[Flashback] Seaside Traumatics (Kain)

[Kendall Saarinen]

Timestamp: 85th of Summer, 510 AV Normally Zeltiva was quiet at least action-wise. Although the omnipresent worry of pirates always hung over the city the thought was rarely dwelled upon. That was what made a wide-eyed man, about twenty-one, wandering around the city seemed a bit off. Just looking at him on could tell that there were things off with him. For one, his eyes did not match. Where one color should have looked back at you, blue and green seemed to glare through the blonde bangs that covered them. There were faint whispers coming from the man's light colored lips and the words Ivak and mother were the only decipherable words. His fingers clenched against his arms seeming to be trying to peirce the skin. If the man did not stand out enough the red mark on his arm would set him apart for sure. Red flames wound around his forearm showing that this was a man who had seen some of the worst things the world could offer. The flames only graced those who's pain neared Ivak's and Kendall had felt the pain that even a god would not want to feel. "What do i do now? Where do I go? Ivak, I want to go home. I want my mom." Although the flames on Kendall's arm helped to smooth over the pain of his lost family it could not give him what he had lost. He started to cry although he hated when he did. The tears would not help him now. "Ivak, where do I go?" There was no answer. It was not that Kendall was alone, he just needed to come to terms with the fact that Ivak could not save him from everything. He did not know how to take care if himself though. His whole life everything had been taken care of for him. His mother made all of his meals, his father payed for everything he ever wanted, he wanted for nothing. Now he had nothing and he had no clue what to do. There was only one method that he found to help him. He had never even thought of it before he was locked in this body but now he craved it everyday. Beer, ale, any kind of liquor he could get his hands on. He had prided himself in being a straight shooting girl, that is when he was a girl. He never dreamed of foul smelling liquid or even sex but now... Now things were different. Even though his mentality was his there were whispers and cravings that clawed at him. These cravings were no his but the... previous owner in lack of a better word. The testosterone played with his female mind now and it was like looking at the world he knew completely turned upside down. "Ale, I need ale." It was the only thought that called to him now. He was going to give in, he always gave in. If no one else was going to help him then he would help himself. What did he have to lose? The hot rays of Syna caressed Kendall's face and ran down his arms. It was not the summer heat that made him sweat though, it was the people around him. Women, Men, they seemed to tease him. They all seemed apealing now, another new feeling to add to his crumbling mental state. He was used to smiling at the boy he saw in town but now they were no the only people he wanted to smile at. He still remembered the first time a woman caught his eye. She stood there, blonde hair and blue eyes and he felt his heart racing. He no longer knew what he wanted, only that he wanted someone. He did not want to be alone. The Kelp Bar offered it's normal scenery. It was dank and poorly lit, a perfect fit for Zeltiva. He had come to see the bar as more of a home than a place where he threw his money away for a sharp smelling fix for his lonely heart. There was not time to order though. He felt the waves coming again. The tears were threatening to earn him more attention than he wanted so he changed his path to the bathroom. He halted at the door as his mismatched eyes looked up. "Female..." He bit his lip as his face flushed a bright red. At least he did not barge into the wrong bathroom again. He walked over to the men's bathroom and pushed through the door. The mirror on the wall seemed to taunt him and in his weakened state he let it. He looked back at the blonde man in the mirror and sneered. "This is not me." The man's lips met Kendall's and before he knew it his fist had collided with the stone wall. The man seemed to explode through his fist and rushed up his arm. "PETCH! MY PETCHING HAND!" He fell to the floor clutching his fist. He was sure people in the bar could hear his yells but he did not care anymore. They could throw him in the sea for all he cared. He wanted anything other than having to look at someone in the mirror who he felt with every fiber of his body was not him.

[Kain]

Kain sat in the back of the kelp bar, trying not to attract attention. Usually when he did, it was from the bigger guy's trying to look tough by beating on him. And he had another purpose that day, he wanted to figure out what all theese interesting people had hidden away, it was time to practice his art. He slowly closed his eye's and took deep breaths, relaxing himself. He then focused Djed in his eye's till he thought he was ready and opened them.

