Continued from here
"Tell me the truth."
Dressed plainly, the borrowed clothes too big for her body, Rohka sat upright in her bed staring straight into the eyes of her Captain. From her neck hung a simple cord, with a bloodstone gem attached the the end. Rohka fidgeted with it, the stone bringing her a comfort that she failed to recognize.
She knew, at least, that there was an explanation for all of this. The sooner she could understand it, the faster she could get out of here.
"Mark, I need you to tell me what's been going on. I feel like I've been circling and dancing with thoughts and fears in my mind about things that I can't even describe in full, and you're the only one who can actually tell me anything anymore." She wondered, immediately, whether her trust was being placed in the right person, but she pushed the thought out almost as fast as it arrived.
He gave her back the cord and kept it safe. That had to be grounds for trust. Right?
Rohka scratched the tattoo on the inside of her wrist absentmindedly as she glanced down at the journal that lay closed in her lap.
"Roh, I don't know how much you can handle. You've only been conscious for a couple days now. The doctors told me not to inundate you with too much information, so I'm not sure if-"
"Markham," she stressed, gritting her teeth. "You told me write. I did that. I'm ready to talk about it now. Can we talk about it? Can we talk about what I want to know?"
The traveller let out a deep sigh. He scooted closer to her on the bed, then figured it would just be easier to sit crosslegged beside her. He motioned for her to shift and make room. As she did, she felt a pain in her abdomen and tried her best to hide the grimace on her face. Markham didn't notice, but he settled in beside her well enough to be seated next to her knees.
He tightened his purple sash as he gave her a smile.
"Sure, let's chat. What do you want to know?"
Rohka took a look at the tattoo this time. The waves, shaped almost like a heart. Two waves about to crash into each other, but captured in the moment of time when they are both separate and yet together. Not whole, but in a form that spoke of wholeness. She broke herself out of her reverie to answer his question, crossing her arms in front of her.
"I'm going to give you my journal. I want you to take notes of what I am asking and saying. Then, when I'm done, I want to hear your answers, and it will be my turn to take notes. Can you do that for me?"
Markham hesitated. His brows knitted together as he considered the request, realizing that this may take more time than he'd anticipated. He scratched his head and looked at the door of the room they were in, noticing that it was closed shut. It seemed to him that this may be a worthwhile process for her recovery and eventual safekeeping of the primary items in question since the day they decided to leave together. It never failed to bring weight into his stomach every time he considers the burden that Rohka willingly took on that day, from her mentor, Lelia, in Ravok. Keeping this is mind, he nodded, taking the journal from her lap and pulling out the quill and ink. He flipped to a blank page and waited for her to start.
"Okay," she began, grateful for his agreement. "Let me preface this by saying that I know I'll get emotional, and I know some of this might sound like I'm complaining, and I'll probably lose track of what I am wanting to articulate somewhere in the middle of talking about what I want to know. I give you this preface because I need you to write only what you think is relevant. I trust you to capture the notes that I need us to remember. I trust you because you've guided me here thus far. And I'm safe. I'm alive. Because of you."
At this, she could feel her throat getting constricted, tears welling up in her eyes.
She pushed through.
"Thank you, Markham. I know I owe you. What I want to know is how I can repay you, for keeping me alive all this time. Despite everything. Despite the horrors we saw and experienced."
She paused here, realizing that a part of her couldn't even bring herself to remember those moments at sea. The tears then streamed down her face.
"I want to know why I'm alive."
At this, she could sense herself beginning to hyperventilate. She knew she need to take care of this feeling, so she waited, noting the feeling, and reverting to her meditation training form Lelia.
Breathe in. Breathe in. Fill the lungs with air. Release, slowly, like blowing air through a flute.
It helped. Rohka settled. Markham kept his eyes closed during her moment of grounding.
She began again, her tone now deeper than before.
"I want to know how I can live fully, now that I'm here. In Zeltiva. I want to know how to maintain my own home, and possibly even my own business, to help give back to those who've brought me here. I want to know where my grandfather is. I feel as if I've been tasked with so much, Markham. I don't know where to start, and I need to know where I can begin. What are my first steps? Walking? I know I had difficulty doing that yesterday. How can I get any of this done if I can't even get myself out of bed sometimes? I want to know what's wrong with me. Why am I in pain? Why am I hurt so badly? Why can't I remember some of these things?"
As she spoke, her voice got higher and higher, a part of her feeling almost desperate to get words out fast enough.
"I want to know how this happened to me, and I want to know it in detail, so I can make sure that this never happens again, and so that I can make my peace with it all and move forward. I want to get answers to my father's questions about the family and our history. I want to know how to help the Calico business from being here in Zeltiva and right any of our past wrongs, so that my family can continue to thrive in Ravok under Rhysol's protection. I want to know why it's taking me so long to..." her voice trailed off at that point as he thought about the pieces that brought her to where she was now.
"...so long to heal. I want to know when I can leave this centre so I can find out how to-"
She paused here. It was like something clicked in her mind when she remembered. Her next words came out in a whisper.
"...how to fulfill Krishveth's sacrifice," said Rohka, grasping the bloodstone and pulling the cord taut.
