[Orin] Mostly Recipes

[Orin Fenix]

Actually going to use this scrapbook for it's originally intended purpose: for reference

Also, if y'all have dishes you think it'd be fun for Orin to cook, send them my way!

[Orin Fenix]

Hi folks! Sorry I've been scarce the past few days. Work got sort of crazy for me, then the heavens decided that several days of flash flooding were in order, which then made work even crazier. I'm not quite through all of it yet, but I should be back around and posting tomorrow.

Thanks for your patience!

[Orin Fenix]

Quick Note

Hey all! Just wanted to let you all know that my classes for my final year of university started today. In a lot of ways, I'll have more time on my hands. This all depends, of course, on me keeping up with my independent project. So my posts might slow down a bit and you might not see me around in chat as much. However, I'm hoping not to disappear on you completely this time around. If it feels like that's a possibility or if I find myself overwhelmed by real world responsibilities, though, I will let you all know that I'm taking some time off.

For now, though expect to see me in a reduced presence.

[Gossamer]

Gillar made this for me today. It was honestly in the top ten best things I've ever eaten category. He made it with real cream and some egg noodles on the side. Just thought I'd share it.


http://cafedelites.com/2016/08/05/creamy-champagne-chicken-recipe/

[Orin Fenix]

That looks incredibly delicious. I'm jealous!

[Orin Fenix]

Random Thoughts, Mostly for Me

Seriously, don't read past this point unless you actually want to know what's going on in my life. It's pretty boring stuff.

So, to the point: I'm happy. And for once it doesn't surprise me.

That seems like a silly combination of words, but I've struggled on and off with both major and minor bouts of depression for a while now. I've struggled with (and continued to struggle with) a whole host of issues, including body image, self-worth, loneliness, and many, many more. Those haven't gone away, and I'm going to probably spend my entire life worrying about things that are often out of my control. I guess I'm writing this post, here now, to kind of assess how I'm doing and how far my life has come. It's funny, I'm a psychology major and basically everyone who's ever bothered to look at it has always said that writing about your feelings will make you feel better. Unfortunately, I've never taken that advice to heart. Maybe I'll start making the effort.

Anyway, that's not the important part of this post. The important part is that I'm stable. I'm in school, after completing a successful year last year, after taking a year off for mental health reasons. Even though it's my final year at university and I've got so much to do (a huge independent project), I don't feel overwhelmed by it for once. I feel that I can handle the workload as long as I push myself to make all the deadlines that have been set for me. Of course, in a couple weeks once the semester is in full swing I might not feel the same way, which again, is why I'm doing this now. So I can look back and try to find my happy place.

Today was a good day. I saw a bunch of old friends, got a lot of work done on my academics, and performed in what might be my last show ever, or at least for a long time, and it was very cathartic. A friend of mine also tried to recruit me for her company a few days ago, which was HILARIOUS because never in a million years would I have considered myself someone to whom that would happen. I found out today, when I saw her, that she was actually dead serious, not just telling me her company had an opening, and that she thought I would be a great fit. So who knows. I might have a job post graduation, in my field of study, that's something I would really enjoy doing, at least for a few years. We'll see. But it's exciting.

I'm also in a long-term relationship, the longest relationship I've ever actually been in. It's incredible and amazing and lovely, and yet also a challenge. A challenge because sharing your life with someone else is difficult. A challenge because I really don't know what I'm doing yet, with my life, even with my job offer, and they have no idea what they're doing yet, so I try not to think about the future too hard. But for now, it's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I'm not saying this all to brag about how awesome my life is now. I just wanted a place to write down my thoughts. Back to the main point, what I meant by, I'm happy and not surprised is that for the longest time, when I felt this happy, I would be surprised by that fact and immediately start doubting it. It seemed somehow fake, or at the very least that it wouldn't last. Mostly, the problem came down to me not feeling that I deserved to be happy, and so when I felt happy, I immediately felt guilty, because I knew that was wrong.

Which is stupid, and irrational, but hey, I'm human and humans have flaws. Nobody's perfect. I'm certainly not: I'm fundamentally lazy in a lot of ways, I hate confrontation and avoid it like the plague which leads me not to confess my actual feelings in a lot of setting, I'm too trusting and not quick enough to cut toxic people out of my lives, I actually see the best in people when they're actively demonstrating their worst qualities, I literally cannot say no to my friends when they ask me for favors even if doing so makes me miserable, I'm shy in social situations, I bottle up my emotions, I tell far too many white lies (or what I think of as white lies, and I want people around me to be happy even to the detriment of my own happiness. There's definitely more there, but one of the other flaws is a lack of introspection.

But. All that aside (and that list got a lot longer than I thought it would), I'm finally in a place in my life where I think I deserve happiness. So I'm proud. And while it might not last, I'm content with the knowledge that it will come again, and that worrying about it will just make me upset.

Emotional unload complete.

Happy writing folks!

[Sayana]

Simply put, it made me really happy to read all that. I'm so glad things are working out well in your life Orin and that you feel you deserve the happiness you currently have.

[Rufio]

　　　　
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change."

"This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-fainthearted. It involves the courage to be."
—Carl Rogers, On Becoming a Person

A wee psychology quote from one of my favourite fathers of psychotherapy (psychology major here too, woot). As I read your scrap post (& i hope you don't mind that I did), i thought of these quotes. It's so nice to listen to you write about your life with excitement, because really life is a journey, an adventure into unknowns with horribly challenging mountains in our way sometimes (depression is horrible, I'm glad you took a year out to look after yourself) & lovely sunlit meadows like this at other times! Reading someone else's "up" moments brings out the light in myself, too; joy is infectious, so, thanks for sharing Orin x
　　

[Ornea]

This made me happy.

“Happiness held is the seed; Happiness shared is the flower” (J. Harrigan)

Loving your post Orin, and the answers from other people too.

[Orin Fenix]

Thanks for the lovely responses everyone!

In other news, coming on here to complain that neuroscience makes my brain hurt, which is probably ironic in some way. I might have an update for you later, if I actually can get through these journal articles.