Closed Need An Ice Pack 2 [Kyo]

[Kaitanu]

Kaitanu had left behind the abject terror that had been his entire existence. It seemed to be melting away, bit by bit, under the warmth that permeated the Blackwater existence. Whether this was influenced by the seasons or a year-round, self-contained state of being he couldn’t yet tell. Whatever the case Kaitanu had been changing, almost imperceptibly, since Dravite’s first finding him in the endless grasses. His posture, his words, his very manner were all formal rather than fearful. The many scars that darkened his porcelain flesh were old rather than fresh; his eyes now dared to meet those of others, if only for a moment or two. He was even beginning to have thoughts and feelings of his own beyond immediate survival. Altogether, Kaitanu was becoming a wholly different creature from the wan, pale shadow he used to be. Distant and quiet he was, but had Kyo met him in his first days here the coyote would not have recognized the pale kelvic who sat across from him in the dim light of his tent.

Unaware of Kyo’s thoughts, Kaitanu watched his new friend very carefully. Friend… What a strange word for a strange concept. He understood the meaning intellectually, though at heart it was a somewhat foreign idea, like stepping onto new ground. Dravite and Pearl and the others had given him a foundation upon which to build, but his broken mind still struggled to put things together properly. Still, that word kept his attention, in part because Kyo said it out loud in reference to someone else. As Kaitanu answered the other kelvic’s questions, he silently considered the relationship of the special word to Kyo, then to himself. The coyote had called him “friend”. Kaitanu was watching over him, so he supposed… yes, that was what friends did. At least, as he understood the concept. It was still so new to him. Had he ever had another friend before this place? It seemed somehow familiar, like a dream he couldn’t recall upon waking. Perhaps he had somewhere in the past, but no name or face leaped to mind. Kyo seemed to be having the same issue, but for different reasons.

“More-good friends?” Kaitanu repeated, pausing for a moment with head canted to one side. Kyo mentioning Pearl didn’t do much to clarify his meaning; Kaitanu had no clear concept of family. Not yet. After consideration he assumed that Kyo meant “friends who were closer” than himself and Kyo, who had only just met. Acquaintances, friends…there was a difference there.

“Yes… Pearl, Dravite, Belkaia…the children. They are all more-good friends. They are kind.” Kindness... That was another new concept to him. A month ago Kaitanu would never have dreamed that such a thing existed, but now he was seeing it in action every day. Their treatment of Kyo, a complete stranger, was just the most recent example. "Where are your...your 'more-good friends'? If they are near perhaps we may help you to find them. Like the girl you are looking for. Do you know her name?"

Kaitanu wondered how the girl related to his companion. He wondered what had happened to Kyo's home, and how he had ended up here. However, the horse kelvic didn't ask every question that popped into his head. He was not used to showing or even feeling the curiosity which had begun to manifest itself. Right now he was just trying to keep up a conversation in order to help Kyo stay awake. What he said reflected only a small part of his thoughts, which lingered especially around the subject of "friends".

When the coyote-man spoke again their topic shifted to kelvics. Why Kyo should find the term “kelvic” so distasteful was another conundrum to be looked over. The horse kelvic still had a tendency to want to know things in order to avoid conflict, but this was a nearer interest. Kyo was like him. Kaitanu had known other kelvics, but never before had he wanted to study them so that he might find some similarities. Among the Drykas there was a sense of belonging to a larger world that was, paradoxically, more intimate. As welcoming as they had been Kaitanu always knew himself to be an outsider. If he understood Kyo, maybe he would understand his own being and where he stood in the world. After all, Kaitanu was no longer a slave, even if he wasn't sure what that meant.

“Kelvic is a word that means I can shift forms.” Kaitanu frowned slightly. For such a term he was thinking of denotation rather than connotation. However, as the coyote’s eyes kept glancing at Kaitanu’s neck, the pale kelvic began to understand. That area, like most of his body, had very faded scars, though the ring-like marks were from collars of different kinds. As for all kelvic slaves they had been used to keep him from transforming. It had been so long since such measures were needed to keep him in line that he had forgotten until that moment. Such was the way his fractured mind worked. Even if Kaitanu had been able to recall things unprompted he would not have wanted to dredge up the flood that threatened him now.

“Words may have different meanings to different individuals. There are worse ones…to some.” A shadow passed over his face as memories flooded his mind in a brief and disordered way, only to vanish once more, leaving an impression of terrible pain. The shadows took no form, nor did he seek for clarity. The dark wave was pushed back, leaving Kaitanu as he had been before; vague and in the present.

