[University of Zeltiva] Finding Faith [Tabarnac]

[Iasc]

59th of Winter 510 AV

Iasc held the same piece of paper that he had the day before close to his chest. This time, however, he was looking for the office of Professor Deren in the theology department. After his first Auristics lesson he had studied the building he was in from top to bottom and so knew exactly where he was to go now. He set off at a brisk pace counting the turns taken and the stairs climbed, his memory not failing him one step of the way.

One thing that he had realised on his way here was that he no idea what he was getting himself into with this course. He knew very little of the three Goddesses he had come to learn about other than their domains. Life, death and order were the domains of Kihala, Dira and Gnora, respectively. They were the three pillars of Iasc’s mother’s life. She had revered life, accepted death and strived for order in a chaotic world. A tear made it’s journey down his cheek as he thought of his mother who had meant so much to him and had been taken too early. He had had a very difficult fall and winter. He was even a little surprised that he was still alive. He had to be though. He had no siblings and no cousins. He wasn’t sure if his father and uncle were alive or dead. He had to be alive, if only for the memory of his mother.

He arrived at Professor Deren’s office on time and knocked on the door. He was feeling a little apprehensive about this meeting but not as bad as he was the day before outside Professor Oslie’s office.

[Tabarnac]

"Enter," came the invitation upon his knocking. When he did, he saw a woman's back, a tumble of curling hair, and an office much more sedate than the last he had seen. There were masks on the walls, strange, ancient artifacts here and there, and a sort of eclectic decoration that was at once comfortable and admirable. If one could read the titles of books on her shelves, one would find evidence of a wide-reaching mind. Professor Ilenia Deren turned to look at him with sad, wise eyes. Of course, one might have projected the sadness and the wisdom upon her, for she could at times be wild and joyful, but for now she was just a middle-aged woman. "Ahh, Iasc. My latecomer this term. Why don't you have a seat and tell me what you would like to talk about in what remains to us of this winter."

[Iasc]

And so it was, Iasc was welcomed into a second office in as many days. This one had a much different feeling than the previous one. In contrast to Palmyra Oslie’s colourful and vibrant tapestries, this room was much more relaxed in it’s decoration. There was much to admire here for Iasc. The range of masks and artifacts that lined the walls suggested a diverse mind. A lover, not only of knowledge, but of countless other things as well. He also noticed the multitude of books that were in the office. This made Iasc feel even more relaxed as he loved books, and loved to read.

After taking in the room, Iasc turned to the woman who stood before him. She was a middle aged woman, yet she seemed wise beyond her years to the youth. Iasc sensed a certain melancholic vibe from her. Her stare was intense and endearing, as if she had recently lost something that could not be replaced; her love, for instance, had left her and she awaited his return in vain. Whatever the reason for her apparent sadness it sent shivers up and down Iasc’s spine, like some ghost was present in the room projecting these feelings.

He took a seat before Professor Deren. “I wish to talk about anything and everything you care to”, he began. The words left his mouth with a kind of reverence, although he didn’t know why. He had no reason to either respect or disrespect this woman but he felt somehow inexplicably drawn to her. “I am, however, primarily here to discuss the Goddesses Kihala, Dira and Gnora, and also the nature of death and the afterlife, although I suppose we would discuss such morbid topics when talking about Dira.” It was a strange feeling talking so formally, but it seemed that he could not stop once he started.

[Tabarnac]

The professor took up a seat across the desk from him, considering him coolly, but not unkindly, as if weighing what tack he would most appreciate with regard to his request. Eventually, she seemed to come to some conclusion. "If you seek counsel for a recent loss," she suggested, politely and obliquely, "I might not be the best person for your time. But if you wish to discuss the philosophy behind these goddesses with someone who can quote dusty old books and borrowed anecdotes, then perhaps you have come to the right place." She considered again, shifting into a more comfortable position. "Why don't we start with what you know or, if you prefer, what you believe. There is a distinction there, and I hope you will prove open-minded enough to at least consider alternative ideas, but rest assured: I have no wish to lead you down any specific path of dogma, but merely to point out some of the doors."

