To live a life.

[Ragnor Matlian]

(Southern Coast of the Suvan Sea in the land of Cyphrus) 20th of Spring 511 A.V.

If anybody traveling the trade roads of Cyphrus, that ran along the inland sea, they might have caught a glimps of a lone figure, seemingly plodding his way along the beach without a care in the world and indeed it did strike a odd sight. For who would travel alone, and near the sea for that matter unless they where very brave or very stupid. Who would risk it unless they where already dead.

Ragnor walked alone along the beach, lost in his thoughts and a deep depression for longing what he lost. He sulleness only increased when he looked down and observed the sand his booted foot the water washing through it, and yet him feeling nothing. Throwing his head back he let out a wail of pain, expressing the deep heartache festering inside of him, as he allowed his less than tangible form to fall on it knees, and weep openly. It was a bitter mockery however, for neither could he shed tears. The only thing he seemed to feel this days where the tumult of emotions flowing in and out of him.

Thin whisps of smoke seemed to waft up from his crouch form, this was his soulmist, the thing that substained him with the energy he needed to be able make himself visible among other things. With emotion so intense wavering inside him, his concentration wained and his form quickly lost the definition, and form it had possesed just seconds ago.

He was still there however, but it would take him some time and rest before he could materialize like that again. Still filled with the overwelming sorrow, he cursed silently at the sea, more importantly at those who sailed its waters. As he looked upon the sea once more, the sun just now begining to rise over the horizion, memories came flooding back to him from his time on the sea, and rage replaced the sorrow that filled his heart. Clenching his fists in anger, he closed his eyes and sealed off all his thoughts imagining if he where in a deep void. Their he expressed all his anger out, culminating into a loud screame and several ineffectual punches into the air, that did nothing. Knowing that he could not hit anything even if he wanted to, he sighed the feeling of helplessnes killing his rage for now.

*****
(Outside of Riverfall)

He had decided to rest against a tree for a quick nap to replinish his energys. Ragnor found himself rather restless, and found himself eager to be away from this portion of the sea, so close to Alvadas as it was.

Blinking from one location to the next, not willing to give the effort of running or walking the whole way, he traced the coastline south, till he came upon Riverfall, a magestic place indeed, and perhaps if he was lucky a place that could fulfill his needs and desires. Once he got tired of blinking, he decided to walk the rest of the way taking in the sights and sounds, one of the few pleasures he had left in this life, sense he was robbed of a portion of his senses.

He chosen not to manifest himself just yet as that took energy, and he didn't want the gaurds bothering themselves with trying to determine whether he was real or not or somthing else petty that folk often construe when seeing a lone figure approaching them from the wilderness. Instead of heading straight into the city however, he felt somewhat drawn to one of the structures that dotted the outside of the city.

Within only a few yards or so from it, Ragnor observed the curious building and even observed that he heard an animal noise or two from within the compound. Within seeing distance from the front porch, he read the sign slowly, S A N C T U A R Y, and then repeated the word to himself a couple of times before becoming satisfied that the word was indeed he hoped, Sanctuary. He never had that much a skill at reading, and so he had some difficulties in life when dealing with the more intellectual types. Its not that he was dumb or anything, he could actually be quite clever at sometimes and hold his own in a conversation, provided that it was about ships. It was just because he worked on a ship for a good portion of his life and never had the chance to learn how to read properly.

He sighed to himself, and decided to settle down and watch what appeared to be the front door of this very curious establishment. Never one to sit there and do nothing for very long he soon found himself restless once more, and decided to utilize the powers he had developed a little after his death. Blinking over to stand on the front porch, he then manifested himself as best he could, and in a clear strong voice said "Is anyone here?"

[Kavala]

Kavala wasn't sure what she was seeing. Walking up beach wise rather than from the main city road that lead to the horse gate and the inner courtyard, she saw the front of the facility and its 'main' door which almost never got much foot traffic. Just about everyone came through the horse gate and into the courtyard where all the day to day business took place.

