Solo The Weight of Choosing

[Taurina]

Early Evening of 77th of Fall 517

“I ended it. I had to. For her own sake, I put an end to the pain and misery.” Mercy killing.

The listening ears of many held them fixed in place. There was not a sound besides that of mourning. Not a dry eye in the pavilion. The Ethaefal had to wipe away tear after tear as she attempted to do her job, but somehow that felt impossible. How could she just go on? She told herself that the man under her hands had it worse and he had survived. Somehow he had kept on going. Kept on living. Despite having been the reason his strider was now dead.

Taurina wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, attempting to wipe the remnants of the tears away. It was strange to her that the male’s story had effected her so. She was not used to crying over someone else’s pain. Her own nightmares had such a hold on her; her monsters never going away, but forever lurking in the shadows of her mind made her apathetic to the plight of others. It was only now, in light of this man’s story, that she realized how very close-minded she had allowed herself to become.

“Taurina… focus,” Jarorra’s voice was a whispered, empathetic, snapping that the Eth deserved and needed.

Taurina sniffled and nodded, remembering her job and the tasks that had been entrusted to her. Caramel colored eyes lifted to meet Jarorra’s own and a look of apology was given. Jarorra just nodded, the bottom of her own eyes lined in silver. They had both felt the weight of the man’s story. Both known that dread of someday loosing their striders, their best friends. It was hard to imagine a time when age took their beloveds from them, but to have to bring the end themselves because there was no other way… that was impossible to imagine. Impossible not to feel the weight of that choice, and cry for the one who had been forced to make it.

Others had undoubtably had to make it as well, he was hardly the first and he would not be the last. Things happened in the grasslands, there was no guaranteed safety, no free rides. Sometimes, when something bad enough happened, it was mercy to bring the end. A mercy and a kindness. Yet, Taurina held no envy towards the man and those who had gone through the same thing. All she felt was an unending wave of sorrow and wished that happiness would find them again as she stretched the skin around the area Jarorra tattooed.

Though she had begun to work with her own clients and had dipped her toes into painting out small windmarks within skin, this job had not been one for the freshman artist. The moment he walked within the pavilion with his family behind him, they had all known that it was going to take a skilled hand. Injal had been the one asked for, but he had already been in the midst of a long session with Keil as his assistant, so Jarorra offered her services and they had agreed. Taurina took her position as assistant and gathered the tools that were needed as Jarorra got a feel for their client, much quieter than what was usual for her. It was as if she had known even then the emotions at play here needed a delicate touch.

Taurina had gathered the already cleaned chisels, trays, rags, and paints. She left the inks for last as she had not yet known what exactly the man wanted and if it was going to involve color. She had quietly set up a station for Jarorra to work within, keeping herself busy while she waited. Pillows were set up for the man’s family and everything laid out so it would be easy to get to when the work began. Taurina got a pale of clean water and set it down where it was needed before she hid herself in the shadows and waited.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

The new windmarks were meant to symbolize the pain the male had gone through and how his choice haunted him in the present. It had been the right choice, he stressed that over and over. Told them all how there had been no other way so many times that Taurina knew those words were more for him than them. 'No other way… No other way… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…’

She had heard the words before. She did not know where or when or who had said them, but she could hear them in her head now as clear as day. ‘I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…’

Taurina shook her head ever so slightly, her braided locks tugging against where they had stuck to her sweat drenched skin. She closed her eyes and willed the thoughts away from her head. Memories or nightmare, she did not care. Today was not about her or the things that plagued her. This was about him and though she did not know him, she needed to be there for him. Be a support for him as someone who knew what she was doing and ensure that the marks being inked upon his skin were not ruined.

Focus. Stretch the skin. Wipe ink away. Keep the rag as clean as possible. Repeat over and over. Taurina kept herself moving through the steps. She kept reminding herself of what it was she was required to do and tried not to focus too much on anything else. Not even the words that still poured from the male’s lips. All she knew is that he was still apologizing. To his strider, to his family, to his clan… To all the ones he had felt like he failed.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” he kept saying, “so sorry…”

Taurina did not hear his voice when he said those words. She heard someone else, someone she did not know or, at least, did not remember. Who? The question she kept asking despite telling herself that she would not think about it. ‘It is not about me today… It is about him, him. Not me. Stop it.’ Taurina kept her mouth shut as the words rolled over through her thoughts.

