[Peer Review]Divine Artifact - Ring

[Azmere]

Author's NoteFeel free to post any suggestions or thoughts that come to your mind.

Name: The Ring of Heart’s Home

Creator: Aquiras - god of travel and doors; also known as the Voyager

“They say when one door closes, another opens. Why not just make your own?” –Cybila

Description: It’s a rather plain ring with a wide band made of unrefined silver. It’s almost as if the smith didn’t remove the slag or allow time for the air to escape as the metal cooled. There is a double twist in the band at the top where a tiny brass knob is embedded. It is a large ring that is typically large enough for an average human adult male to wear on his index finger.

Abilities/Restrictions: The ring creates a door that the owner can pass through to anywhere on Mizahar so long as they have seen the location.* The door adapts to the ring’s owner. The size, construction, appearance and function is familiar like the door of one’s childhood room or the gate to one’s garden. The person wearing the ring is the only one who can pass through the door. There is a sensitive and intuitive mechanism to the timing of the door. It’s as if the magic knows how much mass the wearer is comprised of and allows for only a small percentage more. In essence, the bearer can use the ring’s ability with only his body and personal effects (backpack and an additional bag).

*It is speculated by scholars of divine artifacts that because Aquiras is in a coma, the ring may malfunction. There are a few random leaflets of information scattered around Mizahar which basically state that because Aquiras' power is unstable at best, the chances that one would reach his or her destination is about the same as the ring delivering the user into the Void.

History: Not much is known about Aquiras’ ring other than one day it showed up on the finger of a very strange woman in the Spring of 285 AV. Accounts vary but Lhavit witnessed the arrival of the ring on the finger of a mixed blood human named Cybila. She was slight of frame with crazy raven hair and luminous eyes of the lightest purple. Her clothes were rags but Cybila carried herself as if she were of noble birth. She commanded the common folk and monks to tend to her but was not haughty or mean. If questioned, she would spin such enigmatic verbal webs that people would often end up doing as she asked out of sheer confusion. After a few days of eating, drinking and sharing stories of fantastic lands, the Seiza finally caught up with Cybila and requested her presence to which she acquiesced.

Cybila listened to the Sieza's explanation while toying with her ring. The Saya was trying to belay the importance of maintaining order and the laws of their land and also that he meant Cybila no harm. One of the Seiza, who was an Auristic master, noticed something odd about the ring. Whispers ensued and an order was given to examine the ring. The wild woman leapt to her feet in erratic and fantastic maneuvers that resembled something between a graceful dance and a seizure. The monks did not expect such a display from the tiny woman who barely appeared healthy let alone fit. This bought Cybila enough time to create some distance between her and those who would take her prize. She did something in her hands and a portal appeared surrounded by the swirling sands of time. She opened the wrought iron gate and stepped through completely vanishing from the room. A guard foolishly tried to pursue Cybila but was rejected as if he had run into a block wall. He was knocked back several feet and unaware of what happened until after the mystical gateway vanished. This was the last anyone saw of the ring for over a hundred years.

In the Winter of 404 AV, a young boy magically appeared in the Council Chambers of Stormhold Citadel. He seemed to just walk in through a small wooden door that appeared in the middle of a trial. The Council of Three fell from their chairs and knights from every corner of the room immediately surrounded the boy out of instinct even if their eyes showed fear or hesitation. The boy turned out to be a child of one of Kenash’s dynasties and went by the name of Allister Radacke. He had seen a drawing of the Council Chamber in a book and was dreaming about becoming a knight. He explained that he found this strange ring and was running through the swamp on his family’s land pretending to be the grandmaster when a door appeared. Like any curious child, Allister walked right through it into the Council Chambers.

The Knights knew the artifact was too powerful for a child to have and convinced him to trade it for a guaranteed place in the knighthood, once he reached the proper age. Young master Radacke quickly agreed and was sent home with an escort from the Knights. After much deliberation, the artifact was sealed in a vault deep beneath the city and in a location known only to a few. This is where the ring was presumed to be for a very long time…that is, until it showed up in Alvadas after a century.

It stands to reason that an item that can create a portal to anywhere could escape being held in captivity. The Knights laid out a grand cover-up that struck all trace of it from their records as well as eliminated the general lore from libraries within their territory. Conspiracy theorists surmise that agents were sent to all corners of MIzahar in search of it but the Knighthood always denies such ridiculous claims.

Alvadas was the perfect place for the ring. During the Fall of 511 AV, an old man was rumored to be moving through the city with amazing ease without ever stepping foot on the streets. This is where the history of the ring dies. The City of Illusions seems to have swallowed the artifact in the midst of its ever-shifting landscape. Either that or the Knights are telling the truth and it never existed at all. Still, a door to any place familiar at the tip of your finger does still engage the young and adventurous.