The front more formal entrance was rarely used.

Kavala did occasionally use it for patients, access to her front gardens, and to open the doors to let a breeze in to air out the clinic when she was making something in the philtering lab or working on medicines. The Konti also used it to hike down the carriage path to the beach and take her daily runs or swims. Lately, though, there'd been very few runs and a whole lot of swims. Her physical appearance explained it all. Swollen with child, eyes ringed with dark circles of exhaustion, and her gait shuffling to accommodate her awkward form, Kavala looked like she could go into labor any day. Today was no different. Rather than run for exercise, she swam to take the pressure off her body and ease her aches and pains.

But it wasn't her body that was truly misshapen and unnatural. There was something in her eyes that spoke of pain - understanding it, experiencing it, living with it - that marked her as slightly different. Walking up the path she paused, to most likely catch her breath, and unconsciously rubbed the small of her back. She was dressed in a loose oversized damp white tunic and was barefoot and barelegged, with enough flesh showing that he had no doubt she was Konti. As she paused, the Konti caught sight of the visitor, noted his jump from sitting to knocking, and cleared her throat.

"Hello."

Her eyes caught his and held him, widening the instant she realized there was something unsure about him, unusual. She walked awkwardly closer, her posture defensive, which looked ridiculous on a woman as far along with child as she was. Her scales weren't the shining luminescent pearl of a normal konti. Instead, they were dull, worn, and looked even a little gray. Kavala moved closer, and climbed the steps with more determination than energy. At the top she paused, looked thoughtful, and said quietly.

"I'm Kavala. I'm sorry you caught me swimming rather than working in the clinic. I have to a great deal these days." Her hand rested lightly on her stomach rubbing it unconsciously. "Is there something I can help you with?" She said, meeting the man's gaze again and offering something between respect and curiosity in her expression.

She seemed to be waiting for something; some action or response.

[Ragnor Matlian]

When he caught sight of the woman, his initial instinct was to demanifest so he could avoid this confrontation that was surely comming. He didn't disappear however and instead maintained his physical appearance. Ragnor hadn't encountered, or talked to another person since his death, those many, many weeks ago.

He couldn't help but wince when he saw her face. Not because she was ugly or anything like that, and on the contrary was actually quite fair and comely. It was because she looked similar to his wife, a woman he sorely missed, that caused the flinch of pain. Trying to dismiss the pain, he closed his eyes breifly and the lines around him blurred ever so slightly and he regained control over himself. When he opened his eyes again she was nearly all the way up the stairs, and he took two steps forward to get a closer look at her.

From this close, he could see that she was swollen with child, and was a Konti. Noticing her obvious apprehension towards him, he smiled warmly and opened his arms wide in a show of peace. Privately, he wondered if she knew he was a ghost or not. More likely then not she did, afterall she hails from a race known for being accomplished seers.

As she finally ascended the stairs, he tipped his head in difference to her, finally managing to break the eye contact they had been holding for so long. "Pleasure to meet you Kavala" he said watching her. It pained him that he couldn't extend his hand to great her properly, for afterall he greatly feared accidently hurting her or her child.

"I am Ragnor, I saw this building from afar and found my curiousity drawn by it." he said. Of course there where things that he needed help with, but he wasn't going to ask this stranger so soon anyways. He took it that he would need to get to know anyone he planned on asking for help, so it would make it less likely for him to get disappointed by their refusal. Besides he still needed much time to plan out what he needed to do, and how to accomplish that. He offered her another smile.

"Is this just a animal clinic, or does it house other residents as well?" he said briefly admiring the building, before locking eyes with her again.

[Kavala]

It surprised her that the man who was not exactly a man was friendly. It surprised her a whole lot. She'd been braced for trouble and yet his question was so normal it almost seemed inappropriate to the circumstance. She wasn't sure, exactly, what he was, but the hair on the back of her neck was standing upright and she was nervous without quite knowing why. The way he'd moved, from sitting on the steps to standing just in front of the door was not normal. He did not extend his hand as was the human custom, but he did indeed look human.