Shaking his head, the horse kelvic continued. He didn’t understand exactly what Kyo was getting at, but had a rough idea. In those dark memories he had caught a glimpse of what “kelvic” meant to many others; sub-human, animalistic, faulty.

“Have others treated you badly because you are kelvic? If that is what it means to you then…yes. It is bad. It brings pain.” Though he didn’t seem to, the pale kelvic was looking at Kyo for telltale scars. The other didn’t act like he had ever been a slave, nor did he have the haunted light in his eyes that never quite went away. Perhaps he had been kept as a pet, however, which was close enough. Kaitanu had seen plenty of kelvics kept as pets in Kenash. Compared to a slave it was an enviable lot, but now that he himself was neither pet nor slave that opinion was changing.

Kaitanu was glad to turn his mind to other thoughts once more. Kyo was asking him more questions which he had to translate, along with becoming rather fidgety. After some more broken Common he was made to understand that Kyo needed something with which to keep himself occupied. The horse kelvic had been wondering why his companion pointed several times to his mending. Ever ready to please, Kaitanu handed him the black fabric without a pause, or even asking whether or not Kyo knew how to use the bone needle that had been stuck in it for safekeeping. It had always been Kaitanu’s habit not to question others in what they wanted. He only made one observation, while bowing his head humbly.

“Belkaia may have more important mending that you can take on if it is your desire to mend.” The black cloth was, after all, just one of his own shirts, torn at the seam under his arm. He still couldn’t help thinking of his own concerns as being lowest on the totem pole of important camp tasks. Kyo really didn’t have to do anything at all. Kaitanu would have run all over bringing things to him without the smallest complaint. After all, the other kelvic was supposed to rest. Indeed, the coyote-man looked rather worse at the moment, something Kaitanu noticed with a worried frown.

“Shall I bring you some water? How may I help you?”

[Kyo]

At least Kaitanu was easy to talk to, though the subject --and this was mainly Kyo's fault-- varied from here to there. He tried to keep track of it all in his head while the other was speaking, leaning back tiredly, trying to ease the tension of the muscles in his shoulders and back.

They spoke about family and Kaitanu said that the people in this pavilion-place were kind, and yes, Kyo thought they were too. The man who had helped him, and the doctor-woman who had given him the strange thing to eat and now his stomach was feeling better. And Kai, too, of course.

Kaitanu was good to have people like that near him. It was good.

The horse-shifter asked about Kyo's dogs, and so Kyo said, "My dogs are outside the city. They don't come in. The city... is not a good place for them. They are not good for people... not good for rules...?" One of his hands reached up to touch his shaved-off ear, where an arrow had nearly missed. Or nearly hit. "I come to the city, not know rules too, and person, Drykas here try to stop me to come in. I was not-know the city... not know to not come in like a animal. Like coyote." He said the last word slowly, copying it from the way Pearl had said it outside.

Suddenly the wan smile, which had briefly touched upon his face as if he thought his mistake --in retrospect-- was somehow amusing, fell. He gave a worried look to Kaitanu. "I don't know where the girl is. Don't know her name but..." But did he want to know where she was? He didn't want to think about it. He was afraid. Maybe it was bad for him to be this way, but this was one thing he did not want to think about, one thing he didn't want to remember. If only the horse had-- but no, and he looked down at his hands, winding them together, the rush of anxiety making his head throb.

"Don't... can't... trouble speak for... for fear. Fear for me. Sorry."

Eager to stop his hurting head from going someplace he did not want it to be, he latched onto the other's next words.

So Kaitanu said 'Kelvic' meant a shifting person, a person like Kyo, and that, did that make sense? He tried to think where he had first heard that word, but it was lost in his mind. Somewhere bad, he thought. But if words could mean different things for different people then... then it could be bad for Kyo but not-bad for Kaitanu? Maybe, yes, that was right because there were words Kyo knew, the song-language of his Vantha family, that seemed to mean nothing to other people at all.

Tangled in these thoughts, though, he still managed to extract himself quickly enough to vehemently shake his head --wincing as he did-- when Kaitanu asked if people had ever mistreated him for being Kelvic. "No, no, no. Not like... no. People are good." Something felt wrong saying it like that, like all people were good, but then he felt guilty for his doubt, too. He pressed on, not quite knowing how to answer. "I like people. I had a boy, others, and they don't care that I am K-- Kelvic." It was difficult to admit to being that dreaded word, even now that he knew what it meant, that it did not necessarily mean to be bad. Still... "I don't know. I hear it, and I don't like it. But I was not know it is 'shift forms', like Kaitanu knows. To me it was 'different' or 'not like other people'."

