Thoughts of the Unknown

by **Adriana Sparrow** on March 15th, 2019, 1:55 am

Spring 73, 519AV

Worries plauged her mind as the days went by. She was unsure why this season seemed so stressful for her. Maybe it was the discovery of a magical item and the knowledge of the consequences she could face being caught with it that nerved her. Maybe it was Bae and how he seemed thinner despite Adriana bringing more food home than usual. Maybe it was that his smile did not seem as bright. Maybe it was a newfound friendship that she was drawn to, but she seemed to hold herself back from trust and faith in the term. Or maybe it was everything that happened around her, and to her, tangled up inside her head, knotted so severely, unable to be separated, resulting in a mess of concerns.

She could feel the stress, from the tension in her shoulders, to the wary looks she wore around, it was physically affecting her at this point, and she knew she needed to calm down if she was going to survive in this city. It was safe to be cautious, it was dangerous to be distracted. And these worried, they were distracting. She found herself thinking of them as she rifled through the trash for food, spacing out in thought and neglecting to be alert to danger. She found herself concerned with other matters when she was watching a crowd for a pick pocketing victim, only to realize she missed a perfect one as she was thinking too deeply. But without getting rid of all her worries, the only real way to do so would be leaving Sunberth and getting rich, she wasn't sure how to stray from the thoughts.

Truthfully, she just wanted a place to escape, somewhere that wasn't Sunberth, where she didn't have to watch her back or worry about Bae. Somewhere where she could just be free for just a moment, a few chimes, maybe a bell if she was lucky. Someone to relax and free her mind from the knot in her brain. But everywhere was Sunberth, she couldn't escape it without leaving it, or so she thought. So instead she was wondering the streets of the forsaken city, until she came to the center of the Castle Commons, staring up at the huge cathedral before her.

She had never been inside before. She hadn't seen a point. While the temple wasn't reserved for a specific God, and no one held sermons, and the inside was ravaged and destroyed, she still hadn't seen a need for a place to stop and pray. She wasn't very religious. But as she looked at it now she saw a place of solitude a place she knew people respected, a place where she would be safe, a place where it was quiet and abandoned, a place she could relax for just a moment.

She walked in, almost without thinking, the calming atmosphere of the temple piercing her skin. The inside was a ruined as she thought. Picked over by looters and thieves alike. The floors ruined with wear and the walls ripped of paint and paintings. Large benches that could fit up to perhaps ten people were strewn, unceremoniously, about the large center of the Temple. The ceiling went high, into the four stories above it, she could see the remains of what was probably a very large an intricate holy painting on the ceiling, but was now only resemblance of colors and strokes, the painted chipped and worn and fallen apart.

There were only two others in the Temple at the moment and for a moment she felt her nerves working themselves up. But she shook her head and attempted to move forward. The others did not matter. They did not look up at her entrance or take notice of her movements. The only place in the entire city where one would not check their back when moved upon.

She took a seat, this bench was unoccupied and the other two patrons were in front of her, they could not see her unless they turned around. Even though she felt relatively safe in this Temple, she still did not want eyes on her. It would always make her uncomfortable.

Code credit to Itt.

by **Adriana Sparrow** on March 15th, 2019, 2:59 am

In the middle of the Temple center, where the long benches were most likely at some point directed towards, was a bit of stone. Now they were strewn about, though most still looked in that general direction. The stone was broken and chipped, but she figured it used to be a stand at one point, probably where some priest stood and spouted the so called words if his God or Goddess. Adriana wasn't always sure of Gods. She knew they existed, but she wouldn't ever really, truly, believe a word about them that came out of some mortal's mouth. What would they know about all powerful beings? How were they special enough to attract the attention of an immortal God. She didn't buy it.

But that didn't matter. She wasn't here for Gods or worship. She didn't know exactly why she was here, just seeking some mental rest, perhaps. All the worries in her head gave her a headache, turned a knot in her stomach and hunched her shoulders into a ball. It was aching and stressful. She just wanted everything to loosen up, just a moment to clear her mind and think of nothing.

She leaned her forehead on the back of another bench that was close enough to her own. Her eyes looked toward the stained stone ground, the arch in her back creating a little bubble of her own space, where she couldn't see anyone else made it feel like no one else could see her. The weight of her head was now on the wooden pew, her neck relieved of the strain, her feet resting as well, the pew once again holding her.

She sighed, a great breath of stress exhaling from her body. She felt weightless for a moment, until she took a breath in to be restored. Soon, with her sudden relaxed nature, her thoughts boomed, many different ideas and worries and thoughts scrambled in her head fighting for the main spot of thinking. She took another breath, a big one, in and out, breathing the thoughts out with the air from her lungs. Her mind went quiet for blissful moment. Her eyes deepened in their close, somehow becoming even more disconnected with the world around her.

She breathed in the clear air, strangely different from the outside streets of Sunberth. it smelled of stone and cold. The normal scents of the streets, which she would smell, no doubt, immediately outside the Temple, piss and sweat and mud, were absent here. The next breath, though, brought more thoughts in and she had to fight to get them back out. It was almost exhausting, but the reward of blissful silence was worth every struggle.

Code credit to Itt.

by **Adriana Sparrow** on March 21st, 2019, 5:00 am

The air was cool and still in the Temple and with every breath she fell into a more relaxed state as the toxins of the city of Sunberth were exhaled with each sigh. She breathed in the fresh air of building of stone and grandeur, the scents of the marbles and the wooden pew she laid against. her thoughts wandered to her worries less and less, and her mind suddenly had more room. It tired to fill the spaces with random thoughts, like the flow of grain in the wood, or the breathing of another person in the Temple. She tried to push the thoughts out as she preferred the silence of an empty mind for now. She was glad her worries seemed to have been pushed into a corner and currently, however temporarily, out of sight.

