Flashback Helplessness or Motivation

[Okara]

Spring 5, 512 Syna’s bright afternoon light shone down on Mura, the Konti city was still buzzing with activity and churning emotions. Okara walked along a cobbled path with heavy footfalls, her tired green eyes surveying the damage to the city. The Djed Storm had brought destruction to the island city. Many buildings showed clear signs of damage and groups of Konti gathered around them, discussing if they were still structurally sound or in need of complete rebuilding. Okara admired the women, they had already turned their minds from the dangers that had passed and were focused on how to rebuild, looking to the bright future. She wished she could feel that way. Turn her mind so easily from what had passed only a few days prior. The fear of huddling in the Crystal Caverns where the citizens had been evacuated, unsure of what was happening to the city and island she loved. She remembered the words of the officials from the grandmothers circle, that Mura would survive the storm, that other cities were hit far worse and would need the help of the Konti healers and seers. It was difficult to believe that the island had gotten off lightly when she was cowering in a cave listening to the scared whimpers of her young twin sisters. She remembered clutching one of the twins close to her body partly out of a desire to comfort them and partly to feel comforted herself. Seeing the damage of her own city made her fear what was happening in the rest of the wide world. News had spread from Avalis’s best seers on the island that many cities were utterly devastated and facing chaos. She couldn’t imagine what those people must be feeling when even this amount of damage disheartened her so greatly. She had always felt safe and secure in the quiet Konti city and now all of that had been shaken. Even the Konti’s venerated goddesses could not protect them from the fallout of the storm and all it had wrought. Okara’s feet moved sluggishly, her once graceful limbs felt heavy and uncomfortable. Her anxiety over the situation was manifesting itself physically. She felt disconnected from her body and her surroundings in a way that was frightening and foreign. She had never been mentally challenged in this way before, her sense of security and control had been questioned and disrupted. As Okara trudged through the repairing city she realized what the worst feeling of all was. Helplessness. She had felt utterly helpless, and she still did. She had sat in fear in the Crystal Caverns waiting for someone else to tell her it was safe, waiting for someone else to tell her what to do. Even now moving through the city she didn’t know how she could help. She wanted to feel useful and like she was making a difference. Like she was giving back in defense of the city that had seen her birth and supported her growth. The feeling of helplessness had made her despondent and angry in ways she had never felt before and she didn’t know how to deal with the emotions.

[Okara]

A voice broke through her clouded thoughts and she turned to see a woman waving to get her attention. Okara looked to see that a piece of the woman’s stone house had broken off and had flattened a portion of her gardens. Okara quickly trotted over to assist the woman. The stone chunk laying on the ground was relatively small but it was still stone and therefore heavy. Without a word Okara wrapped her fingers underneath one side of the stone chunk and on the woman’s count they lifted the stone slowly. Okara grimaced as she strained to help carry the heavy weight of the stone. The two women carried the stone to a patch of grass where it wouldn’t do any further harm and dropped it in relief. The woman patted Okara on the back with a pleased smile and turned to survey the damage to her garden. Okara smiled back and resumed walking down the cobbled city path. Helping that woman had made her feel a little better. Her limbs felt lighter and easier to move. Their interaction had been silent, no words had passed between them, only the understanding that a task needed to be accomplished. She pondered the interaction and her reaction to it for a few moments, considering the power of feeling helpful and useful even in a small way. Her thoughts were still clouded and chaotic, and she longed to go to the place where she was always able to clear her thoughts and sort her emotions. Looking up, she realized her body had known what her mind needed and her feet had led her right to the gates of the Opal Temple. With a frown she gazed at the damage to the Temple. Women in shimmery white robes buzzed around the structures as they sought to complete repairs. Okara passed through the gates and strolled towards the South Tower, the seat of Rak’keli and her place of worship. In the cathedral of the goddess Okara always felt comforted and could think through problems more easily. Entering the elegantly decorated hall of worship she noticed it was busier than usual. Many people sought the guidance of Rak’keli, perhaps they felt as conflicted as herself. The altar was crowded with worshippers so Okara found an empty cushion along the wall and sat down with folded legs. She placed one hand against the cool white stone wall beside her. One long finger traced the green line of a leaf pattern impressed on the stone. Finished admiring the beautiful design, she placed her hands in her lap and lowered her head as she closed her eyes. She breathed in slowly, struggling to clear her mind of all the conflicted and chaotic thoughts that had been plaguing her for the past several days. She breathed in and out deeply, patiently waiting as each layer of thought slid away like thick mud down a windowpane. As the disruptive thoughts slid away she could see that fear blossomed in the center of her mind. That fear birthed the chaotic thoughts that had consumed her. Fear for her home, fear for her family and sister Kontis, fear for her own life, and fear for her purpose which had been called into question. What was her purpose? Whatever it was, it had brought no comfort or assistance to herself or others during the storm. If she could do nothing for herself or her loved ones during a time of fear and confusion then what was she doing walking this land and breathing this air? Taking up space? Consuming food and speaking words but ultimately doing and accomplishing nothing? That was not what she wanted for her life.