He was relieved when Kaitanu handed him the black clothing, for here was something real to focus on, something easier for his head. But... Kaitanu had said mend and Kyo was not certain what that meant. And he didn't quite know what the string and the... poking-thing were for. He raised the tiny pointed-thing and thought it looked like a quill from a porcupine, or maybe like a needle from a pine tree. Bemused, he tested his finger on the tip of it, and it was sharp. Why had they stuck it in the clothing?

"Er... ah, is it for..." He thought there was something, had he seen someone long ago do something with a thing like this? Yes, the word needle felt like the right word in his mind, and maybe it did go with mend like Kai had said, too. Maybe his ice-mother had done something with it...? Sort of going like... like...

He pulled the needle to the furthest point on its string, and then sort of waggled it back towards the cloth, and then up again, perplexed when it didn't do anything. There had to be a reason, something it was supposed to do. People didn't do things without having a reason. "I don't know. Do you...?" He started to hold it out towards Kaitanu, maybe he could do something with it, maybe show Kyo... but then Kai spoke and Kyo looked at him, even more confused than before.

“Shall I bring you some water? How may I help you?”

Kyo stared at him for a long moment, totally taken aback. Thoughts churned sluggishly, trying to take what Kai had said and fit it with what he himself was doing. So... Kyo needed water to mend? Kai was trying to help... So maybe that was what the coyote-man was missing? Would it all make sense with water?

Well, the mend-motion, arm going up and down, was sort of like swimming, right? Swimming with the arms... but how much water would he need for something like this?

Uncertain where it all was going, Kyo nodded his head, not knowing what else to do. "Water... yes... help..." he muttered, touching a fingertip to his temple, not liking the way it pounded when he was trying to concentrate. But at least this was something to do, head hurting or no...

[Kaitanu]

Kaitanu couldn’t help wondering about the other kelvic; if his scattered thoughts were because of head trauma, or if he always had difficulty processing things. Perhaps Kaitanu himself had those issues because it was a kelvic trait. What was it like to be a “normal” kelvic, if such a term could be applied? Were he and Kyo the norm? Just beyond animals but not quite human? As Kaitanu’s ability to think was allowed to branch out he felt more than ever his own deficiencies in knowledge and experience. Then again, he had never felt very intelligent or talented. Only recently had he begun to want more for himself, but there seemed to be a block in the way. Every new bit of information had to be repeated over and over again before it would stick and come to him without effort. For Kaitanu it was like slogging through frozen mud while being weight down by unseen and constantly-shifting burdens. Always he had managed to survive, but by the skin of his teeth, and not because he was quick-witted. The horse-man didn’t consider himself as such. Maybe that was the lot of the kelvic; to always be less than their human counterparts. Maybe Kaitanu and Kyo would always have minds that did not quite work the way they should, but he had not realized that until now. Little wonder, then, that Kyo should hate the term so much.

As these uncomfortable things circled about in Kaitanu's head, he watched his new companion and continued to wonder silently. The coyote’s trouble linking his own thoughts could be seen in every expression, and heard every time he spoke. Kaitanu was at some pains to follow what Kyo said, and at the same time reassure his friend that he would do what he could to help find the other kelvic's associates. His 'more-good friends'. A somewhat broken picture formed in the pale man’s mind of an ad-hoc group, kelvic, human and true canine. It was surprisingly like his own among the Blackwater pavilion; perhaps more tight-knit. Kyo seemed to be genuinely distressed about the separation. It was a feeling which passed to Kaitanu and made him anxious without direct reason. Was he feeling what Kyo was feeling in some strange way? There had to be some means of finding the unnamed girl and boy Kyo spoke of.

”It will be difficult to locate your friends without their names. If I knew what they looked like, or smelled like, I could help there. But they may be far away from Endrykas.” Kaitanu wondered if the coyote had bonded with the girl, and that was why he wished to find her. Or perhaps the boy, equally without name, was linked to Kyo. The horse kelvic didn’t understand how bonding worked, exactly, but that it was a kelvic thing and very powerful. Separation from his bondmate could be making Kyo’s problems worse. Not only were the topics of conversation leaping about like frogs, the coyote-man was becoming restless and irritated. Each time “kelvic” was mentioned the coyote wrinkled his nose as though he smelled something awful. It was probably a subject best dropped.

“You need not say that word if it displeases you.” Kaitanu bowed his head slightly.“I apologize for using it. I shall not any more in your presence.”

