Where We’re At
23rd of Fall, 519 AV Sometimes, a person has to stop and wonder how they got to where they’re at. One day, they just wake up and realize that where they are now is not where they began and nowhere near where they imagined they would be, and it takes a careful study of the events of the past to figure out what missteps or brilliant changes of heart or mindset guided them to where they are now. And sometimes, even the most rigorous searching brings no answer. Sometimes, one just has to keep wondering.
Other times, it all makes perfect sense. Ambrosia knew exactly how she’d gotten here, wherever here was. It had all begun with her sister. The dead one. Every time Ambrosia admitted that, her heart broke all over again. Tessa had wandered into the Sealed Grounds with some idea of grandeur and had paid for it with her life. Ambrosia had spent months on her own, trying to break her sister free from her ghostly prison.
She didn’t know why it took her so long, but she finally remembered she had a spiritist friend. When Ambrosia went to Craven Manor though, a man there had informed her, with some smug sense of satisfaction, that Madeira had been sent away to Riverfall, and with a few more pointed questions, Ambrosia found that Madeira had stolen Jomi away some time later. Her two greatest hopes for helping her sister had abandoned her. They took the first of her misplaced hate.
Ambrosia hadn’t been brave enough to ask it that day, but when she returned to ask for Craven assistance with her sister, she found them unwilling. Unwilling was probably too kind a word for it. At her request, they had become outright hostile. Madara herself had spent the effort and time to throw Ambrosia out. But their hostility was a mask. Ambrosia had learned that Cravens were good at that, that lying was an integral part to spiritism, but Ambrosia’s request had shaken them enough that she could see what lay behind it. Fear. They were afraid of what had been trapped down there, and she hated them for it.
So she tried on her own again for longer than she should have. Eventually though, she became desperate and began to search for answers in places where there were none, in places she shouldn’t have been looking. It was no secret that she was looking for ways to save her sister. She had alienated a few friends with her overzealous dedication. It had made her an easy target. When someone told her of a foreign practitioner of spiritism near the Patchwork Port, she investigated immediately.
And then Ambrosia woke up, bound and gagged in the hold of a ship with nearly a dozen other young women. When she tried to move, she found herself shackled to one of them ankle-to-ankle. An odd relief filled her when she found that she recognized none of them. Though she was in a bad spot, at least Bethany and Winnie weren’t there with her. One of the captives kept trying to make enough noise to be heard by passersby on the docks and got beat unconscious for her trouble. The man who did the beating got a beating himself. There was a strange understanding at that point. The women knew they were valuable but not so invaluable that they were beyond reproach. They stayed silent until they were out at sea, and only then were their gags removed.
When left alone the women banded together, hoping one of the others would have a way to get them all out of this. None of them did, so they talked. The most immediate discussion had been what had got them here. Most were there through the unfortunate circumstance of their nightly walk home taking them down the wrong road at the wrong time. A few, like Ambrosia had had their life circumstances taken advantage of while one had been lured in with the prospect of monetary gain. Ambrosia’s shackle mate, though, had thought she and her captor were in love and had met him for a tryst. She had been so naïve, and Ambrosia found herself hating the other young woman for her stupidity.
Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, but something arose that made Ambrosia forget her hate. The motion of the waves was something none of them was used to, but some more so than others. There were some that it disagreed with more. Ambrosia and her shackle mate were the worst of these. She began to discover very early on that the constant queasiness meant it was difficult to keep food down. Every second or third meal came back up. While vomiting, and the malnutrition that came with it, was usually not considered a boon, the slavers quickly grew bored away from the entertainments civilization provided, and their attentions turned to their slaves. However, despite her beauty, the smell of vomit and its off and on presence kept them uninterested in Ambrosia and her shackle mate. The rest of the captives hated the two for having to take their share of the sexual attention, but Ambrosia didn’t care. She just wanted the world to stop rocking. She hated it and everything in it equally.
One day, they were all taken above deck, but what was waiting for them was not the fresh air and sunshine they were hoping for. The day was overcast, and though the briny air was clean and clear, it was quickly choked out by the smell of burning flesh. It was the day they each received their brand. Small and inconsequential, the burn was in the shape of a dove on their left shoulder blade, small enough to be covered by other brands once they were sold. It was the second worst pain Ambrosia had ever experienced, but it came with some small comforts. To all of them, the slavers were gentler in the week that followed than they had ever been before.
That night, though, while none of them slept and most of them sobbed at the pain, Ambrosia received an additional comfort. While she tried to lie flat on her stomach in an attempt to not agitate the burn and to stop the world from rocking, a familiar set of insect legs crawled up her neck, buzzed in her ear, and fell drunkenly to the floor.
“You’ve been in the grog,” Ambrosia accused.
The illusory bee tipped on to his side and buzzed his wings, spinning him in an affirmatory circle on the wooden floor.
“It’s the best part on this goddess-forsaken ship. At least you’ve got good taste.”
He buzzed twice in what Ambrosia could only assume was confirmation.
“Any chance you can get me outta here?”
Either he was drunk and falling asleep or his singular buzz was a no.
Ambrosia sighed and shook her head. “Yeah. I didn’t think so. This ain’t exactly a predicament we can just sting our way out of.” She stroked the little bee’s fuzzy body gently with a fingertip. “Why are you here anyway? You should just go back home. It’s gotta be better than being stuck here with me.”
Stumbling up on to his six chitinous legs, Ambrosia could swear the little bee glared at her.