"Tell me the truth."
Dressed plainly, the borrowed clothes too big for her body, Rohka sat upright in her bed staring straight into the eyes of her Captain. From her neck hung a simple cord, with a bloodstone gem attached the the end. Rohka fidgeted with it, the stone bringing her a comfort that she failed to recognize.
She knew, at least, that there was an explanation for all of this. The sooner she could understand it, the faster she could get out of here.
"Mark, I need you to tell me what's been going on. I feel like I've been circling and dancing with thoughts and fears in my mind about things that I can't even describe in full, and you're the only one who can actually tell me anything anymore." She wondered, immediately, whether her trust was being placed in the right person, but she pushed the thought out almost as fast as it arrived.
He gave her back the cord and kept it safe. That had to be grounds for trust. Right?
Rohka scratched the tattoo on the inside of her wrist absentmindedly as she glanced down at the journal that lay closed in her lap.
"Roh, I don't know how much you can handle. You've only been conscious for a couple days now. The doctors told me not to inundate you with too much information, so I'm not sure if-"
"Markham," she stressed, gritting her teeth. "You told me write. I did that. I'm ready to talk about it now. Can we talk about it? Can we talk about what I want to know?"
The traveller let out a deep sigh. He scooted closer to her on the bed, then figured it would just be easier to sit crosslegged beside her. He motioned for her to shift and make room. As she did, she felt a pain in her abdomen and tried her best to hide the grimace on her face. Markham didn't notice, but he settled in beside her well enough to be seated next to her knees.
He tightened his purple sash as he gave her a smile.
"Sure, let's chat. What do you want to know?"
Rohka took a look at the tattoo this time. The waves, shaped almost like a heart. Two waves about to crash into each other, but captured in the moment of time when they are both separate and yet together. Not whole, but in a form that spoke of wholeness. She broke herself out of her reverie to answer his question, crossing her arms in front of her.
"I'm going to give you my journal. I want you to take notes of what I am asking and saying. Then, when I'm done, I want to hear your answers, and it will be my turn to take notes. Can you do that for me?"
Markham hesitated. His brows knitted together as he considered the request, realizing that this may take more time than he'd anticipated. He scratched his head and looked at the door of the room they were in, noticing that it was closed shut. It seemed to him that this may be a worthwhile process for her recovery and eventual safekeeping of the primary items in question since the day they decided to leave together. It never failed to bring weight into his stomach every time he considers the burden that Rohka willingly took on that day, from her mentor, Lelia, in Ravok. Keeping this is mind, he nodded, taking the journal from her lap and pulling out the quill and ink. He flipped to a blank page and waited for her to start.
"Okay," she began, grateful for his agreement. "Let me preface this by saying that I know I'll get emotional, and I know some of this might sound like I'm complaining, and I'll probably lose track of what I am wanting to articulate somewhere in the middle of talking about what I want to know. I give you this preface because I need you to write only what you think is relevant. I trust you to capture the notes that I need us to remember. I trust you because you've guided me here thus far. And I'm safe. I'm alive. Because of you."
At this, she could feel her throat getting constricted, tears welling up in her eyes.
She pushed through.
"Thank you, Markham. I know I owe you. What I want to know is how I can repay you, for keeping me alive all this time. Despite everything. Despite the horrors we saw and experienced."
She paused here, realizing that a part of her couldn't even bring herself to remember those moments at sea. The tears then streamed down her face.
"I want to know why I'm alive."
At this, she could sense herself beginning to hyperventilate. She knew she need to take care of this feeling, so she waited, noting the feeling, and reverting to her meditation training form Lelia.
Breathe in. Breathe in. Fill the lungs with air. Release, slowly, like blowing air through a flute.
It helped. Rohka settled. Markham kept his eyes closed during her moment of grounding.
She began again, her tone now deeper than before.
"I want to know how I can live fully, now that I'm here. In Zeltiva. I want to know how to maintain my own home, and possibly even my own business, to help give back to those who've brought me here. I want to know where my grandfather is. I feel as if I've been tasked with so much, Markham. I don't know where to start, and I need to know where I can begin. What are my first steps? Walking? I know I had difficulty doing that yesterday. How can I get any of this done if I can't even get myself out of bed sometimes? I want to know what's wrong with me. Why am I in pain? Why am I hurt so badly? Why can't I remember some of these things?"
As she spoke, her voice got higher and higher, a part of her feeling almost desperate to get words out fast enough.
"I want to know how this happened to me, and I want to know it in detail, so I can make sure that this never happens again, and so that I can make my peace with it all and move forward. I want to get answers to my father's questions about the family and our history. I want to know how to help the Calico business from being here in Zeltiva and right any of our past wrongs, so that my family can continue to thrive in Ravok under Rhysol's protection. I want to know why it's taking me so long to..." her voice trailed off at that point as he thought about the pieces that brought her to where she was now.
"...so long to heal. I want to know when I can leave this centre so I can find out how to-"
She paused here. It was like something clicked in her mind when she remembered. Her next words came out in a whisper.
"...how to fulfill Krishveth's sacrifice," said Rohka, grasping the bloodstone and pulling the cord taut.