[The Sanctuary OOC Thread] Wandering The Stableyard...

[Lyn'nice]

Just wondering Kavala will Lyn'nice be part of the ritualy thing?

[Kavala]

Couple of things Lyn... Its for those wanting to be Cytali. That means those that have Nysel lores and those that want involved with the underworkings of the groyp. Also... I don't think that thread is happening now even though it's underway. No one has posted to it since my last post and certain folks think they need Nysel marks to continue. Its kind of ruined it for me... even though I've explained that's not the case. Because I haven't updated the lore which they choose to believe over the lore author. Its in essence a huge mess.

[Reven Heath]

Well, I wouldn't say it's not happening. I can't speak for anyone here but I know that life has recently tossed some great opportunities into my lap which is the reason why my posts have been delayed. And I know that life has gotten a bit busier for others. The Cytali is such a wonderful project to invest PC time with. It's new, it's just now being formed in game play, and it really is something very creative that I'm excited to get my PC involved in. Don't let the ignorance of others ruin it for you, Kavala. Even if at times, it may be my ignorance. What we're creating here is something awesome and, even though it might take some time to get through the main starter thread, wants that's over I'm sure it will lead to a lot of exciting, character development opportunities. Again, I can't speak for others but I'm almost positive everyone involved in the thread is just as, if not more excited than I am about the Cytali. I mean, seriously, I squealed when I saw the thread up.

The Cytali is comprised of a lot of unique individuals. It's going to be very fun to see where the group goes and what happens along the way once the Cytali is officially formed. Besides, you know what they say about waiting. All good things to those who wait! Or something like that.

[Kavala]

I can say first hand that if a thread isn't posted to its not happening and most likely won't. I can also say all waiting does for me is destroy my faith in mods and fellow rpers. I've worked very hard on the Cytali and put thousands of words and thread hours into them. I am at this point in time I'm so discouraged I'm looking into other things and refocusing. This is especially true when I have to defend what I've written about them in the lore and tell people they can't have gnosis marks immediately because others have waited longer and put in a great deal of work. I get it that people get busy. But when they are in chat for hours, making alts, playing truth or dare, doing anything but posting then I know where things stand. And I know for myself when I don't post to something it's utter lack of motivation or my feelings about something had changed. Usually it's because someone has already pretetermined things and ruined it for me.

[Reven Heath]

Those people might just be trying to stay connected, you know how it gets sometimes I'm sure everyone understands that obtaining Gnosis marks is difficult, even the new folks, but when they forget, I assume that's why the mods and storytellers are there? To help guide in those instances. You're absolutely right, the investment that you've put into this is amazing but please don't give up on it! I know for a fact that everyone involved with forming the Cytali have been waiting for this.

At my young age, I've realized that things are never predetermined. Things can always change, will always change, and that is the beauty and horror of life. Automatically determining something is based off of perception, judgement, and opinion. Things may only be predetermined if that's the outcome one wants to come to. But I disagree. As a human being adapting, I have the capability and maturity to make decisions not only based off of my needs but the needs of others as well so that the both of us can move in a better direction. As my own person, I have the determination and the ambition to follow this, how quickly or slowly it may be to follow. I do this to better myself as an individual, to better my skills, to better my life. It gets really hard though, because most of the time it seems like society would rather see someone fall than rise. It's disheartening, it's depressing, and it's downright hurtful. In general, we're all working towards the same goals, are we not? Even if the end result is different for each individual, we're all striving to be something more so why do people feel the need to counter this? So this brings into question how badly do we want to follow those goals despite oppression, how desperate is one to kick and claw their way forward?

Well I'm pretty desperate to do that, actually, I'd go so far as to say that it's in my nature to not give up, to not let society oppress me, to not let the predetermination of others ruin things for me. It's actually something that I've struggled with the past 3 years of my life from battling disease to obtaining the money to go to school. Now, after conquering those battles, waiting, having faith in myself, my friends, in complete strangers, I'm finally seeing my life and my future ahead of me. And it's exciting! And to think, without being this way, I would probably not be here right now.

If things have changed and it's hard to recover from it, that's okay. It happens to everyone. I mean, we're only human after all? There is only so much someone can take without anything to fall back on and that's completely understandable. Through all of this, though, I want you to know that I will be here for you regardless. I understand things get tough and sometimes it's not worth dealing with it anymore, whatever or whomever it is. Just know that I will always be a friend to you.

[Kavala]