Looking back up, he watched Kyo pick at the needle and realized that the coyote-man had no clue what he was doing. It had not occurred to Kaitanu that his friend might not have had to do such a thing as mend his own clothes. The pale kelvic had always done such tasks in simple fashion. It was better for masters not to know their purchased slave-garments had been torn, so many slaves learned how to mend out of necessity. Kaitanu had been required most of the time to wear clothing, so far as he could recall. It was obvious that Kyo had not faced that problem. Kaitanu wasn’t even using a complicated stitch, but the coyote-man pulled his needle back and forth like it was some radical new implement. Kaitanu considered for a moment whether to first help Kyo with the mending, or get water for him to drink. Leaving him alone right now wasn’t a comforting thought, but fresh water could not fail at doing some good. Kaitanu just had to make sure the other kelvic wouldn’t fall asleep in his absence.

”Allow me to show you how this works, and then I shall bring some water.” He said after a pause. The small activity would give Kyo something to occupy him while the pale kelvic was gone.

Reaching out, Kaitanu took the cloth and needle from Kyo and moved closer to him so he could see in the dim light. With the needle held between his long fingers Kaitanu began to stitch, over and under, going slowly for Kyo’s benefit. His stitching was neat and even. Belkaia and the other women of the camp were more skilled, but this work didn’t need to be fancy. It just had to hold together.

”Did I make that clear?” Kaitanu looked from his work to Kyo as he handed the cloth back. He frowned slightly. The coyote-man seemed to be a bit paler than before, though the light may have changed. Anyway, he was looking in dire need of refreshment. A few more minutes and Kaitanu might have to pour the water over Kyo’s head instead of into his mouth.

Quietly, he repeated his intention to retrieve some water and slipped outside to retrieve a water-skin from the main tent. Silence hung heavily about him in the warm afternoon, broken only by the buzz of insects, and the hum of the nearby tent city. Kaitanu supposed that most of the others had gone back to their business. Then, he remembered that Belkaia was still asleep, and the thought of disturbing her or the children made him wince inwardly. It would not do anyone any good to make Dravite’s young and heavily-pregnant wife cross. Cautiously, he padded toward the closed flap and listened for a moment, then slithered in with as little noise as possible.

Inside was warm and dark and full of the sound of heavy breathing. The humans remained still and comfortable among the pelts on the floor, with little Pup curled among them. It was a homely scene of innocence which touched even Kaitanu’s walled-in heart, if only for a moment, and in a vague manner. With deft steps he made his way toward a peg on one of the tent poles, where a few skins were hanging, round and full. Kaitanu plucked one and retreated, nearly tripping as Belkaia shifted in her dreams. Luckily, the only sleepers who stirred at all were Meka and Kavu, but neither did more than open an eye and yawn prodigiously. It was only the kelvic, after all, and after their first meeting both dogs had found him to be utterly inoffensive. Kaitanu was allowed to take a water-skin while they rolled over and went back to napping. He didn’t linger, but hurried off back to his own tent, bare feet kicking up little puffs of dust in the sun. It had only been a few moments, but with a head injury that was a long time.

”Are you well, Kyo? I have brought water.” Kaitanu pushed through the flap of his tent quickly and held out the water skin, hoping Kyo hadn’t passed out while he was gone.

[Kyo]

"It will be difficult to locate your friends without their names. If I knew what they looked like, or smelled like, I could help there. But they may be far away from Endrykas."

As he restlessly tried to copy what the other had done with the strange needle-thing, Kyo murmured, "The girl is here. In the city. I know... I know she is here." His fidgeting had grown more obvious, though it was not physical pain that he now felt, but something more insidious.

He glanced up very briefly and touched a finger to the tip of his nose, trying to explain, without speaking, that he had caught the girl's scent. It was her scent that had brought him to this place. Endrykas.

Yes, her scent had brought him here, and he remembered why clearly-- that was what was hurting him now. Hesitantly he went on.

"I don't know if I want to- to find the girl. She knows... or I trust she knows... a 'what' " a thing, "what... I... don't know." He was unable, unwilling even, to explain the big question that made his heart run too fast on cold and shivering blood: Had the girl seen his boy? Had his boy been there in Riverfall, had it really been his long lost boy who had walked through those strange doorways, or had it been something else. Something different, haunting him. A trick in Kyo's eyes; a trick in his heart.

And if it turned out his boy had not been there... then what else could he --would he-- have been wrong about?

Suddenly Kyo was looking a little paler as his heart thudded in his chest. He swallowed, keeping his eyes down, gripping the cloth and needle so tight in his hands that he almost pushed the sharp point through the travel-hardened skin of his palm.

He was quiet for a long time, picking at the needle and clothing.

"My boy is not here..." he finally managed to say, looking up, and then realized, for the first time, that Kaitanu had left. He could vaguely remember hearing the other saying that he was going to get the water, but hadn't noticed him leave. He didn't know how much of it all Kaitanu had heard. But maybe it was better that way. Kyo didn't want help to look for the girl. Maybe for his boy, he would do anything to find his boy. But the girl... he was scared.

