Closed A Reprieve from the Nightmares.

[Alexander Faircroft]

51st Spring 516AV

00:13AM


It was well past curfew Alex knew. Still he tossed and turned in his bed but couldn’t quite find rest. Every time he closed his eyes he could feel the darker demons of his past lingering in his mind. He rolled out of bed. The others nearby snoring soundly as he stepped out of the sheets pulling on his undergarments and his pants. Not bothering with boots or a shirt he just sat a moment in the darkness. He needed someone to talk too but no-one he knew would be really awake at this hour.

Ale sighed stepping up and standing out of his bunk. Pacing around the room lightly. His foot falls light and quiet. A by-product of the weight of his armour consistently weighing him down. Though when the weight of his deeds and failures was off of his shoulders it rested solely on his mind. Thinking alone and dealing with the weight on his mind was something he couldn’t do alone. Two days hold up in his room was enough for him to grasp that. And even then eventually with the silence Nivel had broken it and given him a way to see his own mental state.

Eventually Alex set his mind on the small fact that he’d need to speak to somebody. Cracking open the door to the barracks slowly Alex glanced down the hallways. He walked slowly. Very slowly his foot falls controlled and angled. So as to not awaken the chaperones of the barracks. A slow creeping walk all he could safely manage. Still doors creaked floor boards whined and things set him back. With the occasional pause in his motions. After a chime of creeping in near absolute silence, he reached the staircase.

Swallowing hard the ring crept into his ears. A small silent bell ringing as an undertone. He crept down the staircase holding most of his weight on the railing to avoid any loose board in the stair well. He crept down the staircase and then along the lower floor hall to the room where he’d met poppy at the beginning of the season. A logical conclusion was that this was her particular room in the barracks. He mulled the idea over of knocking on the door and heading in. Or he could just head outside into the fresh clean mid night air like he’d planned.

Eventually he settled on something. The knuckle of his middle finger made contact with the hard wood of the door. The lightest of taps, enough to make a notice but not enough to be heard along the hallways hopefully. He then waited. And waited in the blank darkness. A half tick passed before he knocked again just in case the first one hadn’t been fully heard.
I should go…She’s clearly asleep and I’m a fool for thinking she’d be a wake. Alex made a small turn and was about to head for the door to the outside when he heard the door click. And begin to open.

[Poppy Blackburn]

It was a bell past midnight and Poppy had began to settle into bed, lying against her pillow, recollecting the day’s events, both noteworthy and not. Going over these through her mind and cataloguing them somewhere in her memory, she made a mental note to remember the key important ones and to toss away the unimportant trivial ones. The lass would usually do this until sleep takes over, stopping her mind from working as she began to fall into a steady state of sleep. There weren’t that many important things that went on today, mostly just the usual errand running and squire training, be it weapons or combat training. She had delivered yet another one of those sealed parchments, messages that her patron Ser Druval had entrusted her to deliver.

What was once thought to be a test had turned out to be a regular routine, and Poppy had taken the task to heart, doing with as much vigour and passion as she did her usual duties. This time there were two, one to the proprietor of the city’s apothecary, Mistress Sahfri and the other to the owner of the loca butchery, Dino Alban. The smiles she got from the two recipients were distinctly different, and both of those hide separate meanings behind them. The apothecary’s smile was one of gratefulness and politeness, while the butcher’s ones were of a certain cold smugness. The lass had began to read people through their expressions and could gain a glimmer of what they were feeling at the point of time. It all built up bit by bit.

Just as sleep was about the claim her, the sound of tapping broke the night silence in the air. It was exactly loud enough that it would wake or disturb the rest of the occupants and fellow squires in the room, but being one of the closest beds to the entrance of the room, and being a light sleeper, the noise caught her attention, interrupting the rhythm of falling asleep. For a chime there, Poppy thought that she had simply imagined the sound when there it was again. A light tapping on the wood of the door. Pushing the blankets aside gently, the lass hastily put on a tunic and slipped into a pair of pants that was resting by the side of her bed, and began to creep over to the door, her hair in its untied and let loose, slightly falling down the tip of her shoulders.

Gripping the handle of the door, she opened it gently and as quietly as she could, peeking her head out to check for the source of the noise. Peering in the darkness of the night, the lass tried to discern whatever could have been the cause when she laid eyes on the source of the tapping. It was none other than her fellow squire, Alexander Faircroft. Incredibly surprised to see him at the dead of the night, right outside her sleeping room, she thought to confirm what she saw.