As always, he gasped with delight when he saw all the aura's, almost falling into the temptation of trying to focus on all of them. But he wouldnt, he was trained enough to realise that'd be death for him instantly so instead he simply focused on one at a time. Despair in this on, Anger in that drunk at the bar. All the same, he didnt need his art to read theese drunks but he did need the practice. spending no more then 5 seconds per aura, he quickly scanned the room. after about the 4th person he started grimacing from the headache that was quickly forming. Luckily for kain that was when the most interesting Aura entered the room. Overwhelming despair and lonelyness entered the establishment. That was it, that was the person he wanted to get to know.

Kain closed his eye's, and let the djed dissolve from his eye's, not needing to sense aura's anymore. He quickly got up and started following the young man from a distance, wondering what was going on with him. To his suprise he watched the man almost go into the females bathroom, what was going on? Was he some sort of predator that realised it was to public? This was definatly going to be interesting.

After the handsome man went into the bathroom, the correct one for his gender, kain quickly went up to the door and peeked in, wondering if some sort of deal was going to go on. Not the most hygenic of places to make a deal, but kain has seen worse, and a bathroom wasnt going to stop him from learning this man's secrets. When he cracked the door open, he was just in time to see the man shatter the mirror. What was going on? maybe this man was just insane. but even if that was the case, this was certainly going to be more entertaining then the rest of the city.

"PETCH! MY PETCHING HAND!" came from the handsome man on the floor, at least he has some nice words to add, kain thought. maybe he needs some help. Not wasting any time, kain opened the door all the way and ran to the man, kneeling down next to him. "Are you all right? Anything i can do to help?" Kain asked. This was definatly going to be interesting, to say the least.

[Kendall Saarinen]

One would think a man who was literally crying out for attention would jump on the chance of someone asking to help him. There was something in him though. Something that wanted retribution. If others could deal out pain to him then why could he not do the same. His green and blue eyes bore into the man in front of him. One would think he was trying to kill the man with his glare. If it was possible he would have. His emotions, although in check, were running on high. If the feelings of wanting to hurt this man were unwanted they would have faded thanks to his gift from Ivak. He wanted these feelings though. Deep inside he wanted to watch this man burn. A handsome smile appeared on Kendall's face. A smile that in it's own nature looked more like a feminine flirtatious grin. He held his hand out in front of him and watched the blood trickle from the cuts that had just formed. A low chuckle bubbled from his throat. "Whoops, looks like I need to take better care of what is not mine." He looked at the man as if he was waiting for him to say something and then abruptly stood up. He began washing his hands as if nothing happened. The bathroom was silent except for the sound of the running water. The silence was broken by a low growl from Kendall's throat. The soap stung as it slipped into his cuts and cleansed his wounds. "Petching cuts..." After he was done washing his hands Kendall looked at himself in the mirror. The same blonde guy stared back. "There is not much you can do to help me. I'm not sure anyone could." He stared at his reflection like he was leering at an enemy. He dipped his head and hit it against the mirror. His hands balled up into fists with one standing firm at his side and the other pressed hard against the wall beside the mirror. "I just want to go home. I want to be me." One who knew what Kendall had been through would understand what his strange mumblings meant. This man had just met him though and what could he know of Kendall's horrid accident?  When Kendall finally turned to face the blonde man who had so graciously offered help he could not help but lose the hostile feelings he had felt previously. The man truly wanted to help. Besides, he could not find it in himself to hurt someone. In it's own way the thought was calming. His new body had not taken over completely. He did not have the masculine need to fight others to make himself feel content. Although his emotions were raging he could not find it in himself to bring his pain onto others. His cheeks flushed a deep red. He had made a fool of himself in front of a total stranger. "Sorry, I'm going through a difficult time right now. I am Kendall. I would not blame you if you kept your name from me. I promise I am not so hostile. Things have just been less than desireable lately." There was the grammar again. Another reminder of a life he lost. The University was miles away now even though it was physically almost next door. His mother had beautiful grammar and all he had ever wanted was to be like her. Now he could care less. His mother was no better than the Symenstra that dwelled in Kalinor. She would do anything to survive, even condemn her own daughter to a life alone.

  

[Kain]

Kain had a puzzled look on his face, didnt this guy cry out for help? yet he's being so macho now... what had changed in those few seconds? and that look, a muderous one kain had seen many times in his life, everyone had that look when he pulled one of his pranks. But this time he hadnt even pranked the man, in fact he had tried to help. Something was definatly up.

