to the answer, but the means of providing for the ghosts, to bring them back into life... it is insurmountable. The grip on his knees tightened, and Hirem bowed his head. "Shhhh...." he murmured to himself. But the whispers would not cease. Speaking of insurmountable, I still have not advanced towards my cause with the Cytali at all, and no wonder! I must learn magic, train to fight opponents that defy the gods themselves, seek to understand the god of both dreams and nightmares... it is all too much! And let me not spend one more moment thinking of the nightmares that come to me now, with Marion screaming through my ears and into my soul. Let me not spend one more night quivering in fear, realizing that I am both the man that I once was and the monster that I feared I'd become. Let me not spend one more moment in pain, confusion, horror, doubt, self-loathing, anger... let me not spend one more moment trying to petching meditate!
This was hopeless.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, Hirem pushed himself to his feet, dusting off the snow that clung to his legs. If I am to spend the evening in turmoil, I will at least spend it productively. I also feel a very great need to hit something. Resolved that he would attempt some martial exercises before retiring to bed, the Benshira left the cliffside and returned to the Sanctuary walls, managing to slip through the gate just before the worst of the night's cold came upon him. He had come to the Sanctuary in the early morning and spent the full day among its residents, helping out where he could and basking in the sense of community here. This meant helping Red with some mundane gardening tasks, taking over Larik's watch for a bell and a half, and aiding Cadra with what limited knowledge he had in preparing supper. It had been a good day, a fulfilling day, a chance to escape from his troubles and live momentarily in a place of absolute serenity. But now that night had come upon the Sanctuary, the walls were quiet and echoed only with silence, the animals all resting inside their pens, the men and women all seeking the shelter of the indoors as opposed to braving the cold. Chattering his teeth together, the Benshira head into the Sanctuary proper and down into the subterranean level. He had only been here once or twice before, finding that the building's true purpose - as a place of learning for the revived Cytali order - intimidated him. Stepping down here without first becoming a Cytali felt like trespassing on an intimate moment he was not meant to see.
But the training room would suit his purposes marvellously today. Finding the area quiet, no sign of the Sanctuary's inhabitants present, Hirem eschewed his tunic and robes, leaving them piled up neatly by the door. To his satisfaction, the underground was much warmer than the surface, and his tanned skin rejoiced in being freed from the cold's unrelenting grasp. Approaching a nearby training dummy, Hirem wasted no time in adopting a combat posture he had learned at the Tuvya Sasaran, interested in getting his bout started as soon as possible. All the better to ease my mind, he thought, smirking to himself as he lunged forward to attack his mock opponent.