“Alex? Is that really you? What possibly could you be doing here at this hour? Were you looking for me?” Poppy halted her questions, and that memory brought her back to the first time she had met him, where she had tossed a barrage of questions at him too. She had not seen him for a while, and it was good to lay eyes on the guy once more. He was one of her only friends, and she was happy that he had sought her out despite his timing of choice.

[Alexander Faircroft]

Clearly unwound and a little unkempt at least from how she presented herself from the last time he’d seen her. Still a pretty sight to behold and something to ease the dark corners of his mind a little more. Again like the first or at least after the first meeting a tirade of questions bombarded him. What was he doing there? Why was he there? Amongst others. Alex exhaled slowly, a wisp of breath brushing out into the darkness. His usual light and airy voice even softer and barely above the rail of a ghosts whisper in the night.

“Sorry… I was just curious to see if you were up. I was on my way outside to clear my head.” He paused a moment. Lifting his hand to his had he ruffled his already slightly mussed up hair again. “It’s been a difficult set of days. D’ya mind if I come in? I promise the chaperones haven’t noticed me.” He offered an honest and light smile. And stepped into the room with her permission. With the now much closer distance he’d be able to see the fact his face was clean shaven after a few things that had happened prior.

“Again I’m sorry to impose like this but I didn’t know of anyone else I could talk too. Usually I’d just head outside the barracks and sit in the evening air. And yes as you see me now.” An odd unease settled over him as he had his mind roll back to the events of a few days ago. A much darker pall was about him. Not cold as it had been in days prior but much closer to him being lost deeply in the depths of his own failures. He motioned over to the table in the centre of the room as there was in almost every dorm room. Planting himself down he’d close his eyes. The ringing in his ears starting to grow a little louder in the protracted silence before he spoke again still soft and extremely quietly.

“I shouldn’t have bothered you with this… It’s my failing and by extension my burden to shoulder.” He spoke his eyes still closed tightly as he opened them again he glanced at her with the eyes of a child. One who’d tried to shoulder too many burdens too young. An honesty behind them that spoke of how grateful he was that she’d even let him in let alone was taking the time to talk to him. He glanced back down towards the table. Lost in a brief moment of thought.

Hold the darkness at bay with duty, religion, friends, family, and lovers. Words from Archie. Trying to give him advice on holding back the guilt. He had plenty of faith and it was only just holding things back. Family was something he had none of which to fall back on. Duty, he’d taken on more than his fair share and wasn’t fully understanding how it was helping when it just dredged up the past. Friends? He wasn’t sure how many of those he actually had. Lovers… He’d had one in the past, and she’d pretty much turned out to be everything he hoped she wasn’t.

He exhaled slowly leaning over the table, his arms folded in front of him. “I’d tell you what I’ve been through, but I don’t want you sharing in the nightmares.” He spoke with a light waver to his voice. Almost like he was afraid of letting anyone else in on the burdens he carried. He lifted a hand to his jaw pressing his index finger into his upper lip lightly. A glint of worry in his eyes, like he’d push everyone away from him again if he let things get out. He took a moment to brace himself and then let out an answer. “When we first met you asked me where I was from. I’m originally from Ravok.”

[Poppy Blackburn]

The response for her barrage of questions came soon enough, and Alexander simply mentioned that he was here to check if she was awake while he was on his way to clear his head outside. That seemed a little odd to her considering the fact that it was past midnight and was clearly sleeping time for the vast majority of the occupants in the building. There was clearly a better reason veiled behind the poor excuse there and her thoughts were interrupted as he promptly requested to come into the dark room filled of her fellow sleeping squires. Just as soon as the lass mouthed the word ‘yeah’, he entered, helping himself to the chair next to the table in the centre of the room. The above mentioned reason was soon made known as Alexander revealed the reason for his visit.

He wanted a talk with someone, and didn’t really had anyone to have a chat with. Poppy was glad that she was the one that he had picked to talk to, but also wondered why he picked this time of all times to have a chat, perhaps he couldn’t sleep? Despite him being topless and clad in just his pants, the lass was not embarrassed for this was not the first thing she had seen his bare chest, and it wasn’t anything unusual for her. Men did tend to like to go topless after all. He seemed to be deep in thought, but yet he wanted to talk.

