Hey Miz.
I guess I'm going to try to approach this in the view
of a PC since I've already addressed it in the view
of an ST. I just want to thank everyone that stands by me through thick or thin in character. I want to thank the long standing RP partners that aren't afraid
of just being themselves and doing what they'd do regardless
of who or what I am. I want to thank the people that look at my PC and see my PC and not the big bad Founder behind her.
I've been discouraged lately in game. I've tried to throw in the towel at least three times in the last few months - weeks - only to be talked off that cliff by several very special people that have let me a little bit more into their lives and left me with a deep understanding
of how much this game means to them. And also importantly how much it would be missed if it wasn't here anymore.
I put so much time into Miz. But it has been feeling like empty useless time lately. And I always feel like no matter how hard I try, someone is always right there to add to the plethora
of heartbreak both IC and OOC this fucking site brings.
It happened again today. I don't know why its always on the holidays that these sorts
of things happen. It's funny how someone can say nice things about you, but the one thing that rings with truth is the bad thing they say... where they turn some phrase and it echos over and over again in your mind.
And so, I apologize to everyone I've ever been overbearing with, intimidated or pulled the rules nazi act on. I apologize to all those suckers out there that have naively RP'd with me and thought it would be easy or fun. I'm honestly done... true and and honestly done. I'm going to finish out the group threads, stick to solos, and keep to myself because that way no one needs to be dragged into the situation where they are rping with a Founder which evidently is not that fun.
It only took me nine years to figure out why the rest
of the active Founders stopped doing anything IC and just stuck to all OOC. I'm kinda slow like that at times.
And I'm saying this publicly so I can make it manifest and truly stop getting involved. NPCs are your friend. You can control them and you don't actually ever let them down unless you intend too. They are in this fantasy reality grateful to get created, used and get some active thread time. And they won't be mad if IRL swallows you whole and you are slow posting for them.
I had hoped that hearing all the Merry Christmas posts would help cheer me up today, and they have slightly. But the truth is I'm as human as the rest
of the bunch, and I'm going to slink off and lick my wounds and probably bury my head in the sand for a good long while. Rejection hurts. Sometimes RPing flawed isn't for everyone. I get that. Maybe perfect is out there. But I know damn good and well, its not me. I'm far from perfect. I'm loyal, excessive, and stupid. They aren't good qualities in thread partners.
Kelski.
Post:
http://www.mizahar.com/forums/topic74828.html