Only, he wasn't.

She was sure he wasn't. Kavala was so sure in fact she'd bet mizas on it, though as to exactly what he was she couldn't say. "Nice to meet you Ragnor." She extended him the same courtesy he had her. Her voice was friendly, though edged with a bit of caution. "We breed horses here, board them, train them, and have a mews and are building a kennels. We're healers, peaceful, providing services to animals and kelvics. People too and other creatures when they cannot get service in the city or do not want to be indebted." She said gently, then leaned a hip against one of the stone columns that supported the upstairs veranda and formed a sort of porch over the doorway. "I apologize for my appearance. I've just come from a swim." She hadn't been feeling well so she'd went to the sea. The baby was due any day now, and truth be told she was tired of waiting for it. Had he been someone she knew, she'd have told him why, but because he was a stranger, she kept her reasons to herself.

"Would you like to come in? Sit down a little while perhaps on the veranda and have some tea? I.. need a seat myself. And then if there's something we can do for you, we can talk about it." She said, sensing something wasn't quite right but not able to pinpoint it exactly. Kavala was curious, but not curious enough to stand there all day. The swim and the walk back up the road had taken a lot out of her. She was weak, weakening daily, and she knew it. It wasn't a fact that would change until the baby came. But she was extremely curious. He wasn't a human but she didn't know what he was. He didn't even seem to be... truthfully very whole. That he could have been a ghost hadn't occurred to her. In both Konti and Drykas lore, ghosts were something frightening or souls wandering the webs, harmless but unconcerned with the living.

[Ragnor Matlian]

He sighed silently. Healers, they wouldn't be able to help him in any of his endevors he figured, especially since she was a Konti, a Konti with child, as if how much as they disliked violence and confrontation wasn't enough to disuade her. Oh well he did not need to judge these people before he got to know them, it was probably just his emotions getting the best of him.

He was happy that in death he had retained his intellect, and atleast some sembalance of will power to overcome the waves of emotion that existed inside of him. Ragnor truely be lost if he didn't atleast retain some measure of his formal being, and then who knows what would have happened. However by some divine or miraculous chance, he remained rather lucid most of the time, and not totally overcome by misery, or rage as he had seen some sullen souls had been during his walks.

"Thank you for the offer, i would love to come in, but im afraid i am going to have to decline on the tea." Ragnor found it odd that she offered him tea, and that confirmed his suspicions that she did not know he was dead. The thought of telling her rang in his head as he motioned for her to lead the way. "I appologize for keeping you standing, you must be worn out" he observed while following her. Indeed he could remember the days when his wife was fat with children.

The thought brought a brief smile to his face, followed by a scowl as he remembered he could never see his wife again, atleast not for a long, long time. Those vulture debt collectors would no doubt learn that he had died as soon as he stepped foot in the city.

It was in that moment, that he was thankful that she was leading the way, for she did not see his frown, and thus could not question why the sour face. He was not in the mood for questions concerning his emotions or personal history at time. When you lacked a physical body, Ragnor couldn't help but to have focused on his emotions during his first few weeks as a ghost. He accepted that he was dead, that was for sure, but he did not accept allowing his wife to be harmed by his folly or to let those pirates get away with what they had done.

He quickly dismissed those thoughts though for he could feel the rage already building inside of him, pulsing and beating like a fearsome predatory beast. The diverging concentration made him flicker for just a second, before he managed to focus once more. He figured he could retain his visibility for a while longer, judging by the rate his concentration was waining. The life substaining mist that surrounded him, was almost imperceptable outdoors, he wondered how in might look inside and away from the brunt of the light.