He then went on to the meat of the matter, lamenting about his failure and how he was sorry he had share matters such as this with her. Acclimating to the darkness, Poppy could see him shutting his eyes before opening them and glancing at her once more, this time, filled with innocence. “That’s fine Alex, what is it? It has to be important for you to look for me in the dead of the night. Come on now, there’s nothing to be afraid or sorry for. If I’m able to help you, be rest assured that I most definitely will.” A few chimes passed between them, the silence of chatter between them punctuated with sounds of the sleeping squires in the room. They needed to keep their voices down, for waking anyone up would land them in a really sticky situation. Then Alexander leaned forwards, his chest resting onto the edge of the table with his arms folded in front of him.

He mentioned something about not wanting her to share in the nightmares. She saw the glint of worry in his eyes, and the lass wonder what could that worry be. He then let loose the answer to the question she had asked and he had not answered then in the bathhouse earlier in the spring. He was from Ravok. Poppy blinked several times, expecting him to continue, to drop the bomb, but he stopped. Apparently, that was it.

Why was he so afraid that he was from Ravok? She had no clue. “It doesn’t matter where you’re from Alex. At least to me.” Reaching over to grab his arm fondly, she said “You’re still the same great guy, even if you can’t see that in yourself.” Alexander possessed plenty of great traits and qualities, but he did tend to let his fears and weaknesses take over him, masking and covering the good in him.

[Alexander Faircroft]

It didn’t matter where he was from? Alex sat in a mild stun for a moment. He’d guarded the fact he was from Ravok for over five years. In four different cities. And now after all that time all that bottled up secrecy… It didn’t matter? Alex held a glance at her, if there was anything she could help him with she would. She didn’t know what she was signing herself up for. What she was getting geared up to undertake. The same “great” guy huh… He closed his eyes again. Why did everyone he met think he was great? He paused a moment looking back towards the wooden table.
“I’ve failed a lot of people. Too many. Nine days ago I failed to save a kid… I found him practically hollowed out.” He paused for a moment to let what he was saying, sink in. Just so the full gravity of the situation on his mind could be felt. “Myself and another squire Numia stumbled across a mother who’d had both of her kids taken. We tracked them down to the bronze woods just outside Mythirn.” He took a deep breath his voice still near silent.

“When we got there we were attacked by a monster… A Wailer. Nasty thing. Damned near killed me with its voice alone. If Numia hadn’t killed it… I think I was ready and fully prepped to die then and there if it meant saving those kids.” He looked over to her again less the eyes of someone who needed approval for his actions but rather an explanation as to why he’d acted that way. “We found the children…As I said one was… Killed and the other watched.” Alex held the look at Poppy. “The kid died wanting to save his brother. And I had to convey that to their mother.” His face tightened as he broke away from looking at her.

“Have you ever heard the cries of a mother when you tell them they’ve lost a child? Much less had to hand them the blood soaked blanked cradling the body of that child?” He stopped a moment swallowing dryly. Eyes closed as he glanced down as the wood again. The sound of silence being intermittently broken by the sound of snoring. “It’s my fault… I wasn’t enough.” He lifted his hands to his face covering his mouth and nose. “Because I couldn’t get there in time a mother lost a son, a child lost a brother and his innocence in the same heartbeats.”

Perhaps it wasn’t a unique experience but he was taking it especially hard. He was angry, afraid, sad, and filled with guilt. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to scream. If he did he’d risk waking everyone up so instead he shook containing all the violent vivid emotions within him. He wanted to just let it out to talk it through but that only seemed to make things worse. To drive the feeling of failure deeper into his mind.

[Poppy Blackburn]

Poppy didn’t know why he seemed to place such a great emphasis on where he was from, but to her, the past wasn’t an issue. What matters is how one carries oneself in the present, and how one moves forward from there on. Plenty of people makes mistakes and plenty more have done things they have regretted and wish they have never done. What was most important was the will to change and repent and to move forwards from there, to change into a better person and let the deeds of good outshine the ones of bad. When there is a will, there is a way. One’s past shouldn’t matter so much, as to her, it’s the present that matters. It’s who you want and strive to be right now. Alexander then went on talking about his failures again for the umpteenth time, and she was beginning to wonder if she’ll be able to make him ever see reason. He began to talk about the dead child that he had found with a fellow squire, Numia, and how seeing that had left him into a broken state.

