"He’ll never go through the hell we did."
What better vow could a mother ever wish for their child than one that will see that they fair better in life?
Shiress wasn't sure if by 'we' Caspian referred to him and his sister or him and Shiress, but it really didn't matter. The part of Caspian's history that Shiress was privy to was improvement enough. Tavy's could not have been much better. In fact...Shiress's scrutinizing gaze slid from Caspian to his sister, who had yet to say anything. She didn't know Taalviel all that well, but since arriving in Zeltiva together, Shiress has come to realize that the siblings were attached at the hip no less than most twins were. Where Caspian goes, Taalviel was sure to follow. Or, perhaps, vice versa.
Over the past few seasons of knowing Taalviel, Shiress has occasionally tried to befriend the beautiful, dark-haired raven. But, whether she just wasn't the friending type or the Kelvic just really didn't like Shiress, the attempts had failed. Utterly. Still, something in Shiress craved the other woman's approval, trust even, if not friendship.
"I could have offered the money to my parents." she said succinctly "They've opened their home to me, to us, having never asked for a copper in return, nor complained once." Shiress paused, letting the truth of that statement sink in before continuing, "But I-"
But she...what?
When it came to her parents, the truth was that Shiress didn't trust them, not wholly. Not with lingering unanswered questions of why the spontaneous trip to Sunberth, why slavers attacked her and Zane, or why they never looked for her. For all intense and purposes, it seemed as if Lorna and Zachiah Underhill had settled back into their cozy little existence in Zeltiva without a second thought of their missing twins. The thought unsettled Shiress, but now wasn't the time, nor the place, to unwrap that package of trauma.
Instead, Shiress realigned her thoughts and addressed Taalviel again.
"I trust Caspian, you, because you both know the ache of a hungry belly and the bone-deep cold that overcomes you while helplessly foraging the city for food in winter. You've known violence that wakes you in the night, and the guilt of sacrificing another just to survive." Shiress's eyes filled with tears, " I know all those things, too. I've never known any different, even now." a sad smile stretched slowly across Shiress's pale lips, "I don't want that for my son, not ever, and having gone through the things that you and your brother have, I know neither of you will want to return to it if given a chance for something better." she drew in a deep, unsteady breath, "I know you don't really know me, but I just want you - shyke.."
Shiress's mouth snapped closed, cutting off the rest of her words. Was she about to tell Taalviel that all she wanted was for her to, what, trust her? Be her friend? After what she had just shared? Shiress had no right to ask neither one of them for anything. She pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead, grimacing.
Muddled thoughts were hard to sift through at the best of times.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, then repeated louder, "I'm sorry, forget what I said, I just...I don't know what I'm saying." she sighed heavily, thoughts returning to the earlier conversation "Cas, sober or not, clear-headed or not, nothing about my decision will change, " she gestured to the paper Caspian still held, "not if the circumstance of how I came about that can."
Without another word, Shiress pulled back the blanket, threw her legs over the side of the bed, and managed to stand on the second attempt, going completely still until the world around her stopped spinning. Swallowing down the bile that washed across her back teeth, Shiress went for a pile of clothes folded neatly on a table by the bed, assuming they were meant for her. Unceremoniously Shiress stripped the torn and stained shift from her body, shamelessly putting the tapestry of scars that littered her body's canvas on display, and pulled the fitted pants up her legs and the loose tunic over her shoulders.
Shiress staggard the few steps to close the distance between her and Caspian, pausing to cup the man's cheeks and pull him down low enough so she could press her forehead to his, hoping the gesture said more than she had the right mind to say herself. She stayed that way for a time, just breathing in the scent of her friend, then kissed his cheek and grabbed his hand.
"Come on." she said, pulling him toward the door, "Lets end this."
What better vow could a mother ever wish for their child than one that will see that they fair better in life?
Shiress wasn't sure if by 'we' Caspian referred to him and his sister or him and Shiress, but it really didn't matter. The part of Caspian's history that Shiress was privy to was improvement enough. Tavy's could not have been much better. In fact...Shiress's scrutinizing gaze slid from Caspian to his sister, who had yet to say anything. She didn't know Taalviel all that well, but since arriving in Zeltiva together, Shiress has come to realize that the siblings were attached at the hip no less than most twins were. Where Caspian goes, Taalviel was sure to follow. Or, perhaps, vice versa.
Over the past few seasons of knowing Taalviel, Shiress has occasionally tried to befriend the beautiful, dark-haired raven. But, whether she just wasn't the friending type or the Kelvic just really didn't like Shiress, the attempts had failed. Utterly. Still, something in Shiress craved the other woman's approval, trust even, if not friendship.
"I could have offered the money to my parents." she said succinctly "They've opened their home to me, to us, having never asked for a copper in return, nor complained once." Shiress paused, letting the truth of that statement sink in before continuing, "But I-"
But she...what?
When it came to her parents, the truth was that Shiress didn't trust them, not wholly. Not with lingering unanswered questions of why the spontaneous trip to Sunberth, why slavers attacked her and Zane, or why they never looked for her. For all intense and purposes, it seemed as if Lorna and Zachiah Underhill had settled back into their cozy little existence in Zeltiva without a second thought of their missing twins. The thought unsettled Shiress, but now wasn't the time, nor the place, to unwrap that package of trauma.
Instead, Shiress realigned her thoughts and addressed Taalviel again.
"I trust Caspian, you, because you both know the ache of a hungry belly and the bone-deep cold that overcomes you while helplessly foraging the city for food in winter. You've known violence that wakes you in the night, and the guilt of sacrificing another just to survive." Shiress's eyes filled with tears, " I know all those things, too. I've never known any different, even now." a sad smile stretched slowly across Shiress's pale lips, "I don't want that for my son, not ever, and having gone through the things that you and your brother have, I know neither of you will want to return to it if given a chance for something better." she drew in a deep, unsteady breath, "I know you don't really know me, but I just want you - shyke.."
Shiress's mouth snapped closed, cutting off the rest of her words. Was she about to tell Taalviel that all she wanted was for her to, what, trust her? Be her friend? After what she had just shared? Shiress had no right to ask neither one of them for anything. She pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead, grimacing.
Muddled thoughts were hard to sift through at the best of times.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, then repeated louder, "I'm sorry, forget what I said, I just...I don't know what I'm saying." she sighed heavily, thoughts returning to the earlier conversation "Cas, sober or not, clear-headed or not, nothing about my decision will change, " she gestured to the paper Caspian still held, "not if the circumstance of how I came about that can."
Without another word, Shiress pulled back the blanket, threw her legs over the side of the bed, and managed to stand on the second attempt, going completely still until the world around her stopped spinning. Swallowing down the bile that washed across her back teeth, Shiress went for a pile of clothes folded neatly on a table by the bed, assuming they were meant for her. Unceremoniously Shiress stripped the torn and stained shift from her body, shamelessly putting the tapestry of scars that littered her body's canvas on display, and pulled the fitted pants up her legs and the loose tunic over her shoulders.
Shiress staggard the few steps to close the distance between her and Caspian, pausing to cup the man's cheeks and pull him down low enough so she could press her forehead to his, hoping the gesture said more than she had the right mind to say herself. She stayed that way for a time, just breathing in the scent of her friend, then kissed his cheek and grabbed his hand.
"Come on." she said, pulling him toward the door, "Lets end this."