So scared that just thinking about asking her the question made his hands tremble.

Determined not to think about it all further, the coyote-man did his best with Kaitanu's needle and clothes, shaking hands and all.

It should have been simple. What Kaitanu had done was simple. There was the thread and the needle and when they were pushed through the cloth a mark was left, a thread-mark. And the thread kept the clothes together? But the more Kyo tried to make himself focus on the task the more his mind went to pieces. And the further his mind went, the more his hands stilled until the cloth dropped from his grip.

Absently he reached out and put his hands to the dropped cloth as if to pick it back up and continue. But, a moment later, it remained forgotten on the ground.

Then he was moving, lurching forward as if to get up. In the dark of the tent, eddied by cool, calm conversation, sitting and not moving, his head had felt remarkably better. As soon as he tried to get up and start going --going where he didn't know, but it was that urge to run, to search again-- as soon as he moved there was a renewed crack of pain. He almost thought he had bashed his head into something. His stomach and the dizziness, other things that had settled down, suddenly bucked back into motion.

It was all he could do to stop himself throwing up. He needed air. He needed... something else. Outside? To find the sky, or to find the ground? To find something else. "Pack," he rasped, suddenly remembering the missing puppy, and maybe that was what he was looking for.

He stumbled out from the tent and hissed at the light, but the sun had gone behind a cloud; not so bad, then, on his eyes. He tottered to the side, round the tent, towards the edge of the camp. Around here somewhere. He was quite dizzy.

What was he doing? He needed to be sitting. The people had told him to rest. But what was the point of resting if he could not sleep? He was not feeling good and the human's medicine suddenly did not make much sense. His head really hurt.

Finally he forced himself down but the urge to run was still there, run or at least do something. They should not have talked about his boy, or the girl he was --was supposed to be-- looking for.

"Kaitanu?" he called, wiping the new-beaded sweat from his forehead with a clammy hand. He thought he had heard the other near the tent. He wasn't certain how far he had managed to wander. "I need... help. I need help." But this was muttered more to himself than anyone, and with his head like it was he wasn't certain what he needed help with. Maybe just to make it all stop hurting.

[Kaitanu]

OOCThanks for being so patient. I wasn’t able to be as active because December is always my busiest month. Now it’s back to business!

All the way to the main tent and back, Kaitanu’s mind had been divided between retrieving the water skin and going over what Kyo had told him. He got the impression that the coyote-man had scented the girl to Endrykas, and thus remained in a state of indecision. Why Kyo hesitated to finish the job was as much a mystery to Kaitanu as it was to his friend. Strange ideas entered Kaitanu’s mind, that perhaps the girl had been Kyo’s owner and had treated him badly. The horse-man could understand that well enough, yet Kyo seemed to be torn within himself. Why should the coyote dither if she might know where the boy was? Kaitanu saw fear in his friend’s eyes, not just of what lay ahead, but of his own mental imbalance, and the unnamed, faceless girl. If Kaitanu had been bolder or more inquisitive, he might have pressed for information, but silence and respect dominated as always. He had to content himself with fruitless wondering, and the uncertainty of what he could, or should, try to do about Kyo’s problem. Action beyond orders was not his forte.

All these thoughts suddenly melted away as, with sudden alarm, Kaitanu realized something was very wrong. The darkness of his tent was as empty as ever, but that was the problem. There should be someone filling the space beside himself; someone else to explain the lingering scent of canine. In the empty spot on his bedroll was the crumpled form of his shirt, the needle probably buried somewhere underneath. Kyo wasn’t there.

Setting the water skin down, Kaitanu darted back out of the tent, looking wildly about for any sign of the coyote kelvic. Kyo was nowhere in sight, and in the quiet of the warm afternoon Kaitanu strained to hear any footsteps, or the telltale sound of harsh breathing. As alarm rose into near-panic, he tried to reason with himself, to remain calm and think. Kyo could not have gotten very far in his current state, though how he could have moved at all without Kaitanu hearing him… The horse kelvic shook his head and turned, preparing to go around the perimeter of the camp, hoping to find any trace of the coyote man. He could not lose Kyo, not like this. Dravite, Pearl…they would be angry with him. Kaitanu even felt, for the first time, ripples over his barely-touched heart; that he would be disappointed at failing his new friend.