She closed her eyes to ignore the grains of wood, but her hearing picked up and the breathing of others were joined by creaks of the old wood in the building, the shuffling of feet as citizens entered and left. She wondered if anyone lived in this Temple, she thought maybe it would be a peaceful place to stay, but it could be somewhat crowded. She fought the thought, dragging it backwards in her brain and was left with a swoosh of quiet that almost shocked her. She rested into it. Her shoulders slumped and he neck relaxed against the wood. He eyes, still closed to the relaxed state similar to sleep, but her eyes were awake under the lids.

Her breathing became more even and deep as she spaced out into the blackness and chill of the Temple of the Unknown. It was a glorious couple of chimes until she was startled out of her stupor by the shuffling of someone near her. She perked up and listened as the unknown person found their seat somewhat close to her in a neighboring pew. She wanted to look and see who the newcomer was and if he/she was a threat.

But still she resisted and attempted to ignore the looming presence. But it seemed to have a physical pull on her and she was unable to clear her mind of the possible threat and after a few seconds of tortured thought, she failed and picked her head up from the pew to glance at the foreigner.

It was a simple old woman, bundled in cloth and hunched over her stomach. She was absolutely no threat at all and probably came to the Temple to worship, pray, hope or relax. Nothing devious in mind.

Code credit to Itt.

by **Adriana Sparrow** on March 24th, 2019, 2:58 am

She watched the old woman for a couple of quick moments before she returned to her hunched state on the pew bench. But as she did she realized her back felt a bit cramped up and she would have to change positions in order to get any kind of comfort again. She looked around her, unsure of how else to position her body in this pew. She could lay down and stare off into the ceiling before closing her eyes. Though that way she was completely open to the Temple and everything in it, it would feel much more vulnerable to the world around her compared to the safety of her bundled ball.

She thought about it and concluded that the people in this Temple more than likely did not care about her existence in it. So she kicked herself into laying down across the length of the wooden pew. The areas where she had not sat before were cold to the touch and penetrated her thin clothes. It warmed to her own body heat swiftly enough and she placed her hands latched across her stomach. Light from high windows showered into the Temple as the ceiling domed out. She tried to decipher the cracked and bland remains of paintings that once adorned the ceiling, how many hours it took for a suspended painter to complete, how much the priests of the church paid for the designs or if it was graciously donated in faith by the artist.

Her thoughts wandered to the exact situations that resulted in the abandonment of this seemingly hugely important building in the city. She wondered if it was known, by the old citizens or in some historic book or scroll, or if the tale was lost to time and thoughts. Her eyes wandered along the cracks of the paint and stone that raced across the ceiling. Eventually her thoughts died down and quieted. Her mind relaxing back into its meditative state. She took a few deep breaths, filling her lungs with clean air and exhaling, closing her eyes against the glare of the filtered light.

Her mind, now cleared, dove into the blackness behind her eyelids. Sparks danced in her sight and eventually dimmed until it was a completely dark void that had no end. Her thoughts followed suit and her mind rested into a blank hole. She breathed simply, focusing only on the intake and expel of breaths. Slowly, she felt as if her back pushed further into the pew with each breath, as if the wood was surrounding her like quicksand. It was not panic inducing, though, instead it felt warm and safe and her breathing evened and slowed.

Code credit to Itt.

by **Adriana Sparrow** on March 26th, 2019, 2:38 am

Her warmth grew and her body relaxed to a near sleeping state. She felt her blood flow deep into her head and toes and everywhere in between. Sometimes she would realize she would quickly falling asleep and would jolt herself awake in a mild panic. It always took a moment to return to her state prior, a good few chimes of breathing and focusing and re-clearing her mind fo thoughts and worries.

She simply tried to follow her breathing, counting her breaths to fill her mind instead of allowing thoughts to creep back in. This occupied her well enough that her mind stayed generally clear for a few more chimes, before she faltered and had to restart.

This act in itself was exhausting at times. It required a lot of focus and restraint, more than she really had, to keep her mind blank. She was surprised to find out that this seemingly simple act could be so difficult. Who would have thought that simply thinking of nothing would be so hard. She either thought of random things, or nearly fell asleep. But it was those moments in between when she was conscious and blank that was worth every moment of mental strain she put forth. It was the creation of pure bliss. The color white and the color black molded to become one. Breath became life and the only existing thing in the world. Everything else, the Temple, the people, the city, the world, drifted away until she was happily alone on her own blank page, watching as her inhales and exhales of air would morph the page around her into unimaginable colors and unimaginable nothingness with each rise and fall.

Her shoulders fell slack against the hard wood beneath her, her legs bending slightly against the previous resistance, relaxing into their own comfortable shape. Her mouth loosened its grip on her jaw and she felt a crack of the joints at the release from the strain.

Slowly she fell deeper into her mind, the edges of her black sight dimming and blurring. Her breaths grew long and deep. She woke with a jolt, realizing too late she was falling to comfortable in the state, inducing unconsciousness. She blinked up to the cracked ceiling of the Temple above her and wondered if it really was only a mere second asleep in this Holy place, or if she had been bathing it in's peacefulness for a while now.

Either way it was probably time to go. She had enjoyed her unknown thoughts and empty mind, but it was time to face the real world once more.

Code credit to Itt.