A soft clothe in hand, Taurina plunged it into a bucket of air-temperature water before taking it in both hands and twisting hard. At first there was a cascade of water that was returned to the bucket from which it came. Then it was just drops, one and two and three, then one again, as the Eth twisted harder and harder. Plunk. Plunk. Plunk. She stopped and released one hand, shaking the clothe free from its twisted state with the hand that still held on. It was after that when she took the clothe and ran it over the newly inked skin, wiping away the remnants of ink along with the blood and sweat of the man.

The Ethaefal did not know his name. She knew that he had told Jarorra, but she had not been present to hear. All she knew about him -and the family he had brought with him- is that he came out of the Opal clan. Healers than, likely, of some sort. Kind hearts; gentle souls; the ones who knew when it was time to give up, but would give everything they got to strangers until that time came. There was something to be admired about that. About the selflessness it took to care about others more than oneself.

Taurina blew out a soft breath, running gentle fingertips over the next section of skin that was to be tattooed. His skin was tough and worn from years toiling beneath Syna’s rays. The scars that littered his torso were like an eternal reminder that no one’s life in Endrykas was easy. Not even the life of a healer. Taurina pressed her fingertips into that worn skin and pulled each side in opposite directions, making it taunt so that Jarorra might be able to properly do her work.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

It was easy to not really pay attention as Jarorra was tattooing the male’s back. Taurina knew that she should so that she might learn something. There was still so much that she did not know. So much that she needed to get better at and experience for herself. However, her mind was not in it this day. Instead it was bouncing from her thoughts to the male’s words to nothing at all. If one had asked her what she was thinking about in these moments, her answer would have been: “Everything… And also nothing.”

Amidst her nightmares, the dreams full of her deepest desires, and the sweet dreams that existed in a world of perpetual peace; the Ethaefal dreamt dreams of little sense. She saw things there. Things that she thought might once have been hers, but were no longer. Perhaps things that might become hers, sometime in the future. She did not have a gift for seeing the future. Not like her pavilion-sister Rufio did. All Taurina had were hopes and dreams; longings and wishes.

Taurina let her eyes drift from the man’s skin to the family that surrounded him. She knew that this was his pavilion, that he was the ankal who was to lead them. The two that were his wives were beautiful, but not in the same way. One with red hair and the other ebony. The red-head had a very soft face with delicate features and jade green eyes. The ebony haired one had a sort of fierceness in her eyes, a fire burning in her soul. Her features were sharp and stance like that of a warrior. It was easy to tell that she was one who had not belonged before marriage, that she had been raised a warrior rather than a healer.

They had children with them too. All different ages, the youngest not even able to sit alone yet. Somehow they were all obedient and quiet. The ones who were old enough to understand what had gone on had the same silver as the adults lining their eyes. The young ones sat in their older sibling’s laps, occupied with toys made of ribbon and wood. They were a large family, young and beautiful. All of the children echoed their parents. The soft features of the red-head could be seen in her daughters and son, while the fierce eyes of the ebony-haired was present in both of her boys. They all had the tanned skin and quiet souls of their father. It was fascinating really. At least.. the Eth was fascinated by it.

Taurina had not really thought of having a family. Not in the way Azmere and Jasmine had begun to build theirs. She knew that she had had one in her past life. Not that she really recalled them, but somehow she knew. She just felt it somewhere within her. It was more than knowing that nearly everyone in Endrykas built a family at some point in their lives. It was as if, in her dreams, she could see their shadows, but not make out their faces or know the forms of their bodies. She always wondered what had happened to them. If they had thrived and continued on, or if they had perished before more could come. Were her ancestors still here? Did they still live upon the plains she had finally come home to? She did not know that she would ever know, but a part of her wished to. A part of her wanted to find them, embrace them, and belong to them.

“All done,” Taurina heard Jarorra say, and it was enough to snap her back into the present.

Taurina removed her hands and wiped away the last of the ink and blood to reveal the work that had been done. The windmarks were beautiful and elaborate, a symbolic twisting of winds to shape the strider he had lost now embedded in the space between his shoulder blades. The Eth’s breath was taken away.

