Stilled Emotion
Night of 75th of Spring 516 A.V.
Waters crashed upon the docks gracefully and the bright moonlight shined down upon the once still waters. Its reflection scrambled in a chain of waves which showed the face of a confused young man. His visage was all so distorted, but not from the waters or the waves. He didn’t recognize who he was anymore. A standing torch mounted a bit behind on the docks flickered softly in the wind. Every paralyzing embrace of nature made for a memorable moment that Shimoje would never forget. He sat upon the edge of the docks with book and quill in hand and pondered on what to create.
His thoughts were just as distorted as he tried to look at his reflection from within the waters. A deep sigh brought quill to book and with a messy stroke of ink he had begun to write.
“Passages of Shimoje Arawn”
The turning of the page almost felt reluctant at first hand to page but soon enough once again the writing had started as he stared down onto the blank pages before him. His handwriting fairly sloppy but readable to a certain degree. Every stroke showed a pattern of every feeling and thought that had come across as he took his time on the words. It seemed to help him calm down.
He flipped to the back of the book and wrote “Currently residing at Traveler’s Row 23rd door to the right”
“Today marks the 75th of spring in the year 516. It was but two days ago that I had received a letter from my dead father, and since then everything has seemed to change. Today I had chosen something drastic by getting my head tattooed. Most likely in a result of the letter, but I had been thinking of doing it for a while now. It’s stinging is still present, but that isn’t the only thing that stings. Every breath I take is like a needle is puncturing my heart. Why did I go through all of this trouble just to find out it seemed planned. A dead man can’t write.
I don’t even understand how the letter had reached me, and why it wasn’t given to me before I made the journey to Syliras from Zeltiva. My father must have known, no manipulated me into coming here for some obscure reason. Today, this letter will be eaten by the fishes below me. I will however keep a copy of it in my own understanding” Shimoje took out his letter and it crumpled in his fist. His anger had gotten the best of him a single tear fell to his journal. He didn’t even attempt to wipe it off. He turned the page once more, leaving a blank page and possibly planning to eventually tear this page out and copied down his father’s letter angrily. The pressure of the quill showed marks heavier than others in some portions of the script.
“Dearest Shimoje,
I know I was not always there for you, and I should have been more present in your life. Now that you are out on your own I am worried for your survival. By the time you read this I most likely would be dead. There are some things that should not be explained, but I will trust this information with you. During my studies around Mizahar I came across a variety of information on the pre-valterrian era. During this age magic was profound and technological development was at a peak that mankind has not seen since. In my goals to create new life I came across a way to create life like animations, but they would often malfunction. However, I came across some way to inject souls into them, but it was ultimately it was that magic that led to my death. I failed both Izentor and you.
I am sorry son,
I hope you could forgive me, and I hope that you can succeed where I could not.”
The letter was followed simply by a dashed line and some script that read “I will never forgive you.”
The page was turned once more, and the writing continued on as the occasional dip into the ink featured unskilled fading from letting the ink subside too much.
“Yesterday I had attempted to find a mage who would help me to understand the letter. It led to a lot of headache and I acted like a complete child. I never want to show that face of emotion ever again. He made me seem far inferior to him, and deep down I know that I am. The only thing I can do is improve from henceforth. My mind is my own and I don’t want my feelings to corrupt it once again. Life was harder aboard the ship, but it was also simpler. I want to go back to that life and maybe occasionally part on some mysterious land that is far better than this wretched place.
The knights and squires of Syliras are cumbersome and annoying. Living by their laws almost feels wrong to my guts. I do not enjoy it here, and I feel like an outsider. Despite the bonds which I have made here it all almost seems meaningless now. Everything is numbed and it is all because of this petched letter I had gotten from a corpse!”
Shimoje stopped for a few chimes and looked up at the clear skies and got lost in thought once again. His heart was pounding despite sitting perfectly still, and the cool spring air occasionally wafted through a breeze which would soothe his burning head.
“In Zeltiva life was much simpler, but now I have no one to rely on, and I am my own man. So comes the time that I must part with my old self and start anew.” With that Shimoje crumpled and tore his Father’s letter up and threw it into the docks below him which floated and was carried away underneath the docks.
Shimoje let the wind dry the ink, which happened rather quickly and shut the book. With a deep sigh he almost wondered what the petch he was doing. He stood up and dropped the book onto the dock’s wooden planks. It fell straight and closed and remained there as he walked off into the moonlight towards the city. He got to his apartment and plopped himself on his bed staring at the ceiling until he finally fell to sleep's embrace.