So silently, Kain waited for the man to say something, letting the hypnotising sound of the water be the only noise, except for of course the rowdy noise from the bar. When the man finally talked, only to say kain couldnt help, simply ignited kains curosity, a problem he couldnt help with? never in a million years. "The names kain, and no worry's, i've been around people alot more hostile then you. anyways, If you want to go home why dont you? and if you want to be you, then go ahead!" kain quickly said after kendall finally stopped talking. Instead of letting kendall answer though, he quickly put up a finger. "The home your used to may not be accessable anymore, that doesnt mean you cant go home. Home isnt that big house you might be used to. it's not the friends and family that are around. Home is where your heart is. Whether or not it's contained in a house or a box, on a bed or a bench, it's always home if you wish it to be. Trust me, i have alot of experience in this dipartment."

As he talks kain runs his fingers through his bright blonde locks, smiling. This sure was interesting, if not in the more dangerous way that he was used to.

[Kendall Saarinen]

There was conflict in the man's heart. Maybe it was not even his heart. The driving factors of his life seemed so mixed as of late. He was so used to people leaving after a few words. Even thought the accident had only been about fourty days ago he was already settling into the idea that this was his life. Alone and cursed to stay that way. Now there was someone who was willing to sit with him and listen. What? It seemed too good to be true. Life was not a picture perfect story. People did not just come to you in bathrooms when you were clinging to your sanity and just help. There had to be alternitive motives for this man... what did he say his name was..., Kain? Kendall looked at him tentitively, much like a nervous dog. There was not a lot of trust left in Kendall's soul. Getting one's gender forcefully changed by a psychopath tended to leave the victim a bit apprehensive of others. He wanted to trust this man but could he? Everyone seemed to be a friendly stranger until you were hypnotized and bound within an animation circle. Faking smiles were easy. An upturn of the sides of the mouth, a flash of the teeth. It was so primal but in it's simpliest form, it was so advanced. He could hide behind this facade and Kain would never be the wiser. Of course there were exceptions to this rule. He was one of those exceptions in fact. Azenth and Aurists could see past the fake smiles and the heart-hearted words. Auras never lied and the emotions that the Azenth sensed were as true as the God who grated their powers. Kendall would have to hope that Kain was not one who dabbled in the art of auras. "It is hard to explain I guess. I would like to believe there is a home out there for me but what if one's heart never finds a home?" This was more than Kendall usually spilled out to a random stranger that happened to catch his eye. Kain had indeed caught his eye. He could not deny the man was good looking, albiet a bit younger than him. He was not sure whether to dwell on these thoughts. Was it even appropriate for him to find an interest in this stranger? He shook his head as if he was trying to banish the thoughts from his mind. He did not need to be dwelling on this man or his... beautiful blue eyes. Another abrubt shake of the head brought Kendall back to reality. "I'm sorry that you know how it feels to lose a home. It hurts..., a lot. I miss-" He stopped himself before he began to gush about his mother. If there was one person he missed it was his mother. When he was still female people had always told him that he was like a younger version of his mother. They would walk into a room and the first thing people would say was "Marie! Kendall! You could be twins." Now it was just Kendall Saarinen, no relation. A warm feeling came over Kendall as Kain ran his fingers through his hair. His heart raced a bit but he once again tried to push the feelings away. He did not need to feel connected to anyone or anything right now. He just needed a drink and to disapear. Although Kendall was a bit scared he looked at Kain. "Hey, uh..., would you like to get a drink." His face flushed yet again at the question. He did not want Kain thinking he was trying to come onto him. He simply just wanted some human company to share a drink with. Ale was lonely without a friend to share it with. "I'm sorry, why would you want to have drinks with me? I just flipped out on you and I'm bleeding..." He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Kain. "Why am I such a spazz?" As soon as he noticed his bangs were away from his eyes he pulled his hand away letting his bangs fall over his eyes. He was embarassed of his mismatched eyes. It was just another way that he was out of the ordinary. He looked down at the ground and sighed. The need for alcohol was growing stronger now and was begging him to leave the bathroom and quench his guilty thirsts. "I heading out to the bar for a drink, you are welcome to join me if you like." That was a more masculine way of phrasing it right?

[Kain]

Kain smile widened a little bit more after kendall asked his question, what if one's heart never finds a home? Kain took a deep breath, this was going better then he thought. He was sorry this man was in such turmoil, but, on the other hand, he was glad that things had finally became more interesting around here. "If your heart never finds a home, then come share my home." Kain said simply, as if it was the most natural thing, to invite a total stranger to live with you.