[Kavala]

Kavala lead him through the clinic, out the examination room, and onto the veranda that overlooked the arena and round pen and the courtyard of stalls that faced all of it. She pulled out a chair for him then had herself a seat in another one. The situation had something off about it, creepy, but truth be told Kavala wasn't feeling well enough to truly notice small things like the fact that he wasn't exactly completely substantial.

"We are healers here, Ragnor, but we do other things too. We help people. You look like you've come a long way for ... something. I don't know what it is yet, but there has to be a reason you are here. I know it sounds... over simplified, but people just don't come through the doorway here for no reason. There has to be something, isn't there?"

Kavala shifted, uncomfortable, not a the situation but at the child within her that had dropped in the last twelve hours and unless she missed her mark would be making its appearance somewhere in the next twenty four. It scared her, terribly, not the fact that birth was imminent, but the fact that it would mean changes for her - complete and utter changes. She wished she could somehow halt time, step outside the awkward form she wore, and tell the man he was safe. Reassure him that he'd come to the right place; that they were warriors and trailblazers and people who could help rather than people who offered it with empty hands and hearts. But right then and there she was caged by the child and she knew how it must have looked to him; weak, defenseless, vulnerable.

Kavala hated looking like she did.

But this man was a stranger, and yet to be trusted. So instead she'd try to get him talking. He wouldn't be sitting looking so alone on the veranda of Sanctuary's courtyard. "But I can't help you if you don't talk to me. If I don't know what you need, I can't see if it can be given or acquired." She said thoughtfully, quietly, watching him and trying to figure out why the hair on the back of her neck was still standing at attention. Was he a mage radiating some sort of power they don't know about? Kavala frowned at the thought, worried about magic - worried about everything.

She shifted again, uncomfortable, as the child began to move restlessly, bound tighter than usual in its more confined aligned position. Kavala distracted herself by studying the man, noting any accents, and trying to figure out where his clothing originated. Finally, uncertain, she asked.

"So, where are you from? Are you here looking for work?" The whole conversation was awkward, just like her physical state, and she momentarily hated him for it - not the man before her, but another one who was so noticeably absent lately.

[Ragnor Matlian]

Ragnor smiled and bowed politely and waited for her to take a seat, before putting on his own little show of taking a seat. Setting himself down on his seat, he hovered just a fraction of a inch of the floor and made a performance of sitting down and relaxing, while having no physical affect on the chair at all. This proved taxing on his concentration however, and knew that whatever time he had left had surely been cut in half.

He winced slightly, Ragnor had turely hoped to postphone talk of his reasons for being her, and hoped his exuses would satisfy. Seeing they would not however, he pretended to take in a deep breath and sighed. "Well the true reason I am here is that i've been wandering the land in search of anyone who can help me at all. Its mostly just buisness that needs getting taken care of." he said toying over wheter or not to expose the specific nature of the buisness.

Ragnor decided to clear the air between them then and there at that moment. He could feel his focus waning by the moment, and in a little bit he would be as insubstantial as mist. "I am dead" he blurted, the words sounding more like a confession, than someone simply imparting information to another. "By that i mean, i am a ghost, but you need not worry for i mean you know harm." he said sitting up, on his feet once more so he could save some concentration but also show her more pointedly that he ment her no harm by spreding his arms out wide.

He examined her face for the longest moment. Ragnor, he could see only hints of what was going on inside her, but he was not a principle power on reading minds, or decifering emotions and was clueless about what she must be going through. "My desires lie with the ensured safty of my wife" he said somberly, already expecting to be revoked from here. Afterall, how would he know about how someone would react to a ghost's random arrival, and then demanding services. Of course thats not how it all played out, but in Ragnor's tortured mind, he saw himself as the fault for all of the world's ailments, and evil in this moment. His form began to flicker as his concentration diverted, and he had to struggle just to reclaim the proper concentration to stop flickering. " I would of course be willing to anything required of me in return for this, even a life time of servitude if whoever helps me wishes it." he said bowing his head low.