There was no time to dwell on that revelation, or on much of anything. As he raised his hands to his mouth to call out Kyo’s name, the pale kelvic heard his own come back at him like a premature echo. Startled, suddenly hopeful, he went still and listened. There it was again; that small, raspy voice… Kaitanu turned, moving forward and around his tent, and might have laughed if he knew how. For all his panic Kyo hadn’t gone more than a few feet away, just where the horse-man hadn’t been able to see him from where he stood. Luckily, the air was still and Kaitanu had good hearing.

“Kyo!” he called, quick steps bringing him to the coyote-man’s side. Relief mingled with worry in Kaitanu’s chest and stomach; Kyo looked rather worse than before. Perhaps it was merely a trick of the light, but he didn’t think so. A pale hand reached out, tentatively, and pressed itself against Kyo’s brow. At least the coyote kelvic had sunk down on the shady side of the tent.

”Kyo, I’m here. Please, you must return to the tent…wandering is dangerous. Not liking the clammy feel of Kyo’s brow, Kaitanu’s hand placed itself instead on his shoulder. He gave it a little squeeze, trying to bring the other kelvic around. ”Come, I brought water for you…come back with me.

Why had Kyo wandered? He looked so afraid… But Kaitanu didn’t think to ask. He rarely questioned things out loud, though the words had gotten as far as the back of his tongue this time. Kaitanu wanted to know, but wanted more for his new friend to be safe. The taste of that word seemed to include such desires as wanting the other person to be well and cared for.

[Kyo]

OOCNo problem. ^_^ Btw I liked the line you put about Kai's name coming back to him like a premature echo.

That was a good line.

It was a relief to see the horse-man, and Kyo gave Kai a wan smile, though he still felt green, as the human-forms said. Sick. It was confusing for him to think that being hit in the head, something that was not exactly too-bad in itself despite the pain, could make him feel so terrible. If it was just pain he might be better at controlling it.

But it wasn't. It was pain that did things to him. Confusion. Made him think to places he didn't want to go. Fear. Sickness in his belly. Light-hurt eyes. Making his head go stuffy and turned-around like the time he had saved the girl from the water in the river but had been half-drowned himself.

He felt Kaitanu's touch on his shoulder and tried to use it to help haul himself back to his feet. It helped if he kept his eyes down and mostly closed.

But at the other's insistence they go back to the tent the coyote-man stalled. There was that nervousness. He was looking for something. It was very important. He shouldn't be resting. He should be moving. His eyes flicked around under heavy lids, searching, as if he might find what he was looking for --the puppy? or the boy? his boy?-- within the close tents of the pavilion.

"We... look... just a moment Kaitanu. Go... there?" One hand was gripping tight to Kaitanu to help keep his balance, the other pointing forward, towards the edge of the pavilion.

If he was allowed, he would wander with the horse-man's help from place to place within the camp, each time finding nothing and pointing to a new spot, repeating "There?" no matter how tired he got.

Finally though, after they had searched most everywhere --or not if he was not allowed his wanderings-- Kyo would let himself be led back inside Kai's tent and once more into the dark and cool. "I'm sorry," he said then, settling into his place near Kaitanu's bedding and the discarded pile of cloth, and his expression was almost ashamed, "I'm sorry, my head, I... I fear for my friend, my boy, my" bond. He signed the last with exhausted hands. "But I try to rest here, yes. I try not to--" Not to get up again now that they were settled, try not to listen to what his body was telling him, which was always to keep looking for whatever was lost until it was found, and it didn't matter how beat-up or ill or paws-bloodied he got when he looked.

As much as he wished to do a go-around the camp (again), just in case, instead he asked, "Kaitanu, do you have anyone you care for? Much-much care? Like... like a friend but more. Great. Here." He put a hand to his chest, feeling it as his heart began to slow now that he wasn't exerting himself, and that falling beat helped to quell the panic too, just enough for him to go on.

"You are like me, yes? But horse-not-coyote. And we... have... we need... a person. To find. A good-person..." bond "like paradise." He wasn't exactly certain if he was stating or asking, but it felt more like asking. He couldn't be the only one hurting like this. The bond to him was good, it was the best thing. But it was also pain.

For him sometimes it was much pain.

"Speaking in Common"
"And in Vani{descriptors}"
"And in Tukant [implications, descriptors]"
"And in Pavi" grassland sign

[Kaitanu]

OOCThanks! I have no idea where that came from. I love the way Kyo’s thoughts are kind of all over the place, but in a way that makes sense character-wise.