Focusing Djed in his eye's, to see kendalls aura, to make sure he hadnt totally freaked the man out, he was just in time to see the overwhelming aura of...what was that, lust? compassion? anger? it was gone already, replaced...no not replaced, that wasnt the word...ahh, overwhelmingly submerged in nervousness. to bad, kain thought, i would have loved to know what that emotion was. focusing on both the aura, and the words kendall was saying was hard, however kain did his best to continue talking while studying the aura in front of him. "No need to be nervous, i'm not going to run away or anything. and i'd love to have a drink with you. I personally am not going to drink any ale, but i can watch you drink while we talk." As kain talked he had the thought, how long can i keep this up before i either form my headache again, or worse. well, we'll have to see. Focusing on kendall's aura some more, kain motioned to the bathroom door. "After you"

[Kendall Saarinen]

A smile? Kendall did not see these often, at least when they were made on his account. Smiles, although they were simple were saved for people with connections. Kendall did not have connections anymore. There was no family to turn to, no Kay'lan to grab him in his arms and tell him everything would be okay. Although everything hurt, Kay'lan leaving him felt the worst. There was not a night that went by where Kendall did not think of Kay'lan's color changing eyes and his hair that seemed to shine like the aurora of Avanthal. "My Seaside Princess", that is what Kay'lan called him in his beautiful Avanthal accent. Now there was no one to call him anything. There were no more songs and poems written to Kendall in Vani, just dead silence. Or was there? The words seemed to hit Kendall like a tidal wave. Kain was offering to share his home with him. Kendall simply laughed at looked at Kain. "You must be joking right? I mean you barely know me. You met me when I was beating the crap out of a wall. He wanted to take Kain up on his offer. Sleeping in a house would be much nicer than the tent he was pitching. He couldn't say yes though. He was still unstable and his emotions were still getting used to the mark that kept them under control. He did not speak up about his decision though. He would give Kain his answer when the time called for it. It was good to find someone who was not scared away by Kendall's theatrics. He still had worries though. How would Kain react when he slipped up and did something femine? The man did not turn down the offer for a drink so Kendall took it for what it was, a chance to have some company. He made his way out of the bathroom and walked to a table. [b]"I'm going to attempt to have a conversation without a drink. Maybe if I have someone to talk to I won't need to get drunk." He sat down and waited for his companion to do the same. Once again Kendall's eyes were drawn to the blonde man. He swore he would never let another man catch his eye after Kay'lan but at the moment the Vantha was a million miles away. Maybe it was time to stop resisting how he felt and just let things be. As much as he did not want to admit it he was faced with an opertunity to have a fresh start. "So..." Kendall began to speak but he was unsure what to say. What did guys usually talk to each other about? Money, fighting, weapons, or dare Kendall even think of it... girls? Kendall looked at Kain and tried to decipher his feelings but none of the man's emotions were strong enough to catch his mark's attention. "So what brings you to the Kelp Bar? With all due respect you seem a little young to be requenting a bar. Although I guess I am not one to talk. I am barely old enough as well." Kendall knew his own reasons for being at the bar but he was a bit skeptical of his new found companion. He seemed a bit out of place in the dank building. He looked like he would have been better suited for requenting the docks or the streets than sniffing around the bar.

[Kain]

Kain followed after kendall, so happy that he's making a new friend he started to skip like a little kid. Remembering he had to maintain himself like an adult in this place he calmed down, sitting down accross from Kendall. Then the question he was dreading came up, what was he doing here? it was obvious Kain didnt belong in a bar, he looked young enough to be 13 or 14.

Ttalking quietly, only so that kendall can hear him. "Ok kendall, truth time. i'm, for lack of a better term, a magician. And i'm also the most curios person ever. So i sneak in here to spy on peoples aura's. It's so interesting, figuring out why people get drunk so much. And if the information allows me to prank them easier, so be it...or if it allows me to make a cute new friend then. " shrugging kain grinned, wondering if kendall would get the sublte hint he had implied.