[Okara]

As she breathed slowly and meditated upon the crux of her problem, she came to realize that what she most desired was to feel helpful. To feel useful and purposeful in times of crisis. To be someone who could be looked to in order to guide others through difficult times with grace and calm. Okara breathed in and out, her heart had begun to beat quickly and she tried to calm it with her quiet deep breaths. Opening her eyes, Okara’s gaze rested on the statue of Rak’keli surrounded by plumes of burning incense smoke. The goddess was the champion of goodness and those who wanted to bring the light of truth and hope to the world. Her expression began to change and soften, the corners of her full mouth turned up in the smallest hint of a smile. Looking upon Rak’keli and considering all that she stood for brought some ease into Okara’s heart and the seed of an idea sprouted in her mind. Closing her eyes again, she inhaled and exhaled a few more times to calm and settle her mind. The idea was exciting, but she didn’t want emotion to overwhelm her reason. Some choices were small and some choices were large and had consequences for years to come that could not be changed. Choices should not be decided upon lightly. Okara opened her eyes once again and stood up from the cushion, stretching her legs that had begun to cramp from the stillness. She walked from the cathedral with a light step, her body feeling at home and comfortable after casting off the doubts that had weighed her down. She stopped at the South Tower entrance and leaned against the doorframe, gazing out at the Opal Temple courtyard. The Opal Order women were moving around with confident, purposeful steps. Okara admired that and in fact desired it. Since she had meditated upon the statue of Rak’keli she had begun to see an image of herself in the future, clad in opalescent robes covered in the blood of foreign battles as she set to healing the fallen, admonishing the battle commanders for solving conflict through violence and destruction. Her smile broadened at the thought, knowing she was being dramatic in imagining such a thing. Feeling the honeyed tendrils of purpose wrap around her mind Okara strolled from the South Tower to the main Opal Temple entrance. A line of people stretched back from the reception desk. Okara took her place in the line and waited patiently as each person’s concern was addressed by the patient receptionist. Eventually it was Okara’s turn to approach the dark-haired receptionist. “Welcome to the Opal Temple, how can we help you?” Merida’s fatigue voice questioned. “I want to help. I want to begin my studies at the Opal Temple. I would like to be considered a candidate for the Opal Order.” Okara announced proudly. “Well, let’s discuss what classes are available.” Merida said and Okara nodded enthusiastically, eager to start the journey.

[Efforvescent]

Skills:

Observation 3
Body Building 1
Meditation 2

Lores:

Djed storm of 512av
Destruction invokes sense of helplessness
An act of kindness brings back hope.
Meditation: clearning the mind
Actions speak louder than words to help others
Place: Opal Temple entrance
Place: South Tower, Rak'keli's Altar
A Determined choice, Opal Order Student
Person: Merida Surval -- Receptionist

Consequences:

None

Loot:

None

Note:

Nicely done. Please let me know if i missed anything. Adjust your grade requests, please.