Hesitations vs. Resolutions: Part I

by **Rohka** on November 30th, 2019, 11:53 pm

Evening of the 12th of Fall, 519 AV

“You will be leaving today, yes?”

“Yes Lelia.”

“Right. Well? Any questions?”

Rohka paused. They were both seated near the Konti’s bookshelf, in rickety wooden chairs as old as the Mystic Eye itself. The truth was that she wasn’t ready to leave this place. She was ready to leave Ravok. With all that had happened to herself thus far, she knew it was time. But this particular shop—this home, rather—wasn’t one that she was ready to give up. The sybil leaned forward in her seat and rested her elbows on her knees, her chin in her palms, a small frown on her face as she watched Lelia spin her spoon in her mug of tea. The pale Konti sat with her legs crossed, her flowing white hair gently swooped to the side over her plain black, scalloped gown, her general demeanour as calm as it usually is, showing not the slightest sense of emotional difference from their everyday conversations. Rohka hummed, thinking of how long she’d be gone. She wondered if she’d ever return and then figured she would need to say something in case things go wrong.

“Lelia, I—“

“You should probably figure out how to hide that aura of yours while you’re away. Practise and master it. You wouldn’t want people sensing your vulnerability.”

Petch. Every time, gods, she’s so… It was always hard to admit how frustrating the Divinist could be in moments where all she really wanted was comfort. Rohka sat back in her seat and sighed, taking her time to think, to relax her mind. She closed her eyes. The sound of a sip reached the sybil’s ears, and she knew that Lelia was watching her, patiently. With one deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth, Rohka let her shoulders relax, then brought her hands together to clasp in her lap. As she did this, she watched herself pay attention to her thoughts riding their currents and letting them carry over through the ocean of her mind. She watched and noticed her undertow of jealousy. It was an ever-present envy she had over the Konti’s capability with her gnosis. Once she noticed it, she found that it disappeared, replacing itself with appreciation for the Divinist’s discretion and respect for the wishes of her clients.

The appreciation was a surprising shift. Rohka took a moment to investigate her surprised and found that she too, had a wish. It was an unsaid wish, but one that was respected nonetheless. In the years she’d worked for Lelia… the sybil had never asked for information about Rohka’s own chavi. They both knew that Lelia knew it well, and that the Divinist has looked through her chavi multiple times when they trained together. Lessons were always taught with her past and present in mind.

“Lia,” she began, using the nickname that brought her a sense of kinship, on a level she never really understood. Rohka’s eyes were still closed, so she couldn’t see the soft smile on the Konti’s lips. “I think I love you.”

WC = 509

by **Rohka** on November 30th, 2019, 11:55 pm

The smile grew in its knowingness and Lelia set the mug down on the table. Rohka could hear the sound of the Konti’s movements but kept her own eyes firmly shut. “Like a child loves her mother, I guess. But you never treated me like a child. That’s what I love about you,” a sudden pang came up on her chest, and she quickly noted it. She made an effort to keep noting it as she spoke, to ensure that she stayed in her almost detached, observer state while breathing in and out. “You know so much, I know you do. And you only ever shared what you knew I needed to know. You shared the things that would help me, instead of the things that would hurt me. Or the things that would distract me. You kept me focused on learning. Why are you like this?”

It was a question that Lelia had been preparing for. It wasn’t lost on the two women that Lelia was less than perfect. With a past filled to the brim with deceit, lies, and betrayal, Lelia was barely the sort to do the most ‘good’ in the world. They didn’t need to address that. The part that Rohka didn’t know was that this was the exact reason she needed to ask her question with her eyes closed. The sybil, unlike Lelia, was naive to the darkness of the world outside of Ravok. In her naivety, Rohka was protected—loved, even… She was loved for being able to carry truths masked in intents that were too complex for the sybil to truly decipher just yet.

It was smart of Rohka to keep her eyes closed.