[Kendall Saarinen]

Was Kain flirting? Kendall was not sure and of course, he did not want to jump to conclusions. Still he could not help but see a little playfulness in the young man's grin. At the mention of Auristics Kendall got a little worried though. What was Kain seeing? Could he see Kendall's pain? Maybe his confusion? In that moment he felt intruded upon. His emotions were his own and he was not sure what Kain could see. When a man could not figure out his own emotions it was quite obvious that they would be an utter mess for others to see. A scarlet blush spread across his face when he thought of what Kain might he seeing. To try and off set his worry he spoke up. "I do not think I would call myself a magician but I can do magic. I am practicing Fire Reimancy. My father hated magic so I am not as skilled as most of the other Reimancers my age but i make do I guess." He looked at Kain and tried to smile although it looked a bit forced. "I don't have to worry about what my father thinks though." Kendall wanted to talk more. He wanted to just lay everything that was ailing him on the line. He could not though. There was too big of a risk that Kain would run. For now he needed to keep his issues to himself. It was the safest, although the most painful, way he knew to cope. Kendall could appreciate the act of being curious. He might not have been too curious about other people but he could not deny that he knew how it felt to thrist for knowledge. He remembered the days when he used to spend hours upon hours at the libarary reading about everything he could find. "Curiosity is quite the infection state of the mind but of course it is important to not let it get you in danger." With that comment Kendall did smile a bit and this time it was sincere. He found it a bit appealing that this young man traveled around trying to learn about people. He would have even found it a bit cute but of course, thinking that was no becoming of a male which sadly he was now. "If I may ask, how old are you. Just feeding my curiosity of course. I would expect that you of all people could respect that." He smiled and pushed his blonde bangs aside. He was still getting used to his bangs. When he was a girl he had not issue pinning them back or even tucking them behind his ears. Now they just hung there blocking his eyes. He liked them blocking his eyes though. They blocked his mismatched eyes which he was incredibly embarassed of. Somewhere in Kendall he wondered what his aura looked like. Was it red and blazing like a flame or was it strangely colored due to his confusion? He still did not know what it was like to sense auras yet. He had not found a person with emotions strong enough to attract attention from his mark. He almost asked Kain what his Aura looked like but he stayed silent. Maybe it was better if he did not know. Instead he looked over the young man. He had gotten quite analytical since the accident. When there was no one to talk to one had to make friends with their eyes. He tended to be a bit more observant then others due to the fact he was usually trying to blend into the background. Kain looked like a normal person. He was a bit more roughed up than the people who frequented the University but that was to be expected. Not everyone was the scholarly type. "So what have you learned from the auras tonight? Is there anyone here I should steer clear of?" The question was more to break the ice than anything. Kendall was not really big on making friends and starting conversations so he was planning on steering clear of everyone in the bar. With Kain he would try though. He seemed harmless enough and besides, if he was showing an interest like Kendall thought he was things might get interesting. Of course, if Kendall could let himself have a good time that is.

[Kain]

Kain smiled widely, his curiousty overwhelming all other emotions he had, as kendall revealed that he knew a form of magic as well. How much more interesting could kendall get? Cute, curious aura, and now a magic user, even if it's just dabbling. He was like a book full of secrets waiting for Kain to pick them all out. And maybe, He could show Me how to do reimancy. That'd be neat. then i'd finally be able to defend myself. But no need to make Kendall think of me as a beggar or trying to take advantage of him by asking now. "You know magic? that's so amazing." Kain was about to say something else, however he caught himself. Dont need to seem to curious, he'll get scared of me then.

Hmm, how should he answer that next question? How old was he? could he tell the truth? would kendall think him to young? Shrugging slightly, Kain opened his mouth to respond to the question, "I'm sixteen. I know i'm young, but age doesnt really matter does it?" grinning slightly, Kain shut up after that. He wasnt sure how His new friend would take that. Though he doubted it'd be much of a suprise, he was used to looking a lot younger then he was andgave up hope of ever looking his age. Kendalls next question caught him off guard, and Kain simply started laughing quietly. "What kind of question is that? we're in a bar, obviously everyone sitting and drinking till they pass out you should stay clear of, and anyone who looks violent you should run from." Realising that what he said could be Taken as rude, Kain quickly spoke up again "But i did see someone's aura which told me, we'ed be great friends if not more." Grinning mischeviously kain grew quiet. This was more fun then he had in ages, and he had a cute guy sitting accross from him, willing to talk and be interesting.