Reven, this is the problem in a nutshell. This really has NOTHING to do with you. This isn't something you've put any effort or time into. This was something you were included in just solely on the basis that you were freshly bonded to Vanator. I don't even think you have any Nysel Lores. So while its all wonderful to say the things you've said above, I wonder really who you are talking too? Are you directing that post at your adoring fans because you are running for public office or something? If so, +5 Politics/Rhetoric. If you are directing it at me, you've acted and done nothing to back up that commentary above... and honestly if it was truthfully pointed at me, then it should have gone into a PM because it honestly comes across as is like a political speech trying to make someone look relatable and on board the current issues. Do you even understand how hypocritical that comes off? You don't know anything about how much of a struggle its been to get this thing off the ground and see things through. The fact that you jumped my shit not too long ago about how you didn't have a Nysel Mark and needed one and how did this work or that work or what was going to happen here or there etc... was anything but helpful. It sent me into a spiral of OMG NOT AGAINness that keeps coming around whenever something finally goes right. I want this thread to follow through and finish. But it can't do that if people don't post. And I understand that people get busy. That's cool. But this is a huge thing to me and when it just grinds to a halt while all other manner of things comes up and gets time and attention, is hugely hurtful. But please don't tell me you UNDERSTAND. You can't. You have no idea how long I've been working on this... how many thousands of words and hours have been written over literal years to get this going. If you want to have your words be one way, that's fine, but please make sure your actions OOC and privately to the party you are addressing publicly matches. I've been avoiding chat like the plague because at one point I couldn't go in there without you bringing it up. It's put strain between a friendship of mine on here that I've had for years... why? Because now hes going to have to take sides and that will probably just end up in him leaving. And I have a third friend saying the whole thing is ridiculous which hurts me as well because to me its super important and a big deal and not stupid at all. I'm not acting stupid about this. I'm acting like any normal person would act that just wants something to be easy and the hard things to go away. But the hard things can't go away because people want to make them hard and don't want to trust. That's all I've asked for this whole time is to be trusted and not to have people question my every move, demand to have have everything spelled out or explained before the thread continues, etc. THAT SORT OF THING RUINS IT FOR ME. And because I wrote the lore on the organization, doesn't mean everything in the lore is set in stone. I've explained that time and time again. LORE NAZIs RUIN IT FOR ME. I don't want to predetermine anything, though it feels like everyone wants guarantees. There is none. There never will be. You can either jump on board and be supportive and follow through, or you can keep doing what you've been doing which I feel has been anything but supportive and then plaster some fake facade up like the crap above this post and plaster on some sort of smiley face. I keep telling people I have had enough. I really have. I'm serious about that. To me, starting anything is not worth seeing this sort of bullshit rhetoric when the truth is anything but what the post says. I want folks to join the group. But please don't pretend you have to sacrifice to see things through. You've gotten ZERO investment and all it really ends up being is a good/bad/terribly written story in the end. But it has to get written.. not laid out as X,Y, and Z before hand. Your PC and mine are not going to be besties before they get a chance to get to know each other and learn whether or not they like each other... because that's not the way I roll. But that's the way you've tried to pressure me. And I'm done with it. And I'm not buying the bullshit either... the Cytali aren't about you. They aren't about you. They aren't about you. They aren't about you. They aren't about you. You make so much on this site about you. The Cytali aren't about you? How many times did you use the terms Me My Mine, I, I've above? NONE OF THIS STUFF IS ABOUT YOU. I can't make you understand that. That post had no place in this thread. Your scrap? Sure. How can you be desperate to kick and claw your way forward in something you know nothing about really and haven't been involved in? Do you know how offensive it is to me - the one thats been struggling with getting this group launched - that you posted this stuff? Does my group symbolize something in your life? Maybe. I don't know. But I do know your battling disease, finding college money, and fighting battles of friends and faith in ones self has nothing to do with this situation and makes me crazy insane mad that you'd even try to make it so. I get that you want to be friends. I would like that too. But at this point, you are making it nearly impossible for me to even remotely go there. And as ridiculous as some people might find that... its the cold hard truth. If you were truly wanting to support me and be my friend, you'd trust me and not ride my ass about the things you have in the past and just let things happen. You would not put strain on my friendship with Mike. Do you even remotely see any of this? That's why I don't see this thread going anywhere. As sad as that sounds, sometimes one person can throw a lynchpin in something and that's it for it. Do I want it ruined? No. But a single thread isn't worth the hassle even if it has a huge impact and meaning behind it.

[Reven Heath]

No, I said that as general as I could make it, not directing that at anyone but just simply stating. You're right, I have no idea what you're going through and yes, maybe that was my mistake. If I made it seem like it was about me, that was not my intention and sorry for keeping you out of chat. I didn't think talking to you was something that annoyed you. I thought it was simple conversation but I suppose that was my mistake as well. Lastly, I didn't mean to put a strain on your friendship with Mike and I'm sorry about that. I thoroughly enjoy RPing with you both. But I was not talking about the Cytali because I wanted to make it about me and that's where you're wrong. It's not about me, I get that. I was thinking about the others when I said that. And I apologize for my words on this matter and for assuming that the above two posts seemed directed at me because it felt that way. This community is great and what you've got here is great, Jen. I'm not putting up a facade, I'm trying to be reasonable without letting things get the best of me. And I'm not going to lie, it's very hard. Please excuse me, though.

[Lyn'nice]

...Okay, I just wanted to know if she was going to be inducted at some point in her life. Nysel is kinda funny to me, or more I got a laugh out of reading his page. To get his lores you do what constantly sleep and dream? If Lyn never does become part of it, I'd like to think she's at least aware of it?

[Kavala]

Lyn - Nysel isn't what you've described. He's so much more. You don't... sleep and get his lores. I'm not sure if you were just joking but it made me kinda sad. Anyhow, you can know about the Cytali if you find out about them IC. Same goes with Nysel lores. I suggest you re-read his Lore page though unless its not something you really are interested in. There's a lot to do without being in the Cytali.

[Lyn'nice]

I meant the line with the butterfly was funny.