[Kendall's Scrapbook] Caught In The Crossfire

[Kendall Saarinen]

His (Her?) Eyes are Open I could not help the title. I just listened to "My Body" by Young the Giant and there is a line that goes "It's my road and it's my war. His eyes are open. His eyes are open." That song always reminded me of Kendall. I found these eyes (they were originally grey) and I knew I wanted to Kendall-fy them with heterochromia. This would be on Kendall's CS if he ever made it back into his female body (through morphing at least). I'm still looking for more manly eyes to do for his male self. I had to post the song. I love it too much The lead singer looks like he has a monster cold.

[Kendall Saarinen]

I just wanted to post this because it makes awesome and perfect sense with the thread that Kendall and Hadrian are doing right now. He always reassures crazy little Kendall when he is freaking out.

[Growl]

Stuff that should make you smile: Smile : already : Darnit! : I hope >.<

[Kendall Saarinen]

Yay New Signature!! After a while of pondering on changing my signature I have decided it is time to make a new one for Kendall. I love the one he has now but I always wanted to incorporate the lyrics to "Love the Way You Lie" by Rihanna into something for him. Since his current player rank "Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" is perfect for him I decided to put it in his signature instead. For people who have not heard it, here is the song. If you have heard it you probably heart it sung with Eminem. I made two versions of Kendall's signature because I didn't know if I wanted to have it say "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. It's alright because I love the way you lie." or if I wanted to leave the second sentence out. Lemme know what you guys think though.

[Ycea]

I think I'll just start jumping up and down in place clapping my hands like a hyped up fan girl now...

Oh right, it's Tiki. xD Silly account swappin, poppin, ye.

[Kendall Saarinen]

It will never truly be over Nature meant for us to fight But I'm not the one who's falling It's you who is losing grip tonight You never were the saint you claimed to be Your game was always to lie and cheat But after all of these painful years You'll finally have to admit defeat How many times have you driven me into corners? How many times have your words burned my skin? Now I am fireproof You are never getting in I saw your last display for power It was more needy than anything I've seen I have told you so many times But you will never see what I mean Everything is falling apart because of you You do see this, right? Your foolish thirst for power Will set this house alight I'm almost gone dear opponent You are the only one left on the battle ground I'm only getting better Even more so when you are not around You thought so desperately that I needed you You lived so happily in the perfect world in your head But I'm shattering your reality Now you see that your world is gone and dead I never wanted to be your sparring partner If you remember, I tried to be your friend You wanted glory and power But I'll have nothing in the end My time under your rule is almost over I will finally be free And after all of these years saying I needed you In the end, you could never live without me

[Kendall Saarinen]

Slow and Steady I shall be moving soon! From my dad's house to my moms' to be exact. Although I am very happy to be moving out of my dad's house it has been much more stressful than one would think. I'm not putting this out here for sympathy. I am doing this more so people know why I have not been posting lately. The energy in my house has been quite negative and tense (if you believe in that kind of stuff). So tense in fact that you could cut it with a knife. I've tried to write but it is not really coming to be at the moment. I've been packing a lot as well as staring at my ceiling and taking my dog for more walks than she wants to take. I'm just trying to keep my head clear and keep out if the warpath (evil stepmother, yes they really do exist). I should be getting back into the swing of things as of monday night when I move in with my mom. I'm not losing steam my friends, I am just trying to get my mind clear enough for writing. Kendall is crazy enough without me following suit. Thank you for understanding. I cannot wait to get writing and adventuring again

[Bolden Denusk]

I understand the evil stepmother thing beyond belief. Here's a hug honey! <3

[Kendall Saarinen]