[Iasc]

“I am here for no such counsel”, Iasc said, clearly offended, though he tried not to show it. “I am here for the reasons that I have stated.” He was sure that was true. It had to be, didn’t it? He put his doubts to the back of his mind and turned back to where the professor now was.

“What I know and what I believe”, he considered for a moment. He decided to approach to subject with caution, trying to gauge Professor Deren’s reaction as he spoke. This, however, proved futile as she seemed to give nothing away. “In truth, I don’t know much”, he finally said. He wasn’t sure what she had meant by “what you know or what you believe” so he tried to make an assumption on what her meaning was. “I believe that sentient beings are made up of two primary parts, the material and immaterial. Up until they are joined together each soul is similar in regards to gender and race, that is to say being both genderless and raceless, which I feel is explained by nuits and ghosts. There are an infinite number, or possibly an unimaginably large finite number, of souls in constant circulation, with people being born and dying everyday. After death, a soul can be claimed by an individual god and goddess and then it is joined with a certain physical body, when they are given a race and gender. When living it is up to the individual whether to follow the god or goddess who is responsible for their being.”

He finished his short speech there, waiting for the professor’s reaction.

[Tabarnac]

She watched him, calm-eyed, as he bristled at her mild enjoinder. There wasn't even a shrug, but she seemed to accept his denial at face value, then listened to him articulating his beliefs as to the afterlife. Finally she nodded and considered what she was about to say before doing so. "Knowing that one doesn't know much is the beginning of wisdom, young Iasc," she said softly. "Do not lose that knowledge, no matter how much you learn." She paused once more. "What we know and what we don't know is a matter of debate, which we can surely do, if you wish, but is ultimately fruitless, a circular task. We live, we die, we live again with new bodies, new identities. Dira, the psychopomp, takes us to where we belong after death, to the demesne of one god or another, or to be tempered on Lhex's anvil and forged into a new being for a new life. One must wonder to what we aspire with our endless incarnations. We are left mostly in the dark, which seems to lend credence to those who say that this world, this reality, is a vale of soul-making. Souls are what? The most complex arrangement of energy known to us. Patterns, infinitely complex. Evolving. Toward what? I would suggest that we are evolving toward a point where we will no longer require the cycle of reincarnation, where we will have become something more, a fulfillment of what is now merely potential." She paused. "Do you have any thoughts? Questions? I encourage open discussion."

[Iasc]

Iasc took the piece of advice gladly. He always loved to hear wise words believing that they further him along the road of understanding.

“I have many thoughts, many questions”, he replied. “It’s all I seem to have these days.” He paused for a moment. “I would tend to agree with you for the most part. But first I must ask you a question. Do you believe that the gods are of the one mind to the ultimate future of us sentient beings? I, personally, find this hard to believe. Each god and goddess has their own followers, their own priorities. Many of these clash. For instance, Priskil and Rhysol. There is no way that they can see the same future. One rules the realm of hope and light, the other the realm of lies and chaos. So, I ask you, how can we become something more? How can we reach our full potential when those that determine our potential cannot agree with each other?

“Also, I would like to know what you mean by something more. Possibly that we shed our physical bodies permanently and live, in the form of a soul say, in our chosen deities domain forever.”

He held his tongue here. There was more that he would like to ask her but felt that he couldn’t throw all of his queries at her at once.

[Tabarnac]

