Always thought the first actual post in this scrapbook would be some sort of review for some well known manga or game, but guess this was necessary to get off my chest before I got back into this place. I tend to disappear, whether on Draven or my other characters, pretty much without saying anything so I felt this explanation was necessary, if more for my sake.
See I say explanation because a post like this doesn’t serve as an apology, really didn’t intend to spend the whole of this saying sorry either. Anyway since joining all the way back in 2014, with Russell, I’ve had a somewhat rocky activity. I’d be around for a few months, disappear for a couple weeks and be right back. However I was always in this internet mindset of anonymity, Mizahar as a rp site makes it even easier to stay anonymous; I don’t have to tell anyone I’m leaving and if they’re still here when I’m back I can make a new character, pretty stupid I know but at the time it made sense in my head.
See generally whenever I disappeared I tended to just vanish without a trace, not really knowing when I’d be back. It wasn’t like I was too busy to post a quick “Bye guys, busy atm” or anything, it was a mix of laziness and cowardice. Wasn’t just limited to Mizahar either, any roleplay forum I was on would receive a similar leave without words. I probably had this thought in my mind that people would think the worst of me or something, not like just disappearing wasn’t worse but I didn’t have to deal with anything if I never put that leave out there.
Eh sounds like a bit of a pity party but trust me it isn’t, just explaining my awkward thought train at the time. I’d never act this way away from the keyboard, but somehow I thought on the internet it was fine. It wasn’t till I had a few things that made me look back and think about what I was doing that I realized the way that I acted online, make some sort of online persona that was really similar to myself and worry about everything later, wasn’t exactly how I wanted to act if I wasn’t going to do it in rl then why to it online? It’s a question that has been asked a lot, and makes others wary of the dangers of the net.
On the internet it is really easy to pretend that you’re not you, I might never have taken it that far but the choice to switch some details was always possible, like my age for example, actually 19 but online me was 21, stupid but that’s an online relic for me that carried on way longer than it ever should have and was never necessary, but 12 year old me thought “hey! I can be older”. The rest about me though is true, British with somali origins, black, 6’4, shitty neckbeard.
Now then should round this up soon, got to explain my busy now at least. See I’m 19 years old, was even younger before that point, busy never meant 16 hour days with no time or even to check in, it meant that the few hours free I had for that period were spent on things that I thought were more important. Sounds normal except that was only the case for a month at the most; instead for the rest of my inactivity I’d spend time wrestling with myself on whether I should or shouldn’t come back here or to writing in general. Don’t get me wrong, writing is still my passion but there are a lot of times where I debated with myself if this was for me, or whether other people would be annoyed that I come back all willy nilly.
Anyway going to wrap this up, I know I said that this wasn’t for the apologies but I feel like I do owe some people at least this much. Yeah you guys know who you are sorry for leaving y’all hanging. Gonna leave a list of my characters down below, definitely flopped on a good few of you guys so sorry about that, feel like this much won’t make it up but I feel like I at least owe that much. Yeah, this carried on for a bit too long but felt an explanation was needed. Promise there’s going to be a manga next time so yeah if you’re into that well this scrapbook should be fun.
Edit: Also lied about being old enough to be a grader a while back, Goss' blog post was definitely about me y'all. Anyway the above should say enough about why I lied, pretty surprised I didn't get a ban tbh.
by Draven McNiel on March 2nd, 2016, 4:10 pm 