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Taurina]

Taurina dried the newly cleaned jars of ink slower than usually. Her hands were working on the task, but her mind was on anything but. Thoughts were fleeting, always shifting. She did not know what to focus on for her emotions were still raw from the story the client had told. It was not her story, yet it did not feel so very unlike it. She had died, her strider had been the one left behind. The thought that that might one day happen again… Taurina tried not to think about it. She did not wish for death. Not for her, and especially not for Starfire. Life is what she wanted. To experience life in all of its wonders and splendors. There was so much to live for.

A huff was blown out, indigo eyes looking out over the pavilion bathed in moonlight. Syna had set soon after the client and his family had left. There had been many tears during the end as they all looked upon the new windmarks. Tears for what had been lost as opposed to the happy tears for what had been gained that the Lilacwind pavilion usually saw. The family had hugged each other then. Held each other close as their tears streamed down their faces. The little children did not understand, but they did not ask why, they just went along with what the rest of the family had been doing.

Jarorra had been hugged as well, and Taurina. Thanks was given and goodbyes exchanged. Taurina had watched them leave as she watched most client’s whose stories had impacted her leave, by looking out the tent as the disappeared into the tent city. She did not know how they would remember this day. If they would remember her and Jarorra, or if they would just remember the strider that had been lost and the windmarks that had been gained. Taurina would not forget them though. She would lock them away in her memory and sketch in her journal a poor replication of the windmarks Jarorra had inked. She did not want to forget anything in this life. Not after having lost nearly all contained within her last.

“Taurina, why don’t you go home?” Jarorra’s voice was soft and friendly as she crouched down beside the assistant and signed long day, go rest.

Taurina gave a tired smile and shook her head.

“I am almost done,” she assured, will go soon.

Jarorra gave her a questioning look that Taurina did not fully understand, but the artist did not say anything more. She just nodded and patted the Eth on the shoulder. Taurina watched as she went over to do her own work before allowing her gaze to drift back to the drying jars she was working on. Her indigo eyes were glassy and blank as she worked, still moving slowly and not caring how long she took. Her mind was tired, energy drained, but she did not care. She did not wish to sleep. She did not wish to dream.

It was half a bell later when the Ethaefal finally finished up. All the jars were put in straight lines in the box where they would sit until someone came to fill them with ink or paint. She left in silence after that, everyone else gone so that there were none to say goodbye to. The Eth walked to her strider who awaited her and before she did anything else, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his mane.

“I love you,” she murmured through silent tears, “never leave me. Please.. never leave me.”

Common | Pavi | 'Thoughts'

[Asterope]

The Sun Has Risen

And so have your grades!

Taurina

 

Skills

✧Organization +2
✧Tattooing +2
✧Meditation +1
✧Observation +2
✧Cleaning +2
✧Socialization +2
✧Planning +1

 

Lores

✧Taurina: Has allowed herself to become close-minded and apathetic
✧Lore of weeping for another's loss
✧Taurina: Feeling compassion for another
✧The Sea of Grass: No guarantees
✧Tattooing: Some jobs require an expert's hand
✧Tattooing: Only prep the ink when you know what colours are needed
✧Taurina: Has heard the mantra of 'I'm sorry' before
✧Taurina: Not always about her
✧Meditation: Ignoring distractions
✧The Opal Clan: Healers with kind hearts
✧Endrykas: Nobody has an easy life
✧Taurina: Never thought of making a family of her own
✧Taurina: Doesn't know what became of her family in her past life
✧Taurina: Wants to live life
✧Planning: Thinking of a sketch ahead of time
✧Lore of the man who lost his Strider by his own hand
✧Taurina: Doesn't want to forget anything

 

Notes

This was a really lovely, albeit very sad, thread. I loved seeing Taurina experiencing compassion for someone else; you managed to write it so beautifully.

On a side-note, I did notice a tiny mistake with your CS! In your ledger, you've listed what I think are supposed to be your 518 tabs as 517; I almost made the mistake of thinking your expenses weren't up to date hehe, so you might want to fix that when you have a chance.

Thank you for your patience! As always, please edit or delete your request in the grading queue; and if you have any questions or concerns about your grades, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me!