Ilenia was quiet for a time, looking into Iasc's eyes until he would turn away as was the natural tendency. There was an openness, an honesty to her gaze that some found unsettling, though there was nothing of malice there. She was known as a woman of integrity, and even if she didn't tell one everything she knew, everything she thought, what she did share could be taken at face value, though later one might find, upon further rumination, that there were levels and layers to what she said. She pushed the piece of parchment with Iasc's information onto the space of desk between them. Then she lifted it off, turning it around in her hands. "Suppose this paper is all of Mizahar and we are the letters written upon it. Our world is bound by two dimensions, height and width, yes? I understand you have a flair for mathematics. Suppose then that you and I are Priskil and Rhysol... and we can read the whole of Mizahar in a few moments without any true effort. Perhaps that is the way of things." She set the parchment back down. "Or perhaps Mizahar, whose nature breeds djed, an ecology of energy -- for what is magic but the manipulation of natural energies created by life and existence? -- and when thinking, feeling, believing creatures arrived, whatever exists beyond this place we think we understand poured itself into shapes that we could better see and understand." She paused again, thinking. She had shared thoughts like this many times with many people, but she always thought how better to express herself the next time. After all, each set of ears, each mind, was different and the same seeds didn't thrive in different soil. "I would agree with you that it is unlikely that the gods as we know them are responsible for the creation of all. Nyka is ruled by godlings. Demigods. And it seems there is a hierarchy within the Ukalas. Some gods work closely with the sentient races, while others, most notably Tanroa and Lhex, remain mostly apart. Time and Fate. Abstractions, perhaps. Then it would seem likely that another, more unknowable Idea or Being lies beyond, but truly beyond our ken. So we have our gods who offer us many paths to greater understanding. And so perhaps when we have become sainted by some god or goddess, it is merely a step up to the bottom of the next mountain, where we seek to know the mind of higher beings leading us further up and further into the mysteries of creation."

[Iasc]

Iasc looked at the piece of paper in front of him. “Projecting a three dimensional space onto a two dimensional one”, he wondered. It was something he had considered, although not actively. He gave out a short laugh toying with the idea that the paper, from the point of view of the words written on the page, could, in fact, be a three dimensional space.
“Maybe, to some gods, we could be as irrelevant as this piece of paper is to some people.” It was more of a thought spoken aloud rather than a statement directed at the woman across from him and he quickly moved on the professor’s next point. He skipped past the talk of magic as it was one area that he knew next to nothing about and he didn’t wish to show his ignorance on the subject. The fact that talking to someone about it could be the best way of learning about it seemed to escape him.

“Are you possibly suggesting that Lhex and Tanroa are close to transcending to the next level of... godliness, for lack of a better word?” Iasc asked. He paused for a second and noticed that his heart beat had elevated a little, as if to reinforce his interest seeing things he had not seen before, or at least to be at the start of seeing something new. “If this were true, then long after you and I have died, in many generations when Lhex and Tanroa have reached the foot of the next mountain and their names are only remembered by the wind what will become of the gods that we now know. ” Iasc thought for a moment realising that Ilenia had neither confirmed or denied his musings. He had assumed quite a lot in what he had just said. “Is this what you mean?” He asked. “When you say that another more unknowable being lies beyond our ken. Gods can rise past the highest ranks of gods and we can rise past the highest ranks of sentient beings. If so there must be an end, an ultimate creator, if you will.” He considered for a chime what he knew of mathematics. As far as he was aware there was no end to numbers. However, just because he couldn’t comprehend them terminating didn’t mean that it wasn’t a possibility. Could the infinite chain of numbers be used as a proof for the infinite chain of higher beings. He disregarded the thought almost immediately but still he knew that it had been there for quite a while, waiting to be released. Maybe this idea could open more doors for him. At least he could hope that it would.

[Tabarnac]

"I do not suggest," she corrected gently. "I merely entertain possibilities. The fate of the gods is not something I feel capable of predicting. There are some who postulate that time is the fourth element, and would Tanroa not walk outside the flow of time? If we exist in the four dimensions of height, width, depth, and time, and the gods exist on some fifth or higher dimension... We might very well look like scrawlings upon a page. But think of this... Gods are born, made, killed. Sagallius made himself a god by stealing the heart of Aquiras, who is laid low, but not dead. Rhaus was killed by Myri, who ascended. Sylir too was killed. So these gods are not eternal things, but perhaps part of the same cycle of reincarnation that we are, or a similar one. "But perhaps you are right and they might transcend to another level, levels above what we can see from our lowly vantage point. This is all, of course, speculation." She grew quiet, perhaps a bit pensive, and watched him, waiting for a question or a thought.