I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I loved reading Macabre's character evaluation of his character Seven so I wanted to do it with Kendall. Kenny and I have been very mentally connected lately. I find that with him, I tend to take on some of his emotions and he tends to take on some of mine. When he is sad or anxious, I tend to be the same. When I am upset he tends to be a bit more irritable. We work well together and help each other out (as odd as that is). Anyways, here is Kendall. Kendall Samantha Saarinen (I had to use this picture since I cannot use it anywhere else) Figuring out Kendall is a lot like trying to figure out two people at once. While he was born a female and was one for twenty-one years of his life he is not one anymore. He is faced with the need to figure out how to be a man while at the same time trying to figure out how to become a woman again. He deals with best and worst of both worlds gender-wise on a daily basis. Emotionally, Kendall is very soft and caring. He wants to make people happy and he wants people to accept him. At the same time, he is very insecure and is not a stranger to rage when someone points out abnormal things about him. He wants to be protected and taken care of and at the same time he feels a slight need to be dominant. This is with everyone but Hadrian. When Kendall is alone with Hadrian he is very open and wants Hadrian to be in control. He finds a lot of peace when he is with him, being that Hadrian is the only person who knew him as a female and still loves and accepts him. Kendall is fiercely protective of Hadrian although he has yet to be faced with a situation where it is shown. He would do next to anything to keep him safe. He in head over heels in love with Hadrian and sees him not only as a sense of love and safety but a sense of home. Since he feels that he cannot go home to Zeltiva he takes comfort in being with Hadrian. A lot of Kendall's mental state is controlled by memory. He does not like to think about his family but he loves to think of Zeltiva. He rarely will talk about his family unless urged to and even then he is very vague about them. If he does have to think or talk about his family he gets very despondent. The only person who he talks in detail about his family is Hadrian and even with him he doesn't like to talk about his family. Another sign of his disconnection with his family is the fact he rarely gives out his last name. He usually introduces himself as "Ken", not Kendall unless he trusts the person. This is an attempt to seem more masculine than his feminine first name entails. While some of his more darker, more interesting background depends on his upcoming modded threaded in Ravok I have a good feeling a lot of who Kendall is internally has to do heavily with his mother. I can say what since it is still up to chance but one thing I can say (which isn't that exciting) is that Kendall's love for writing and poetry comes from his mother. Before his whole accident they were actually very close. Before his change he based a lot of himself off of her. He aimed to be like her (and deep down even if he doesn't notice or admit it, he still does). His dream is to be a well known poet or a writer (his mother is a literature scholar) and he strongly wants to be a mother (obviously, like his mother). Kendall is the kind of person who needs someone to look up to. When his family disowned him he lost his role model, his mother. Almost instantly after disjoining from his family he starts to base himself off of his brothers in an attempt to be more masculine. While Kendall seems smart and well adjusted (at least for someone in his situation) he truly cannot function without someone to follow in the footsteps of. In the future he might become more independent, especially after he sees how he can overcome his past. For the time being he is still a bit of a natural follower (which works well with Hadrian since he seems to naturally lead). Who Kendall was before his change has a lot to do with who he is now. Growing up he was always a "daddy's little girl" kind of person. He was the baby of the family and along with having two extremely dedicated parents, he had two fiercely protective brothers. Kendall was sort of like the golden child of the Saarinen family. He was responsible, studious, kind, and respectful. He followed all of the rules laid out for him and never dreamed of breaking them. Meanwhile, each of the other Saarinen children had something that was not desirable about them. Layton was bullheaded and cocky, Kel was shy and had a secret that he hid from the family (hopefully it will be reviled later on), and Suanna was prideful, arrogant, and snobbish. Losing Kendall started to bring these attributes to the surface (in one of Kendall's dream threads one can see Layton complaining about Suanna's personality). One of the major issues Kendall seems to run into (besides being male) is the fact that he does not feel as though he is ready to face the world. Despite being twenty-two and clearly capable of taking care of himself if needed he feels like he needs to be taken care of. His entire life, from birth to the day of his accident, Kendall was taken care of by his family. He wanted something, they got it for him. He needed money, they supplied it. Even as he was reaching an age where he would leave home, he was already in the processes of getting married. He feels like he cannot be alone because he has never been alone. That is all I feel like divulging right now. I probably will add more later though. I hope you enjoyed looking a little deeper into Kendall.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Kendall took over me last night and decided to write a sappy love poem. It is painfully clear to see who it is about. Sadly, I felt sick last night and did not want to write a poem so it was finished this morning. So he asked “What is it like to burn?” For that is all his lover knew To add and add to kindling Shining brighter as the fire grew. And his lover just smiled “If I tell you, what do I get in return? Fire is such a gentle thing If you can handle it right. Keep it sheltered from the rain and it will warm your night.” He smiled sweet and coy Looking into his lover’s eyes “But not as well as I…” He said so lovingly “For I can give you more than warmth And it is all for free. I ask for no protection I stand adamant in the springtime showers I only want you near me To keep me warm in the moonlit hours” With a simple kiss his lover smiled Joining his hand with that of the one he loved “If I am made of fire Then you are the water Cooling me to the touch. For your kisses are like riptides Pulling me under with a rush.” As elements go Even the misinformed know When fire and water are joined as one Steam sets in And then the night can begin As sweetly as it had begun.