It hurt to much to look into her eyes, so fearful was he of another being outcasting him or misunderstanding him. He knew that most didn't mind ghost, but some did, and he worried about such disapproval from this woman that so resembled his wife.

Fighting past the random bout of depression that gripped him he slowly stood to his feet. His soulmist, he found was more visible after a while indoors, as it swirled loops around his feet an legs. Ragnor slowly raised his eyes to meet hers fully expecting fear or a rebuke from her, for asking such things.

[Kavala]

There were very few times in her life that she'd been rendered speechless. This, decidedly, was one of them. Kavala stared at the man - no ghost - and wasn't sure what to think. Ragnor. He had a name, regardless of what his state of existence was.

She figured he'd forgive her for staring for a few moments, regathering her thoughts, and studying him openly - curious not really concerned. Then it did concern her momentarily that she wasn't more worried about it. She should be. In fact, the moment he'd blurted out that he was a ghost - in fact dead - it was as if the hairs on the back of her neck settled. It was as if his simple statement soothed her because it gave a reason to her unease and thus completely banished it.

"I.... uh....I...."

Kavala opened her mouth to say something, then shut it immediately. Then she looked a little longer, realizing he was floating above the seat and had refused the tea and .... Kavala shook her head, letting her translucent locks fall freely around her face. Azure eyes blinked, lost focus as she contemplated, and snapped back so her attention was on him. She swallowed once, looked thoughtful, then tried again.

"Dead. You are dead. Okay. I... is this always what happens when you die?" She said, caught on that - hung up - as if the fear of death just got a whole lot more scarier. Trapped, worried, needing help? It was her worst nightmare. Then, slowly, the rest of his words penetrated.

"Your wife. Is she in danger?" She asked belatedly, understanding suddenly that he was here for something - that he needed something. "We'll help if we can, of course, and you won't owe us anything. Never promise people anything ever, Ragnor. If they accept, they are not people you want to be working with." She said softly, compassion in her eyes. Kavala rubbed the small of her back and leaned forward, still uncomfortable, still distracted both by the fact that the man before her was dead and the child in her womb was fussing. But she gritted her teeth and focused, knowing Ragnor was there for an important reason; especially important to him.

[Ragnor Matlian]

His eyes kept hers as she registered the fact that he was indeed a ghost. Ragnor supposed he should have told her from the begining, but that would have been rather akaward for him in his mind. Being in the state he was, he felt inadequate to do anything at all, and this made him miserable. This was truely the worst fate for one of his disposition, allways enjoying the work of his hand. It was understandable her curiosity however, infact he was curious about his own state the first or so week as he explored his new forms limitations, and tried to recall why he was still conscious.

It pained him more than anything, that he could no longer truley interact with people anymore, and instead was reduced to such a helpless role as a mere courier of things he needed done. The only thing that had yet to give him solace was the fact that he possesed the power of possesion, a thing he learned from testing it on a couple of humans he had ran across a while back. They where on some mind altering substance or another, so they made easy test subjects. His interest in possession was soley personal, and he intended to keep it to himself for as long as he could. It was afterall a selfish reason he wished to develope it, and it wasn't as important of helping his wife, and so inconsequential to him at the moment.

Her shock, and emotion was so real, that he couldn't help but to take anything she said as honestly sincere. It seemed as if he had come to the right place afterall and maybe his dislike of healers was misplaced. " I dont think this is what happens usually" he said reassuringly. He smirked, the only reason he knew about this subject a bit, is because while doing some business in the market one day, he had the displeasure to listen to a self-rightous priest drone on and on about his god, and his theorys of the afterlife and ghosts. It was really quite annoying to him when he heard priests and priestess's spout about their various gods and goddesses, mocking a attempt at converting you, all in a effort to gain favor with their patron deity. All of a sudden it sank in he was starting to lose concentration, his mind went of in tangents alot now that he was dead he found. Focusing more now, he realized he didn't have much energy left to concentrate on maintaning his manifested form. Noticing this he decided it was time to speed up the conversation.