Cost: Every use of the ring takes a toll on its owner. For some, it takes a piece of sanity. For others, it may take a piece of life (a year or a decade). Either way, it is not meant to be held by one mortal for very long.

This may seem strange or counter intuitive for an item that was created by Aquiras. He loved the people of Mizahar and wanted them to be happy. However, during the Valterrian something happened to the ring. It is unclear if this is due to the damage done to Aquiras himself, or the Valterrian.

Selection: Initially, Aquiras may have had in mind for this ring to be a tool for his followers. Speculation has it that any person bearing the god's mark would find himself in possession of it if he was in great enough need. Given Aquiras' current state and the odd way the ring affects its users, it is likely that Valterrian made an impact on this process as well. Since the history of the ring is so sporadic and poorly kept, there is no way to truly tell how users are chosen.

Azmere

[Neologism]

I am going to ask more on the timeline of this ring, and specific dates.

Any ring made by Aquiras would not be in Lhavit during the God's lifetime becuase the city was not created until after the Valterrian. Ontop of that, the Council of Radiance was created in 511AV. Ontop of that if such a thing were to appear in Lhavit and cause harm, it would go to the Seiza (who have been since around 100AV) rather than the Council and any results of it landing in the Twuele would be determined only by the Saya of that time.

So that is just my bit. I really like this concept, and I hope this helps you adjust that part of history, let me know if you have any questions.

[Azmere]

So I added some dates boiling the specifics down to a season. It won't be hard to add an actual day but I wanted to make sure the rest of the timeline made sense before making that final tweak. I also corrected where the ring was taken when it arrived in Lhavit.

I do have a huge amount of lore to learn and would love any guidance if this does not fix the issues that you saw initially. Thanks for your input, Neo.

[Neologism]

Great! I personally, don't care about specific dates. And I can understand the lack of information, its been slowly transitioning, so I'll be here if you have any questions. Otherwise, it looks good on my end.

PS: For peer review, if you are making big changes, making new drafts is not a bad idea. Helps people see the changes being made.

[Kyo]

Here I am. ^_^

I've read through the write-up and really like the idea but I've got a few questions. Unfortunately, I think some of them are pretty tough to answer, but that's what I'm here for, right? If you want help working through anything or if anything I say doesn't make sense, make sure to tell me or ask questions. I know sometimes when I try to explain things I do a bad job, but I'll try to be clear as I can. ^_^'

So here are my questions and observations.

1.) Question: Where does the ring get its power?
I went through the lore that I thought was necessary to review the topic. I read Aquiras, Priskil, the Watchtowers, Sagallius, Artifacts, Static, etc. The most important bit of information I found was that Aquiras has been in a coma since the Valterrian. If he had created a ring like this, it would have had to have been before the Valterrian (I think Neo said something along the lines of this too) but I'm a little concerned about where the power for the ring is coming from now. It says in the wiki that the Watchtowers no longer work well (they're unstable) because Aquiras is injured so badly, and his gnosis has faded and lost most of its juice. This makes me wonder if this ring would do the same. Would it work at all like it's supposed to?

2.) Observation: If the ring was created by a god, it should probably be classified as a Divine Artifact and not a Magical Item. Most if not all of the very powerful Artifacts/Items in the wiki were created by ST's. I'm wondering if you should ask Goss about creating it, just to make sure? Especially with Aquiras being so hurt.

3.) Observation: Static magic doesn't work on Aquiras because it doesn't work on gods who have been 'excluded' from the creation of Static. Static should only work on the ring if Aquiras is alive and well and able to contribute his song to Static's music.

4.) Question: I understand the reference to Aquiras' missing heart in the name of the ring (the Heart's Home) but I'm wondering if it should be called more along the lines of the Mind's Eye or something like that? Because it takes you where you visualize you go.

I know this isn't in the concept of the ring as it is right now (since the ring can take the wearer anywhere), but it would be interesting if the Heart's Home was a specific location that the ring always brought the wearer when they needed it, a sort of hideout or safe room. Like the appearance of the gateway, this room would differ depending on who had the ring.

5.) Question: This question is less important, but I was wondering why the ring looks like it does? Sort of unfinished? Pretty much this is just curiosity on my part.

6.) Question: How does one find the ring? Are there any prerequisites? Do you have to worship Aquiras (or even Priskil) to call it to you? Do you have to have a 'true need' of it? At first I thought it was just random, just luck or fate that a person should find it, but the line "It stands to reason that an item that can create a portal to anywhere could escape being held in captivity," implies that there is a purpose to its movements. So the ring chooses people. What type of people, then, are chosen? Why?