“So what if you’ve failed people? Everyone does, at one point or another. If you’ve failed someone, then make sure you help two others. You shouldn’t let your failures pull you down, instead you should use them to motivate yourself to work even harder to ensure you don’t fail others.” Bitterness crept onto his face as he recounted to her about how he had to inform the mother about her dead child, and how that had left him distraught. Has she ever had the cries of a mother losing her child? Oh, plenty. Life in Sunberth was not pretty nor easy, and only the fittest survived. With barely any law in the city, crime was rampant as gangs fought with one another over territories disputes. Killings happened frequently, whether they were murders or simply manslaughter.

Many a time, children had been killed because they saw something they shouldn’t have or got in the way of something they shouldn’t have. In her early childhood back in the lawless city, cries from grieving parents would fill the air as they found the corpses of their child devoid of life. Poppy had once asked her parents what that sound was, she was told that it was simply people crying, and not to be too bothered by it. Sometimes it would last into the night, disturbing the silence that came with it. As she finished, Alexander went on to mutter that he wasn’t enough. The lass looked at him in a sigh.

“Of course you aren’t enough Alex. One person is never enough. Do you really think that you yourself alone, will be able to save everyone that needs help? That’ll you always be in time to save everyone? No. That’s not possible. The sooner you come to terms with that the better. You won’t be able to save everyone, just like you won’t be able to avoid failures completely. It’s how you pick yourself up and move forward from there that counts.” Poppy had learnt from a young age that ideals were great, and being pragmatic and practical was the best way to move on in life.

[Alexander Faircroft]

He shouldn’t let his failures pull him down? Just help more people than he’d failed… An easy vision from someone who didn’t inadvertently have the blood of dozens of people on their hands. He slumped into his hands against the table. He mulled over the ideas, the thoughts of simply pushing back the thoughts. The looming spectres of times he’d failed. He spoke his voice again barely higher than a whisper.
“I can’t. It’s… Not something that’s as easy for me to push away.” He spoke with an air of looming dread. He closed his eyes again the faces of the people he’d failed forever etched there. The source of Alex’s accelerated growth rate was also the source of his greatest torture. His memory. He never forgot a thing. And because of that every single thing was forever etched into his mind.

He wasn’t enough. One person was never enough. Her words hit like a battering ram on the doors of his mind. He’d never be able to save everyone who needed it. He exhaled slowly and spoke. “I know I can’t save everyone. I just have to be able to save those who I can. And those who truly need my help. I can’t just let things lie…” He exhaled slowly calming his mind and bringing his vision to the world of colour that Nivel had granted him sight into. He opened his eyes and looked towards Poppy. A flood of colour filling his eyes. Her aura filling his vision with a flood of colours a deep purple core of what seemed to be a tree hemmed with soft blue what he assumed to be leaves. A soothing sight but again he had no clue what it meant. He closed his eyes again feeling the effect hit him. A splitting head ache and his body seemed to lose strength and slipped so that he had to prop his weight up on both the chair and his angled arms.

“I know I can’t stop the failure. I know, I will fail in the future. But it’s about more than that. I can’t forget my failures. And I don’t mean metaphorically. I mean I literally never forget. Anything. I can’t forget the faces of people I’ve let down. I can’t forget the moments where if I’d just made a different choice people would still be alive. I can’t forget them. Just like I can’t forget seeing the looks of joy on people’s faces. Or the way a cup of tea taste. Or the sound of the waves against the shore. Or the way you felt when I hugged you.” He let the last one slip because he wasn’t thinking. Likening the way his mind worked or even explaining it was hard. And in his distressed state he’d just let things go. But in his mind he had something else prying him in this moment. A pair of steel grey eyes just watching him. Telling him to let loose.

“I cannot forget a thing… And it’s as much a blessing as it’s a curse.” He glanced towards her, fighting back the pain in his head. He was trying to hold himself together. But it wasn’t working.

[Poppy Blackburn]

A bell or two had passed since Alexander had first made his entry into the room full of the sleeping squires. The pair spoke in hushed tones, but their conversation didn’t seem to be going anywhere and Alex kept rounding himself back into the circle. For some reason unknown to her, he kept harping on everything bad, be it his failure, his disappointment, his fears or his past actions. Basically, anything and everything bad. From the way he was going, you’ll think that he has never had a single good moment in his life, and Poppy was definitely certain that it wasn’t the case. Relentlessly pursuing his failure, and filling himself with both depression, guilt and regret, he had never once saw himself worthy to afford himself with any good. She had no idea why that was the case, and the lass let out an exasperated sigh.