Seeing this made the Divinist begin to grin, unbeknownst to her questioner. In her mind, Lelia realized that the answer would never satisfy the poor young Calico. Still, she answered, heaving a breath and running her fingers through her hair,

“Here are the facts: You are a citizen of Ravok. You are guided by Rhysol. I help the Black Sun. You know these things already, but you need to be reminded of where you are right now, before you leave and venture off into more unknowns. I am like this because I want to help you help Him. You know how much He’s done for us. You must see, recognize, understand, and respect that I am the way I am because of the Gods.”

“No, that’s not true,” said Rohka, her eyes now wide open, voice growing deeper, a seething emotion beginning to build while a level of sorrow crept in, making it harder for the sybil to notice it now. Her opened eyes brought in the world’s reality, taking her attention away from her state as an observer. “He told me that it’s not them,” she said, the sybil now suddenly out of breath, as if the anxiety over the understanding would be too overwhelming for herself to process. The feeling within her shocked her core and she caught hold of it.

WC = 503

by **Rohka** on November 30th, 2019, 11:56 pm

“Drink,” said Lelia, gesturing to the mug. She did as she was instructed, reaching down to take a gulp of the warm tea. The gently infused Ravokian water cleared her, calming her, making her feel a moment of relaxation amongst the sudden panic. Rohka placed the mug back down and offered the Divinist an apologetic smile before scooting back in her seat again, breathing in, closing her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” started Roh. “It’s just,” she paused, unsure of how to word exactly what the God had said that day. “He said something, about how the Gods wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for us. I don’t think I understood it very well.”

Lelia looked to the side, staring at her books. Most of them were her journals, but a couple were collected from the Owl’s Den, and others were treasures from the Konti in Mura. There was one from her grandmother that caught her eye, and all at once, the contents within were remembered in the moment. “Rohka,” began the Divinist, staring at the title on the spine. “The World Is Not As It Seems,” she paused, taking a moment to scratch an itch on her brow. “And the Gods always play a hand in our ways. They have their interests, as do we,” she said, her own chest beginning to suffocate in speaking of this truth. There was a hold in her that she knew she couldn’t escape. Her bond to Rhysol was not as strong as those she helped in the Black Sun, but it was enough for her to recognize the ideals she sided with, every time she spoke. “You are to speak His Truth. If you find your own, you are to compare it with His. You then decide what’s best for Ravok. Is that clear?”

“Yes,” said the sybil, eyes still closed, breathing out. It was an expected answer, but she was thankful for the reminder. For whatever lay ahead, Ravok would be her answer to what made her who she is today. Ravok was her only answer for most things in her life. Ravok is to be protected. Ravok had been the source of everything good in her life: her health, her happiness, her family, her meagre wealth. Her ability to possess such things were bonded to her ability to survive, and Ravok had been the entire reason for her continued existence…

…was it not?

The sound of something being shuffled entered Rohka’s ears, and she noticed her brows furrowing in response to the unexpected noise. Keeping her eyes shut, the sybil breathed in once more through her nose, letting the out breath go slowly through pursed lips. She heard a familiar sound… parchment? Rohka opened her eyes slightly, letting in the light of the room, seeing the Divinist pour over the pages of a book in her hands. Rohka let darkness fall behind her gaze once more, her out breath halfway through, allowing herself to tune into her own threads of djed within herself. She felt it tingle at her toes first, then in her back, and then across the fabric of her being. She didn’t need to see its colour… she knew her aura was there and could feel it—pulsing, shifting, reacting to her inner states.

WC = 543

by **Rohka** on December 1st, 2019, 12:04 am

“Lia,” she began again, her voice slightly higher in her curiosity. Sensing her aura made her remember how useful it had been in the past, and she wondered whether she could prepare herself even more than she already had. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.

“What should I be doing when I’m in danger?”

Rohka began to sense the cooling of her palms and the shift in the aura there. Thinking of danger and threats made her fidgety, uncomfortable, almost to the edge of an annoying form of pain.

The Divinist, on the other hand, froze her movements. It was clear that Rohka expected to take serious risks. A page fell to the side and revealed words that she’d long forgotten, in the moment that Rohka asked her question. Do as you know, be as you are, believe in yourself, and trust only what brings you back to life. All of Lelia knew that the young sybil would be in danger, no matter what, wherever she went. That had been the plan, after all. That was the goal, easily fulfilled, with the help of Sariven. Lelia had managed to send other officials off of her trail for some time, telling them that the service they sought after was being updated by her network… which was the truth, in a way.