“Fine. Stay. I ain’t trying to get rid of you. I’m just saying that nothing good can come of this. There are places where you could be a lot more comfortable.”
The little bee bobbed its head as if nodding in confirmation, then fell back on to his side. He’d had too much. When Ambrosia looked about to the rest of the brig, she found most of the other captives staring at her as if she was mad.
She flashed them a comforting smile. “It’s ok. I know him.”
Ambrosia was right, though. Nothing good did come of it. She and her shackle mate continued to deteriorate the longer they stayed at sea. The barmaid was fortunate enough that she was able to keep enough grog down to keep the scurvy at bay, but her shackle mate was not. Slavers were men of business, and a slave was worth a lot, so the unfortunate woman was in as good of hands as she could be. Despite their best efforts though, both she and Ambrosia continued to worsen.
Eventually, Ambrosia began to tire of having to drag the other woman around any time she moved and wanted to be free of rolling in someone else’s sick. She told herself it was a mercy. Mostly it was a convenience. There was nothing in the brig to help her commit the act, so late at night when the slavers slept, Ambrosia stripped while the other captives looked on in confusion. They were all certain she was mad, but this made no sense. When she straddled her shackle mate and held her bundled up dress over the barely conscious woman’s face, they finally understood what she was up to and, horrified, could do nothing but watch.
Their struggle was colossal in the way only two pathetic things can be, like two slugs racing for the same leaf. Both were weak to the point standing took effort, but Ambrosia had the upper hand in that she wasn’t as weak and had the element of surprise and the high ground. But she was weak, and the only thing holding the fabric in place was her weight. She couldn’t muster her arms to press the dress any farther down, and the other woman had an advantage of her own. Desperation was the tool of any prey, anything close to death, and where there was nothing to draw from, no secret reserves of strength and stamina, suddenly there was an unfathomable spring of it. Fists flew against Ambrosia’s ribs, and twice she was dislodged. Each time, with the newfound air, the other woman seemed to gain more ferocity. Frustrated Ambrosia gathered a fistful of the woman’s hair and slammed her head against the floor twice before grabbing her dress again to smother her unfortunate partner. Rage fell away to instinct, and fists became claws. Nails dug into the flesh over Ambrosia’s ribs, but she didn’t let go. It took longer than she expected. The writhing turned to bucking which gave way to short jerks and finally ended in three short gasps.
Then there was stillness, and Ambrosia sat on top of the body for what felt like bells, trying to regain her strength. No one moved. The other slaves had huddled together at the far end of the prison cell, as if gathered together as a pack they could withstand her, but they held their breath, waiting to see what she would do next. She did nothing. In the aftermath of her battle, Ambrosia seemed to be the only one eager to breathe, and her chest rose and fell like bellows, desperate now for air to revitalize her after her struggle. Once her breathing settled, she took her dress, put it back on, and fell asleep next to the corpse.
The next morning, the slavers discovered the body, but any evidence of their struggle on Ambrosia’s ribs was hidden by her dress. Deciding it was just bad luck, they unceremoniously buried their lost profits overboard in a simple canvas sheet with rocks.
By the time they reached the shore, Ambrosia had lost most of any weight there was to lose. Any little fat was long ago used up, and muscles had shrunk. She was a shell, a thing that had once contained Ambrosia, but now, most of her was gone. Swallowing hurt. All the vomiting had burned her throat, and whether due to her ulcerated esophagus, her lack of nutrition, or to some other unknown cause, something more sinister began. Chills set in and built until she spent most days shivering. Fever dreams plagued her whether she was asleep or awake, and she began to see people who weren’t there. She could barely stand and walk, but she was another body to put on the auction block.
She wasn’t even aware that they landed, nor was she overly concerned with the fact they were now traveling over land. She wasn’t even sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, she had stopped walking, and the slavers were forced to carry her. When they came to water once again, some minor trepidation reared its head the way a snake might in the dead of winter, but she was too tired to protest. Somewhere in the depths of her thoughts, she noted that this water was calmer than the sea.
There was a city out ahead too, but none of it meant anything to her. It was Lake Ravok; and the city, Ravok itself, both places she’d heard next to nothing about as neither was reachable by sea and the sailors who frequented the Rear. But her little illusory friend seemed to sense something she couldn’t and began to buzz furiously.
Somehow, she managed to get him out of her pocket and into her hand. He was surprisingly sober. “What’ s got you so worked up?”
Her voice came out nothing more than a slurred mumble, but the bee seemed to understand. Most of his usual antics were gone. Instead, he just stared at her, willing her to understand what he meant. When she finally did, the realization of it crushed her spirits. “Petch, you’re leaving me.”
Every time she swore, he stung her but not this time. It was his way of apologizing. She would have taken a sting every chime of every day if it meant he was still around. He buzzed once, a half-assed flutter of his wings, before he lifted himself up and drifted lazily back toward shore. She barely saw him go before she lost consciousness completely. She missed everything that came after, the rest of the boat ride, reaching the city, the transfer to a Ravosala, the winding through the canals, and their eventual arrival at a hospital.
When they lifted her out of the boat and pulled her into the facility, she came to long enough to see a dark-haired, green-eyed woman reach for her. The hands that took her said she was a caretaker, someone who would do what they could make her better, and Ambrosia hated the other woman for that. She was weak. She was miserable. She was tired. And she just wanted to die.
And in this realization, she hated herself. Somewhere, in another part of the world, her dead sister was stuck in an unimaginable horror, waiting for someone to free her, and all Ambrosia could think of was her own escape, abandoning this life and everyone in it. |
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