Fear, longing, desperation to act; all were so plainly written on Kyo’s face that Kaitanu had less ability to resist someone’s whims than usual. To call him a pushover was a gross understatement. In spite of being supported himself, Kyo seemed to be the one dragging them both along in his ill-defined search. Kaitanu was just there to keep him from falling down. He feared that Belkaia would wake up, or someone else from the pavilion would see him leading the injured kelvic around and think he was shirking his duties. Kaitanu had the vague notion that he ought to be firm and insist on Kyo resting at once, but little strength of will to back it up. Anyway, humoring the coyote man for a little bit might calm down his wild need to roam. It wasn’t as though Kyo would stay upright much longer. Kaitanu would have carried him around in his arms without any trouble if the other kelvic wasn’t so anxious to be moving under his own power.

As he suspected, the trip wasn’t a long one. Kyo could barely keep to his feet, and leaned every more against his pale companion. All the while, Kaitanu thought about Kyo’s “boy”, and that there must have been a bond between them. The Pavi sign was one he didn’t understand, but there was something in Kyo’s manner of speech, and the desperate way he pushed ahead, that struck a chord with the pale man. It was like hearing some part of himself described that he didn’t know was there. Vague, yes, but real. Kaitanu felt both a terrible fear and the conflicting need to know what this thing, this bond, was all about. It seemed to devour Kyo like an unseen fire and push him beyond his limits.

At length, however, even that fire was spent, and Kaitanu half-carried his new friend back to his tent, easing him down onto the bedroll. As ever, there was confusion about why anyone should apologize to him, and he still didn’t know how to answer that beyond a nod of the head. Kyo was asking him questions now, which added to the other things filling up his brain that day. Everything the coyote-man said required translation, and then a further pause in which Kaitanu had to apply the words to himself. Much-much care, friend, great…

Bond.

That word again, cutting him to the heart but leaving both that and his mind slightly empty. It was like a hole put there by others. Was that why he couldn’t be more than what he was? Because that empty space had to be filled first? Kaitanu bought himself a few more minutes to think on this by helping Kyo drink from the water-skin he had brought earlier. His fingers supported Kyo's freckled arm as the water-skin was lifted to his lips. Injury and fatigue were making the coyote-man tremble.

“I have heard of a kelvic trait; a need specific to us. Bonding, it is called. A kelvic must bond with some other being, non-kelvic. Is that what you mean?”

Kyo’s expression was enough of an answer. Kaitanu’s white brow furrowed very slightly as his ever-present mask began to crack. In his own past, Kaitanu had faced similar injuries to Kyo’s. Pain was a constant companion, or had been, and the signs were all-too familiar. It disordered the brain, it shook the limbs and made the whole world swell and contract in sickening ways. Yet the hole he had always ignored became suddenly larger, more jagged at the edges.

“I have no one like that. I have never bonded.”

Of all the things he could not recall, Kaitanu understood that this was not just some lost memory waiting to be renewed. Kyo’s emotions on bonding were as alien to him as freedom or paradise. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to fill the hole in his being, or if he could. Kaitanu had heard of kelvics twisted inside like wire because they never bonded. Likely, it was too late for him.

“The boy you speak of. He is your bond-mate, isn’t he? That’s why you wish to find him? Why you can’t rest?”

Kaitanu, rarely talkative, found himself asking questions unbidden. Even more circled about in his head. Was it better to have a bond and lose it, or to never have one at all? He was startled to realize how often and how far he had pushed down this subject inside himself. Kyo had not. They were less alike now than when they first met. Why did it hurt to come to that conclusion?

[Kyo]

“I have heard of a kelvic trait; a need specific to us. Bonding, it is called. A kelvic must bond with some other being, non-kelvic. Is that what you mean?”

Kyo had just finished with the water and now it sat heavy in his belly. He swallowed as if to clear his throat, which had somehow already gone dry. He was going to do something-- shake his head yes, answer-- but he didn't need to. Kaitanu seemed to understand.

But could the other shifter understand? Could he feel how empty it was inside without his bondmate there? Kyo hadn't seen his boy in so long. When he had lost his bonded he had been little more than a pup. Now he was full-grown. It had been so so long.

Why was he thinking that the horse-man would not understand? They did live in the same world after all. Kaitanu with no bonded; Kyo with his bonded lost. Thinking about it always frightened him; this world, this no-bond world, was scary, it was a nothing-world. While Kaitanu had always been apart, Kyo had always had his bondmate. As a small pup Kyo had been taken from some place, a place he could not --didn't want to-- remember, and then his boy had been there to take care of him. Even before they had bonded they had always been together. And Kyo had known, had felt it, that his boy was special. Different from other people. Complete.

Kaitanu had not had that? Then what was left? What was left to have?

His mind was blank to the answer. All he could think of was emptiness. Emptiness from a world too big to hold onto alone, devoid of the person who for Kyo had been whole, a perfect brother.