Rohka had the ring now.

It was a relief for the Konti to know that she could now focus simply on her choices in the present. She felt a form of gratitude for her apprentice that had been difficult to express in its intricacy. Although the ring had allowed her to make significant shifts to her own reality and those around her, the power of the ring had been too much to bear and all-consuming, in ways that Sariven could see in her emotional and physical states. She’d been far slower in her movements, her fresh face seeming incredibly old in moments when he’d looked at her closely, and he’d told her that. The Divinist had felt stricken with a sense of grief over her being. Fortunately, The Black Sun had paid her well for her choices. The mizas were enough for herself to now live comfortably for the years to come, so she felt virtually no remorse for giving up the ring.

In fact, she was pleased. Rohka, in her ignorance, agreed to take the responsibility away from the Divinist, away from the city itself… without knowing very much about the effects it would make on the world. Lelia gently picked at her cuticles while the old book sat in her lap, her white hair falling in front of her vision while she thought back to the meeting with Sariven and Markham. A weight was lifted off her shoulders that day, thanks to Rohka. She knew, in the very tick that the ring dropped into the sybil’s palm, that she would be changing the course of history… by ceasing to change the course of history. The danger would now fall on the Calico and everyone at that table silently understood that fact except for Rohka herself. It was sad, really. Lelia could feel the sorrow that remained in her when she realized that in the years the two of them had spent together, her young apprentice never showed signs of knowing any form of self-defence. Rohka would be an easy target for enemies of Rhysol if she allowed herself to fall into the manipulations of the world. The Konti pursed her lips in the recognition of Roh's already endangered state.

WC = 590

by **Rohka** on December 1st, 2019, 12:07 am

Lelia looked up to see Rohka’s eyes now fully open, staring calmly at the ceiling, her breathing steady. Rohka had managed to use the time to meditate enough to keep herself composed and relaxed on the surface…but her aura never hid her true feelings. Lelia could tell that the sybil still held so much fear within her, the multiple greens and blues in saturated dark shades showing just how emotional this decision had been, and how healing Rohka believed the journey could be. The Konti shook her head and heaved a heavy sigh before addressing her apprentice once more.

“You should pay attention to the source of danger,” answered Lelia. “It will tell you what to do. Try to go with your first instinct, always,” she paused, leaning back in her own seat. The open book on her lap emitted its familiar aura, the leather binding reminding her of her own home. “When I was in Mura, my grandmother taught me to see the similarities between killers and lovers. You, Rohka, are neither until you can truly hold power and use it without hesitation. Even with me, here, in the Mystic Eye,” she paused again, catching the sybil’s gaze falling on hers now. Lelia sensed the fabric of despair that blanketed the buried rage within Rohka’s spirit. It was a rage built up over multiple past lives, the poor thing. She would learn to quell it in time. Lelia began again.

“You’ve been my apprentice for years now. Do you not see how you’ve grown? How much you’ve gained? How well you’ve helped me and our clients? You’ve built a network of your own, you have Ravokians who search for you in their times of need, and you are known as a reputable fortune teller. I remind you of this because it is the answer to your question. When you are in danger, remember those you’ve aided. Remember the faces and lives of every one of those you serviced while you worked as a part of my business. Look into the eye of danger and see yourself reflected in it. The choice to end it or become one with it…” she paused yet again. Rohka had leaned forward to drink in every word, her tail beginning to snake up behind her.

“That choice is yours.”

Lelia said it with finality.

Continued here...

WC = 390
Total WC = 2535

by **Rohka** on December 13th, 2020, 2:46 am

GRADES

Rohka

Experience:

Lores:

Additional Notes:

If you have any concerns over this grade, don't hesitate to send me a message on either Discord or Miz. Also, please be sure to EDIT any posts in the grading queue to 'Graded'. Enjoy!

-Rohka ❤

Completed Hesitations vs. Resolutions: Part I