"Ah... yes" he said hesitantly, "I am afraid i left her in a little bit of a debt with my death, and the only thing that keeps her and the children from starving is the fact that the collectors don't know im dead yet" he said, a somber look creeping over his face. Deep waves of pity, sorrow, and self loathing swept over him, and closing his eyes was all that he could do to retain his focus on his form.

"I thank you for your offer of helping me and i hope that we may resume this conversation later at length" he said after he had finally quelled his emotions. He could well imagine that his form was starting to flicker violently, and blur, distorting, and warping itself darkly. "I am afraid that i've run out of the energy neccessary, for you to be able to see and hear me, and am in desperate need of rest." he said feeling himself already to be drawn into that thing he called sleep, if it could even be called that. "I will be around, and return as soon as i am able to manifest myself once more." He sighed, feeling weaker than ever and managed to start a goodbye "Than.." but not finish it as atlast he was depleted of his energy and completly disappeared from her vision.

He felt deeply weary, and closed his eyes, lapsing into a sort of reverie, that helped him rest better. Ragnor found that he looked forward to talking more with her, one of the few pleasures he had left in this world it seemed, he thought right before he became unaware and deep in rest.

[Kavala]

NoteYou are a wonderful writer. I'm so sorry I've kept you waiting. I've had a really long vacation and now works a plague. But I should be faster now.

Kavala watched the ghost fade from sight and looked thoughtful. A season or two ago, maybe even a year, she'd have been shocked and stunned all wrapped up in one emotion. But now, there was a calm acceptance in her newly hardened soul that lead her to believe that things weren't always as she'd thought they'd been. And being Drykas, she knew inherently that death wasn't the end. Ragnor was proof of that, for certain. Kavala believed every word he said and truthfully wanted to help. It was part of why Sanctuary was here, to help people.

Out loud she said quietly ... "When you can come back, please do so. I meant what I said about helping you, Ragnor. We'll make sure your wife is safe and see to it that the debtors don't hurt her. Somehow, we'll work it out." Kavala said softly.

Then, rising, she began to clean off the table. There was so much to do at Sanctuary and she had so little energy to get it done. That she'd hired new people really helped. But the work never ended. Kavala took the tea off the fire, set it aside to steep, and then put on an apron to begin cleaning the clinic. She moved from room to room, doing chores, restocking supplies, and even made a few salves to replace the ones she needed. She cleaned the kennels downstairs, and checked both secret rooms to make sure things were fine in them.

Occasionally she paused, seemed to look around, and whispered quietly "Ragnor? You here?" He didn't answer and she wondered why it was he couldn't manifest?

Coming back upstairs, she waddled out to the stable yard and took a wheel barrow and began picking up manure from the arena and round pen working until the sun got high. She rested little, only when she needed too, taking a moment to lean on a pitch fork or look into the distance. There was a quietness about her that seemed to mask a sadness that filled her completely up. Restlessness drove her to continue cleaning, and before the sun started dropping from the sky she was found hitching up a wagon to drive feed out to the bloodbanes which she prepared for them. Goat meat was chopped and prepared for the mares out there mixed with grain to give them a diverse diet. Kavala couldn't really work with the bloodbanes until she had her child, so she kept them apart and only began socializing them instead - teaching them to be nice to her staff and the other animals at the facility. Respect was a big task to them, one that never quite could be missed in schooling.

Finally, when the sun began to set, Kavala made her way into the veranda area and put a hearty stew and set a loaf of bread to be baking so that the denizens of Sanctuary would not come back empty handed to the table after a long day of work. Bowls of fruit were added, and though she was early she was bone weary.

The Konti took a seat, sat back, and tipped her head back in a rocking chair. She breathed quietly then, rocking silently, and indulged herself in a moment of sadness. But it didn't last. She knew it wouldn't. Soon enough the child would be here, one she'd already picked a name for. Then there'd be no time for self indulgences and sadnesses.