As if impelled by something, perhaps that feeling of separation, of being unconnected to anything important, Kaitanu asked, “The boy you speak of. He is your bond-mate, isn’t he? That’s why you wish to find him? Why you can’t rest?”

And Kyo found himself speaking, though he rarely spoke of his boy to others. His bondmate was not exactly something that needed to be spoken of; it just was. Now he cleared his throat, trying to make it not so tight that he couldn't speak, and said in a low voice that started slow and went steadily quicker, "Yes. My bondmate. My boy. I... I need to find him. I can't rest, can't stop, he's-- he's-- there was danger-people, bad-people, who came and they-- there was-- he's not here with me anymore. He's far. He's so so far."

But what was he doing; that was not a good way to think. Whenever he thought that way, dark and sad, whenever he came close to remembering bad things, hopeless things, it came with an even worse fear than that of just being apart: this fear was like standing right at the edge --of what he didn't know-- about to topple forward and fall. And fall and fall and fall.

He had curled up slightly in his tension and tried now to relax, tried to inject optimism into his voice, instead of uncertainty and loss. "They took him from me. But I will find him." That came out steadily enough. Still in that careful voice: "It... it is bad for me to be far from him like this. I haven't seen him for-- for--" He shook his head. "But if I search more I know I will find him. He has to be out there, someplace. So I look and I look. It's what I do."

"Speaking in Common" --poor-to-basic
"And in Vani{descriptors}" --basic
"And in Tukant [implications, descriptors]" --poor
"And in Pavi" grassland sign --poor

[Kaitanu]

Kaitanu could only half-understand that darkness in the other kelvic’s eyes. He had experienced the unmoored feeling of a bond lost when he had no master. Even a cruel one was preferable to none at all. In some twisted way having a master answered the hollow call of Kaitanu’s heart. He had no former bond to make comparisons, only the innate and voracious need to be with someone. However, like crumbs of moldy bread to a starving man, he remained empty and unsatisfied. Perhaps Kyo felt that right now, and perhaps, having once been filled, the empty core of his being was more painful. Kaitanu couldn’t entirely understand what that was like. His was a different wound of the heart than Kyo’s.

Almost with fascination, Kaitanu watched the other kelvic’s face twist with thought and memory, both clearly muddled. Eyes darkened a moment before clouded, flashed, lowered to the ground as if Kyo was trying to distract himself. For all his slowness around others Kaitanu thought he understood why. Or, at least, the idea began to dawn on him that the other kelvic’s bondmate was dead. Where that came from Kaitanu didn’t know. It seemed to loom over them like some terrible, potent shadow which, if spoken of, would devour life and hope. Kyo’s broken words seemed to convey what he was trying so desperately to repress. Kaitanu hoped he was wrong; and anyway, what did he know about such things? Maybe Kyo could feel his boy through that bond. Maybe the blackness in his eyes was from separation and not fear of the truth. It reminded the pale man of something, but he couldn’t remember what. Something early, or long ago… He didn’t want to think about whatever that was, so he put it away. This was murky territory for both of them.

Kaitanu did not ask any more about Kyo’s boy. The coyote-man was all curled muscles and sinews now, which wouldn’t help his injury. In a soft voice, the horse kelvic offered his companion more water, holding the half-full skin up for him. Someone else might have offered Kyo words of comfort, or echoed his hopeful declarations about finding his boy. Such things were not really Kaitanu’s strong suit. On the whole he had found the world to be a brutal place, and death the only constant. Given the odds it was more likely that Kyo’s bondmate was gone for good. Kyo might know that himself. Even so, the horse kelvic wouldn’t have had the heart to lay these things out in the open. Practicality and emotional survival were often at odds. When the coyote man spoke of his bond there was hope, and a sort of joy Kaitanu didn't understand but still wished to know. Some small part of him hoped that Kyo’s boy was still out there, and that the coyote man would find him. Stranger things had happened. After all, Kaitanu was in a better place and with a kinder master than he could ever have hoped for. If the universe could smile on an insignificant thing like himself, why not Kyo as well?

[Azmere]

 

Kaitanu

Experience

• Philosophy: +1
• Socialization: +4
• Observation: +5
• Sewing: +1
• Logic: +2
• Stealth: +2
• Rhetoric: +1

Lore

• Kaitanu: Becoming More
• Kelvic can be a painful word
• Kaitanu: A natural protector
• Pavi: Conversational signs

You're a fantastic writer, Kaitanu. I haven't seen you around much lately and hope you haven't vanished on us. Awesome thread. Let me know if you need anything.

Kyo, if you ever come back, PM me and I'll grade this for you. Miss ya, dude.