She honestly didn’t know how she was going to help him. There was only so much that she could do, the rest would be up to him to change. Voicing that out to him, she said “There’s only so much I can do to help you Alex, but only you can help yourself to bring about the change in you. Only you can empower yourself with the light to defeat the darkness.” Leaning forwards closer and resting her arms on the table in a relaxed manner, Poppy continued. “No one’s telling you to forget your failures Alex. In fact, don’t. Rather, use them and remember what you did wrong, so you don’t commit the same errors and mistakes in the future. Alexander seemed to have been stuck in a deep pit that he himself have dug, and unless he climbs back out himself, he will always fall back in again once more.

“Instead of harping so much on the bad, why not take the chance to look at what you did right and well? You said you remembered the smiles of those you did good and saved, and I’m sure that have been other positive things in your life as well. Use them. Think about how happy they made you feel when you did it right. Focus on the good instead of the bad. Give yourself a chance.” Poppy have said whatever what she could and done whatever she can. It was all in Alexander’s hands now. The choice to change or remain the same would be solely up to him.

Getting up from her seat gently and quietly, she stepped around to the rear of the seated Alexander, giving him a heartwarming hug from the back. She briefly muttered to him. “I’ll like for you to be happy, Alex.” She didn’t exactly know what else she could do for the poor guy. Lingering there for a couple chimes, she eventually retreated from the hug, as she said. “Sun will be rising in a few bells, it’s best that we both go catch some sleep.” She may have only gotten a few hours of sleep this night, but if their little chat managed to help Alexander out, then it’ll be more than worth it in her opinion.

[Alexander Faircroft]

She was really trying to help him. Even a blind man could have seen that but Alex’s mind couldn’t forget the feeling of failures. Empower the light to defeat the darkness? Alex shook his head lightly less from disagreement but more from the thought. Don’t forget the failures just learn from them. His shoulders heaved as he took a deep breath. Trying to settle his mind once again. “Learn from the failures. It’s the reason I keep going.” His words were simple and sharp. But still hers tried to balm the pain that ached his mind. Focus on who he’d saved who he’d helped rather than who he’d failed?

Think about the positives. The upsides, the moments of happiness. Few and far between. Still though he tried. And ended up coming back to just a handful. Alex now lost in memory felt something. Heat. A touch, a light warmth enveloping his body. Glancing down he saw her arms around his shoulders and her body pressing against his back. He caught wind of her words and the way she spoke them snapped his mind back to another similar moment. He didn’t freeze, he dint do anything other than close his eyes and enjoy the moment. A brief reprieve in the lonely night. “Thanks Poppy.” He managed to say in a soft tone lighter now. She was right the sun would be rising soon. It would be better if they got some sleep. As she pulled away he slowly rose in tandem. He pulled his thoughts over in his mind. Taking a moment he lifted his hand slowly and brought it to her face.

A gentle touch from hands that were still soft despite the sheer amount of work he did. He held a lingering look into her eyes for a moment. The reflective vibrant hazel of hers meeting the stark almost luminescent green of his own. He spoke again lightly. “Thank you Poppy. Thank you for listening to me just ramble on for two bells.” He leant in closer to her face and at the last second placed a soft kiss on her left cheek. As he pulled away he continued his soft voice. “But you’re right se should be getting some sleep. I don’t want to end up keeping you up all night.” He gave her a soft smile, the first he’d show that was genuinely heart felt in what seemed to be weeks. Sliding his hand from her cheek with a slow lingering motion he motioned towards the door. She’d done enough to help him this night. And he didn’t want to inconvenience her any more than he already had.

[Aladari Coolwater]

Grades Ahoy!

Name:Alexander Faircroft

XP Award:

• Stealth + 1
• Socialization + 5
• Philosophy + 2

Lore:

• Stealth: Walking on Creaky Floorboards
• Socialization: Talking About It Takes Away (some of) the Pain
• Philosophy: Focus on the Positives
• Philosophy: Only You Can Help Yourself

Name:Poppy Blackburn

Grades are being withheld due to inactivity. If you should return, please PM me and I will get you your grades.

Penalties/Rewards :

Shield Points: I didn't find any reason to award or take away shield points here, as no one really discovered Alex sneaking about. If you feel differently, let me know and I'll change it up for you.

Comments :

A very cute thread. You guys did a great job conveying the emotions of both parties, and how it affected their decisions (especially Alex getting a little loose-lipped)

If you have any questions or feel I missed anything, please don't hesitate to PM me or a local ST. Don't forget to edit your request to reflect this thread's graded status.