7.) Observation: I'm not certain the guard in the story who was severed in half should have been able to enter the ring's astral gate at all. According to the rules of the ring, only the ring bearer can travel through its portals. In my mind, that means no one else should even be able to begin to enter; they'd just bounce off the door like hitting an invisible barrier or walk straight through it as if it was an illusion. That sort of thing.

8.) Question: I understand the need to add limitations (a cost) to the ring, but based on Aquiras' character I don't know if he would create something that would hurt people so badly (by stealing portions of their lives/sanity). Perhaps the Valterrian warped the ring or Aquiras' dying power has something to do with its limitations, but ordinarily Aquiras loved humans and wanted them to be happy, not old or dead or crazy.

A way to circumvent this would be to simply have the ring move on to a different owner after a certain number of uses or length of time. Essentially, it would leave one user to go on to the next person who qualifies or is in desperate need of its magic.

---

Basically that's everything I found. I really tried to nitpick the article to make sure it all makes sense in the end. Hopefully what I said is alright, and turns out to be useful to you. Like I said if you have any questions or want help with anything, just let me know.

[Azmere]

1.) Question: Where does the ring get its power?
I went through the lore that I thought was necessary to review the topic. I read Aquiras, Priskil, the Watchtowers, Sagallius, Artifacts, Static, etc. The most important bit of information I found was that Aquiras has been in a coma since the Valterrian. If he had created a ring like this, it would have had to have been before the Valterrian (I think Neo said something along the lines of this too) but I'm a little concerned about where the power for the ring is coming from now. It says in the wiki that the Watchtowers no longer work well (they're unstable) because Aquiras is injured so badly, and his gnosis has faded and lost most of its juice. This makes me wonder if this ring would do the same. Would it work at all like it's supposed to?

I rolled some of these things around in my head as well and here's where I stand. The Watchtowers are listed as unstable, that is true. So I decided to add this below the Abilities section:
*It is speculated by scholars of divine artifacts that because Aquiras is in a coma, the ring may malfunction. There are a few random leaflets of information scattered around Mizahar which basically state that because Aquiras' power is unstable at best, the chances that one reach his or her destination is about the same as the ring delivering the user into the Void.
If a higher authority/present majority thinks a change needs to be made, then I shall.

2.) Observation: If the ring was created by a god, it should probably be classified as a Divine Artifact and not a Magical Item. Most if not all of the very powerful Artifacts/Items in the wiki were created by ST's. I'm wondering if you should ask Goss about creating it, just to make sure? Especially with Aquiras being so hurt.

Changed Magical Item to Divine Artifact. Also, I submitted this write-up to Goss before I posted it here.

3.) Observation: Static magic doesn't work on Aquiras because it doesn't work on gods who have been 'excluded' from the creation of Static. Static should only work on the ring if Aquiras is alive and well and able to contribute his song to Static's music.

Good catch. I went back and reread the lore on Static and you are correct.
I removed the line about Static.

4.) Question: I understand the reference to Aquiras' missing heart in the name of the ring (the Heart's Home) but I'm wondering if it should be called more along the lines of the Mind's Eye or something like that? Because it takes you where you visualize you go.

I know this isn't in the concept of the ring as it is right now (since the ring can take the wearer anywhere), but it would be interesting if the Heart's Home was a specific location that the ring always brought the wearer when they needed it, a sort of hideout or safe room. Like the appearance of the gateway, this room would differ depending on who had the ring.

If you have any logical location that might conform to your suggestion, I will consider it. However, I'm not going to strain over trying to find some place that would make sense as well as fit into the lore.
No Change.

5.) Question: This question is less important, but I was wondering why the ring looks like it does? Sort of unfinished? Pretty much this is just curiosity on my part.

Truthfully, I dislike magical items that look scream 'I'm important!'. I went with the Holy Grail aspect from Indiana Jones instead.

6.) Question: How does one find the ring? Are there any prerequisites? Do you have to worship Aquiras (or even Priskil) to call it to you? Do you have to have a 'true need' of it? At first I thought it was just random, just luck or fate that a person should find it, but the line "It stands to reason that an item that can create a portal to anywhere could escape being held in captivity," implies that there is a purpose to its movements. So the ring chooses people. What type of people, then, are chosen? Why?

This will be addressed with the answer to Question 8.

7.) Observation: I'm not certain the guard in the story who was severed in half should have been able to enter the ring's astral gate at all. According to the rules of the ring, only the ring bearer can travel through its portals. In my mind, that means no one else should even be able to begin to enter; they'd just bounce off the door like hitting an invisible barrier or walk straight through it as if it was an illusion. That sort of thing.

This is very logical. Thank you for bringing this up.
History edit: A guard foolishly tried to pursue Cybila but was rejected as if he had run into a block wall. He was knocked back several feet and unaware of what happened until after the mystical gateway vanished.

8.) Question: I understand the need to add limitations (a cost) to the ring, but based on Aquiras' character I don't know if he would create something that would hurt people so badly (by stealing portions of their lives/sanity). Perhaps the Valterrian warped the ring or Aquiras' dying power has something to do with its limitations, but ordinarily Aquiras loved humans and wanted them to be happy, not old or dead or crazy.

A way to circumvent this would be to simply have the ring move on to a different owner after a certain number of uses or length of time. Essentially, it would leave one user to go on to the next person who qualifies or is in desperate need of its magic.

I like where your head is at, Kyo. This certainly needed some adjustment but I went at it from a different angle.
Added to Cost: This may seem strange or counter intuitive for an item that was created by Aquiras. He loved the people of Mizahar and wanted them to be happy. However, during the Valterrian something happened to the ring. It is unclear if this is due to the damage done to Aquiras, himself or just the cataclysmic effects of the Valterrian.

I hope this answers all of your questions. Thanks for all your help!

[Kyo]

No problem. Happy to help. ^_^

Just wondering, did you forget to add the explanation of #6 to the end or am I just missing something?

And concerning #4: I didn't mean to say that the Home's Heart room would be in any specific place. When I said "Like the appearance of the gateway, this room would differ depending on who had the ring," I meant it could differ not only in appearance but in location. For each user, the room would switch places, likely becoming a place that the user would feel most at home/safe/comfortable at. But feel free to ignore if this feels like it still doesn't fit. It's your lore, after all.

As for the limitations on the ring, since you added that bit about being thrust into the Void I'm wondering if it would be better to remove the regular limitations completely? Or perhaps lower the chance of being Voided. As that's a lot of risk for one little ring.

However, if you like it as is of course keep it as is!

[Azmere]

Just wondering, did you forget to add the explanation of #6 to the end or am I just missing something?

I did forget! I added this:

Selection: Intially, Aquiras may have had in mind for this ring to be a tool for his followers. Speculation has it that any person bearing the god's mark would find himself in possession of it if he was in great enough need. Given Aquiras' current state and the odd way the ring affects its users, it is likely that Valterrian made an impact on this process as well. Since the history of the ring is so sporadic and poorly kept, there is no way to truly tell how users are chosen.

And concerning #4: I didn't mean to say that the Home's Heart room would be in any specific place. When I said "Like the appearance of the gateway, this room would differ depending on who had the ring," I meant it could differ not only in appearance but in location. For each user, the room would switch places, likely becoming a place that the user would feel most at home/safe/comfortable at. But feel free to ignore if this feels like it still doesn't fit. It's your lore, after all.

This seems a bit redundant to me. The ring can take the user to anyplace he or she has seen so the place that person would feel most comfortable would certainly be accessible at any time.

As for the limitations on the ring, since you added that bit about being thrust into the Void I'm wondering if it would be better to remove the regular limitations completely? Or perhaps lower the chance of being Voided. As that's a lot of risk for one little ring.

I think the initial restrictions are necessary because it seems logical that they would have been set by Aquiras. Otherwise, I feel like the ring becomes OP. I didn't add or change anything but I feel like if this was to be used in a thread, an ST could use the Valterrian "Loose Screw" aspect to make small adjustments like bending the limitations. I'm not quite sure how to document that or if it even needs to be included. Maybe a sidenote addressed to STs?

[Archailist]

Here comes the sub-par grammar check!

The size, construction, appearance and function would be familiar like the door of one’s childhood room or the gate to one’s garden.

You can change 'would' to 'is' to keep a present tense.

Cybila listened to everything being explained to her while toying with her ring the entire time.

You can shorten this to 'Cybila listened to the Sieza's explanation while toying with her ring.' or something similar.

The whispers ensued and an order was given to examine the ring.

You can omit the 'the' at the beginning of this sentence I think.

The wild woman leapt to her feet and in erratic and fantastic maneuvers that resembled something between a graceful dance and a seizure.

Omit the 'and' in the middle of this sentence.

She did something in her hands and a door appeared surrounded by the swirling sands of time. She opened the wrought iron gate and stepped through completely vanishing from room.

Is it a door or a gate?

That's all I can see!

[Shane Wallsly]

I very much wanted to be the best Peer Revioewer ever and come up with some really solid points that would make you rethink the whole thing. All I go though is this:

In the Winter of 404 AV, a young boy magically appeared in the Council Chambers.

I was initally confused at this sentence. I did get it after reading on but I think if you were to just add 'of Stormhold Citadel' at the end there it would be a bit clearer. I know little of Lhavit and momentarily thought, since you were just talking about it, that's what you meant.

the chances that one reach his or her destination is about the same as the ring delivering the user into the Void.

Should there be a 'would' between 'one' and 'reach'?